This is one of poems I’ve written: When the breakdown is over
The worst part about a breakdown is when it’s over
For a few minutes that feel like years
You just sit there, with your bloodshot eyes and your tear stained face…
emotionless
Everything around you is quiet
And you’re sad; you’re so so sad
Yet everything is numb
Everything is empty
You look straight ahead into the nothingness that you are
Then… you think back to what happened a few minutes ago
And you wish you could go back in time
Just so that you could comfort your own self
So that you […]
Hello! If you remember any of my last posts (I don’t blame you if you dont), I’m currently in a mental rehabilitation center as necessary due to my recent suicide attempt. They allowed me technology today.
They’ve been shoving psyciatric pills down my throat and it’s so annoying, but I guess whatever helps. I hope to be out by the end of March.
See you the next time Im allowed my phone. Stay strong.
~Alex.
and eachway I head to, I know I’ll meet new things…..including feelings experience and challenges.
What differs me, as 21 y. o man from the baby I was when I were 3y.o, is mostly experience.
Tonight I’m inviting you guys to share with me your burden. I will read your comments and stories, and let us, for few minutes, walk together.
Some people here helped me a lot to gain the power I needed to pass the hardest times in my life. I want to regive. Perhaps I know things that will easily help you, and perhaps you have the […]
With days going on, I learn more and more about myself.
I had it hard in my life. I still am alone. I hid anything I can from people who know me in person.
But sometimes, I feel like I had enough.
I decided, hope for long, to stop crying and ranting about my life. I want to move on, and IF my focus will stay on – “what is bad in my life”, or what bothers me, or all those horrible things that are living in my past and present – then I would never overcome those demons.
If I […]
I’ve been reading many posts made by teenagers and, I won’t lie to you, I feel so sad. They’re young and they still have a lot of time ahead of them.Being young is tough,parents can be a pain in the ass a lot of times and being a student can be sometimes unbearable.But still,they can pursuit their dreams,they can try for what they want and certainly they can achieve many things.
In 2016 I read about a 16 year old girl in my country who committed suicide.Her classmates have been bullying her,because she was overweight.Three months ago I read about a young boy in my hometown who […]
I want to live.
The reason for it is simple – I think I can make it.
I know many who look for logical explanation and balance of good and bad. I know people who put their faith in religion only to move on and wake up each day.
I cope with my burden by writing to you guys every evening and night. Sometimes I even stay awake until every one is asleep so I could write to you.
I don’t talk to my friends, or college friends, or roommates, about how and what I feel.
I don’t think they need to know. My life experience […]
I’m doing a wonderful job of getting progressively worse
My mother is considering quitting her job because
I’m kinda shutting down.
She told me her day has been okay
but I’m told she nearly crashed this morning
because my bullshit made her break down mentally.
I saw this kid walking to school near me yesterday.
I don’t see that too often because most people around here seem to get rides.
I believe he’s a junior.
He seemed mature
in that traditional sense
like adults could take him seriously
but I noticed the entire walk
that his actions
seemed to be completely independent of his surroundings.
It reminded me of low budget graphics
and how, in truly terrible films, the characters have […]
Tomorrow is the beginning of February, which holds with in it 4 major finals.
To start with I want to say sorry for the last disturbing posts.
I use uppers [- Ritalin- ] to treat my ADHD, and it definitely causes heavy downs and other irrelevant side effects.
I’ve promised to update: I decided to let go of this site for a while, let go off whatsapp, facebook, 9gag and etc.
I know myself, and I know what I need for my own good.
Plans motivates me best, and I will from now on, focus on the studying and on the craving of achieving 100.
—- […]
Few years ago, I was a dead boy walking down the school’s corridors. Walking back, forth, between rooms for each class, and from there back to the empty house.
I always had knew what was expecting me at that house.
I always feared from those ‘good’ days. I was so.. under pressure, I could have felt that life is a – if you enjoy today, tomorrow you will be in sorrow, and if you are really lucky, your suffering will start from the same day you dared to fucking smile.
I kept my mouth shut for so long, didn’t feel anyone around me. They were merely humans […]
As a kid I was always left out and lonely. It made me create a lot of imaginary friends and a strong creative but antisocial mind. However, it also made me want attention and when I didn’t get that, it made me cry. I had so many bad things happen to me I closed myself off from the world and now I don’t know who I am. All I knew was that I was an attention seeker, money waster (I caused the family to pay a lot of stuff) and horrible person because I did bad things just for attention. I hate myself so much […]
I wanted to be open with you – I see you guys as friends – and tell you that I’m fucking scared.
I’m a student, 20 y.o, young, unsure of myself, and dealing with etc…….[doesn’t really matter].
As most of you know, February is Final Exams month.
I’m facing one of my biggest challenges I’ve ever had so far.
Even more than facing my father’s abusive behavior, or dealing with my mom’s suicide attempt .
I don’t know what this month will bring, I can either fail hard and go down as a man, or succeed.
Either way, I’m choosing to study the best I […]
Years ago, I woke up one day without a fear of my own choices or actions. I didn’t feel time. I didn’t know what age was. Age was just a number that silently reminded everyone of another year that gets us closer to our death.
Hearing the number “24” is nothing to an even older person. It’s as if the youth evaporates into the sky when our age consumes our identity. So, if “24” is nothing then when will we become something? At what age will we start to exist in this world? When will the youth be able to stretch their legs out without the […]
i’m sort of bored and out of touch with reality as per usual at this point but i just thought it would be sort of nice to post some past kinda sad things i’ve written, i guess they’re like poetry but it’s mostly random thoughts. I think the last one resonates the most.
i’m scared i can’t meet anyones expectations, including my own maybe.
but that doesn’t matter as much
if that’s correct i’m truly sorry and i’d do so much for anything to stay the same.
i’m just worried overly most likely but i can’t just ignore my anxieties
–
spontaneously wanting to die and feeling even […]
So it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. Last month, was the worst month I’ve ever been through. No, I didn’t self harm, because, i was way past that point. I was at the point where i felt certain pain and had emotional breakdowns often, but i felt genuinely empty now. Before, I often had reasons as to why I would feel particularly horrible one day, more so than before. But last month, I just was horribly in emotional pain for all 31 days. My grades dropped so much and the drive I had to succeed in school and life was […]
Hey, I have a serious month to go through. it will determines my hopes and dreams for the long run. It is also a “one chance” opportunity.
You can help me by giving my advices – please – if you have an idea, I would love to hear it, I need your help!!!
I have a month of finals – I want to know how can I be the most efficient ?
How can I be awaken. How can I be full of motivation? What do I need to tell my self?
Should I use alot of coffee and set sleep hours?
I thought about abusing Ritalin, and I […]
I lost so much at the last years.
I know I would never be the same person, I already saw myself changing with the years.
I became a mad-man ;
Lacking sympathy, don’t feel love or any kind of true social bond.
I became more and more sociopath, but with the understanding of human beings. I can identify most of the people’s weaknesses and I usually take advantages of it for my own good, only to survive.
Look… It is just that I’m pissed of on my reality.
But I guess it doesn’t matter. AS LONG AS I KEEP PUSHING THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
anyway good day you all, […]
I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.
I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.
I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I […]