Home Family & Friends Effects
Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

Family & Friends EffectsGeneralMy Suicide NoteRants

Quick Vent

by avoidthatthinks
written by avoidthatthinks

jealousy is such a fucking disgusting emotion. I just want to feel happy for other people and their accomplishments, because damn it, they’re good people. But I can’t help but feel terrible whenever I see someone else achieving an accomplishment, or getting something new or whatever it is.

I mean it’s so stupid to think that I’m getting upset over people getting material items, why do I feel so bad for people who get new stuff? I know that if I had said item or an item that could mean as much to me as it means to that other person, it wouldn’t make me any happier, I’d just have more stuff. And the same can be said about completing tasks or accomplishments- Once I get it done, sure, there’ll be a brief moment of something resembling happiness, but once that’s over, everything goes back to the way it was- I still feel empty, I don’t really feel that much better and I’ll probably still wanna die, no amount of material items or accomplishments seems to make that go away. So why do I feel so terrible about everything? Why do I think that if I could do [task] or get [item] that I could suddenly just feel happier?

Though recently I’ve found myself getting jealous of other people and their relationships with other people. Just like, seeing friend groups and seeing people interact, collaborate, whatever. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I would still be so upset if I had relationships like that. Though I have a lot of friends, I have people that say they care about me. Maybe I’m just too oblivious and ignorant to notice that the people in my life do want to have that sorta relationship, that want to collaborate on projects with me, want to hang out- but I constantly turn them down. Why? Am I afraid? What’s up with that? What i want is right there in front of me, yet I deny it every time and I still complain about it. That’s all I’m good for, isn’t it? Complaining about my problems but also not telling anyone about them.

Idk, I feel like it’s really difficult to verbalize my emotions to other people. I can write them down, but i can’t seem to string the words together to be able to say them.

 

thats all for now I guess,,,

Processing your request, Please wait....
6 comments
0
Coping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

That Time of Year

by TiredStoic
written by TiredStoic

This month will be the four year anniversary of my father’s suicide. He shot himself in the head in his bedroom and I was the person to find his body. It took me awhile to tell anyone I didn’t know how to call my mom (she left to take my brother away for college that night) and tell her my older sister or my younger brother. It’s inexplicable to say the least. I just don’t know how to handle this time of year. And I hate the holidays so it kind of just rolls into it, my dad birthday is also in September. Any other suicide survivors like me on hear who have now become suicidal themselves?

Processing your request, Please wait....
3 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

Sigh… I hate my mom.

by WanderingDreamer91
written by WanderingDreamer91

Sigh… I hate my mom…

 

I can’t really show pics for proof so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it, and I guess it’s up to you if I reacted wrong and if my mom sucks or not, but yeah, I’ll try to find enough time to post on this on a work day, I hate waiting to type out something important…

 

Also, no offense, but… I think Primal One posted like 15 posts in a row and buried some otherd including mine so I’m not sure if people saw them but whatever…

 

Here we go. :p

 

Me

“I want a girlfriend. 🙁 It feels weird saying that to you. >_< But yeah, sigh… I kind of want that more than I even want a better job or something… (…) I just want to relax after being so dang tired and stressed all the time and I don’t wsnt to be lonely forever… Sometimes I wonder if I say too much but I also hate feeling like I can’t trust people with anything, not even you. What would other people even understand besides having things fly over their head or get offended? It’s all the same with people… Well, I’m going to bed soon. Listening to music to relax and fall asleep too. :p”

 

Mom: “Hi – sorry you are lonely. Just know that everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s not good if you feel it most of the time though. Finding a girlfriend is not that easy. It’s not like you can just go get one! I tend to think you (I don’t mean just you) should find activities that you are passionate about. And maybe find groups that do things you like. Then just make friends in general and learn what makes a healthy relationship. Relationships are complicated. And the romantic ones are even moreso. I’m not just speaking to you, I’m speaking in general. I think you can work a lifetime in improving relationships. But I think relationships are the most important thing we are here for.”

