The past week has been really hard with a lot of things, and the past two days especially have been bad. It got to the point where the other night I tried to kill myself. Sadly it was a complete failure but my plan was to walk down to the main road near my house thats like a half mile away. Then i was gonna get myself hit by a car, it was going to be pretty easy. so It was like 2:00 when I went out. I sat on the side of the road for 2.5 hours. No cars came. It was a complete […]
Libby
The other night I was at my aunts house, I was sharing a room with my parents >:(
When the lights were off and we were all trying to fall asleep, I was crying my eyes out but so silently. I felt so terrible and my parents were 5 feet away from me and they had no idea, they were completely oblivious to the fact I was crying so hard for so long. I think its kinda funny how that happened, how ignorant they really are.
At Thanksgiving dinner my uncle paused all the conversions and asked the table what their passion was. Everyone was taking their turn and saying things like golf, brewing, home care, horses. (family was excluded) When it came my turn I realized… I didn’t have a passion. I don’t love to do anything. A passion is something that your always relating other things to, something that is always on your mind. The only thing that fits those requirements for me is the thought of dying, or more specifically killing myself. Its all I ever think about, it’s on my mind 24/7. Its all I want right now, […]
It’s so hard to get through the day
but on top of everything In my life everyone else still expects the same of me, and in some cases more.
My teachers expect homework no matter what on the day its due. When sometimes tell them I don’t have it , they mostly ask why… I almost want to break down and tell them everything. Tell them that I didn’t do my homework because I was drunk and I cut myself. They wouldn’t understand, so I just say I forgot to write it down
My coaches expect me to be able to keep up with all the physical work […]
I know I’m going to die some day
We all are
All that matters is how long till that day
I know I’m not gonna make a difference
None of us do
When we die the world still goes round
The clocks still tick
The sun still shines
I know I’m going to be remember
Few of us are
They have no reason to keep me in their hearts
They have no reason to miss me
They have no reason to remember me
I know I will be gone soon
Most of us will
I want to die
I want it to be over
I am pointless here
Why do I want do die?
My life sucks
Why does my life suck?
I’m a horrible person
Why […]
Is it bad that the first thing I do when I get home from school every day is pop open a beer?
Is it bad that I smoke weed once a week?
Is it bad that every-night I cut myself?
Is it bad that I cry for hours every day?
Is it bad that I dream of death?
Is it bad that I am never happy?
Is it bad that I regret everything I do?
Is it bad that I want to kill myself?
Pain
Pain
Oh sweet pain
You come to me in every way
Mentally you crush my thoughts
Physically you cut my legs
Emotionally you destroy everything.
If there were a way to escape your grasp
A way to be free from what you cause me
A way to never again feel your torments
To enjoy what I have
To be happy
I would take that way in an instant
There is a way
To escape you
It’s feared by most however
A way witch most would never dream of
Never think of
Never long for
It’s horrible final way
No way to fix it
No way to change it
It’s everything I want
It’s everything I need
It’s Death
In death there is no pain
There is no feeling at all
Just death
Just […]
The dictionary states that to be alone is to be separate, apart, or isolated from others. I find this very untrue. Here I sit across the hall from my sister, down the hall from my parents, on the phone with my friend and yet I am still alone. Alone does not mean you are isolated from others physically, it means you are isolated from other mentally. In my mind I have no one to talk to about anything because I am alone. I have no friends and no one that cares. Everyday I walk into school I’m surrounded by hundreds of people and I still feel alone. A very common […]
Sleep, then only escape I get from life. As I drift off into a world of nothing I have no worries and no cares. Everything is just so peaceful. Half the time I don’t remember it but thats the best part. I feel like every-time when I sleep I die. I fall into a space of nothingness and I’m gone. Lost forever. But then I wake up and everything sucks again. If only I could sleep forever…..Oh wait I can. And I want to. Every-night I wish I never have to wake up again. That I never have to breath another breath and my heart […]
I am stuck in a world in which I can not leave
All the pressure is there but I just can’t end it
I have my own burden to bear
I have no real friends, my parents: they don’t care
I have no one in this world. Everything makes me want to leave.
So what’s my burden? Why can’t I leave?
My life is perfect. Everythings good.
I have two paretns who get along
I have a roof over my head and three meals a day
My grades are good
I’m good at sports and other things in general
So what’s making me wanting to go?
well honestly I don’t know
I have all this fucking good stuff […]
How are you?
good
Really?
yupp
Are you ok?
Yup
Are you Sure?
yes
Positive?
mhm
Are you lying?
