To be Honest- i don’t think I’m suicidal but I can tend to surprise myself. I’ve always been okay with my body till I hurt myself and started weighing more than I should. It started to make me more conscious when family would make a general comment.”you’ve gone big haven’t you?” it’s been a few years and since last year I made new friends and they would boost my confidence. My current partner boosts my confidence. My family bring me down and it’s worst because it hurts so bad and I try to change and make a difference but I’m so private about my feelings and […]
Being used for sex and then ignored sucks. Fuck you. You destroyed me completely. And the worst thing is that i have nobody, no support.
I was just going over some old stories I wrote (or wrote most of, at least) and I can’t figure out what changed. I used to be able to sit down and write a story that, I was told, was well written and intriguing. I don’t know what changed, but I can’t even sit down to write the final three chapters of a book I know the ending to. Well, it’s technically a graphic novel, one of two that I almost finished, and only because they were my only fantasy stories and sometimes painting the world works better than trying to describe it with words. […]
I messed up really bad. I left my friend out of an activity that I planned. At the time, I didn’t do it because I dislike her but because I forgot. I have always prided myself on being kind. But I keep forgetting to invite her to stuff. I do not know why. I swear it is not intentional. I have apologized but it isn’t enough. I know she hates me now and it is all my fault. She is mean to me sometimes and now I can see why. I do not deserve to be her friend when I am always hurting her. And […]
How can I prove this to you-
I hate myself and I hate my life.
Yes, I know my life could be worse and I have so much to be thankful for. I just wish someone understood how I feel. I just wish I had someone to talk to that didn’t look at me as a whiny ungrateful young woman.
While I have a long list of unfortunate events in my life, the most bothersome is “The Other Woman.” Her name is Natalie, she was a friend of mine who was in my life for a short amount of time that has branded and mutilated my mind forever. This woman is an awful person. I […]
Been drinking since last Friday, taken pills to sleep, got really sad on Sunday.. As usual. On Monday I went to work, Just an internship that after 2 months I realize won’t ever benefit me, a guy that’s been there half the time has already surpassed me by far. I’m above average intelligence, I’m strong, but socially.. I’m just the worst. And that matters the most, you can be stupid and weak but manage quite well in life if you have good social skills. Lately I’ve been seeing how others progress with their lives more clear than ever. I only have one local friend now, […]
So yeah, my title about says it. Here’s a little about me. I’m a 21 year old male that’s completely lost my drive. I have no hope. I have nobody. The two surrogate parents I had died within two days of each other. I have around 40% mobility and strength in my hands due to sindactilysm (look it up), so I’ve been laid off from every job I’ve landed due to being so damned slow compared to other employees. It’s not bad enough for disability. I lost my home already and I live in a parking lot trailer, temporary courtesy of a church that took […]
we numb the pain but it’s still there
Beneath the surface
We fight for happiness and no one cares
A brutal preface
To a story that no one dares to tell
All too afraid
Of one persons endless hell
End the day
By fucking all the pain away
It doesn’t work
Saying things I shouldn’t say
They’re just words
Playing a game I will always lose
My voice unheard
Find the rafters and hang my noose
Covered in dirt
My soul takes flight before the weary
A small bird
With broken wings always fearing
For the worst
We are all just animals lying in wait
I don’t think I ever said exactly what it was that landed me back here– don’t worry, for once I’ll be brief. There isn’t much to say.
Last year was quite frankly the worst period of time I’ve ever had to suffer through in my short, miserable life, from New Year’s day all the way through to the end of December.
This year, since its very start, has been nothing short of completely calm.
Nothing terrible has happened.
Nothing new. Nothing even especially distressing.
And yet here I am.
Still.
I can’t recall having ever hated myself or my existence among the living as much as I do currently, and this […]
My mom is really rude to me. She is constantly telling me I’m the worst daughter ever and that she cries everyday because I was born to her. Apparently I’m not as smart as everyone else and stuff like that. Sometimes she hits me.