 

(Why the hell did shd make this long-winded lecture for when I’m looking for support, and say stuff like I can’t just get a relationship yet it’s the most important thing to have, which proved why I wanted it the most…? I hate people…)

 

Me: “… So are you encouraging me to get one or no? Dude you don’t even know how my life is a lot different from other lonely people, do you? I’m stuck in an apartment with only a job I don’t even like to show for my indepedence… No car no friends no girlfriend no college no anything. Sigh, nevermind…”

 

Mom: “I understand. I worry all of the time. I’m mad at dad that he doesn’t at least help with a plan fof school or something. As far as a girlfriend, I was saying I think it’s good just to go and learn to make friends and enjoy yourself. A girlfriend might come along in the midst of that. It’s better and easier to meet people when you are happy.”

 

Me: “Sorry… good night… What, so I can’t meet people if I’m unhappy? This is depressing me… night.”

 

Mom: “Btw, I hear from Josiah (my oldest brother) extremely frequently who says similar things. Hs just finally got a car and shares and apartment. He’s always out of money because it’s expensive. He says he doesn’t want Lowes to be his whole life. Ok, try not to worry tonight!”

 

I’m thinking of deleting all of my messages…

 

What do you’ll think?

Processing your request, Please wait....
26 comments
0
Family & Friends Effects

fading away

by acciojessica
written by acciojessica

only a few days ago, my friend and i had a situation with eachother. i had talked about something where ‘i felt sometimes upset about things she says’ but usually it’s not that bad. she called me up & told me how guilty she felt and how she wanted to change. i felt incredibly upset and cried.

monday; we went back to school, and the thing is i see her almost everyday as we share 2 classes together (we sit next to eachother). we didn’t talk at all. it made me upset inside how she didn’t talk to me as particularly how she was my closest friend and i thought maybe this wasn’t such a big thing or maybe some sort of uhhh idk. me being incredibly worried, tried to start conversations but only ended up with short replies & conversations dying. bell rang, left class without her. (we usually walk together)

tuesday; i was waking to my next class and i happen to see her walk in my direction. we walked passed eachother only muttering a ‘hi’. i became stressed and i’m thinking ‘it’s gonna be like this forever, isn’t it?’ …

wednesday (today); today was the worse, but also an improvement. — during first period, she said ‘hello’ and asked to borrow my phone charger. last period, we had to draw posters. we had small conversations & she brought up her pass and about her old best friends and how they didn’t work out. she also talked about ‘right now, i can see who my true friends are.’ im confused & im assuming this has to do with me i guess. i felt upset and constantly throughout my day i just wanted to cry and breakdown. i feel so empty without her. she’s my closest friend and prefer to have a small amount of friends instead of a lot.

–

when i got home, i just cried. my heart almost feels like it’s been torn out pr somethin. some how i have trouble breathing or i just seem so upset that i don’t put any emotion or tone when i talk. i started to feel suicidal for a few hours and i thought about the pass (this year earlier) and how i used to harm myself and attempted to take my own life. i’m thinking about cutting again, but the thing is i forget to return the knives i use, and my parents grow suspicious and it’s just too much etc. when i cut, i really sucked at that too. ive only done 3 before & they only bled a little. smh. i’ve tried to drown myself in my bathroom, but the thing that keeps making me stop is the thought of my parents and friends. what will they be when i’m gone? i don’t want to start grief for nothing etc. i’ve been through a lot in the past, and this situation with my friend BARELY compares to what happened before. i wish we could be back together again, i really wish. but things never go back the way they were & i hated myself for the path i’ve created to make myself stuck where i am now.

thanks for reading this lame as rant.

 

Processing your request, Please wait....
1 comment
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneral

I’m a Boring Human Being…

by GerbzBaby
written by GerbzBaby

I felt so bad today for my friend. He came over to hang out with me and I hardly had anything to say. I hate being this way, my mind drawing a blank everytime I try to talk with someone. Now I’m crying and feel like shit about it. I always want to get away from situations like this but I can’t, I’m always stuck. In these moments, I look back on my nightmares knowing it will eventually come true. I will always and forever being alone. No one ever liked me anyways.. I guess I should embrace it if thats the way my life is going to be.

