General

Sharing events n my life and in retrospec i fucking hate myself. Pulling the curtains and i dont feel like i have redeeming qualities. Shes rght, im satan

3 different jobs within the past 12 months. All were steps up for me, but having to adjust so many times has wrecked me. Each new place became intolerable in its own way and as I suffer through the 3rd one now, I of course already recognized it’s me. I can’t fit myself into the ways and structure of society. I’m an artist at heart and every day reminds me I can’t do what I really want to do and expect to survive. But I can’t continue trying to fit myself into the roles expected of me either. It’s agony trying to make this work […]

We are all going to leave our body vessel and the Earth Realm eventually, at some point.  That is certain.

There are 2 ways to go;

either something else will take your life.  diseases, someone else taking your life, the elements of the earth breaking your body down at old age.

or you can just do it yourself.

i feel thats the most honorable way to leave this place.  You take the personal decision yourself and claim your own body, and you decide when you “shut off”.  that is true self-autonomy.

https://www.insider.com/harvard-dr-robert-waldinger-how-to-strengthen-any-relationship-2023-1?inline-endstory-related-recommendations=

And what happens when you have NOBODY, not even ONE close relationship?

This article says relationships are what makes ppl happy. Yes, that is common sense. But depressed ppl generally have problems MAKING friends to begin with. Are ppl depressed BC they can’t make deep connections with others, or BC they are depressed they can’t make connections with others? It’s a chicken and egg scenario.

It’s a vicious cycle- those of us who are depressed are generally very lonely, but bc we are depressed, ppl don’t want to be near us, so we become lonely…which makes us more depressed….

https://www.google.com/search?q=happiest+person+in+the+world&oq=happiest+per&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i512l2j46i512j0i512l6.2902j1j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

If You Could Be Any Person (currently living), Who Would You Be & Why?

If a plant starts dying due to lack of sunlight, no one blames the plant or tells it to go on walks etc.

That’s what happened to me. I honestly would be fine if I just had a few people I was SUPPOSED to be able to trust actually be there for me. I’ve actually received some good advice on this site but I can’t act on it you could say because I lack the discipline or focus and while sure that’s true the truth is I just shut down because I wasn’t nurtured enough. I’m like a wilted plant that simply doesnt have the strength, […]

There used to be an option where if we post, we can choose to not allow any key words or search words (or something to that effect). While our post would still be visible to the public, it was hard to find our posts in the past.

I want that option. Anyhow know how to do it in the settings?

I am back here again. Been a year+ I was gone from SP. Not that the past year+ was good mind you. Just not enough to push me to come back to SP I guess -_-

And no, it’s never a good thing to be back, to feel so miserable that we run back to the only solace of commiserating with others who feel the same rotting despair and hell we do.

Anyhow, idk if anyone remembers me. For those who do, Hiya! How’s everyone doing? I know, a funny question. If we’re here, it usually means we’re doing terrible.

How’s […]

So here I am at rock bottom again, not a coincidence 1 year ago on this exact day , I thought of trying to kill my self too. So here I am , what do to do. It’s not like I haven’t tried before. I just wish it got me somewhere better than here. I don’t belong here, alive I mean , here with all of you. I’m a mistake that was never supposed to be , but no one understands. All they want is me to continue living for their sake. What about mine?!? It is not selfish to die if you […]

another semester has begun and i’m already miserable. i hate all of my classes and my professors so far. i live on campus but i have a hard time making friends in the dorms. it’s my second year and i have no one. i know it’s my fault but i every time i get the chance to make friends my anxiety takes over and i begin to spiral into thinking they hate me. i feel like i can never build a close relationship with anyone anymore.

I know that I’ve missed being here, which is why I found a way even though I’m on my travel laptop and on local wifi. I’m on an 8 day out of state vacation with some of my friends. Really I’ve just come along, but they’re working hard to make me feel like it is my vacation.

The point is, out here, far away from all the things I’ve learned to hate, I feel lighter. I feel closer to being free. Some part is just that opportunities not to be in the state I live in are rare. So having all these different things feels liberating […]

“Accept what you cannot change.”

I definitely can’t change the past. So I have to accept that I’ve done so many unacceptable things.

And pretty much no matter what I do from this point on, I won’t be able to change people’s perceptions of me for doing those unacceptable things. I will always be a terrible person, and I have to accept that. I have to accept that I will always be alone, psychologically isolated from other people. That I will always have to hide the truth about myself in order to just keep existing in the world.

I obviously can’t change how old I am, or all […]