I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
That’s who I am
Every week my world gets smaller.
I feel isolated, and am drowning in hopelessness.
A few months ago I reached out for help at school. They sent police to my classroom that forcibly arrested me and dragged me out of the building. From there I was sent to a hospital in the middle of no where, where they never spoke to me but diagnosed me with a mulitide of conditions I dont think I have.
My whole life, being open and vulnerable were big parts of who I am. But since the arrest, I cant talk. I cant reach out to even my friends. All I […]
I feel incredibly alone. I have no meaningful connections in my life. No one who knows who I really am. Because who I am is not ok. And I don’t know how to change it so that it would be ok. How to change what goes through my mind. And so I have to hide myself. Even from myself most of the time.
I want so desperately not to be this anymore. To be free of it. To be free of myself. But then there would be no me to be free. Is an end to all experience preferrable to this hole inside me? I guess […]
How?
I dont understand.
It’s become a part of me and who I am.
Without it I dont know who I’d be.
So how?
After so long, how do I just stop cutting. How do I stop longing to feel the blade and see the blood.
How do I do that?
How do I just give up what makes me, me.
I’m nothing, I’m nothing.
Alone in this apartment, racking my brain,
For something, that will stop me jumping,
The ground looks so welcoming.
I’m nothing, I’m nothing.
Am I being who I want or who I am?
The time has come for me to face, What I’m saying between white space
A change of pace.
Maybe I’ll grow wings, fly somewhere new,
Where I’m all alone, where the skies are blue.
Try to say goodbye, all I do is lie,
Don’t know what to write, carve a picture of the night.
Painting with ink like it’s blood,
Tearing my notebooks apart, To stop myself from going too far.
Maybe […]
the same end after any fight
tried to be a hero smash the bad guy , so guess what
back to cut again back to cry back to anger back to be a suicidal again ..! it’s not a big surprise I guess .. maybe just its who I am
a smashed one
Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . I didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and […]
Ok I… I… I am sorry. I know you don’t want that. I know you feel awkward or that… You would feel awkward. And I am sorry. The thing is I think I fell for you. I am sorry. I really am. Your smile, your kindness, your open-mindedness, your eyes, your… everything. I fell for it. And I am so sorry. I’m sorry for myself because once again that is gonna be a one-way love leading to a one-way street of despair. I will try my best not to make you realise how I feel about you. You know what ? Two weeks ago, I […]
So in short my ex chose weed over me. Abused me. Made me feel me feel worthless, I got diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety and anorexia. I’ve been in and out of hospital 7 times in the last 6 months because of 2 suicide attempts and the rest for not eating. I’m scared of living so I want to die. I just haven’t succeeded yet. I don’t see my life going anywhere but down. I’ve been on anti depressants for 3 months and recently came off them. I drink to forget who I am and wake up not knowing where I am. I’m a […]
Hello loves. Here i am, doing my math homework, listening to some classical cello/piano combo, and I had a thought. I don’t know how many of you suffer from a Bipolar Disorder… but sometimes it gets so damn hard. One minute, you are a crazy party girl, the next minute, a raving *****, the next minute, a girl full of light and love, and the next minute, someone who is only a reach away from picking up a gun and blowing her brains out. When I change moods, it is so hard to find who I truly am… I don’t even know who that is […]
I want to post this on facebook so bad: Even if I did tell people how I really feel it wouldn’t matter because I’m a piece of shit. I wish that I was a different person. Then asking for help would be alot easier, but I’m am who I am. i know some of you are going to eather ignore this or look at it a laugh, but I really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore
But I know if I do I’m looking for attention
Okay so I just really quickly wanted to say thank you to everyone on this site. My friend had to ask 2-3 times just for me to join this site. I was reluctant because I expected people to ignore me or call my problems stupid…I’ve kinda grown to expect it from bad experiences in my past. But the amount of support I got from people who have never met me is…astounding. I’m determined to not let my depression and anxiety define who I am, but I never knew where to start. This is a good place. I don’t know if this will be the indefinite […]
I’ve been feeling a bit better lately. I got a few calls for job interviews and even though I don’t have a guaranteed job yet I don’t feel as anxious about it. I just stared on antidepressants and counseling. My counselor is very nice which I’m glad because I was very nervous with her being from the same hospital at the horrible doctor I’ve talked about before. Even though things aren’t perfect and parts of me are still sad I don’t feel as consumed by it lately. But I’m also very fearful, it’s hard feeling for me to explain. I’ve been depressed since I was […]
I’m trying to put together a playlist of songs that, throughout my life at some point, have held meaning. A couple may just be extras that are favorites from the offline playlist I’ll have on repeat when I go. But if someone would just listen, then you would know who I am. Sorry if you don’t understand the songs not in English, you are missing out on good stuff with deep meaning. 😉
Listen to me: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNzoz_Bdzq_8KDAlE7hyzW6vXBT0AxqR-
I will get this out of the way now. I have been depressed for about four years now. I have always hated everything about myself, then everything started adding on top of it until my first suicide attempt. I was saved by my boyfriend’s older brother, who called the police when I told him what I had done.
Since then, I have started anti-depressants and started therapy. I still have days that I hate myself and who I am. But I am getting better. It doesn’t help that I am fat, obese, chubby, whatever you want to call it. After a debilitating injury, I gain a […]
Sorry if this is a total ramble but nothing makes sense anymore & I need to talk to someone. My entire life is completely fucked. The crazy thing is, I have to best mates and a boyfriend that care about me (at least I think they do) but none of them understand. I mean really understand. My dad died 8 years ago, my 15 year old moved out 9 months ago to live with my ***** mother (don’t even get me started on that subject!), I’ve been forced to rent out my two bedrooms to cover the rent (I’m living in the lounge), I have […]
I am finally gonna buy it online for a 24 month subscription once I get my gift card. I hope this golden book will guide me to the pearly gates of eternal nothingness.
The reason I’m still here, as many of you know, is due to my lack of appropriate resources, and my desire to die a peaceful and calming death. I consider myself a student at the College of Suicidology with the goal of graduating from life with a Masters Degree in death.
Despite what our CULTure and the psychiatric establishment thinks about euthanasia, I own myself, they do not own me! I don’t have to submit […]
I have had the worse five months of my life; anxiety, bdd, everything has destroyed me and who I am. I look fucking 10 years older. I think it is time for me to go; the only comfortable thought I have: Suicide.
Why go on living ?
Why do people understand me and then I’m not afraid anymore to have friends and feel love because I know I am accepted for who I am and then they get tired of understanding me and get tired of me in general cuz most people in this world could care less about me and I’m alone again?
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