Processing your request, Please wait....
7 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

I hate myself

by dsemfodi
written by dsemfodi

I hate myself. I hate my face, my body, my hair, all of me. I hate how I can’t be like other people. I feel so insecure with what others have. I hate how weak my body is. I got admitted to the hospital thrice last year and twice this year. I had gastritis and PCOS. I also had undergone check ups for my scoliosis. I’ve had many examinations and I’m still continuing my medicine. I feel sorry for my family especially my Mom. We had been struggling financially due to schooling and my medication. These past few days, I’ve been suffering from pain in my upper abdomen, had migraine and lowblood. I also had difficulty in breathing. But I didn’t told anyone because I don’t want to be a burden.

Why can’t I do something good? I always dissapoint myself and my family. I was always a loser.

Processing your request, Please wait....
2 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

Ugh

by Sardonyx
written by Sardonyx

I can’t tell if I was abused or not. It’s hurting me so much I can’t feel anything anymore. I’m ruining my relationship with my boyfriend and I’m pushing people away. I don’t even like being around them, it’s so shallow and fake.

If I could just know if i was abused I could get some help. I’m overreacting and probably deserved whatever happened to me because I’m not a good person. I’m a disgusting fat ugly freak who really just needs to hang off a noose

 

Love yall

Feel better

Processing your request, Please wait....
1 comment
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

I’m feeling like a zombie with no movitation to find brains even though I need brains to live

by sugarcoated
written by sugarcoated

I have lost all movitation. I’m just coasting through my last year of school only barely passing my tests. This is where grades matters the most, but I’m just so fed up. I’m exhausted emotionally and physically. I just don’t care. Not only that, my friendship group has broken up. I have no more support from them. I barely see them these days. The only person that is supposed to be my “friend” always makes fun of me and puts me down, when she is bullying me I ask her to stop, I always do, she says she will stop, but she doesn’t. But I put up with her shit because I have no one else that will be my “friend”.

I’m pretty much the quiet and shy kid in class, although I tried to break this label, but alas, no one will talk to me. They all avoid me like the plague. I don’t even get called on by the teacher (guess I should be thankful for that). No one likes me. I’m a fucking loner. The label I was trying to avoid my whole life.

I’m not doing well in school. Teachers can’t teach, they don’t support me, but they support the popular students. My grades are dropping. I just can’t figure it out why I am like this. Why am I such a failure? Why am I so useless?

There are times that I just want to kill myself just to stop the pressure that’s being pushed on me. 

But I can’t because my family. I’m the eldest child so I have the responsibility to make money for the family. We are pretty much poor. My dad wants to retire in a few years, but he knows he can’t because he has to pay off debts and bills. My mum gets mad and depressed and constantly tells me I’m useless. I manage to get my first job this year, but I only work around 2 hours once a week because of senior year.

Anyway, I’m pretty much feeling like a zombie. I’m just doing things because I have to. It’s not making me happy. I’m don’t know if I am dealing with depression or that I’m just sad, because I don’t care.

If someone pointed a gun at me right now, I wouldn’t care if they pulled the trigger. I’m too much of a coward to do it myself.

I’m planning on getting drunk at a party (which I’m my “friend’s” plus one) just so I can stop feeling depressed and apparently I’m a happy drunk with uncontrollable laughter. I don’t know if it’s because I’m fed up with life or if it’s because I want someone to notice me. I’m just so lost.

Someone please help me and give me advice, otherwise thanks for reading my rant.

