Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

I hate my mother

by Ihatemymother 5/20/2022

written by Ihatemymother

Hey, I just want to post this because I really hate my life and hate my mom so much. you have no idea what I’m going through, it might be not as bad as some other cases but I hope it can change because when I’m writing this is still going on. I have Asian parents, and Asian parents tend to be strict, and I probably land on the most terrible parent.
The story begins like this, (disclaimer I didn’t put my name nor how old am I because I don’t want anyone to get in trouble, and I was in a rush writing […]

5/20/2022 0 comment

I’m really tired of hurting, hurting myself, and hurting others

by mathsterofpuppets 5/14/2022

written by mathsterofpuppets

As of this writing, I’m 53 years old. My health is suspect, although I do the things for myself I need to in order to stave off utter decrepitude. I’m single…well, never married. Never relationshipped, to be perfectly honest, not even that of the overnight variety. I have lived, lost…no, not lost. Generally, I’ve driven others away as a consequence of erratic emotional stability. For 10+ years, until last year in fact, I was the full-time, live-in caregiver for my parents. This ceased last year, on July 17, when my mother succumbed to triple hit diffuse large B-cell lymphoma, with spinal cord involvement. By that […]

5/14/2022 1 comment

sister

by planetsaturn64 5/9/2022

written by planetsaturn64

I heard the bath running and my sister crying then silence. The very first thing I thought was that she was killing herself. But I didn’t run into the bathroom, instead I grabbed a towel from the closet and stood outside the door thinking of what I was about to see. When I walked into the bathroom she was completely fine, upset but alive. I stayed with her the entire time she was in the bath. When I was alone again I immediately broke down into tears.

5/9/2022 2 comments

Hazy luminescence…or not.

by Once 4/30/2022

written by Once

May 1. Another anniversary. Three years ago, my boy left. He was my cat, my best friend, my only love. Hooks. We had seven wonderful years together, and the three since he left seem like a dark, empty eternity. I’m changed, stagnant and uncaring. The world is a different place, a banal predictable circus overrun by human monkeys. Where is decency? Where is compassion, where is consideration in this violent atmosphere? Where is the respect we all want ,yet refuse to give, as we shake […]

4/30/2022 2 comments

Crappy Birthday to me

by Virus.Found 4/30/2022

written by Virus.Found

Having a super down spiral on that day is the worst. I did never have horrible birthdays but this year may be the top runner.!! Already fought with a friend, who’s now ignoring me (thanks for making it about you) and I may just turn my phone off and eat cake. Anyone want some light blueberry cake with cream or a non-alcoholic version of Tiramisu? It’s on me 😛 Who do I have.? No one can even bother trying to cheer me up. Well, fuck you. I don’t have to be happy today. It’s not my fault no one can handle that. I hope no […]

4/30/2022 1 comment

there is really no one

by solar_ 4/26/2022

written by solar_

i dont know whether it is worse to be completely alone, or to have people in your life who act like theyre there for you but know they never are. its not even about going to someone when youre sad and need someone to talk to, its about them actually choosing to spend time with you and all of that.

I feel like as i go on i realise that, as much as it is nice for people to be there for you when youre sad, its better for people to actually want to be with you. I have friends that are the opposite of that. […]

4/26/2022 2 comments

Wadded Up Paper

by Melon_Lord 4/25/2022

written by Melon_Lord

why am I like this,
like a ball of wadded up paper, can’t I just focus and be normal and SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
they wont stop yelling “HEY”
Everything is so pointless, but I need to at least try- WHY “AREN’T YOU TRYING!!”
i’m sorry sorry sorry i’m trying I swear I just need more time, and maybe more effort, but my bed feels so nice..and maybe I can take a nap..
Maybe I won’t wake up and- “PAY ATTENTION”

“Yeah my bad”
“sorry I forgot”
“I’m just really tired”
So so so tired
tired of the cycle that […]

4/25/2022 1 comment

I’m 40 years old this year, and I still don’t know what to do, and whether I should continue to live, or just die?

by niki 4/25/2022

written by niki

Long story short, my life is a complete failure. It’s full of wrong decisions, (in)actions, regrets, mistakes after mistakes, that I honestly think maybe it’s already too late to “fix everything” (eg: I’m losing all the good chances/opportunities, as I’m getting old now). It’s really ironic & tragic, because a lot of people always say that I’m very talented especially in music (I used to be quite an active musician & composer/songwriter, but sadly I’m still not famous & successful), smart, a deep thinker, a highly sensitive person, etc etc.

I am also an idealist, meaning that I actually have a BIG vision & idea for […]

4/25/2022 4 comments

Don’t remember, never remember

by Virus.Found 4/20/2022

written by Virus.Found

I heard something, that I shouldn’t have. That’s all it took and now I want to rage quit on life. I guess we bury it so deep, that it’s not even visible to us, until someone else reminds us. It’s 4:32 am and I want to self harm. The harm’s already in my head afterall. Why couldn’t I get upset at a more convenient time. Now I have no one to talk to.

