Well it all started when i was about 7 my mom went to jail for lust and i started getting into pot at 12 but aroung that time i got caught shoplifting which put me through hell then a bne (breaking an entering) then it keeps getting worse. I have a scare on my back from when i was abused at the age of 5 but that bothers me no more last year i got knocked out from a choke hold by my dad then a couple days after that i got caught smoking pot on school grounds then i moved in with my sisters […]
Tag:
wanted
Why can’t I be happy, it is a question i ask myself alot. Everyone says I should be happy with my life. Yet to me, i am not enough. I worked hard and after 8 years of collage I now have the career that i wanted as an 7 year old. And most days i love it but i constantly think I am not good at it. It is like being in school all over again, trying to prove that i belong. I feel like i am burnt out and have not been even working that long in years, and not nearly as long of […]
For those 4 years I’ve been biding my time, laying around, pushing myself through the dense air with no reason to do so other than just to play the part of my obligation in which I do not want. I wanted to leave 4 years ago.
I only walk through this air hoping it brings me closer to the precipice for my end.
I don’t want to leave a huge mess for someone to clean up or a body for someone to bury, but I want to leave. What am I supposed to do? Live on the obligations of others?
I don’t want to live my life […]
I just wanted to say thank you to all who share. I like to share sometimes, but I have a really hard time commenting on others posts. I know how much it means to me when people comment on my posts, so I wish I would do it more for others. The reasons I don’t is because I’m worried that I’ll either sound dumb or give advice that does harm. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if someone hurt themselves because something I said was taken wrongly.
It’s so weird that I want to kill myself, but would do anything to help stop others from […]
Hi. I haven’t used this site in a very long time. Long enough to forget my password and to have to create a new account. I came here cause I felt alone. Wanted to die. Shocker I know. But I came across this post. A party post. I can’t recall the user who held it. But it made me feel apart of something. Feel included. More than I had in a long time before. I feel awful for not remembering the user. That user and others impacted me greatly that night. I’ve looked thru the site for that post again but couldn’t find it. Deleted i’m […]
No, before you jump to conclusions I’m not harming myself in any way. This is about someone who I loved but unexpectedly found out he had cheated on me. Though we never made us dating official we where intamit (kissing, cuddling, making out, I would never go as far as that). He was my best friend, my lover and someone who made me in all honesty happy, something most people can’t do. He was kind in helping me.. But in the end I was wrong about him. He has fallen in love with another girl and still had feeling for my sister, lied and told […]
I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words […]
I always want to remember how we would walk down that trail to look at the river and how we left school a couple times just to go there. I want to remember how one time you took me to the little store by your house through the woods, and how you would cancel plans just to be with me. I want to remember when we were laying under the blankets on your bed (which we would do often) and we would just lay there in each others arms under the blankets. I want to remember how you smell, how you had that certain cologne […]
“Sing for me, baby.” He said, “Please, I wrote this song for you to sing to, please just sing to it.”
I stood there and gave him a blank stare. He knew that I didn’t want to, but I promised him about a month ago when he asked.
(Earlier that year)
I was singing to the music we were listening to while I was driving him home from school. He looked at me and said, “You are a good singer.”
I thanked him, but then I was a little embarrassed that he was paying attention to my singing.
He said, “You know I need someone to sing […]
You know what sucks tbh?
It’s the moments where you’re doing fine-in fact, better.
You feel like you can get through the day and that things will be okay.
But then something happens.
It could be the smallest thing.
The feeling when it all comes crashing down.
The moment you feel like it’s all gone wrong.
Honestly, you just wanted to have a decent day-maybe just a “neutral” day.
A day where it doesn’t suck too much.
Just the days where you can actually breathe.
The routine-sleeping, doing whatever it is you do, then sleeping again.
Forgetting how shitty you feel, even if it leaves […]
I live in a south-american country with lots of social problems. One of those, connected in a way to all, is poverty. I was born in a fairly wealthy family, not rich, but in a country were some some didn’t make enough to eat, certainly more than enough. My family didn’t live always as well as they did by the time I was born, and still lived in the same “low-class” neighborhood. In this neighborhood, lived a much poorer family, and my grandmother were friends with them. I was about 7 when I was introduced to the other old lady’s grandson, a kid older than […]
I feel like shit. I went out on a date with a man 13 years older than me and all he wanted to do was touch me and kiss me. I didnt let him, as a matter of fact I walked away from him and went home. He treated me like an object. Anyway, I come home and my sister tells me “please dont get upset but our sister in law was flirting with your ex fiance”. I didnt say much i just brushed it off. but my ex fiance was my first love, and i have always loved him till this day and its […]
oh lord, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
I got way too drunk last night because I haven’t been able to eat anything all week. Only had a few drinks but I was still stumbling
party hopped across the city, ended up a drunk crying mascara and nose running whimpering mess in my (extremely recently) ex boyfriend’s roommates room with amazing and way too nice friends holding me. broke down because I found out he had taken a girl home last night even though we broke up less than a week ago (1.5 year relationship, pretty long time for a 21 year old)
took my friend home, […]
It’s been a while. Things were going alright. Had a lot saved up. Then everything went to shit all at once. So as people who have read my posts in the past know, my life was almost… good. After years and years of torment, struggling and finding inner strength I didn’t know I had.
Story time. My ex (not my ex fiance), who will remain unnamed, ran into me at college along with her husband and her kid. They were excited to see me as we had remained good friends, and hadn’t seen each other in quite a few years. I was invited to their apartment […]
I don’t find life to be unbearably painful as much as I find it to be completely mentally exhausting. At least when I actually try. In order to accomplish much of anything I usually have to fight myself a lot. I’m always fighting either social phobia, or fear of change, or severe self-doubt, or hypersensitivity, or self-hatred. It’s like I’m dragging around a sixty-pound rock of depression and fear everywhere I go.
On my bad days, I often wonder how much longer I want to keep fighting myself. Another year? A few years? Ten years? And why should I keep fighting myself? Five or ten years ago I […]
I can’t come up with a reason to go through the struggle again. I haven’t had an intimate relationship in more than 5 years.
I was married for 20 years, but she wanted to start over by herself.
I have a 20 year old daughter who only messages me when I send her money. She doesn’t answer her phone, and doesn’t reply to texts… Unless there was money involved.
I just got laid off from my job. I’m too old to start over. I’ve done it too many times. What for? To see who wins the election? That doesn’t matter… To see the next movie or show? What […]
Since I was about three years old I was told my life would be become better for the events that played out later.
My parents split when I was three (no I am not heartbroken about it, I have not talked it him in almost 15 years). I was told that my life would take a step in a better direction now that a toxin was gone.
I was sexually and physically assaulted when I was five. No one in my life found out until I was 12/13 because hell at the time I didn’t even know what that was. It was my mom’s boyfriend at the […]
I’ve made some bad choices. I have a kid that I love with the wrong guy. We have been in a nasty custody battle for five years. The custody battle really started after I tried to kill myself. My son was with his dad at the time, and that was enough to declare me unfit.
I think I am unfit. He is coming for a visit today, and all I want to do is sleep. I can physically feel that hard core depression, that I have known since I was 11 years old, trying to burst out of my abdomen. That’s where I feel it.
So I currently sit in hospital… I was successful but unfortunately I was revived… I was happy I was there I had eternal bliss but no I was revived unfortunately people “apparently” wanted me alive… I just want to be happy is that to much to ask for?