Processing your request, Please wait....
2 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsRants

yeet

by theironbiggo
written by theironbiggo

uhhhh don’t come on here anymore but i don’t really know what to do. my girlfriend can genuinely do better, but she’s got the low self esteem™ so she doesn’t think she can. or maybe she does! not sure what makes me feel worse; her pretending to like me to protect my feelings or the thought that she honestly thinks i’m the best she can do. i hope she cheats on me. i wouldn’t blame her, anyone in her position would. im short and chubby and gross and boring and a complete fucking freak. im not exaggerating, she’s completely amazing and she’s settling for a freak. she could literally have anyone she wanted but she’s settling for a goblin boy because she doesn’t know how great she is. the guilt is really eating at me.

i can feel it, yknow. like when i say i love you she usually doesn’t say it back, or just groans or mumbles something. when i kiss her she pulls back. i really dont blame her. i feel bad for showing affection because it puts her in a really awkward spot of having to pretend to like me. i think im gonna stop doing that now.  i dont deserve this. i’ve hurt her so many times because of my depression and anxiety. we were friends years before dating and i’d just up and leave her because i thought it would make her life better. months at a time. and it hurt her. im fucking trash. i dont deserve this or anything. i dont even know why i’m still here to be honest with all of you faceless internet sad boys. i dont know why i’m typing this. i dont know what the fuck im supposed to do! hopefully she realizes what a mistake she made by asking me out and i can go back to my pre planed life of isolation. sounds fun, i know. but realistically, im not good looking. im not intersecting. im literally below average in every aspect. im not even a good person. some people just weren’t made to be loved by another person. that sounds bad but its just true. there’s billions of people out there, statistically some of them are meant to die alone.

i would love to enjoy this relationship because for the past 4 years this is all i’ve ever wanted. she’s the only person i’ve ever had feelings for. but i cant pretend like i can make her happy. i cant keep going!! im fucking weak!! im trash!! i am literally nothing, no one has ever gave a fuck about me, i dont know why she does. i hold her above everyone else in my life and she cares about me for some reason. im fucking stupid, she obviously doesn’t. she feels bad for me. i feel terrible. i know she doesn’t wanna be with me. i know she’d be better without me and yet i’m still here. that makes me a selfish, bad person. she matters. she deserves everything! i am nothing! i hope she realizes this or breaks up with me or finds someone better. even being alone would be a better alternative than being with me.

that sure was edgy. i dont know. this isn’t gonna help but at least it’s out there. im just so fucked. im never gonna be happy, but at least she could be if i was gone. i know the natural response is sympathy or whatever but i really am just a piece of shit, talentless, short, annoying, unattractive, nothing. i am nothing. she is everything. i dont deserve this. why am i still here. i know she doesn’t love me, i don’t blame her. how could she. how could anyone. she shouldn’t. i would never want her to stoop as low as to love me. or even like me.

i just don’t know what to do. would it be wrong to ask her to leave me.

Processing your request, Please wait....
5 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

After 5 years .. I am back again at suicide project !

by jano.19
written by jano.19

The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..

I never though I’d ever come back .!

Yet here I am

I guess we never really change !

no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .

I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever

yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..

spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .

I got a job , in which I am very good at .. I got over my abuseive boyfriend and got healed of all his shit ..

prople syill judge me for who I was , though some very few are supportive ..

I built back a good relationship with my parents, my family in general and it seems working out .. they have been such a big supporter ..

I replaced my big fat squad with two loving friends ..

I took care of my look a little bit ..

I changed the way I dressed

but still failed to get my inner shit together

I got used to be abused may seem !

I had a relation with a nice guy .. I FUCKED IT ALL UP because he was soo natural and real and regular

he  wasn’t messed up or lost or abusive or abused

he was a normal guy , which I couldn’t pare to be around

I tried soo hard to drag him into my DRAMA

But he took the long way short and gave up on this little messed up girl ..

Now I am 25 years old .. still wondering when will I be normal,  will I EVER be normal !?

My villains keeps on dragging me into a drama I don’t have , creating scenes in which I am drawning ..

got the house , the family, the job , the money , but still unable to get me !

I don’t really control or understand myself

maybe it’s not soo bad to lose control Just once

but it’s the worse no never have control ever ..

Processing your request, Please wait....
3 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneral

Advice on lessening impact of death?

by windydoor
written by windydoor

No suicide methods or details regarding method will be posted here. I want to share my pre death plan and receive advice & input.

Context & reasoning

I’ve been suicidal even since childhood so I knew it was an eventuality. Now I am an adult with no dependents (other than my pet rats), and I am ready to follow through on my plan.