4/20/2022 2 comments

emotionally VERY immature parents

by iriamien 4/7/2022

written by iriamien

it is really hard to love an emotionally blocked parent who expects honor and special treatment but tries to control and dismiss you at the same time. As someone with emotionally immature parents, I do not get my emotional needs met. They have very little interest in experiencing emotional intimacy. They always demand attention but coupled with their wariness about intimacy, there is a very strange push-me, pull-me relationship. It is unsatisfying and causes you to be emotionally lonely. I care about my parents, but I can’t and won’t ever get close enough to have a real relationship. I am very thankful that I have […]

4/7/2022 1 comment

I don’t know what to do anymore

by KoKouwjshdsdjjdxo 4/5/2022

written by KoKouwjshdsdjjdxo

and already feel stuff a minor shouldn’t feel at an early age. I can’t just do it anymore my parents have high expectations in me and I have to carry all of them, they compare me to everybody that’s better than me, get angry at little stuff, if only I wasn’t a honor student would they change? I love them so much as my parents but why can’t they understand that I’m a real human being and have my own opinions and paths? I know they are just trying to make me top notch but even harassed my girl bestfriend cause they thought I was […]

4/5/2022 0 comment

Daily pain

by Cassy 4/2/2022

written by Cassy

I am in a lot of pain daily with my arms, back, knees and the pain meds only scratch the surface and then there is the emotional pain. I lost my mum suddenly without warning she was fine and then she collapsed and drop dead while sipping on her cup of tea and they couldn’t save her, she died of heart disease undiagnosed and that’s my fate also because I’ve been diagnosed but the meds for it make me ill and I can barely exercise because of the pain so I think that’s going to be my fate also but I’m okay with that I’ve […]

4/2/2022 3 comments

Exhausting

by locy_1 4/2/2022

written by locy_1

Utterly annoyed with life. I can not even talk to my spouse about any coping mechanism I use as to not yell or scream or hit…. without him getting triggered and abusive. I can not live like this anymore.

I want to run. Run until I can find an end. Run away over the streets, the cars, the houses… run away from everything and everyone. I will run. I will live. I will not give into any death call or abuse. I will survive!

But, until I can run I will stay here taking care of my little one. making her life better and get her away […]

4/2/2022 1 comment

Help

by Justme17 4/1/2022

written by Justme17

So i’ve been away from home getting help for the past 3 months. The reason why i was away locked up was because of an argument with my step father which led to a harsh physical abuse which led to a suicide attempt which led to me being locked up and away for 3 months and i did well there so i was sent home last saturday. I was staying with my grandmother and today i overheard that my mother was getting married on sunday(day after tommorow) with that person. And now i want to cut. I dont want to be bad again. I dont […]

4/1/2022 10 comments

I don’t know what to do

by hug._.bug 3/30/2022

written by hug._.bug

Everything is so stressful, I’m getting to the point where I’m planning suicide. I want to OD but at the same time k don’t want to I want to continue on and live my life I can’t die now I want to die when I’m 30 or something. I just want the pain to end. I would go into therapy but that would take months and my family can’t afford that. I feel so helpless my parents don’t even believe that I’m depressed. I try to tell them that I’m not ok but they just completely invalidate my feelings. The other day I was having […]

3/30/2022 3 comments

__

by solar_ 3/28/2022

written by solar_

i hate not having money
i feel like my family has a good amount of money and i am grateful but there are so many things that my parents accept that i really cant
i have the biggest goals in my life and for some reason its the reason why im sad half the time.
i wanna be fit and healthy but our shower barely works and healthy food is too expensive
we dont even need to accept such a bad shower, we could just move soemwhere else. its not even fixable.
and i know this is petty but i share my room with my […]

3/28/2022 3 comments

I Wrote A Will

by PinkStrawberries 3/22/2022

written by PinkStrawberries

*Do not expect perfect grammar*

*Names have been modified*(hopefully all)

You can access the rest of my money in my bank account to pay my share of the rent.

I have student debt, and I believe it can be forgiven if I am dead.

It’s been hard. I know that there were suppose to be future plans, but I couldn’t last til then unfortunately.

I thought that maybe these feelings were just temporarily. But it has become too much for me to handle on my own. I guess I wasn’t strong enough to just wait it out […]

3/22/2022 2 comments

‘Support system’

by eva_tries_hard 3/8/2022

written by eva_tries_hard

Once, a couple (who knew of my condition) asked me: “What made you like this? What is it that you fear so badly?”

“Is it pain?”

“Is it death?”

“Must be pain, right? Because you can’t deal with it so that triggered your ‘problem’, right?” What, suddenly depression is the new equivalent of the F word?

“Must be death, right? Because you’re afraid of dying, so you get depressed, right?”

No, it isn’t Pain. Although the fear intensifies our emotional pain.

No, it isn’t death. If anything, people who have the same thoughts as I do right now, Death is a release.

What I fear most is losing (and subsequently, spiralling […]

3/8/2022 2 comments

Drowning on dry land

by eva_tries_hard 2/19/2022

written by eva_tries_hard

I work in education. Due to the nature of my work and also where I reside, being diagnosed with depression and anxiety is a serious social stigma that could easily cost me my job and end my career.

Every single day I have to haul myself out of bed.

Every single day I have to put on my ‘happy face’ mask just so my students don’t notice something’s wrong with me (teenagers can be surprisingly observant to the tiniest changes in us.)

Every time when a colleague asks, “How are you, Ms. X?” I’ll have to muster all the strength and courage in me to not burst into […]

2/19/2022 3 comments

How to be Perfect

by that_Brit 2/1/2022

written by that_Brit

I’ve got a younger brother, who in my house is a fucking angel child. Every fucking day I’m compared to him. Like “Oh (deadname) Why can’t you be more like your little brother! Hes younger than you! He does his chores, he cleans his room, makes his bed. Why can’t you be like him?”
I don’t fucking know! Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fucking be here. I have fucking school! “Why can’t you keep up on your chores?”, Maybe it because I don’t have the fucking energy to do anything once I’m home! I go to school, deal with freshman all fucking day, […]

2/1/2022 1 comment

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