Man can life be depressing or what? Sometimes I sit here and wonder how the fuck I managed to let myself live this long. I honestly don’t know why I continue moving forward when there is nothing better in store for my future. I feel like I’m on auto pilot or something because I just keep going. I don’t wanna say I’m numb because I do feel things. It’s just when I get disappointed or sad I instantly shake it off and I feel like it’s irrelevant. I haven’t gone out because I was trying to finish paying tuition which I haven’t been able to […]
I’m the last person you’d think to be on here. I have a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and I’m super involed at school. On the surface I’m everything I want to be, but underneath I’m a mess. I have family issues and issues with peers. I have to keep telling myelf three more years than I’m free, but everytime a glimmer of hope appers it gets covered up by a dark cloud. The worst part is I need help, but I’ve given up on finding it because when I reach out people usually turn the other way. I’m just tired or trying, tired of […]
Not sure how it started, but I lost control last night. I’ve been battling with depression for a long time, only attempted suicide once before. I guess after a lifetime of never feeling good enough, I had a moment of weakness and fell off the wagon. I drank over half a bottle of 100-proof vodka and then downed about 600mg ambien and 20 hydrocodone/acetomenophin (5/325mg) pills. On top of my normal dose of anti-depressants. I have to admit I felt pretty good for a while there, and then passed out somewhere along the way.
I woke up a few hours ago and have been puking almost […]
I’ve been too depressed to do any research on how to best kill my fat and half way crippled self. I can’t even make friends because people somehow have the idea that my life is a privileged bowl of cherries when I’ve never had shit, have been homeless off and on chronically for my entire life, exactly what the hell is being given to me? Not a damn thing. But anyway, that really pissed me off. Way to keep pushing me over the edge! I’m starting to think my generation is the worst, full of the most superficial dickheads who are all still single and […]
I’m so unhappy. I feel there must be something wrong with me in that I don’t have any friends or relationships, I have no one to talk to and I’m desperately in love with a person who does not give a shit about me. I feel worthless and guilty all the time and it’s devouring me. I can’t accomplish anything without being moderately intoxicated. I hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve to be alive. I try to change my thinking and I can’t seem to stop it, but I want to feel better so badly. I just want to feel okay with myself but […]
My best friend sent me a Snapchat saying goodbye. She was holding scissors to her throat. She is the person I trust the most in this world and the only thing that keeps me going. I know she’s alive but not for how long. If she goes I don’t know what I’m going to do. Every day is fucking horrible and its going to be like this forever. Is this what life is supposed to be like? Why the fuck does it even exist. The worst thing is that deep down I know I’m a selfish hypocrite who makes something out of nothing. I don’t […]
That’s all I have ever wanted to be; a faithful wife. Sadly, having had you in my life, this will never happen. The only desire in my heart for my entire life has been to simply devote myself completely to someone else and now I know that this will never happen. The depression and anxiety have been eating me alive for years but I hung on with the hope that I would eventually fulfill my dream. Now that this can’t happen, I struggle to even get out of bed in the morning. Oh, I have also since developed bulimia and attempted suicide (though the last […]
it’s the worst when your problem isn’t from your mind but it exists in front of you and changes your mind. not much i can do to change it without killing myself. i could wait though and see what happens. sucks to know that you’d be better off dead because there’s nothing worth living for except for being hopeless. i’m probably lucky that i got depressed right at the start of summer vacation, that takes some things off my mind. maybe being depressed wont be as bad as the last time. not sure what i need now to get out of this, already talked with […]
My life is shit for many reasons and i am destined to suffer until the last second that i will live in this hell. And the worst thing is that i honestly believe that i don’t deserve this kind of life. I was always a good person, respected & help others and NEVER done anything bad to anyone. So why i am living this hell? I want to enjoy what others are enjoying… but instead i will never have a girlfriend because i am so fucking short, ugly and child looking, i will never have a family and i will become a fucking miserable 80 […]