The effects of suicide on family and friends.
The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full
I had a great 5 yrs till I moved back home (5 hours away) to help take care of a family member that is declining in health. My family never gets along with me I’m unsure why I felt like I needed to be the bigger person, why I felt that this will be different.
Fast foward…
Im now homeless because I ended my life to help others, I have no money cuz I was living off my savings however I manage to have a “friend” who is lending their sofa/couch till the end of the month. Idk how imma eat, how imma get my […]
So my dads in jail again and now I’m a little bit of a mess because of it. It’s nothing new for my dad to be in jail or whatever but he promised me he would pay for my drivers Ed I work on weekends and have a VERY hard time saving when something goes wrong buying new stuff makes me feel better so I have no money saved and I need to start drivers Ed soon even if I started saving up now I still probably wouldn’t have enough for speed week. I feel bad for feeling bad for him because of everything he […]
i hate myself. i despise myself. out of everyone in the world, its me i hate the most. and i hate myself for feeling this way.
i live with my single mom because my dad cheated on her when i was six. yeah im still in highschool and my problems right now are so insignificant compared to others in the world.
i wish i was pretty. i hate the way i look. i wish i could cut off my fat with a knife. i wish i could cut into my eyelid to change my eye shape. i hate myself for this. my mom […]
x
I live in a country that sees suicide as an act of rebellion . So there are laws to scare people from commiting suicide . One of those laws is that if I am not above the age of 21 . If I commit suicide my close family parents and older siblings will be held accountable for my “mistake” by paying stupidly large sums of fines and me and my parents have to at least be held inside a “psych ward” ( basically a prison ) until I am deemed to be “normal” again . I have been actively trying to commit suicide since I […]
It was a fine morning, I woke up with a good mood and me and my mother were joking together like any other. After I ate my breakfast, I wanted to stretch my body but my mother misunderstood and thought I won’t wash the dishes. I said, “I want to stretch my arms.” Then my aunt comments, “That’s her excuse.” My mother immediately replied, “Don’t involve yourself.” And then I couldn’t control my tears for the first time after finally getting control of my depression and anxiety. I rushed to the sink and washed the dishes, crying. My mother approached me and she said, “Thank […]
He has been the source of my issues since I was born. He’s abusive in all ways possible: physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and financial. I’ll never be able to leave this place and he’s got my mother wrapped around his finger, so whatever I say about him, she excuses it.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about dying. I’ll leave all of my possessions with my brother (my best friend) and I’ll apologize to all of my friends before I quit. I have nowhere else to go and he’s controlling my life. I can’t leave without killing myself. It’s the only way out.
I have pets, but he’s threatened […]
Hey, I just want to post this because I really hate my life and hate my mom so much. you have no idea what I’m going through, it might be not as bad as some other cases but I hope it can change because when I’m writing this is still going on. I have Asian parents, and Asian parents tend to be strict, and I probably land on the most terrible parent.
The story begins like this, (disclaimer I didn’t put my name nor how old am I because I don’t want anyone to get in trouble, and I was in a rush writing […]
As of this writing, I’m 53 years old. My health is suspect, although I do the things for myself I need to in order to stave off utter decrepitude. I’m single…well, never married. Never relationshipped, to be perfectly honest, not even that of the overnight variety. I have lived, lost…no, not lost. Generally, I’ve driven others away as a consequence of erratic emotional stability. For 10+ years, until last year in fact, I was the full-time, live-in caregiver for my parents. This ceased last year, on July 17, when my mother succumbed to triple hit diffuse large B-cell lymphoma, with spinal cord involvement. By that […]
I heard the bath running and my sister crying then silence. The very first thing I thought was that she was killing herself. But I didn’t run into the bathroom, instead I grabbed a towel from the closet and stood outside the door thinking of what I was about to see. When I walked into the bathroom she was completely fine, upset but alive. I stayed with her the entire time she was in the bath. When I was alone again I immediately broke down into tears.
