Tag:

wishes

That Moment

by Take a Deep Breath 11/7/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

There is a moment when you look into the eyes of the people you love and see how much pain you are putting them through. There is a moment when you see the worry and the suffering and the fear- and the exhaustion you are putting them through. How their movements become slower, as if the world is weighing on their shoulders. There is a moment when you remember just how worthless you are- just how much you aren’t worth it.

I looked into my mom’s eyes tonight and saw the fear in them. I saw the worry, and the pain of 20 years of having […]

11/7/2015 14 comments

Living on the edge

by disgusting 10/19/2015

written by disgusting

I’ve lived on the edge my whole life. Never had any stability, never had any sense of security, never felt like there was a tomorrow. I’ll be 38 next month and I’m just so, so tired.

I barely survive week to week. I’ve barely had money to eat when both my jobs won’t/can’t give me the hours I need. I work 12 hour days that add up to only 4-6 hours of pay in total. But that’s not my point. It’s just never getting ahead, never being able to save anything, never moving forward.

My biggest fear is that the man I love really wants to move […]

10/19/2015 4 comments

Hello.

by viola 10/12/2015

written by viola

I am going to attempt a suicide on the 30th of November, which is next month. I feel that everything’s too hard, that my feelings keep being played with by others, that most of my dreams end up failing no matter how hard I try. I want to get out of this state of despair but I can’t, it’s too hard. How am I supposed to get out of this state when life’s too harsh on me? And even if I do get out, life’s always going to get harder and harder, making the chance of me attempting to suicide again even greater. I want […]

10/12/2015 2 comments

A cosmic f- you to us

by disgusting 10/10/2015

written by disgusting

I had a great heart to heart talk again with the guy I love last night. It’s never totally serious which is nice. There’s jokes here and there and he does try to be as kind as possible. He says it’s a big cosmic joke, the universe is just fucking with us and saying fuck you both because he just can never feel that way for me or be attracted to me no matter what but I’m the closest person he’s ever had, that we get along the best, and he trusts me more than he’s ever trusted anyone. He started it, I forget what […]

10/10/2015 1 comment

Suicide To End the Madness

by skykiller17 9/11/2015

written by skykiller17

This has been a big part of my constant thinking and desires of suicide: part of me wants to go out of the house, make friends, do socializing activities, get a job, and pretty much anything that a normal person would – but another part of me hates the world, hates people, is too sensitive, too afraid, too moody and too petrified to set foot out in the world! Every day these two sides battle against each other, some making more ground than others, but in the end I can’t take it and make my attempts to end it.

I come from a religious family who […]

9/11/2015 6 comments

Introductions

by PyroFalkon 8/31/2015

written by PyroFalkon

I’ve lurked here for a few months now, rather accidentally discovering the site when I was dealing with a flare up of my own depression-like symptoms. In my time here, I’ve seen how incredibly caring and non-judgmental the regular community is on this site. I want to be a part of it.

Hello. I am PyroFalkon.

Here’s the thing with that username: five seconds of Googling will turn up my real name. Another five seconds will turn up my history. In those ten seconds, I’ve gone from an anonymous writer to a flesh-and-blood person with a real voice, real stories, real problems, and real accomplishments. I say […]

8/31/2015 3 comments

Butterflybae’s blog

by 1dimple 8/30/2015

written by 1dimple

Here is butterflybae’s blog:

evyraine.blogspot.com.

She had asked me to pass it on and get the word out. I am honoring her wishes.

Skittles, you are loved.

8/30/2015 4 comments

I ALMOST did it Wednesday night

by wndozh8er 7/3/2015

written by wndozh8er

I was already suicidal and then I found this girl online, an old flame. We started talking and seemed to have a strong connection. Then she started talking to me less and less! When I asked her what is up and to be honest, she said that she tried to look past it, but can’t stand people who are on SSI and welfare without working or goals! I was absolutely floored! Another rejection? She was all into me and then dumped me like I was a piece of trash and claimed that we wasn’t together in the first place.

I immediately got a 12 pack of […]

7/3/2015 4 comments

Doubt anyone will read this but why not?

by Dusty96 4/23/2015

written by Dusty96

I apologize now because this will be a long post. Doubt anyone will actually read it but I need to just find somewhere to put my feelings. I see a therapist two times a week. Every night I’m too scared to go to sleep because when I turn off the lights and try, that’s when the thoughts get the worst. “You’re a f***ing piece of shit please kill yourself.” “You’re burdening everyone, you’re gonna do them a favor by doing this to yourself.” Thoughts like that constantly. Those are more of the calm ones. Sometimes i hear almost like a voice screaming at me to […]

4/23/2015 13 comments

Alone, Confused, Stuck

by Tikka 3/27/2015

written by Tikka

I have had a whirlwind of a week, and to be fair i still dont quite know what is going on. I have tried to kill myself twice in the matter of three days, taken to hospital, released the next day, then the next i tried again, again unsuccessful but the psychiatrists at the hospital deemed me to “just be having a bad week”, bad is nothing and such a understatement.

