General

the last few days, as i was falling asleep, there was this one thought running through my mind: “people need bullshit to stay alive – they have to be brainwashed into staying alive – couldn’t i brainwash myself too? what would be the best way to do that?”

i have been looking for a good reason to keep going. i didn’t see a point in anything during the last few months.

when i was a kid, i wasn’t surrounded by people who would appreciate my presence, and signal to me that it’s okay to just be me and do my thing.

i would keep asking my parents: why […]

People always say it gets better, but it doesn’t.

How much long do I have to keep going?

How long till I’m allowed to quit?

mere andar kuch nhi hai. kabhi kabhi sochta hu mujhme aur ladne ki takat nahi hai. peechhe mudkar dekhu to rasta bhi gayab. mein apne aap ko pehchan nahi pa raha. esa lag rha hai ki chati ke beech dil ke jage vishal sa ched hai. usme se hawa chalti hai. mein koi hu hi nahi. sirf ye ched.

It would almost be funny, if it wasn’t so pathetic. The thing that consumes my mind, that seems so amazing and essential, is also one of the worst things in the world. What feels good is also terrible. What kind of exquisite mindfuck is that? Almost as if I’ve devised the perfect method to mentally torture myself.

It’s been almost 4 years since I last went to that place. I think about it often. I might go back at any point. I might’ve gone back today. I seriously considered it. I still might. 4 years teetering on the edge, barely holding myself back. Why? It’s not […]

I wanna look up at the stars and be one. I want to become a star in a consolation. I wish I could be a free spirit. I love to just be able to clear my head at night in the starlight. All the trauma and shit. Nothing I can do in this world will be able to even remotely relate to his touch, his voice, his touch, his smell, literally everything about that man that was in my life. He was my soulmate and my stars. I wanted to go star shopping with him. Look at the star, look at the moon, look at […]

im being ignored irl and online
thats good for me
im worth nothing

There’s not a single day that has gone by in the last six years where I didn’t think about killing myself. How I would do it. Where I’d go. What would I do to prevent anyone from getting to me. It’s scary, because I’ve been thinking about it for so long now, I’ve gotten good at it. I know what would kill me, it’s so easy. I don’t want to share it because of how readily available it is. But I’ve run the scenario through my head over, and over, and over. I can’t get it out.

I don’t talk about these feelings with […]

I study misery, so depression would be a common and understandable outcome. I’ve been thinking though about why I keep coming back to that state of powerlessness, of wanting to walk away from the project. I have a degree in psychology, published research, and I work with trauma victims.

The thing that irritates me, and I’ve been trying to find a way to discuss this with anyone who will listen… Though the violent people, the angry people, the judgemental people, may look like the problem, the problem is us. Those of us in polite society who are willing to dismiss; “evil”, “sick”, “racist”, does it matter? […]

admin i just thought id bring this to your attention and i thought i would make my own post to ensure that if it gets deleted i will know that you deleted it only proving that youre only covering for this troll.

they find it funny that they could have lead to someones death. they make a point about them posting afterwards like […]

Do some of you visit cemeteries whenever you feel very depressed. I tend to visit them when there aren’t many people around. Every time I walk thru the cemetery I cannot help but envy the people who have already passed away, and I’m glad that those people aren’t suffering any more.

I started a new hobby recently -drone flying, and this is a video I took few days ago of the cemetery I usually visit. It’s the largest cemetery in the country in which I live in (Macedonia). I would appreciate it very much if you please tell me in the comments what do you think […]

Where there are healthier outlets than anonymous/online suicide sites, why do you enable risk by not using preventative measures? You only intervene by covering up/deleting traces of bullying, partnering, and posts about wanting advice on suicide methods. – Should something happen to a younger person, where’s the explanation for the family?
Younger people are also very impressionable. This site frequently mentions suicide as a right- and the helping world/ a bad place.  Why aren’t you using preventative measures like providing an age limit?  It’s a serious issue that remains neglected.

Better things will come when I leave this spot. I miss the sun so much. I miss morning coffee, honestly. The summer just flies by when you’re here at night.

Homophobia happened a couple days ago. This never happened to me before, It sort of took me by surprise…

I think this is where I genuinely appreciate underground blogs that focus on real people and the genuine parts about them. It creates a welcoming atmosphere – it cheers you up –

I try and try again to be happy and sometimes it’s just useless

I hate spending my weekends with my abusive parents. I hate it. I fucking hate it. Something bad always happens that brings back my suicidal thoughts. I wish I could turn 18 and so I could just leave already.

Everything is finally falling back into place. Finally.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always hated talking to and being around other humans, if I could’ve moved to somewhere remote and be isolated when I was a kid, I would’ve been the happiest person on earth