I know I do lots of good things for others and there are people who want (not need) me in their lives, but I hate being alive. I don’t see the point in living when it only benefits others. I don’t expect anything more from anyone, so I’m not resentful, but it means that people shouldn’t expect me to carry on living if I don’t like it.

Planning for body discovery 

So, I’m going to use the exit bag with helium option. However, I don’t want to traumatize whoever finds me. This means I want to make sure it will be a police officer or someone who is prepared to handle it. It will take at least 30 minutes to ensure death, so I can’t exactly call to let them know beforehand. I was thinking scheduling an email to send to my therapist for ~1 hour after I begin, telling her to send police to my apartment. This way they will not be able to save me even with the fastest response rate possible, and they will know what to expect upon opening the door. I was also considering putting a sign outside of my bathroom door (where I’ll die) for good measure. Something simple: “There is a fatally injured person inside here so please do not open if you are not someone equipped to remove a body. Otherwise, call 911.” I will make sure it’ll be on a day when no one is around for at least 8-12 hours which, combined with my posted sign and email, should be enough of a buffer to ensure only a professional sees the crime scene.

Body presentation at the scene

Despite the cause of death being relatively calm (Hypoxia), I’m sure the involuntary struggling of my body and subsequent relaxation of smooth muscle will not leave a clean scene. I will be diligent and fast for 36 hrs beforehand (and be dehydrated for the last 8), and then eat some bread only right before the attempt. Hopefully, this will diminish the risk of vomiting and any amount of waste excreted. I might invest in an adult diaper or something as well but I haven’t decided. I will definitely wear opaque & comfortable clothing and then fasten myself to a dining chair to prevent movement. I will push the back of the chair against a wall then weigh the chair down with bags of books slung over the seat of it (with the books thus resting on the ground) to make it even more resistant to my shaking.

My legs and torso will be easy to restrain but I’m unsure what to do about my arms, since I’ll be using my hands until the end. Maybe I’ll put them on a short lease connected to the chair underside so that they can work the helium tank but won’t be able to remove the bag from my head. Of course this means I have to put my headgear on first then hold my breath until I start the stream of helium & restrain my arms. I will work on this schematic.

Further preparation 

I don’t know what else I should do. I don’t really have any loose ends to tie up. I’ll transfer money to my roommate to cover rent for an additional month, and try to pack my stuff secretly so that removing it is easier. I know many people who love my rats, so I’ll just care for the adults until they pass and trust others to handle the babies. I might write some goodbye emails/letters to some people. Something like “I care about you & I’m sorry I won’t be there for you in the future.” I don’t want to disclose my reasons or just complain in writing, because that won’t matter anymore when I’m gone.

Should I write a letter to immediate family members who I have a complicated relationship with? Obviously I can’t resolve everything in a letter (nor do I want to), but I’m not sure if saying nothing is better than a short “yes we had a complicated relationship but I still wouldn’t wish that my death hurt you & I’m sorry I will not be around anymore.” Honestly, I don’t want my last words to be hurtful, but I’m definitely not sorry I’m never going to see them again. However, telling them the latter would only hurt their feelings so I should probably lie. It’s funny that, even in death, I’m still bound to being polite. Still, I’m definitely going to cause some negative reactions by dying, so I may as well be nice.

Conclusion

What are your thoughts on this preparation plan? Anything I forgot to address? Remember, I cannot discuss my actual suicide method here so please assume that it will work.

Thank you for your time.

Processing your request, Please wait....
4 comments
0
Family & Friends Effects

My mom killed me

by izzuh
written by izzuh

I know she’s the reason i hate myself. I wish I could just shut it off. but her nasty mean voice has gotten ingrained in me. whenever i tell myself that im not enough or that nobody cares, or i wont get anywhere in life, it’s in her voice.

