Tag:

wanted

i hate birthdays

by jasal 2/23/2016

written by jasal

[tw: self-harm]

i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.

i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]

2/23/2016 6 comments

It’s Time, Bye Everybody

by FearOfGod 2/23/2016

written by FearOfGod

Everything is prepared, in about 20-30 minutes I will go into my bathroom, sit in the tub, zone out to some good music, and fall asleep. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I wish I could say proper goodbyes to a few people before I go but that would tip them off to what I am about to do.

I wish things could have worked out differently for me but I guess an average life was too much to ask for. Oh well.

2/23/2016 14 comments

Tonight. ..

by Itstimemi 2/22/2016

written by Itstimemi

I can’t believe I am at this point. I cheated on my wife of 10 years, with a woman that I barely knew, and recently she found out about it. I have two great kids, but don’t feel I can be the example as a good man for anymore, as she told me..I destroyed my family, her trust, and replaces the love she had towards me with anger and hate. She says I have literally drained the life from her and wasted her life…I no longer want to be a burden for her, and the financial gain she will get from this is huge, over […]

2/22/2016 4 comments

fucking pissed

by Alan Ominous 2/22/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Why my amp? Because you wanted to make sure it hurt. To make sure I’d have 0 joy.

Replacement? Ha, far too broke. Official countdown begins. May sound trivial to most you but this is the cement truck that ran over a camel with a broken back.

2/22/2016 11 comments

Hey folks, there’s a girl.

by thelost 2/21/2016

written by thelost

I know, I know, big fuckin’ surprise coming from me. Not like I’ve posted stuff about a few different girls a few billion times the past year or so. Honestly it’s getting stale isn’t it? ‘Course I spice it up with a bit of shitty writing chucked in there too, but mostly it’s girls, girls, girls. Where’s the depression, the suicide, the goddamn anxiety!? If I felt like being a smartass I’d say it’s all in my head, and that’d be true enough, but on the subject of me being slightly off topic of what this site has set out to do, it’s hidden in […]

2/21/2016 1 comment

Not what I wanted….

by thanaturge 2/20/2016

written by thanaturge

The other day I went for a haircut. I asked for a pixie. I told the stylist I wanted it longer in the back, with lots of layers. She gave me what looks like a boy’s haircut. It’s not feminine at all. I’m so dadgummed miserable with it! I hate it! This is to be my last haircut, as I will soon be making my exit. I had wanted my hair to look nice for that, as weird as it sounds. I was going to color it as well. (It’s mostly grey.) I’ve had many haircuts in my life where the stylist ignored my wishes. […]

2/20/2016 15 comments

Things that keep you going?

by chelle428 2/20/2016

written by chelle428

I just wanted to know some things that keep everyone going or make you feel better when you’re down and things of that nature?

Mine is my two horses who I love very much and my 7 year old nephew. When I’m down I also think of once when my nephew was asking me and my sister (his mom) if he would die one day and so we told him yes, but he had a very long time before he would ever have to worry about that and then he asked me if I would die one and I told him yes and he started crying […]

2/20/2016 18 comments

Double Edged Sword

by Alan Ominous 2/17/2016

written by Alan Ominous

This group seems to be having two distinctly different roles for me. First and foremost, I feel I’m gaining depth and understanding of my issues. Far better than any other form of help I’ve sought.

Countering that, I’m gaining insight into the reality of suicide. For the first time I can say I’m sure I’ll be successful next time. Sorry for the false alarm last night. Too confident too quickly.

The cats out of the bag. The handful of people around me are aware I’m considering. Though I’m not revealing a plan. I’m giving it time though so don’t fret.

The hardest part for me is letting go […]

2/17/2016 4 comments

Can’t Let Go

by thehusk 2/17/2016

written by thehusk

I should be asleep. I have to be up in 5 hours. The loneliness is eating at me again. I so badly want someone to understand what’s really going through my head. I want to be wanted for who I really am, rather than who I pretend to be. But it’s impossible. Necessary, but impossible. Can’t let go of it. Can’t fulfill it.

Wish I had something to knock me out every night. During the day I can fill my head with crap to drown out the loneliness.

Instead, I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling exhausted during the day, and then anxious/lonely at night.

