“Sometimes it is hard, To wake up in the morning, mind full of demons, I don’t wanna hear them any more, got me heart broken, fine. ”
I’ve thinking about it for long.
I’ll accomplish this. I’ll graduate. I’ll succeed. I’ll get good grades. I will because I will give all I have.
I have to put my worries and sadness aside. This is not time for it. This is the only chance I’ve. I must by any mean, grow up balls, and be focus on the fucking target.
But I also […]
I want to live.
The reason for it is simple – I think I can make it.
I know many who look for logical explanation and balance of good and bad. I know people who put their faith in religion only to move on and wake up each day.
I cope with my burden by writing to you guys every evening and night. Sometimes I even stay awake until every one is asleep so I could write to you.
I don’t talk to my friends, or college friends, or roommates, about how and what I feel.
I don’t think they need to know. My life experience […]
I just feel so solitaire.
I’m not talking to any friends of mine, nor seeing them. I’m busy on my studies, but even so, I’m so bothered by the financial debt. I’ve been trying to hold my head above water for years, but I’m now under water holding my breath.
I know I won’t make it far away like this. I used to talk to myself a lot, but I don’t have that privacy to do so. I have roommates which are around me most of the day.
I were for long time a safe of my own life […]
Good evening.
I scored bad on today’s final. At least I assume so.
Two hours after the end of the test, I had hit by the down of the amphetamine [ Ritalin].
I feel so empty and useless. I don’t think I am, but this is what I feel.
I feel like I want to drown in the open sea. I have hopes; hopes of me solving my family’s finance problems.
I have hope to be the man who will be there for other poor families and hand them food, shelter and education.
I know how hard is to go through the day being hungry. […]
I have so much on my soul, that I’m not even able to speak. All those words being shot around my head.
I want to say something. I want to call for help. I want to breakdown. I want to say I’m suicidel.
I want to say that I’m not sleeping because I don’t like living like this.
I want to scream to someone that I’m on the verge of jumping a tall building.
I want to go out with friends.
I want to ask that girl out.
I want to make money.
but my heart is […]
Tomorrow is the beginning of February, which holds with in it 4 major finals.
To start with I want to say sorry for the last disturbing posts.
I use uppers [- Ritalin- ] to treat my ADHD, and it definitely causes heavy downs and other irrelevant side effects.
I’ve promised to update: I decided to let go of this site for a while, let go off whatsapp, facebook, 9gag and etc.
I know myself, and I know what I need for my own good.
Plans motivates me best, and I will from now on, focus on the studying and on the craving of achieving 100.
—- […]
I have deleted my ex friend [she was a female] from my contacts. We used to have a lot of midnight talks. She was my distraction from everything. The credit is not for her being anything special, but it is for her being a tool of distraction.
Now that she is gone/ or “it”, I’m hollowed again.
I used to have lots of sports but this month I have finals, so I have to study 24/7. With the sports gone, I’m just going straight forward deeper into the rabbit’s hole.
I wish I had a “friend” to talk to, but in the same time I know […]
Few years ago, I was a dead boy walking down the school’s corridors. Walking back, forth, between rooms for each class, and from there back to the empty house.
I always had knew what was expecting me at that house.
I always feared from those ‘good’ days. I was so.. under pressure, I could have felt that life is a – if you enjoy today, tomorrow you will be in sorrow, and if you are really lucky, your suffering will start from the same day you dared to fucking smile.
I kept my mouth shut for so long, didn’t feel anyone around me. They were merely humans […]
yup my reason is belief. just like believing in God, my belief is that with hard work I can fix anything that is fucked. They have hurt my body and abused me, but they will never kill my spirit
I wanted to be open with you – I see you guys as friends – and tell you that I’m fucking scared.
I’m a student, 20 y.o, young, unsure of myself, and dealing with etc…….[doesn’t really matter].
As most of you know, February is Final Exams month.
I’m facing one of my biggest challenges I’ve ever had so far.
Even more than facing my father’s abusive behavior, or dealing with my mom’s suicide attempt .