 

the worst part about her lasting impression is like, most of the time i feel like im not even allowed to be sad. Whenever I would get upset or start crying it was always ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’

any time i get depressed i just tell myself im feeling sorry for myself and i should stop because im nothing special

but its all her and i can’t make it stop

Processing your request, Please wait....
2 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralStories of Hope

Sharing/Oversharing

by itsallsmallstuff
written by itsallsmallstuff

I want a healthy relationship. But part of opening up to someone is talking about wanting to die. Then this perverts the relationship with either a)flirting with the idea of a suicide pact or b)becoming its gravitational center. Has anyone else walked this line? Possibly even successfully?

Processing your request, Please wait....
8 comments
0
Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

‘The Me Show’

by hyperballad
written by hyperballad

to start: I’m an alphabet soup of disorders. Three of those are bipolar, borderline tendencies (whatever the hell that means), and Asperger syndrome.

 

My closest support is my partner who is also financially tied to me. And I even feel her slipping through my fingers and this turning into an uncomfortable situation where we only live together because we can’t afford to live without any kind of plan which we currently don’t have and can’t foresee.

I mean. I can easily leave in a month’s time because my mother passed this June and has apparently left me a hefty inheritance. But my partner can’t. She is on disability and we are living in an overpriced apartment that got her out of a battered women’s shelter with her and her then-6 year old daughter. If I leave, then she most likely will return to that shelter, with CPS taking her daughter away as is apparently part of some legal account. I can’t do that to them.

I try my best to keep all of my emotions inside to hide her from my pain but it always invariably comes out in the wrong ways at the wrong times. And then she tells me about how when she tries to talk to me about what I’m feeling, I won’t talk – then when she is hanging out with a friend or trying to spend time with her daughter, it comes out, because I feel alone and it’s like this resentment comes out as if she somehow owes me that time which I know is wrong. Then she tells me it’s “all about you” and “oh look, it’s the ‘me show’ now” and that “negative attention is better than no attention, I suppose.” And I suppose that she is probably right – I hold back when she’s with me and then act out when she’s not, in some deep-seated attempt to do anything not to be alone. Is that even “tendencies” anymore, or is it just full on Borderline? Because that sounds and feels an awful lot like it.

Today we got into another such fight and something in me just snapped. I can’t do this to her and her daughter anymore. She’s not the first person I’ve disappointed like this. She wouldn’t be the first person to whom I’ve been financially codependent even as tensions were running high and the love was gone. And that’s also the fucker of it – I’m so in love with her I can’t stand it. Meanwhile, I feel her love slipping away.

My mother was the last person responsible for raising me and I was the only one in the room with her when she died. I don’t want this fucking money. I want it to go to the woman I love so that I can go knowing that it won’t leave her high and dry. But I’m just so desperate to end it right now. I’m so deep in this abyss. I just feel totally done and I can’t maintain hope anymore. I’ve tried so many therapists and so many rx combinations for over twenty years and this shit just keeps on happening. I just want it to be in my control what I do with my life, even if that means surrendering it, but I don’t want to do so without taking responsibility over the mess that it could create.

Processing your request, Please wait....
2 comments
0
Family & Friends Effects

Dear Best Friend

by -mR-
written by -mR-

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make things okay for you.

I’m sorry that I haven’t helped you ad much as you need.

I’m really trying to help.

And I’m sorry you don’t know what’s going on with me.

But I don’t want you to deal with my problems as well.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you how much I want to cut again.

How much I want to make myself throw up.

How I choked myself this morning until I couldn’t breathe.

How I look out the window and the voice in my head screams “Jump!”

How my mind seems to get more toxic by the day.

But I can’t tell you this.

Because you show me how you wrote down the number for the suicide hotline.

Because you tell me how you fell back into self harm.

And whatever you’re going through will always be more important to me than my own problems.

I’m not going to let you carry mine too.

So if I end up doing something stupid…

Please don’t follow my example.

