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Tag:
weight
And I’m on the way to the local bar again, where I’ll spend countless hours drinking and socializing with people I’ll never see again. I’m stuck in my head again. I can’t free myself again. I drank myself stupid last night and somehow managed to drive myself home again. I sit here lonely wondering if anything will ever change again. I’ll force myself to eat because I’ve lost so much weight again. I’ll sit in my car and smoke weed just to be able to sleep again.
Again.. again.. again..
pushing through the days somehow ignoring that nasty voice in the back of my head(sometimes at the forefront) that says I should die, that death would be easier, that death is sweet, that I should cry until I die. I’ve gone to the doctor lately who tells me she’s concerned about my weight gain and my liver. I googled diets that could help my liver and maybe i won’t drink as much anymore but im so sad and there is so much liquor in my fridge/freezer.
I’m at work pushing back the tears because they won’t help. I bumped into a friend from college and another […]
A wretched soul bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain.
— — — Comedy of Errors (Act 2, Scene 1)
Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.
— — — The Tempest (Act 1 Scene 2)
I’m sick of feeling this way. I’m drained. I’m physically drained. Tired. I’m sick of being trapped. I’m sick of being stuck like this.
I have been wanting to die more than anything in the past few days. I know I can’t. I know I shouldn’t. But I want to. I want to so bad. I want to die. I really, really want to die. I’ve never wanted to die so much in my life.
My head is heavy. Even my body is a huge weight. I still can’t get out of bed.
I’ve been cutting like crazy. I’m running out of room on my left thigh. I […]
Why is it that I always ruin everything? It’s like I can’t appreciate any good in my life. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend that I’ve truly felt love, and I managed to completely fuck that up. I always get this feeling when I’m with someone long enough that I’m ‘better’ than them, not that I even like myself anyway. It’s a curse and it ruins everything but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I’m a disgusting person who can’t make and keep friends and the one friend I have, must be a saint for being there for me (not that we regularly […]
This is pretty different from my other posts (as I usually post poetry), but I was feeling it so I figured I might as well.
One of the things that can be found in my top-hat of issues is body dysmorphic disorder. Basically, this means that most of the time, I have a warped perception of myself.
I lost weight rather quickly in my senior year of high-school (250 lbs to 180 lbs), through exercise and healthy eating, and for some reason I thought that the weight-loss would solve all of my problems. It didn’t, and created new ones. My jeans said size 8, and my shirts […]
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone. You guys talked me into seeing a doctor and they put me on medication for depression about a month ago and I feel like a new person. I haven’t had depressing or suicidal thoughts and I feel like a huge weight that was tied around my heart was removed. I hope anyone else that hasn’t seen a doctor does so. Your dark thoughts are not you… Thanks everyone and have a great new year.
I think there’s such a thing as bastardized insanity. An insanity that you have no ownership of but it follows you around like a helpless stray dog panting for you to feed the pitiful thing. We all know what that’s like. Well, I do anyway. It’s something of a ball and chain. Forever fettered to this gargantuan weight pulling you down to an insecure comfort — walk the plank with your own personal anchor. The travails of purgatory begging to be acknowledged when all you desperately seek is one breath. One measly breath above the undertow. The heart of the sea, indeed, when water is […]
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of ending my life. I continue to live for my family, although latley that reason doesn’t hold as much weight as it used to. I feel like all I am is a burden for them. I’ve tried my whole life to succeed and be a positive person in this world but it just seems I can’t catch a break. I’m on my 4th hip surgery and I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I’m in such a dark place and have been here before. I’m tired of the fight. […]
Every day I wake up with the same thought
Reminiscing about the losing battles that I fought
I remind myself of these miserable pasts
So that I may learn and achieve victory at last
Sometimes I win a battle but not the war
I still go on for what I’m fighting for
But lately I have only met defeat
Making it harder to stand on my feet
Must I give up and accept this fate?
Living in shackles with a heavy weight?