No
ok
ok
This is what always happens to me. When some one ask if I’m OK or how I am: I lie strait to their face. They don’t know I’m lying, no one does, no one can tell. I wish some one could, I wish there was some one I could talk to, that would always know when I’m not OK. Some one who cared, some one who would listen to what was actually wrong and help me,or at least try to. It’s too bad my wishes won’t come true. Every day I’m upset and people ask whats wrong, […]
I’m not needed. No one in this world needs me. I’m nobody’s best friend, I’m no ones girlfriend. No one needs me, their lives are fine without me in them. No ones ever called me for help or asked me to hang out. I’m just and invisible passive person to people. I try to fit in I try to…….. be needed put I’m not. I’m unneeded and uncared for and….. damn no one fucking needs me around it’s best if i just go. no ones life will change with me gone, I’m a disappointment to my parents, I have no friends, no one will miss […]
I guess I could say things are looking up for me, or rather that tomorrow looks like a better day. I get to have coffee and talk to my friend. She said we are gonna talk about everything that’s wrong in my life, she’s going to be like my psychiatrist because my parents wont get me one. She’s done so much for me, she’s an amazing person and I’m glad I can call her my friend. She means a lot to me and it means a lot that she is willing to help, because no one has ever treated me this well. She’s really a […]
My mom, everyday I ask her when I’m going to see the psychiatrist and every day she says she is waiting to hear back from them. This has been going on for 3 weeks, I know she is lying to me, she doesn’t want to help me. She knows I want to kill myself, she knows about how I cut myself every-night, she knows I drink all the time too, and what does she do about it, what does she do to help me? nothing, absolutely nothing. She’s my own mother and she wont help me! I have to get my friend to drive me […]
Don’t You Dare think for a minute that people actually care
They will shrug you off the second you ask for help
Don’t You Dare trust people as they beg you for your trust
They will give away all your secrets in the blink of an eye
Don’t  You Dare believe any of the “sorrys” people give you
They don’t really mean it
Don’t You Dare be naive in the world
      Its a cruel horrible place
Don’t You Dare try to fit in with everyone else
When they find your flaw they will turn on you
Don’t You Dare go along with the shit people put you through
You don’t need it
Don’t You Dare pretend to be happy when your […]
Last night i called my friend and we were talking and i was saying how i didn’t wanna mess up for tomorrow and she read me a bible verse about starting over every day …….
“Don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring its own worries”
(or something like that)
But anyways I thought well OK maybe that’s true, So i stopped worrying yesterday and did what i wanted and now I’m stuck with the consequences, I’m hungover and i have like 15 new cuts on my legs. They hurt so bad i cant really walk and now i realize, and i will keep realizing until they heal, […]
Last night was the hardest night of my life. I was up till about 3:30 crying and cutting and drinking. I cut myself so much it hurts to walk, my legs are burning and I can’t take any pain relievers. I have the worst hangover and now I get to go to school and pretend I don’t. My stomach is hurting again, probably from when I tried to OD on Tuesday. I get to face my friend who I called at 2:00 a.m. She said she was really worried about me and I can’t tell her what’s actually wrong because she will report me or […]
There is  nothing to live for
Nothing to die for
Nothing to love
Nothing to laugh at
Nothing to smile about
Nothing to joke about
Nothing to look forward to
Nothing to dream about
Nothing to wish for
Nothing to Hope for
There is no love
No hope
No dreams
No happyness
No fairness
No equality
No friends
There is no reason to live
No reason to try
No reason to care
No reason to love
No reason to smile
No reason to laugh
No reason to be here
There is Nothing
Nothing at all
Not a caring friend
Not a loving parent
Not a concerned aquantence
Not a God
Not a hope
Not a life
All there is
is Death
I tried to kill myself on tuesday….. i must have taken 30 or so pills, but that wasn’t enough…….i didn’t really feel anything until yesterday, my stomach was killing me and i had the worst headache. I should have taken more pills, 10 more would have done it, make 15 more, but now I’m all out. How many does it take, i don’t want another failure.i just want it to be over. I Â was so close………..
just one more day i tell myself, then ill do it. i…….. no one cares about me, no one. i have no friends…i cut myself all the time, i have about 20 deep cuts on my legs right now. ive told ppl and they dont care, they just yell at me. i used to drink alot but i dont so much anymore but  i think im gonna start again now, i ………its an escape, i dont remember how bad things were the morning after, i feel happy and warm and fuzzy and i love it, the taste is good, it helps, stupid psychiatrist told me […]