Processing your request, Please wait....
1 comment
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneral

He is gone…But was never really mine…

by FallingSlow
written by FallingSlow

He is gone now,
No longer will I see his smile,
He was here for just a moment,
Silence fills his place,
He is taken by another woman,
She is beautiful and wise,
I was a fleeting moment,
Now, not even a thought in his mind…

He was just like every other man in my life. Beautiful yet toxic… Why did I love him in only the short time I knew him? Why couldn’t I just walk away. I screw up everything… Now I have lost 2 friends I hoped would be around for life.
I lost their child, a beautiful angel I won’t ever see again… She was not mine but the joy she brought was amazing. She healed my heart. I am so broken. I can’t go back and make a better choice. I can’t go back and I wish I could. I am so broken right now…

Processing your request, Please wait....
0 comment
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralRants

Reaching out.

by Piratemermaid
written by Piratemermaid

Everyone says reach out for help when you feel suicidal. A couple celebrities die and suddenly everyone cares so so much. What happens if you reach out and nothing happens? I’ve reached out. At 16 I told my doctor. “Hey, I don’t feel so great. My head feels heavy and I’m scared of everything and I thought it was just a phase, but I’ve felt sick for a long time now and I’m starting to feel like it’s not just my age anymore.” She told me I’d probably feel a lot better if I lost weight. If I attend her expensive nutrition classes and exercise I won’t want to die anymore. She has a point, I think as I cut my thigh open and dream of a flat stomach. I reached out to my mom. She saw the cuts on my wrist and asked me about them. “I feel like I need to hurt myself sometimes and I don’t know why.” She slapped me. I stopped reaching out for a long time. When I was 22 I reached out to another doctor. She asked me if I had anyone I could turn to when I was feeling suicidal. “I don’t really feel comfortable telling other people, but I think of my cats and they make feel a little better.” She laughed, confirming how pathetic I felt. I think I don’t want to reach out anymore. People talk about having other people that help tether them to sanity and happiness. What happens when there is no one to reach out to? When there is no tether?

Processing your request, Please wait....
3 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralMy Suicide Note

Should I?

by imsosorry2468
written by imsosorry2468

I feel like my time is getting close. It’s as if I am ready to go now. I know how I will leave. Just have to put a few things in place…

I am just not sure if I should leave a note behind. What do you think about it? would It help those left behind or do you think it would just make it worse?

Processing your request, Please wait....
5 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsGeneral

My problems

by blue_pink
written by blue_pink

I’m new to this and I don’t know how to do this. So I don’t want to say my name but you can call blue. Friends are the main reason for me being on this site writing all this right now. My friends are not like normal friends. normal friends aren’t meant to ignore you whenever you try and talk to them. normal friends are meant to invite you places mine don’t but I don’t mind really. coming home on a Friday is worse than the week days my family hate me and I know that for sure. dealing with these problems on my own are a struggle but no one knows and when I try to tell someone, someone else has a ‘bigger’ problem than me. I know what will be better killing myself or staying here I really don’t know anymore.

Processing your request, Please wait....
5 comments
0
Family & Friends EffectsI Will SurviveStories of Hope

Procitaj me/read me

by life aint worth livin if you got no love
written by life aint worth livin if you got no love

All right, this is the end of the road, what you have been looking for all along. I know you wanna read this, so lets get started. This is both my last note and last letter. Reason it has come to this is what you have done to me. I’m sorry for ever meeting you in the first place and happy I am leaving a world where “people” like you exist. I have decided to end this once and for all. Why did you do it, that night? Why? What did I do to you to deserve this? After almost a year of my life I have given you. I want you to know that your actions have killed me. I still remember the time we spent together, wondering what did I see in you. A pretty face? A good sole? A sexy body? Baby, you got non of those. Have you ever thought that maybe I had feelings too? That I wasn’t as cold as him? Getting here, you found my car and in it a piece of paper with a bunch of random numbers written on it. Its Ascii. So baby, what do I do now? Come on your smart, what should I do, live on a fake life or a real death? Your sister Lea, she was everything I ever wanted, unlike you. So now, having her with me, here, in this white city, I’m starting to see the benefits of having a less attractive girl. She is a beautiful and delicate flower. Shame she has you and your folks for family. Follow this page if you wanna see the next chapter of the story of me and your little sister, baby.

Processing your request, Please wait....
1 comment
0
Newer Posts
Older Posts