I dont want to talk about it.
I wake up every day with this gnawing feeling. I try to push it away, but it gets worse.
It doesn’t stop. This feeling.
It hurts. It stings. All the heartache, the stress…it gets to you.
But all I ask, is that you understand.
Its deep depths of darkness, and loneliness. Like a boulder of weight always on your back. Slowly hurting you.
It doesn’t stop unless you make it.
When you die you cease to exist, so why fight if when your dead it ll all not exist.
Some took the leap. I really do envy them.
Category:
Chronic Pain
This is my first time writing here. I have read so many comments on the past few months and always wonder if those people are really gone now.
Finally I feel like I belong somewhere, I guess. Been lying all day in bed with absolutely no strength to get up and just crying.
We rock, guys….
So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.
My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.
My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.
I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.
I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.
Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this […]
I have Tourette’s Syndrome; OCD; light Autism; chronic and crippling depression, anxiety, and various medical differences/flaws/disorders. My Tourette’s- or tics, as they are often called-. manifest themselves mostly in my mind. With the exception of a few verbal tics, and a plethora of motor/physical tics, I can hide the urges and pain which plagues and afflicts me at my every waking moment. My wife and the rest of my immediate family are all well aware of my suffering; they, unfortunately, however, realize or wish to realize the full extent to which I am truly in pain. The only spans of consciousness wherein I draw pleasure […]
I wish I could have enough courage to die. I already wrote my suicide note and I look at it everyday asking myself when I can finally publish it and just rest to never wake up on this body again. I’m so tired that sometimes is really hard to think about anything clearly. I can’t read a book anymore because I always forget what I read. When I play games I get angry so easily because I can’t be concentrated enough on what is happening and I say the game is trash even if it’s not.
I’m unemployed for the last three years and I depend […]
Noose snapped still tied to my neck and I was too disoriented to tell, found myself in the bathroom looking in the mirror feeling extreme strain and not knowing why I was feeling increasing danger, and I said out “what’s going on?” thinking i had come out the noose hence the fact i was now in the bathroom away from the hanging wardrobe, I was confused I could still feel the tie and i started picking at it and then saw it was frayed, i pulled at it desperately until I could loosen the rope, I got it off and threw myself on the bed […]
I don’t like the feeling that I’ve lost. I’m overweight and it’s not easy finding a method for me. Not interested in a failed attempt and excuse me if all I talk about is wanting death because I never thought I’d turn out like this. I look at my few immediate family members, with a small hole in my heart by not wanting to be here. My body aches, my head aches, I have to work, no close friend’s anymore; it hurts to look my mother in the face because I know she wants the best for me, success in all but I know I […]
Can I vanish?
Hello everyone, I believe you all know why I am here posting this. I feel empty, loneliness, hopeless. The will to live longer inside me has vanished, I do not wish to live any longer. I have friends, but none has really understood me. I have a wealthy family, but wealthy does not mean joy. I used to be a genius at school, but due to the current situation, I do not have the will to learn any longer. I cannot feel the joy inside me much longer. I just feel like it is worthless to live […]
4 months of being reminded nonstop that life is now for suffering not for living. Will not hesitate to overdose when I have the drugs. I’ll get coked up, tripping, stoned and drunk for as long as I can and then overdose on more drugs when Im coming down, give the death a running start. Really cant measure my suffering since february, not had a moments rest, got lobotomized by antipsychotics injections, life is unrecognizable and unbearable.
Was told by a couple people I was the best happiest or most intelligent person they knew, now I’m the most fucked up person i […]
Can’t stop trying to turn back time to when I made the biggest mistake of my life and agreed to let doctors who misdiagnosed me as schizophrenic and injected me with paliperidone, an antipsychotic, which has destroyed my brains pleasure function.
I took cocaine yesterday for the first time since getting injected, i was unable to feel a thing from it, no inner warmth no rush of pleasure, just a flat bone dry brain. This further confirms it for me, i am devoid of anything nice and good if even cocaine can’t make me feel pleasure for a minute. I was right to attempt suicide for […]
I have so many problems and things wrong with me it’s hard to keep track. I know that this site is for things to do with depression, anxiety, suicide or similar things, but this one is more about other things I struggle with and could maybe find others who can talk to me about it.
So basically it all started that I was born 6 weeks early, a tiny underweight baby who “died” and got resuscitated or whatever 3 times. I mean, bad start right? Well, since then I was sick in hospital for a few months and then still sick after that, just in my […]
I had one injection of antipsychotics 4 months ago because of malpractice, here’s the outcome
I have anhedonia, i literally cant feel pleasure or reward , instead there is anxiety, restlessness, nausea
My inner emotions and thoughts are in constant unrest
I can’t play xbox for 5 minutes to relax, the unrest dominates every moment
Music doesn’t give me an inner good feeling, I feel rubbed up the wrong way by anything stimulating and pleasurable
I compulsively ruminate nonstop trying to turn back time to I spend hours in bed trapped in my mind
I cry everyday like I’ve just lost my family and the pain is raw, but the pain […]
Hi my name is anonymous.. Anonymous because I will be a forgotten memory one day eventually.. Knowing my name or who I am will not matter 10 to 30 years from now..
A forgotten memory only because I wont be around for people to keep up with who comes and goes..
When I do pass I dont want no crying.. I would like a open comment no rules on whats said about me..
maybe it will cure their hate or whatever knowing im no longer breathing..
To be in the ground, tossed.in the garbage or even burned in a tire burn..as long as I give […]
I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head. I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I […]
I hate
I hate who I am
I hate my black skin
I hate my curly hair
I hate being tall
I hate what I have between my legs
I hate being transgender
I hate not being normal
I hate not being able to be good enough to have friends
I hate the town where I live
I hate being brazilian
I hate my life
But I would love…
To be dead
Every thing hurts and I just want to cut. I’m sorry. I feel like everything is just falling apart and I want to tell my mom I have depression but I’m afraid to. I really need a hug and I’m 98% sure no one would miss me and school is getting worse and worse. I stole some pills from my medicine cabinet and I don’t know if I want to take them or not. I’ve been drinking isopropyl alcohol in hopes I’ll get sick enough to go to the hospital and not have to go to school again. I wish I was dying. But doesn’t […]
So far in 2 weeks I have tried to hang myself several times, I have tried the helium hood, I have snuck into a 5 storey block to contemplate jumping off. I now want to die at home by drugs overdose, hopefully I can get hold of the drugs and not suffer too much in the mean time.
I’ve noticed my fear of suicide always varies, sometimes I freak out at the thought of killing myself, other times I only feel a strong urge. I wonder what it will be like to take a suicide pill, will I go into a fearful panic once swallowed or will […]
I’m going to do it I just need to know how to let people down easy. I really can’t stay here. Any ideas on what to write for my mom would be amazing. Thank you!
Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking […]
Before him, I was empty. I was alone, devoid of light. Every day getting harder and harder to breath. I was sinking in an ocean of darkness…sadness.
Then I seen him. Its like my heart was stumbling over its feet as it was racing around in my chest. I winced at this unfamiliar feeling. My ears cried with joy as his warm, silvery voice flowed through me. His eyes grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the surface. I could breathe again. But it hurt.
When he looks at me, its like my soul gets torn to pieces. I yearn for more.
He hurts me. Why […]