May 1. Another anniversary. Three years ago, my boy left. He was my cat, my best friend, my only love. Hooks. We had seven wonderful years together, and the three since he left seem like a dark, empty eternity. I’m changed, stagnant and uncaring. The world is a different place, a banal predictable circus overrun by human monkeys. Where is decency? Where is compassion, where is consideration in this violent atmosphere? Where is the respect we all want ,yet refuse to give, as we […]
Having a super down spiral on that day is the worst. I did never have horrible birthdays but this year may be the top runner.!! Already fought with a friend, who’s now ignoring me (thanks for making it about you) and I may just turn my phone off and eat cake. Anyone want some light blueberry cake with cream or a non-alcoholic version of Tiramisu? It’s on me 😛 Who do I have.? No one can even bother trying to cheer me up. Well, fuck you. I don’t have to be happy today. It’s not my fault no one can handle that. I hope no […]
i dont know whether it is worse to be completely alone, or to have people in your life who act like theyre there for you but know they never are. its not even about going to someone when youre sad and need someone to talk to, its about them actually choosing to spend time with you and all of that.
I feel like as i go on i realise that, as much as it is nice for people to be there for you when youre sad, its better for people to actually want to be with you. I have friends that are the opposite of that. […]
why am I like this,
like a ball of wadded up paper, can’t I just focus and be normal and SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
they wont stop yelling “HEY”
Everything is so pointless, but I need to at least try- WHY “AREN’T YOU TRYING!!”
i’m sorry sorry sorry i’m trying I swear I just need more time, and maybe more effort, but my bed feels so nice..and maybe I can take a nap..
Maybe I won’t wake up and- “PAY ATTENTION”
“Yeah my bad”
“sorry I forgot”
“I’m just really tired”
So so so tired
tired of the cycle that […]
Long story short, my life is a complete failure. It’s full of wrong decisions, (in)actions, regrets, mistakes after mistakes, that I honestly think maybe it’s already too late to “fix everything” (eg: I’m losing all the good chances/opportunities, as I’m getting old now). It’s really ironic & tragic, because a lot of people always say that I’m very talented especially in music (I used to be quite an active musician & composer/songwriter, but sadly I’m still not famous & successful), smart, a deep thinker, a highly sensitive person, etc etc.
I am also an idealist, meaning that I actually have a BIG vision & idea for […]
I heard something, that I shouldn’t have. That’s all it took and now I want to rage quit on life. I guess we bury it so deep, that it’s not even visible to us, until someone else reminds us. It’s 4:32 am and I want to self harm. The harm’s already in my head afterall. Why couldn’t I get upset at a more convenient time. Now I have no one to talk to.
it is really hard to love an emotionally blocked parent who expects honor and special treatment but tries to control and dismiss you at the same time. As someone with emotionally immature parents, I do not get my emotional needs met. They have very little interest in experiencing emotional intimacy. They always demand attention but coupled with their wariness about intimacy, there is a very strange push-me, pull-me relationship. It is unsatisfying and causes you to be emotionally lonely. I care about my parents, but I can’t and won’t ever get close enough to have a real relationship. I am very thankful that I have […]
and already feel stuff a minor shouldn’t feel at an early age. I can’t just do it anymore my parents have high expectations in me and I have to carry all of them, they compare me to everybody that’s better than me, get angry at little stuff, if only I wasn’t a honor student would they change? I love them so much as my parents but why can’t they understand that I’m a real human being and have my own opinions and paths? I know they are just trying to make me top notch but even harassed my girl bestfriend cause they thought I was […]
I am in a lot of pain daily with my arms, back, knees and the pain meds only scratch the surface and then there is the emotional pain. I lost my mum suddenly without warning she was fine and then she collapsed and drop dead while sipping on her cup of tea and they couldn’t save her, she died of heart disease undiagnosed and that’s my fate also because I’ve been diagnosed but the meds for it make me ill and I can barely exercise because of the pain so I think that’s going to be my fate also but I’m okay with that I’ve […]