Category:

Chronic Pain

The rules, South Park and more ice.

by Once 2/17/2021

written by Once

Another night of no sleep, so you people get to suffer along with me. More sleep deprived drivel. Now then, lets get on with it. No sense in putting things off. (Double entendre? You decide.) Single file, all bunched together, screw “social distancing.” There’s pain to be suffered!!! Pain is good, it builds character! Shall we?

The rules were set in the beginning. I’m only along for the painful ride. My control is limited, I make my plans and run my errands, knowing that life is in charge, not me, no matter how much I think otherwise. Life is a fickle mistress, one day loving and […]

2/17/2021 10 comments

Change…

by Once 2/16/2021

written by Once

…sucks.

2/16/2021 4 comments

by tiredinmybones 2/16/2021

written by tiredinmybones

I’m back on here. I thought i was doing better than i was 2 weeks ago, but in reality i’m not. I finally got diagnosed with depression 5 days ago. i already knew that i had it but i guess it’s a good thing i officially know. I just feel so tired. None of my hobbies make me happy anymore, i don’t understand why. I finally started cleaning my room but i don’t want to finish it, that feels like too much work. I still can’t go a day without thinking about death or suicide. I want to die the only reason i haven’t gone […]

2/16/2021 3 comments

Ice, darkness and ants.

by Once 2/14/2021

written by Once

Hello insomnia, again. This is sort of a non-specific rant, about nothing. Today’s Valentines day, and here I am, pouring out my heart to SP. Wonderful. Maybe I’ll buy it some flowers and am box of chocolates. What a stupid tradition, right up there with the World War 1 xmas truce – let’s stop killing one another and exchange gifts for one evening. There was a nasty ice storm here night before last. The power has been out for a while and I am unable to relax enough to sleep while wearing twenty pounds of […]

2/14/2021 7 comments

Pain Exceeding One’s Ability to Cope, aka my daily life

by ca-rifka 2/8/2021

written by ca-rifka

The definition of overwhelming pain is when pain exceeds one’s ability to cope, aka my daily life.

I’m talking just the physical pain, too…there is almost always an accompanying existential crises about self-worth and chronic illness.

As someone living with multiple chronic illnesses, including endometriosis and chronic nerve entrapment, the story of my daily life resembles both that of a heroine in a gothic horror novel and that of a golem girl made of glass. And to me this makes sense, the mood of my body oscillating regularly between two worlds – stuck in the middle just like everything else in my life.

And so goes the story […]

2/8/2021 0 comment

Tissue Box

by BlueFairy 1/29/2021

written by BlueFairy

This isn’t the one about the editor or the one about the illustrator.

1/29/2021 0 comment

Digging Up Memories

by Virus.Found 1/23/2021

written by Virus.Found

Loneliness is killing me, if it didn’t already. So I’m trying to contact some old friends, because why not.? New people are assholes. All of them. Seriously. All. Of. Them. I’ve gained no new friends or even acquaintances. They’re unsocial, or at least towards me.

Maybe my depression is spooking everyone, even though I’m constantly laughing. My heart hurts so much with this heaviness, while being completely hollow. Anatomically impossible. I can’t take this any longer.

Some nights I lay awake and have an argument with my inner demons, whether I should just simply get up and kill myself. I should’ve responded with: Yes. Because it would’ve […]

1/23/2021 6 comments

And one day everything just stopped…

by its_my_fault_how 1/18/2021

written by its_my_fault_how

I woke up this morning and didn’t go to work. I drove around in circles. I’m homeless save that I have a child in two separate locations. So I sleep on a cot during the week and a guest bed on the weekends. I have no energy and all. I only experience life through the veil of depression and utter calamity.

I’m a veteran and father of 2 small children. Thankfully their mothers/grandmothers are still around in my absence. And to be honest I’ve been absent for quite some time. I cannot remember my last genuine smile. My illness is so bad that I’ve been […]

1/18/2021 3 comments

That’s Just The Ground

by Virus.Found 1/17/2021

written by Virus.Found

So. Fucking. Useless. Yeah, I’m talking about myself. I try my best to help people but in the end, I think I never did. So if I can’t help myself and not even help others, then what else is there to do.? Why do I even bother with things like that… It just hit midnight and I feel unwell, as if someone had walked right through me. I don’t want this life. May I have a different one..?

1/17/2021 0 comment

A Never-Ending Teary Life or Death? Cryordie 1

by cryordie 1/5/2021

written by cryordie

Having discovered the PERFECT method, I’m one step closer. A life-lover with a battered heart and a soul so tired there’s no word in the world to describe it.

I got here by mistake. Wrong door. I do not need to stay. I tried. I’m done trying.

1/5/2021 1 comment

Nothingness

by Virus.Found 1/4/2021

written by Virus.Found

This feels like a joke… My whole life has been a joke… My mother was to go away on a trip and it was cancelled over and over thanks to Corona. She was going in a few days and I had already planned my death.. Even if it wouldn’t have worked, I was at least going to try to end this misery. My mind is deadly, it’s making everything seem like it’s out to get me.

