It seems like nearly every day I stop and think about my life and how much it really doesn’t mean to me and each time I think about it, it appears to have less worth to me than the previous time
In this moment i wish i could die. So all the pain and memories of pain could disappear. So id never feel all the anger and hatred and my needless existence could disappear. Im sick of seeing triggers everywhere. Im sick of society at large. Im sick of having little self worth. Im sick of being different. Honestly im only still here because i failed at suicide hundreds of times. Im alone and uneccesary. But that said im not going to attempt. Im going to get up and go to the gym and continue to do the best i can do. There is a part […]
There are a lot of changes that might happen soon. I have to make some serious decisions and it makes me sick just thinking about it. I feel so hopeless right now. I feel alone. I feel kind of empty. It’s like I’m not worth anything. That’s all I keep thinking about. I just want to die. Everything would be better if I were dead.
I’m so tired , but sleeping makes me feel worse. Why do I even continue, I have nothing worth living for and even if I did , I’d still wouldn’t be able to do anything. I want to leave this prison I’ve made but I can’t, nor do I have anywhere to go. I feel so cold and hollow and tomorrow I’ll feel the same.
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I’ve spent a year and a half helping my gf through her depression/anxiety/cutting/suicide thoughts, and I am supposed to start my master’s classes in March but somehow, my parents went from paying $50-60k a year to f-ing $150k!!! Like I get adding another person to the food bill makes it go up but adding my gf to food bill with my brother living off of his school loans, should not cost that fucking much. Like i’m glad i didn’t go to Hawaii or New York. I stayed and worked, but the company was nothing but sales and didn’t know consulting from their own assholes . […]
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To everyone who ever doubted me. Moreover, everyone who betrayed me, like I wasn’t worth having as a friend, everyone who ever put me down, brushed me off, insulted me, ignored me, abandoned me, spread rumors about me, I have to ask, now that I finally am where I am, how did you know so easily?
I am so worthless
Just a waste of space
No one is ever gonna give me time in their day, I have no future no motivitation to continue my dreams.
Never worth anyone’s full time or commitment.
I’m perpetually depressed, I have no one, no friends, no one to love me or care about me. I wish I could just end my life, but I can’t even do that.
I don’t see how “things will get better” when it hasn’t for three decades.
I have suffered all of my life. My childhood was filled with abuse, my 20s and 30s has been wrought with illness and injuries, ones that affect me every day of my life and will never get better. I am in constant pain. I’m not in my 40s yet but my miserable existence begs the question: What is the point of living?
Suicide, can it ever leave my thoughts? Death and life go hand in hand. The only certainties I can count on. This life just seems more like death…and death more like the life I want, numb, unmoving, still, silent. Beautiful Nothingness. Keaton Henson-I’m going down this ship, and I most likely will drown, but it’s worth it, it’s worth it. I’m 19 now, been thinking of this ever since I can remember. I don’t fit here, I don’t belong in this world. I am in unrecognizable pain, hiding behind a facade. I didn’t feel anything. Is this real. Is this what I hoped for. My […]
“What keeps you from cutting?”
This question was posed upon me by my therapist recently. My answer was that I want success more than I want momentary relief from psychological pain….
So it’s just not worth it to cut anymore. Also I haven’t yet admitted to the frequency and intensity of suicidal ideation I’ve been enduring since we started talking about “what happened”. I don’t like talking about my uncle and the incest, it hurts me deep inside. I feel like I’m bleeding internally but when I vomit up my anxiety it is nothing but acrid yellow phlegm. I essentially want to rid myself of these demons […]
I don’t care.
I don’t care enough to get better.
I don’t care enough to kill myself.
I don’t care enough to take anything seriously.
I don’t care enough to make anyone happy.
I don’t care enough to prove anyone wrong.
I don’t care enough to be on time.
I don’t care enough to keep my promises.
I don’t care enough to accomplish anything.
I don’t even care enough to get up early 😛
I don’t care, no one else does, I am a pathetic, retarded little child and if I die, I might just make a lot of people smile, it might even cheer this place […]
What came first, you depression or your crap life?
My Psych and my Doctor refuse to accept that my depression is a direct result of my crap life. They think my crap life is a result of me having depression.
If my life was not crap, I’d have at least some motivation to want to fight my depression because I’d want to get back to living my life.
My life is absolute crap so why would I want to stay out of bed for more than 1 hour each day. I don’t have the desire or the motivation to try and […]
I just feel so empty..I’m so tired of the same bullshit lines.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s a phase, it’ll pass.”
“It get’s better.”
It doesn’t fucking feel like it. Nothing will ever be okay. I’m just a waste of space and I have no purpose on this planet. I wish I could just disappear. I wish death was an easy process because this life doesn’t seem worth living. No one honestly gives a shit. I tried to reach out for help but I’m just laughed at. Ignored even.
“You don’t even have anything to be depressed about.”
“Just get over it.”
I wish it was that easy. I hate feeling this way. I […]
I loved him until my last breath. I’m just so tired of hurting people. I fucked up. I hurt him badly. I didn’t mean to. He made me feel like I was worth something. Like I could do anything. He was the only one who made me feel that way. He hates me now. That’s okay. I hate me too. I always have. He made the voices go away. He made the nightmares go away. But now they’re back and stronger than ever. There’s something mesmerizing about blood running down a shower drain. Getting a little dizzy.. Maybe this is it. I’m sorry. You guys […]
Which one hurts more? Being rejected or them not answering and ignoring you?
For me it’s not answering. With rejection you at least have an answer. You know they are not interested. But when they don’t answer what the hell does that mean? Are they repulsed by you? Do they not know? Did you scare them away? You have no clue what happened and you are thinking the worst. What did you do wrong? Are you not worth an answer? It’s a simple yes or a no… I don’t know is even better then not answering…What the fuck did I do to deserve no answer..?
I feel so tired. I have been suicidal ever since I can remember. However, in recent years I have been distracting myself from these thoughts by trying to convince myself that life is better than the alternative. I would always tell myself “I’m going to try living to the fullest today. I can always die tomorrow.” There are days when this works and there are days when it doesn’t. I feel tired because I have to continuously keep convincing myself that life is worth living. Its been almost two years since I started living this way and I’m still not fully convinced of it.
wishful thinking gets us nowhere.
there’s nothing spectacular about tomorrow. Â just another really fucking heavy piece of shit i’m pulling with me everywhere i go. Â everyone has fucking flaps on their eyes, where do they get them, i wish i had them but then i guess i wont be able to see the little moments that make this worth while. is this worth it, i duno. WE’RE IN THE FUCKING MATRIX.
one thing i must admit, not sure if it makes me feel good or subtly not good, the fact that i’m not forced to wear long sleeves. because of these people with the eye flaps. still […]
When you saw me I knew you wouldn’t say a thing to me I never was worth your time anyways why would that change