I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. But what if I can’t? My fucking art teacher couldn’t even keep her shop. She closed down two years ago. Nothing’s the same anymore! You can’t make a living off art and you can’t force me to do better when nobody wants my shitty artwork.
I’m sorry. I try my best but all the weight comes back crashing down on me and drags me through the dirt, throwing me into a depression.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t, this world and this life is pointless and I can’t make any sort of living doing what I want. You try to help me in the wrong ways. I want to be a fucking Game programmer- Game Artist. I want to make the greatest games to fill people’s lives with the only happiness and meaning that they could get. Just like others have done for me by creating theses wonderful games. You don’t even listen, though. You don’t. So what does it matter? You didn’t even let me try to get my fucking GED. What am I supposed to do? I can’t get a job- I can’t do anything. I can’t get anyone to commission me for a fucking goddamn icon commission! And you expect me to make a living off of art!
Don’t bullshit me, please. I know I can’t make a real living off of what I can make and do. It isn’t how the world works anymore. What’s the point to all of it then? You’re supposed to be happy and do what you love. But how can you do what you love when no one wants you to do it?
Ending myself would be a better alternative than all this bullshit I have to pointlessly go through. I’m not getting anywhere, and I don’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I’m unhappy now, and I don’t see myself ever being satisfied in my life. I don’t see any man or woman that’ll ever love me like other people love eachother. Hell, nobody’s even fucking liked me in my 16 years of miserable life.
There isn’t a goddamn point to all of this life. This depression and misery.
9 comments
I think artists can make a living off their work, maybe not everyone can become famous painters (and most of the famous artists were completely poor when they died) but there are different outlets to consider, for instance a job in advertising or making movies, and yes even game art, why is that impossible?
http://work.chron.com/average-salary-video-game-artists-9911.html
I just googled that, it is for the U.S. not sure where you live. You talk about getting your GED and your 16, did you drop out of high school?
Not quite. I’m still in this crappy homeschool system in the US. I want to drop out – I WANTED to drop out this year but my parents are weird. They want me to drop out and get my GED one minute then change their mind the next.
It’s just so hard to get yourself out there and a job. I have zero experience in everything besides.. Little art commissions that I did years ago. I’m sorry, I’m a downer right now.
ok I replied but it’s pending because I put in a link I guess… Your dream of becoming a game artist is completely feasible and depending on where you end up working you can end up with a fairly decent yearly salary. Why can’t you get your GED
My Parent’s won’t put me in a GED class or anything. Then I don’t have a car, so I can’t do anything myself. They won’t let me get a car without a job and then nobody wants to hire me, apparently. it’s a big mess.
I have a lot of friends in design/photography, some in architecture and keepers design. I admit, even a couple of years ago, I thought they’d never be able to support themselves. And I think it didn’t matter. They made choices to do what makes them happy.
With a couple of exceptions, all are starting to be personally and professionally pretty successful. At least paying the bills. Freelancing is a bit like building the bottom of a snow man, it starts with a little snow ball. Half the fun is building and the pride when u achieve, even a foundation, is you know how little you started with and how hard you worked. Don’t give, don’t box yourself in, or let your parents box you in. If you want a GED, get one. And hopefully they can support you. And if not, remember, one day you’ll be making all the decisions for them…. #shadypines
http://designers.designcrowd.com
Thank you. I’m going to try to get my GED by the end of this semester- hopefully. if it’s possible.
Funny, i used to know a person (in real life) that went by your same nickname and also studied art. She was doing great with her art last time i heard about her, and by the age you mention you have i’m pretty sure you’re not the same person (she’s older), but heh, coincidences.
That said… if you do think that you can’t live on art alone, you should whatever it takes to improve your condition, regardless of what your parents think, because you’re going to live your life, not them. Also, consider that art is in fact, a pretty personal thing, and the fact that your teacher closed her shop doesn’t mean you’ll end up in the same way… art teachers can give you all the theory in the world, but it’s not unusual for students to have more talent than them and doing better in the long run (and maybe that’s why your parents keep encouraging to stick with you art). Sometimes talent isn’t even related and it’s just plain luck.
If you are interested in art for games, you might look into joining an indie game development group in your area (my city is an unknown shit hole and there are several groups). In any case, good luck! believe in your art and in yourself and try to do your best. I think that at times that’s the only think we can do.
Thank you. I’ll have to look into things like that- Most indie game developments I’ve seen around mostly don’t get finished, but maybe it can change.
Even if they don’t finish you can still use them as experience. If you have art proof from unfinished projects, even those can be used to audition for bigger and better things. You can also go ahead and try your own luck, it’s easier this days… i’d say it’s harder to do art and music for games than to build the actual game through coding, since stuff like construct, gamesalad, and playmaker on unity do most of the coding work with a gui frontend (which is mostly drag and drop). In any case, good luck! and sorry for the long post, i was an IT guy/musician/amateur sketcher on a former life, so i used to read a lot of that stuff, lol.