I don’t know what this month will bring, I can either fail hard and go down as a man, or succeed.
Either way, I’m choosing to study the best I […]
Finals are coming, my heart bit rate is taking off.
Dreamless nights, my sensation gets keen.
Dilate pupil.
Suddenly, I’m in the dark. I’m exposed like a baby in the cold darkness.
The whole building is the cage I’ve created for me, and I should be at the studies room. But as the fear of failing increases, I began to search around the house for a meaning.
A few rooms caught my eyes. Some were gymnastic room, the other was room with my close friends, and another one with my family.
But to all I felt alienated. They […]
Putting life’s burden aside, I ask for an advice of how to date this girl from university….
I know most of you would go crazy for my posting this question, but.. I see you people as my friends hehe.. (lol that is kind pathetic but I could not care less)
anyway she’s only 1 year older. We had a brief talk, I made her laughed, learned her name carefully, smiled and joked with her.
I don’t know when, but I know I’ll see her again around. That time I would like to get her number… how the fuck do I do that? […]
My Suicide note:
hey.. I never liked endings, but if you read this, than you know I decided to end it all.
each part is secluded for each one of you.
To my mom : I wished I was smarter and greater.
I wish I could have forsaken you before I ever been born. Maybe if I would have been a bit more smart, I would change reality and will make things right.
I know you believed in me and wanted me to get this through. I just couldn’t. I was never alive, I never really trusted any human, and felt like an […]
Hey, I have a serious month to go through. it will determines my hopes and dreams for the long run. It is also a “one chance” opportunity.
You can help me by giving my advices – please – if you have an idea, I would love to hear it, I need your help!!!
I have a month of finals – I want to know how can I be the most efficient ?
How can I be awaken. How can I be full of motivation? What do I need to tell my self?
Should I use alot of coffee and set sleep hours?
I thought about abusing Ritalin, and I […]
I lost so much at the last years.
I know I would never be the same person, I already saw myself changing with the years.
I became a mad-man ;
Lacking sympathy, don’t feel love or any kind of true social bond.
I became more and more sociopath, but with the understanding of human beings. I can identify most of the people’s weaknesses and I usually take advantages of it for my own good, only to survive.
Look… It is just that I’m pissed of on my reality.
But I guess it doesn’t matter. AS LONG AS I KEEP PUSHING THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
anyway good day you all, […]
I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.
I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.
I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I […]
Hey, good day for all of you.
This will be my last post
, because I have changed, and I’m quit-ing this site.
For those who didn’t follow my posts, or read the last posts of mine, I wanted to wake up today, fearless and with out feelings.
Fully honest with all of you strangers: for the last days I have been fighting in my mind, over the control of this body. As if I fought with my “anxiety” persona, which fears failures. Today I guess my other persona won, because I’m fearless. I’m focused on what I want and when I want it.
I’m just a […]
that is it. I had enough.
I had enough of this kind of life.
I screwed up a few times. other times I got screw over.
Im fucked up.
I want to be soulless. I want to be with out feelings
I want to be a fucking robot.
I don’t want to communicate. I don’t want to love, to cry, to be mad.
God. If you are out there, when I wake up tomorrow morning, please wake me up feeling less.
Please help me become this hollow shell.
Why would you take away from me so much, without taking my feelings too? […]
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why am I feeling such an urge to find a girlfriend?
I have completely accepted that I don’t and will never have a dad in my life, and that my biological dad is still out there alive nothing giving a shit about me.
I have accepted the fact that right now my family is in debts and that I have to spend as less as I can.
I have accepted that I must succeed and do my best at the university to find a well paying job.
I have accepted the fact that I don’t have time to […]
I really am wondering. why should I give up?
Because I’m broken? because I’m lonely? because I’m sick? because I’m just a…… victim?
Should I pull the fucking trigger on me? Even tho I didn’t put the fucking gun next to my head!
My dad put that fucking gun. My ex “friends”. Other sick people have put that fucking gun on me.
So why would I even pull the fucking trigger?
I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to give a fuck about my feelings. I want to be a dead man walking.
I feel better […]
Please log in to report posts