They asked me.
“Why do you cut yourself?”
They asked me.
“Why are there scars in your body?”
They asked me.
“Are you crazy?”
They told me.
“Attention seeker at its finest.”
And i sighed. Breathed heavily and walked away.
Whats the good in telling them what my demons tell me what to do, it’s better to keep my insanity to myself.
Because it’s better keeping everything inside rather than telling the world who doesn’t know how to listen.
Do you ever have a really intense thought that u desperately want to let out, but the one person you trust the most is the person that the thought will personally effect, so you have no choice but to hold it in and let it eat away your mentality until you’re stuck sitting there at ridiculously late hours wondering the point of anything? I’m so exhausted of living a lie that I’m forced to live instead of letting out the truth. I want so much from life but who am I kidding? I’m never going have anything, I’m never going to amount to […]
I thought it would be a long time before I come back here again. But here I am typing while watching my wrist bleed. I want to cry but I can’t cry. I guess all my tears were long gone. All I can do is sigh. It stings. my wrist stings.
The world is silent; my heavy breathing is the only noise in the world… it feels weird. Almost like death is watching me, or like there’s something awful going on. Although there’s literally no noise, and no person in sight… I feel really alone and endangered. Maybe I’m just uneased, maybe I’m psycho, or maybe I’m lonely. I feel like god has abandoned us, because miracles and humanity no longer exist. All that’s left is pain, death, shattered attempts at love and the dried soil beneath our feet to remind us of the past we’ve lived; the history we’ve created. Whats happened to the […]
I feel like every inhale I take is just steady preparation for the depression and anxiety and psychosis that’s coming when its time to exhale. I feel like every inhale I take is the last, like it’s the final breath before someone breaks in and kills me, before the whole world collapses around me and everything fades to black, and I become paralysed with numbness, slowly loosing sanity as I fall into deep delusion that everyone’s coming for me. I try to handle it, or hide from it if I’m being perfectly honest, but what happens when I stop hiding? When I finally […]
Have you ever felt like drowning? How you wake up everyday, your chest just aching. You pound and pound and realize there’s nothing inside it. Just pure blackness and how it eats you from the inside. And how this feelings are inevitable in one’s life. How the waves keep crashing, the walls aren’t breaking, still silently screaming. The feeling when you want to let go and break down and it’s there, the burning sensation at the back of your throat but then it just doesn’t happen. How you just want to break down while there are thousands of people surrounding you, going on with their […]
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
So I’m trying to get better. I’m trying to fine the purpose of this life. Trying to understand what makes people want to live. But I don’t see it. We live in a world that is so ugly. Us as humans destroy everything we see, touch, and feel. We hurt others, and we hurt ourselves. Love is a rare thing to see. And so is happiness. I don’t get the point in living. I’m loosing hope in that things will get better. But there is something inside of me that tells me that things will get better. But there is a […]
Excuse this rant. I need it. I am living with a condition that knows no limits. At the start of this year, 2018, I wrote my verdict: I wrote that I am a man, 28 years of age, living with chronic pain. It is now around 3 months till the post, and nothing has changed. I thought I might give it more time but to no avail… I once had a beautiful smile and it got lost after living in the dorms, playing sports, and living life. A bump on my face caused a permanent change to 1 tooth. It spread across my face into […]
I’m trapped in this world, I’m trapped in my own mind.
my thoughts are consuming me, the idea of death is consuming me more and more everyday for 2 years.
I’ve been told I’m a burden, a non tolerable friend, lover,& daughter, I’ve been told I’m never good enough, i’ve been asked to kill myself, and I’ve been told im nothing, and I’ve become to believe i actually am.
some people didn’t need to literally say these things to me but their actions spoke for them pretty well.
I just can’t find my purpose, no matter what i do im never good enough, if i […]
Sometimes I don’t really want to die. I just want to not exist for a while….
Hi, I’m from the shithole that’s mentioned in the title, and our election is near. Every day I’m suffering from anxiety and the thought of Putin becoming our president (dictator) once again… I can’t stand living here, it’s so mentally painful. After the war my family become so poor and I, being not rich nor smart, don’t have any chance to see the civil world, let alone live there. Anyone, set us free from this fucking slavery
My story has gotten quite a bit worse since last May and my last post. Still on felony probation. I managed to fail upward and drop dirty for weed on another like 5 tests in the last year. Got a PTR for it. Been fighting that since December. The judge was actually a sorta decent human being and told me to stop getting high and he would let me complete my probation. Asking me to stop getting high is like asking me to stop breathing. So I quit weed and started snorting dope. Heroin… I got in a car accident a while back so […]
It is 2014, I’m young.
Have yet understood why my I can’t understand other’s feelings.
Mom is breaking down, she is alone, she is going through courts and she is under a lot of stress.
Knowing things can get out of hand at any moment, I don’t sleep.
Not even blinking.
My head is on the pillow, but my ears are searching all over the place. I clearly hear the neighbor’s dog, the child across the street, the moving cars, and how many there are.
The following days, mom starts acting weird, just like in those horror movies where the demon is taking over. She yells, and […]
I wake up to aching sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I reach for it in pure emotional agony, immediately pressing snooze. As I try to stir out of my groggy state, my mind is blank, and can only think of my exhausted body. I tried to open my eyes but they felt as if they weighed a ton, I tried to lift my arm but it’d fallen limp at my side; given up, I let myself relax just for one more moment… I’m abruptly woken up by my phone buzzing once more. Here I go again… I go through the same, process of […]
I wonder how my shitty friends and rapist are doing being able to go to school and finish their degrees and accomplish their dreams right now? They don’t care the depression they put me through one bit. I bet they’re happy poor little depressed girl is not there to put a damp to their party. I bet others that don’t know of all the struggles my life has put me through laugh at how much of a failure I am. I bet all their futures look so bright while I sit here dim and dull wishing an everlasting night. Oh if I had known that […]
It is striking me hard. I’m trying to hold on.
Why couldn’t I tell her what I wanted?
Why couldn’t I get mad at him for kissing my ex? Why didn’t I succeed at saying what I need and feel when I went through all those horrors.
This place is bad for me. it brings up the memories. I remember why I quit going with those friends. This f.. more like fuckers.
I’m….Im broken. I’m broken hearted, broken minded. I’m missing all the good things at life.
What will be the point at succeeding if I’ll end up friendless? If I’ll end up alone. If I’ll fail to […]
Hi,everyone.I am 17 and i am done with my life.I donno what to do anymore.Sometimes i feel like suicide is the best choice but cause of i am such a big loser i cant do it.I tried once but something went wrong so i am here.I dont wanna be like this please help me!!
I woke up this morning covered in hives. I still feel an oncoming fever and my lymph nodes are swollen. It hurts to breath. I also have had years of reoccurring tonsilitis and stones and they are back too. I spent 7 hours last night trying to clean and reorganize my moldy, dusty, shared basement in an attempt to de litter my life and combat stress. But, it seems to have been a bad idea because now I’m soooo sick.
I was saying two days ago if I have to live in my awful house with this shitty life much longer, I think I’m going to […]
I feel so useless. I have no purpose. Not sure how much longer I can last.
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