The effects of suicide on family and friends.
Dont cry
You dont have right to cry
Oh why
Because you already know but you only asking why
Just try
I am enough with all these try
Ill die
Just shut up and let me die
I HATE YOU
THIS ME
THIS FAMILY
THIS WORLD
Have you ever kept the seriousness of your mental state to yourself.? Just to finally open up to a person and they’re not being understanding whatsoever.? Yeah, well. That happened to me tonight.
It’s night and I’m miserable. I’ve told my friend, that they have not been there at all, when I needed them to be. And I understand, that they are busy and I’ve been ever so patient. But it only goes so far, you know.? I’ve been feeling extremely lonely lately. I’ve just slept 18 hours straight. I’ve reached out to many people, just to get nothing back in return. Isn’t that already […]
At this point, the glass isn’t half empty or half full, the glass is shattered and the pieces are embedded deep in my flesh. I have final “insurance” if you will, I’m just waiting for the right time to use it. I’ve practiced over and over. It’s not a matter of if I choose to make my exit, but when. And oddly enough, having a surefire “insurance” policy helps me through the bad moments, the mere knowledge that I can reliably end it when I choose to do so, when the time comes, is almost enough to bring me peace. I’m playing a sick game […]
It was back in January. Our friends and I were sat all of five feet away from her casket during the service. She wasn’t religious, but they held a service anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t be seen crying. My friends were distraught, feeling sick and bawling like newborns. I was like a rock. I don’t think I cried at all. How sick does that make me? The monster who didn’t cry at their friend’s funeral. What’s worse is I’m now realising I never got to break down like them. I didn’t cry for hours or get comforted by doting parents. I was left […]
That’s the silly nickname I’ve given My Eye. My Eye’s unresponsive now, gone, I can’t reach My Eye. My Eye had just confessed to being very, very depressed. My Eye’s LGBT and from a really abusive family. I love My Eye, but I asked My Eye a difficult question right before My Eye went radio silent. I’m scared My Eye will commit suicide. My Eye’s the best I’ve ever had, I don’t… it’s… what do I do? I’m suicidal too. I don’t think I can take it. There has been a long string of deaths around me. I’m a bad luck charm, I guess. I […]
I’ve been thinking about things that have happened to me a lot lately, and I have realised that I am stranded, stuck, lost, alone in this world now.
My parents, as much as I love them dearly, have no idea about what I’ve been through, and wouldn’t (couldn’t) understand if they did.
My friends don’t understand why I am not the same, why I am not the old me. They have noticed that I am not miraculously better, even after being given time and space.
The only one who does know, is the one that left me like this, and they don’t care. They just went back to […]
i’m here after two months. feeling slightly better as my second year of uni commenced a week back and i became a part of a pretty good research club. i’m here to talk about fond memories and clinging on to them. this post is mainly about a friend i made in grade 10, four years back. if you’re ever here, N, i hope you come across this.
she transferred from an all girls school to a co-ed school (mine) in 2016. i was one of her first friends. turns out she lived literally two fucking minutes from my house. we bonded pretty well and got close […]
At my sister’s 11th birthday party, she invited all of her friends to this place where you could bake a cake with fancy equipment. And she is an outgoing person, so there were 15-20 people there along with our extended family.
I had a mental breakdown in the parking lot, just complete and utter depression. When my parents got me to come inside, I locked myself in the bathroom so I wouldn’t embarrass my sister. My mom thought I was trying to kill myself again, so she got the people to unlock it and then wouldn’t let me go back in. So I spent the […]
I hate my family.
I hate living inside this dollhouse of play pretend.
Everyone thinks we are happy, but inside all four walls is a child crying for help.
I am the child and in this dollhouse I’m nothing but a doll. Staying still, witnessing every hatred and anger between a mother and a father.
The dollhouse is burning, but the angry smoke filled my lungs until I suffocate.
The dollhouse is burning, and I don’t have the chance to escape.
The dollhouse, pretty but plastic, is what would kill me in the end.
