General

Sleep sleep sleep. It continues to elude me. Been laying here for a couple hours now but all I can think about is going back. Back to the time when things were right. I wish I had someone to talk to. I don’t want to bother anyone in my life and get them tangled up in my depression. That’s not fair to make them be all worried and watching out for me. I think only two, maybe three or four, depending how observant my family members are, know that I’m in this state. Well none of them know it’s this bad, but only those few […]

It’s been a while that I like involving in these stuffs. Watching news, searching on the internet, reading and seeing the interview. My friends told me not do that, but I just can’t help. I don’t wanna talk to them anymore cuz it’ll only scare them. I’m frustrated, sometimes I ask myself, why do we need to live? We will die sooner or later, why don’t we end this tragedy instead of continue suffering? Sound crazy right? But you will never know how I feel. I can only see the dark side of things, the failure and the useless life. I’m a fresh graduate with […]

Hi… I”m still here…

I have a twisted ankle and a broken finger(index) and I’m lying in bed…

It happened today, I was on the oval (rare sight) and these guys were playing football. I guy had kicked the football and it was about to go onto the road so I jumped up and caught it. Next thing you know they all came charging at me yelling “HE’S GOT THE BALL ARGGHHHH” and tackled me, forming a dog-pile. And I’m surprised my face isn’t broken because someone sat on it in the tumble. What the hell did they eat earlier on??!! After that they left me and […]

I’m not sure if I’ve ever wanted to die quite like I do right now. I can see exactly one star out my windshield and it looks like it’s flashing, as if it’s going to die soon. Maybe I will too.

I’ve noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of talk of after the suicide sort of thing. I mean, I see why one might not care. But personally I want to make sure that I am not buried. I want to be cremated and have my ashes put in the ocean. Seems silly I know. But does anyone else find this important? Or just me?

I just came up with the greatest advice today. You ever feel tired, alone, or stressed out? Well you know what I do when that shit gets me down?

Get a computer or an iPod in your room. Hook it up to an amp. Sit on a chair or your bed facing the amp.

Quietly close your eyes and think of all the shit you’ve gone through to stay alive to this very moment in your life.

Now scream, “FUCK THIS!” AS LOUD AS YOU MOTHERFUCKING CAN!! TURN TO YOUR FAVOURITE AND LOUDEST SONG, AND FUCKING ROCK THE FUCK OUT UNTIL YOU’RE SWEATY LIKE FUCKING FUCK. DO IT, ******.

Repeat.

Stress relieved?

Good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMtX1BFdnWk

  Today I decided life is pointless. It’s just full of broken hearts, hurt feelings, and people that don’t give a crap about you. My mom is normally always here for me.. But not today. I don’t think she realizes how much it bothers/hurts me when she says the things she does. I know that if I’m gone things will be easier for her and probably everyone else. I’m tired of trying to be perfect and getting good grades and hiding all my flaws. Because sooner or later it won’t matter.
  Everyone dies.. Whether it’s old age, a car accident, or even suicide. I […]

Don’t you just wish you could live without all the pain? Without all the tears? Without all the broken hearts and heavy fears? Life is so difficult, and I will never have the guts to commit suicide. I’m just gonna spend my whole life in misery, wondering why I can’t just be happy like my far-away friends, watching them all grow up, get married, have a reason to live, bur not me. I’m just a side-friend that no one pays attention to. Because that’s the truth. No one wants me, no one will. Just an empty life wishing I had some reason to live, but […]

Since my last post, a lot has gone through my mind and a lot has happened.

The money I had saved up for my future with my ex, I have now donated to charity. Im only 20 and for the one I loved, the one who destroyed me and left me. I saved up 62k (the reason I add a number is because I did this for her at such a young age), which is now with charity, I feel both happy and sad when I did this. It was for her, but as Im no longer going to be here soon, I want to do […]

Did you ever notice, live spelled backwards is evil? hence life is evil. So, what’s the point of living? Nothing. Nothing at all. At least not for hopeless people without a future like me. No
love, no affection, no life, no hope. :,/

the first time i logged on here there was a lot of suicide notes suicide pact request questions about methods. not a lot of hope for the stragglers. i dont read the post much anymore the thoughts always filled the site with morbidity . who will die this week of suicide which family will wreck this month? till death due us part. till the afterlife. continue alive.

this morning i woke up and my girlfriend was there lying lifeless the pill bottle next to her. i wrote a note to her mother and father about how much i was proud of who she was. but now I’m left missing her. i didn’t tell them in their notes that i was around her for awhile watching her, undressing her. i took pictures in various posses and kisses her cheek before dressing her for the police. I’m sure i never knew why she would she seemed happy talked  a lot was active but i guess she had some harshness in life. i know now […]

I’m pretty sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I go from idealizing people I’m close to to hating their guts for no reason. My emotions are always jacked up. I’m paranoid as fuck about other people’s motives. I destroy relationships on purpose and I can’t help it. And I have more than a few self destructive tendencies. A few days ago I “accidentally”? drank to the point where I smacked my head against a wall falling downstairs. I then heard my friend yelling my name and shaking me, but this eventually got fainter and fainter until I suppose I blacked out and became unresponsive for about a […]

Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
In these times of doing what you’re told
Keep these feelings, no one knows What ever happened to the young woman’s heart Swallowed by pain, as she slowly fell apart

And I’m staring down the barrel of a 45,
I’m swimming through the ashes of another life
There’s no real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box […]

Yeah, not really sure what to put as the title. Anyways, wasn’t planning on leaving a note since there isn’t really anything I want anyone to know, but I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest for whatever reason.

I have two bottles of codeine that I’m planning to shotgun and then wrap a plastic bag around my head. Simple enough. If for whatever reason that doesn’t work I’ll take a quick trip to the Golden Gate Bridge sometime this week and jump (thank god they’re taking so long with those suicide barriers).

As for why I’m doing it…I’m honestly not sure. I made […]

I’m tired of living. I’d end my life but for some reason, I’m afraid I’ll survive. I have no access to a gun, can’t find a suitable place to hang myself… Everyday I watch the train approaching the platform but I can’t jump. Tried to jump off a bridge but my body won’t follow… I have a couple of helium tanks (sold as a party balloon pack), but I’m scared I will wake up. It takes a special ‘mood’ to muster the strength of ending your own life. While I think I could use the exit bag method, I don’t know if I could stand […]

I’ve been seeing a psychologist lately. I was totally agianst it at first, but then I thought what the hell, life is crap already what else could go wrong. She told me that if she needed to she could have me admitted to a psych ward…WOAH! hold on! that would only make me feel shityer! I would have everyone breathing down my neck and I would be a lab rat that people just watch all day. I dont think I can talk to her anymore. she scares me and thats not how I want to feel as I went to her to feel comfortable and […]

hi… My name is zero and i really feel stupid and weak. Like no one cares. I’m in grade 6 and everyone hates me. They threaten to kill me they call me names and exclude me from everything. Even in the class portrait, they kicked me so I fell out of the picture. I don’t look the best… I try to cover it up by thinking i’m cool but at the end of the day. I know i’m just a loser. I cry almost everyday from the bullying. They say things like “Suck it up, puss!” and “You just never came out right didn’t you?”. […]

Let me tell you about a little event that happened that has me thinking about killing a guy. Now I haven’t felt homicidal sense 7th grade but this guy just brings it back to me.  At the begining of July I went on a trip with (blank) people. there was 11 of us. 2 females and 9 guys. There was this one guy named martin that I (HAD) an interest in. We hung out for most of the trip and were kinda in to each other. He tried to get in my pants like every other guy I know and I repeatedly turned him down. When we got […]