I refuse to live in such a way
But losing […]
Sitting alone
In this empty room
Crying tears from the pit of,my doom
I promised before that I would stop
But the pain of my heart just ignores that stop.
Holding that razor in my hand,
Is the only way I can feel safe
In this land.
Heartless
Worthless
Mantra I say in my head,
no one will love you,
She says.
Blood streams down
down my leg
weight is lifted.from.my head
Just cut,
Deeper and deeper until
Yes I can feel no more pain.
My eyes close and
there is no more room for me to stay
if I had a pound for every time I announced I’m going to change id be a rich woman. but now I really need to make a change. being put on mood stabilisers and have a re-referral to a psychiatrist because of my extreme mood swings. I don’t need to be labelled with anything, too much stress. thus I will have a Bridget jones style epiphany; I will stop loosing weight, I will stop cutting, quit smoking, stop relying on drink, I will sleep enough, I will suppress my mood swings…. is this too much all at once?:’)
I remember feeling from a very early age like I didn’t belong anywhere. I always felt like the black sheep in my family and I was always pretty shy so making friends wasn’t really a strong suit.
I started getting depressed when I was about 12 years old. I had a teacher who I usually went to when I was having a bad day because I knew no one else would listen. I was having trouble fitting in when I was in middle school. I tried to fit in with all different groups of people but I never really clicked anywhere. In […]
thousands and thousands of miles may separate us but we are all somehow connected in a weird type of way. nobody really understand us so we all find ourselves here writing as a last ditch effort to miraculously get saved. writing eases my mind and it feels as if the weight of the world somehow gets lifted off my shoulders for a hot second. but lets face it, this site is not interactive enough for me. really looking to make more friends who understands the struggles I continue to face day in and day out. so email me and lets vibe. email: splostgirl hope to […]
ive always felt ugly. i am fat and ugly. i recently lost a lot of weight. i went from weighing 180lbs to weighing 145lbs but now i weigh 160lbs and i am just so ugly and weak. food is my weakness. i love food but i hate it at the same time. this happens all the time. i lose the weight but then i gain a lot of weight, i dont know why. i hate the way i look. it depresses me, it really really depresses me. i cry about it all the time. my body is a big issue of mine. i just cant […]
My life sucks… My mother died last year before christmas and now nothing is the same. I thought that my life was already horrible, but after her death it was fucking hell. My father acts and treats me as if im the one to blame and im less of a daughter somehow even though I was the only one to take care of her when she was still alive, he constantly makes fun of
my weight and compares me to my little sister, my older bros and sis dont give my little sis and I some damn time to talk and
they treat us like […]
I really appreciate the comments you made on my last couple posts. You’re the type of friend that I wish I could hang out with on a regular basis. It used to bother me that my group of friends only took time out of their schedules to hang out once every couple months, but now I don’t care at all. They’re all drinkers but none of them smoke, and I don’t drink but will smoke my weight in cheeba, so being with them tends to get boring after awhile anyway.
I find that people who don’t light up are trapped in their own way of thinking, […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46teotoyLiw
What’s your excuse for all of this?
It’s 12 o’clock and it’s times like these I know for sure won’t be missed
but for now, it’ll always be raining in my mind
I can’t take back what I said, words that go your way seem to disconnect
It’s burning me inside and out, but yet my heart’s so cold.
It’s another night I have to face being all alone.
I never thought it was possible, but I’m seeing shades of grey.
This weight you left me, just gave you away.
I won’t face today, all my thoughts keep bringing me down
Not a single […]
I will get this out of the way now. I have been depressed for about four years now. I have always hated everything about myself, then everything started adding on top of it until my first suicide attempt. I was saved by my boyfriend’s older brother, who called the police when I told him what I had done.
Since then, I have started anti-depressants and started therapy. I still have days that I hate myself and who I am. But I am getting better. It doesn’t help that I am fat, obese, chubby, whatever you want to call it. After a debilitating injury, I gain a […]