My partner broke up with me and thats when my first suicide attempt occured, the next day. He went in the ambulance with me and stayed by my bed all night, when i was discharged […]

3/27/2015 0 comment

just sleep

by disposablegrl 2/25/2015

written by disposablegrl

there comes a time when the people around you, are like, “enough already”… they may not say it to your face but you can tell that part of them wishes you would just go away.

that time has come and gone for me. its been 5 years.

and now, here i am- living alone again- waking up everyday to the harsh reality that it is my real life that is the nightmare, while tidbits of sleep offer my only sense of relief

it is beyond reason to struggle to survive just to live a nightmare- there is no point in that, no quality to life

if i could just sleep- […]

2/25/2015 6 comments

let me go

by disposablegrl 2/16/2015

written by disposablegrl

7 years ago, prior to my last attempt, I, along with 9 others bared witness to an angel ascend- my angel to be precise had been battling Aids for 15 years, and although in constant pain and discomfort he took me under his wing and like a mama bird- he nurtured me, showed me the care my own mother never could.

His poor, old, tired body could take no more and so we all gathered around him at a time he chose and bid him goodbye- he had such a high tolenrance from the hundreds of medications that had kept him alive that now they hindered […]

2/16/2015 3 comments

Help me.

by Liih 1/12/2015

written by Liih

Espero que não exista uma regra por não escrever em inglês. Eu consigo até ler inglês, mas não consigo escrever.

Sumir, desaparecer ou morrer, estes são os meus desejos no momento. Sabe, eu estou cansada de tentar e sempre dar errado.. de não conseguir pedir ajuda e quando pedir.. a pessoa vem com 7 pedras na mão.

É muito fácil julgar alguém porque está sofrendo com seus problemas por mais “simples” que ele seja, pode até ser simples pra você, mas para a pessoa que está sentindo é a pior coisa do mundo.. é tão difícil entender isso?

Sinceramente eu não sei mais o que fazer e cada dia que […]

1/12/2015 12 comments

I am finally here…

by alina_01 12/31/2014

written by alina_01

A whole damn year has passed and to be honest I’m glad that it is finally about to be over! My 2013 leaked into my 2014 and to be completely honest 2014 was so very unkind to me truly it just screwed me over and over. Today is the day I say good bye to 2014 and leave all the horrible things that happened in the past. I want none of 2014 to even taint my 2015, because this truly will be a new start for me. I will be starting a year without the negative people and the negativity period, this year I will […]

12/31/2014 2 comments

First breath after coma.

by Deathy058 12/15/2014

written by Deathy058

It’s a myriad of words stuck in my mind, none of them feeling appropriate for the situation at hand. I’ve memorized them over and over again, like some monologue that I’m trying to get perfect for when you’re in front of me.

Pacing in the pale dawn of the day, I find myself easily sucking down six cigarettes in the span of two hours. In between puffs and sips from a mug of coffee that gets colder, I try to imagine your reaction. Disappointment? Abandonment of one other soul in your life? God knows–you’ve had enough of that.

“. . .I try never to say goodbye, but […]

12/15/2014 2 comments

I try…..

by serenityseeker 11/29/2014

written by serenityseeker

I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep […]

11/29/2014 2 comments

Not sure if I’m wanted to be heard

by Luke_Pettinger 11/25/2014

written by Luke_Pettinger

I have many times considered going mute or at least try to avoid talking all together. It seems that not really anyone wants me or wishes to just accept me. I try acting hyper and energetic at time to gain that attention but I still feel that people would rather forget me. I though try to act quiet and wise but it doesnt counter the random fool people mistake me for. I can’t blame them, and I feel that I’m never able to get out of what I am. I feel left out. My goal is to become remembered long after I’ve died but I […]

11/25/2014 0 comment

Breathing but not alive

by cant.fixme 11/14/2014

written by cant.fixme

Its hard knowing that you’re never good enough and it’s harder to know that every body actually think the same.

Sometimes it would be great knowing that people believe in you. Sometimes it would be great to also not feel worthless, it would be good to not feel like a total shit. Sometimes it would be great knowing that things you do aren’t complete shit. Sometimes it would be great to not wake up everyday of your life thinking about ending it all.

Sometime just sometimes i wish wishes came true, so i could wish knowing that it might come true, […]

11/14/2014 0 comment

The Reaper’s Day Off

by Roars Kilde 10/26/2014

written by Roars Kilde

I burn so fierce, though the rain pours in drowning surge, it neither puts out my fire nor overwhelms my breath.
So I take another pill lying here in the gutter, trying to dampen the pain booze couldn’t quench. As wishes leave my heart, and mind realize the truth behind the naive, my eye glance at the wound on my wrist, and a small stream of red in the water rushing down, far into the distant. Seems the rain doesn’t erase at once.
Smiling, as another pill is swallowed, for my broken bones ache so bad from the fall. Such luck to land […]

10/26/2014 0 comment

Tonight?

by JustLauren 10/21/2014

written by JustLauren

Hello SP,

Well…I thought someone should know. Maybe that way, someone could care. Perhaps.

I had planned my suicide for the end of November, but current circumstances has bumped the date up to tonight. The plan is to overdose. Now in case this doesn’t work out, I have a school paper I have to finish and email to my professor so if I do fail, I don’t screw up the rest of my life (such as school). But I can only hope that this works. I took off of work tomorrow morning so that, in case I fail, I don’t have to come in. I’ll be too […]

10/21/2014 6 comments

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