2/17/2016 11 comments

i don’t want attention, i just want someone to listen.

by herecomestheavalanche 2/17/2016

written by herecomestheavalanche

this is a cry for help.

it’s not a yelp for attention, for sympathy, for flowers and hugs and cards.

it’s a plea, to see me, to notice that i exist.

i feel like the world is listing, tilting slowly towards the tipping point. i pray to god above that the earth will straighten itself out, and that all the anger and hate in me turns back into the love it once was.

i want to go to the hospital, but i have too many commitments in my life right now. actually, scratch that, i don’t want to go to the hospital; doing that is a sign that i […]

2/17/2016 2 comments

by Whateverbell 2/16/2016

written by Whateverbell

I think I plan to go by May. The month I’m supposed to graduate. See, I was to kill myself January 9th (my birthday) I had the right method to make sure I don’t actually wake back up, but I didn’t have the right place. And I couldn’t do it at home because I don’t want my mom seeing my lifeless body. But in May, I’ll have a place.
I was supposed to graduate college this year but I had to dropout due to academic probation. My grades dropped really bad, to the point where I just ended up failing all my classes. I don’t […]

2/16/2016 8 comments

Third time’s a charm

by NiDDA 2/16/2016

written by NiDDA

This a postponed post to avoid my last post of shame.

If you are reading this there are 2 options:

1. I am dead.
2. I am hospitalized.

The first means that I had finally left the world, and succeeded in killing myself. How I did it? I can’t share even though I think it would help some of you. I know it is hard to understand what I mean by this kind of help, but sometimes there are situations when I think we can make an excuse and consider suicide as an only way out from our pain.

The second means that I was close and I will […]

2/16/2016 4 comments

Just Because

by Girl_dying 2/16/2016

written by Girl_dying

Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain

Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside

Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to

Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me

Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am

Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am

Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love

Just because, I am not saying this […]

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2/16/2016 4 comments

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It’s almost been 2 weeks :D

by shatterediris 2/15/2016

written by shatterediris

Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I […]

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2/15/2016 2 comments

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Not sure what I think now….

by want2rest 2/14/2016

written by want2rest

I have had mood swings and periods of depression sine I was 16. I am now 52 and until last year had never really thought about ending my life although I have often wished I just didn’t have to wake up.

I thought being married to my ex was bad but the last 5 years have had at least one piece of crap and trauma every year and although I have picked up the bits every time it has just worn me out.

Strangely it is the small things people do and say not the big things. Last year I decide the option of ending my life was […]

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2/14/2016 8 comments

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so, i saw a play tonight

by herecomestheavalanche 2/14/2016

written by herecomestheavalanche

…and it made me want to commit suicide. yes, it was that bad that i have lost all faith in art, theatre, and humanity.

i applied two of my plays to this playwriting competition this year and last year, and got rejected both times. it sucked. last year, i was not able to see the final plays, but tonight i watched this year’s plays.

what. dreck.

the first play was kind of witty, making fun of crappy community college theatre that is up its own butt, poorly written and poorly acted.

the next 2 hours was basically…all the plays the first play was making fun of.

it was awful. i […]

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2/14/2016 4 comments

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My plan

by Moneypenny 2/13/2016

written by Moneypenny

So I stoped talking to my parents if I can avoid it. I am going through that idea of geting my emotional independence, so if one day I do decide to put an end to this whole thing then they will be used to not having me around.

I am in a period of time when I am all alone again. My friends left the country (mine is one of those countries you always want to leave) and they are organizing their own lives. Good for them.

I was thinking that maybe this is how life is supposed to be : you grow up and learn you […]

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2/13/2016 18 comments

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What is Depression?

by zacsai5 2/12/2016

written by zacsai5

Hey guys. I’m new to this place but I thought I might share something I wrote a couple weeks back. I read someone’s post online saying he was going to commit suicide that day, and I felt this rush of empathetic love toward him. It led me to write a passage about depression.

A very short background about me: I’m a junior in college. Five years ago, I went through a two-year-long period of depression. I attempted suicide in the summer going into my sophomore year of high school. Since then, life has gotten increasingly better each year and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t succeed […]

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2/12/2016 3 comments

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i want to disappear

by nnwwmm 2/12/2016

written by nnwwmm

Well hey im 15 and tonight i told my mum what i’ve thinking for 4 years.. i wanted to disappear. Its not like i want to die or commit suicide, also i just hate the word suicide and people say “commit” suicide, it sounds like its a crime, but its not.

Well so I told my mind that I was just so sick and tired of life and didnt wanted to do anything. I just want to fade away and disappear. And if I do die I want to die by someone else or by an accident. So I don’t have to feel horrible by making […]

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2/12/2016 3 comments

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An Introduction

by NicoleK 2/11/2016

written by NicoleK

Hi, I’m Nicole. I’m sorry that you’re here, but I’m also glad that you understand.

I would never consider death if there weren’t so many barriers to survival. I mean, many of those barriers are within myself, but there doesn’t seem to be much help to fix those things. I have tried counseling and talking with friends and praying (which I very much believe in), but I still feel wretched. I just can’t handle failure or any kind of mistake, really. It comes from years of abuse and others’ harsh reactions to childhood mistakes. Now, I react to failure in a way that resembles muscle memory. […]

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2/11/2016 15 comments

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