I had backed up our family photos on a cloud, which took me hours. Only so that my family won’t forget to do it after I’m gone. I take any […]

1/4/2021 13 comments

Pathetic Start Of 2021

by Virus.Found 1/2/2021

written by Virus.Found

I’m so very empty… For 4 years you had been my best friend. But I didn’t feel important to you for a long while. I’ve cried out, for more time with you, more affection, but no matter how often I did, you didn’t care.. you didn’t care enough.

I’m not a happy person and I need more than other people do. I’m sorry, I’m like this.. I really am. Telling you goodbye, was one of the most painful things I did this year already. Great start of 2021.. Now I see you removing everything around me, that had anything to do with you. It hurts. But […]

1/2/2021 0 comment

Happy new… Anything

by Virus.Found 12/31/2020

written by Virus.Found

I’m so tired of holding in 80% of my pain. Somehow others don’t notice the 20% I do show. And if I show more, no one wants anything to do with me. I mean, I get it. Nobody wants to hang out with a sourpuss, who ruins their happy mood. I’ve really tried my best. I did, lovelies. I can’t keep upsetting everyone for being too busy to give a fly.

So the solution is simple. I have to go away. I have to leave everything behind. Everything I’ve ever owned, been gifted or bought myself. And most importantly, the people I’ve constantly upset with my […]

12/31/2020 3 comments

Tired

by LostintheWreckage 12/27/2020

written by LostintheWreckage

I am so tired of

Doctors
Medication
Blood tests
Needles
Pain
Waking up in hospitals being told I’m “lucky to be alive”
Doctors telling me they don’t know why
Hospital food
The sound of the medication timer
My body surprising me with new symptoms and dangerous complications.
My mind turning into mush
Spending holidays in the hospital
Being poked and prodded by ppl in scrubs, talking in hushed tones, while the moniter beeps
Iv poles
Fighting to get thru work
Calling in sick to work
Having to fake it for the camera
Telling men on first dates
Telling friends I’m too sick
Telling family I don’t […]

12/27/2020 2 comments

I should feel happy

by biggestEnemy 12/20/2020

written by biggestEnemy

I should be happy, I know I should.

I feel lonely and tired. I have all the symptoms of serious depression I deal with daily for almost two years now. I fear that I will never be able to enjoy my life and to feel happy. I have all the things i ever wanted. I have beautiful and amazing wife, wellpaid job where everybody, including my bosses tell me how important I am and two amazing cats plus all the books I ever wanted to read. I have a great passion – my own music but still I cannot enjoy it because my feelings of anxiety […]

12/20/2020 0 comment

Northern Lights

by Once 12/16/2020

written by Once

She was saying something about something being “straight out of the dryer”, to noone in general. She was in the front door alcove of the hardware store, the one with the neon “Open” sign in the front window, right above the note that perpetually hangs there, reading “Had to leave, customer needed door fixed.” The neon sign is always on, even when they’re closed. Nothing she had just came out of a dryer. She was wrestling a large sleeping bag into a shopping cart, full of her belongings. Her hair, not quite shoulder length, stood straight out on the left side of her head. She […]

12/16/2020 5 comments

Mountains Be My Resting Place

by Space-Cadet 12/13/2020

written by Space-Cadet

I’m not sure what to do, I just want to die.

I’m being kicked out from the last family I have left. I escaped a four year, extremely abusive relationship, and begged to the last blood relatives I have for shelter. It’s been nearly a year since February, and they’ve decided I don’t “fit in with the family” and am “not getting better,” so they want me out. I have no health insurance, I’m on disability for major depression, BPD, and a myriad of physical health problems. I’m not able to navigate Medicare or anything, I honestly just have panic attacks when trying to do anything […]

12/13/2020 2 comments

Why I attempted suicide

by Thorium 232 12/12/2020

written by Thorium 232

This is my story about why I almost killed myself back in late November of 2019. Most of the time when we hear suicide we get this idea of someone doing it because they want “the pain to stop” or they feel that suicide is the only way out. Well, that’s not why I almost killed myself. I did it out of sheer guilt. A little backstory as to what lead to this was that I had a friend that I unintentionally made feel uncomfortable multiple times throughout the fall semester of my junior year at college. Nothing that I did was sexual in any […]

12/12/2020 1 comment

I feel so alone that nobody cares even if I die

by niki 12/9/2020

written by niki

My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.

12/9/2020 6 comments

Honey, I’m home.

by Once 12/9/2020

written by Once

It’s so incredibly relaxing to sit in the comfort of oblivion. So peaceful to adopt a who cares attitude. I am absolved of all responsibility.

I was searching the webernet for tips on trimming cat claws a few years back, and came across a video by an animal behavioralist named Dr. Sophia Yin. The video was good, her personality engaging and attractive. Intrigued by what she had to say, I searched for more of her work, and found an article detailing her suicide. In it, a co-worker and friend of hers spoke of her insecurity concerning her career. Even as her business grew by […]

12/9/2020 6 comments

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