In the state if Arizona, there is a tunnel known to grant you wishes. If you drive through it, hold your breath until the end, you can make a wish and only hope it to come true. When I was younger, I’d always wish for a bike, finding my soulmate, or a house, camera, etc.
When I was 12, my wishes started to change. I had started wishing for a permanent home to stay, for someone in my family to show me love, for me to be happy; I gave up on that quickly as things were always getting worse. So I started wishing for my […]
I’m feeling hopeless. I hate my life, I hate myself. I want to get away from these people, my family. They’re all racist, homophobic, sexist, and just hateful people and I don’t want to be around that. Yet they make fun of me because I care about people, how can they possibly think I’m wrong and they are right when their views are so hurtful to other people. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to move far away and never have to live here again, but I don’t know if that can ever happen. I know it’s my own fault but I’ve felt so […]
The worst part isn’t the loneliness, or the emptiness, or the coldness.
It’s the fact that people care, that the people in my life love me.
No matter how much I wish everyone hated me or how much I wish nobody cared,
if I died I would be missed.
Did you know that sometimes when a mother’s child dies, she only lives a few years after? My mom says that when a mother’s child dies, the mother loses her will to live;
the driving force for life. The fact that people care feels like my last hope has been ripped away from me. Tell me […]
She doesn’t deserve a sister like me. She’s so kind and innocent. She cares about people. She is sensitive and sensible. She looks up to me as an inspiration. But honestly I never want her to be like me. She should never feel these things. It is said that we should experience everything but believe me, no one deserves to experience these things. So doesn’t she. I love her. That smile on those soft cheeks XD. She’s so cute. She was born cute. Please keep her safe. Teach her to never hide things from herself. Also, teach her to never hurt people. Teach her to […]
If you could restart, would you?
I have a debate with the voices in my head on this question. The reason I’m still alive is because I know I’ll be missed. I don’t know why they would miss me on some days. I find myself useless. But sometimes I think about how I am a survivor of all the bad times and all the times I wanted to hurt. I am a survivor to all the times I wanted it to end, of the times I was assaulted. I still stayed, and yes I look around and think to myself all the ways I could stop. […]
You can’t just give them one thing and then give me another. When I try to make the same thing you’d yell at me, forbidding me from eating it. I’d understand if you’d just say you were saving it for them, they’re young and whatnot. But I can tell that you just don’t want me to eat like them because I’m still fat and haven’t lost enough weight for you. It makes me upset and I’d rather not eat anything whatsoever but then you’d make yet another dish and invite me for a bite. I’d decline and you’d threaten me saying I might as well […]
I don’t like
Having to witness this
I can’t
Get the courage to tell her to apologize when she’s in the wrong
she might turn around and yell at me. I dont want that. I’ve had enough of that
How can I make myself better. How can I be good enough to not be yelled at. To not be looked upon in such manner
I hate it
I hate it
I hate how she hits them for a reason that she believed to be true, but wasn’t. And doesn’t apologize but continue to yell and hit for an extended reason that justified the initial one. […]
Apparently I have been placed in a suicide program of some sort.
It began years ago but kind of ebbed and flowed over time but came to a dramatic and sudden head more recently, where acoustic audio and psychological torture weapons are being used on me, the same kind you hear about the military using on foreign soil.
I’ve realized I don’t have much power in the situation and the ‘perpetrators’ even offer an ‘assist’ in the suicide. Meaning, they are able to pull the trigger for you, remotely. They have demonstrated this for me. I guess that helps with some of the remaining troubles I would […]
Nothing fucking works… I told my mom about my depression and what I am going through… And long story short… (I am not telling the whole lecture that she gave cause this one sentence is enough to sum it all up)… She said,” A thing like depression does not exist. It’s just thoughts and in order to get rid of them, you just have to divert your mind into something else.” Now that I’ve told her, and received her “extraordinary” response, I feel way worse than before, cause now the ray of light named “help from parents” has died. And hell, I even mentioned, like […]
Amidst this lockdown, I found that I have been able to make only a few friends in my 22yrs on this planet and no-one close enough to speak my heart to. I have no idea how to make friends, and above all that I’m an introvert program to be quite and alone.
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