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I became suicidal at the age of twelve until I was 24 ish because my knowledge of the world and it’s history was limited to the world view of those who raised me with destructive habits. I kind of knew better when left on my own to just explore nature and have fun. Man’s created world is pretty depressing, but the natural world is exciting and interesting and delightful. Even people can be delightful. I’ve become a lover of life itself and my great goal to is to be an active centurion. Have you ever seen Kino’s Travels? I am 45 now and life is […]
i am done. I am done with life, my family, and my friends. I am really to go. I will prepare everything. I will not say goodbye. I will not leave a note. I dont need to lighten the blow so people can feel fucking better. I know this may sound cruel and all but i dont care i dont care at all. I know they dont care so why even try. I dont know when yet my this week maybe another day. I cant leave another day. See another night and waking up breathing and wishing to be dead. I gone to far to […]
y do we all do it? suicide is a condition we all have in common. Wat’s the occurrence that holds us? i think i would have liked life but mine is shit suicide in music art poetry, media Internet books,movies. its in a lot of day to day life but the taboo holds for the extremity of the reality of suicide. i have stopped cutting and going to the nut house. but still death floats in my head. a girl thirteen took the knife from her bag and dug it into the skin and across her arm. the blood flowed out painting the skin down […]
I miss my best friend.
I wish I could go back in time and tell her how much of a jerk her boyfriend is instead of supporting her. He sucks, he is arrogant and mean. He is that guy who gets in a position of power and everyone underneath him is his own personal *****.
That’s me.
She puts him on a pedestal above everyone. 6 years of my life I feel is wasted.
I hope she doesn’t expect me to be in her wedding. That would mean losing her completely. Dealing with all my anger and frustration is hard alone in the house I share with her. […]
Being in a relationship hasnt brought me any pleasure. It allways brings me grief and anger. My longest relationship is a year. My bipolarness gets in the way of me being one person. People dont like dating more than one person. I had a boyfriend once that told me that it was like being with 5 different girls.
I have tried being myself with these people but how am i supose to know witch one is me? I once was so off my rocker I married an abuse man who wieghed 200 more pounds than me and was 2 feet tall than […]
Hi. I am only 14, and people keep telling me that it’s just part of being a teenager, and being in high school. Sometimes though I don’t think so. This is only some of the stuff that has happened.
I moved to a small town year before last during the summer (so I had no friends for a summer and the majority of my 8th grade year), and let’s just say all the people around here have known each other since they were little, and most of them look inbreeded. But then I met people and  I (thought) met the most amazing guy ever…until his ex […]
My palms sweat while I stare at my wounds. I kind of hope that i won t be marked with a scar. But somehow I am marked inside, right?
It can t be changed. I guess this summer was full of regrets.
I cant stop thinking about those moments, those important moments when things could go on a different way. There isn t a night when i didn t think of them. Sometimes i just go through our old pictures, and I cant cry…I just feel a cold breeze somewhere inside me, a black hole that is spreading around. It chokes me day by day.
I use […]
It’s been a while, a few weeks or so i think.
i kinda slipped out of the depressed state, but i’m kinda falling back into it i guess, if i do fall back into it like before, i’m thinking of leaving september 18th ’cause that’s when jimi hendrix died.
so yeah, anyway, some updates.
i had a job for about 5 days, then i got fired or some shit, idk why, i was late once but i did my job properly. i’ma take a piss test this week too i think, hope i pass so i’ll be prescribed with anti anxiety pills.
i guess that’s it
i havent written on here lately because i was purely focusing on just talking to my bestfriend who has now moved to dubai and we dont get to talk much. i cant stand not being able to see and speak to my bestfriend anymore, its heartbreaking. he has said many times that anytime i want i can come out to stay with him in dubai but its just too much hassle.
but i dont wanna be here anymore, i cant handle the constant pressure and criticism thrown at me. the main source is from my mum. nothing i do is ever good enough. i clean the […]
have I finally found a name for my problem? I thought it was schizophrenia but I was wrong. Nothings wrong, I just.. I hesitate to say can’t because it’s obvious I can,.. I won’t speak. I started reading about selective mutism and it made me cry for the first time in a year. I’ve always thought that my issues with anxiety were small to begin with and only grew because of my abusive upbringing, and later on, drug abuse. It seems I was born with the seed of depression and I was in the correct environment for it to grow and blossom.
But, I wasn’t depressed […]
I feel empty. I feel like I’m in a dark room with no windows or doors. All thats here is my mind and a mirror. I hear no noise. I dont feel sad. I dont seem to feel anything. where am I? Am I asleep? Am I just dreaming? Does anyone know Im here? I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel something pooring down my arm. Its too dark to know what it is but I feel it. I feel heavy. I feel like crying. I feel…. or am I just hulusinating?
Hi, I live in the UK, and my birthday was yesterday; for most people this is a sign of freedom and independance, but definitely not for me. Currently (and I’m not proud of this, believe me), I leech off my parents to survive (and they know this, and are getting fed up FAST) and have just gone back to college to start my second year of A-Levels. But my brain literally can’t take in information any more, it can barely process it. I’ve gone from a healthy, fit and active girl to this…..thing in the mirror that looks like a blob. I don’t even look […]
This is shit
I have the torch of my ancestors
A torch of scarlett light
Meant to help me, guide me through this journey
A being so noble in thought,
But so weak in action.
The figure of the bright happy child is gone
All that remains is a shadow of him
Inside of a thick dark fog
That is me.
Was it always me?
Maybe, maybe not.
We are so wrapped around our arrogance we have problems facing the reality
Which is us, the punny, weakling, dumb and ugly
It’s so hard to see past everyone’s problems and into our ones
We started to […]
I’ve felt this way before. A raw ache in the pit of my stomach. A crushing need to rip myself open and destroy what’s inside. I want to burn until even the ashes are gone. The pain is so urgent. The need to end it is so great. I try to ignore it. Push it away. Bury it. Pretend it’s all okay. Be the person I’m supposed to be.
Get up, take a shower, get dressed, go to work. Do my job with a smile. Be friendly. Be outgoing.
(But never let anyone get too close. Don’t let them see the pain. Don’t let them see the […]
I’ve been following this site for about a month now, but this is my first post on here. I don’t want to get into my backstory and bore everyone, but I’ll probably end up doing that anyways. I don’t even really know what I want to accomplish by writing this. Alleviate some pressure I guess.
I feel like I have nothing left in this life. And then when I find myself thinking that, I tell myself that I’m being an ungrateful little prick, because I have so much. I think there’s something seriously wrong with my brain. If I have nothing worthwhile left, then it should […]
I miss u, but u cant see tht.. u wer always there for me but i pushed u away.. this is my deat sentace talking for da last time.. i miss u and theres nothing i can do right now.. i need u right now more than anything.. ur the only one tht would no wat to do at this point :'( i miss and love u and i hope one day in the futer well come back to me and well be friends just like we use to be.. just me u and asia.. ill be married to my girl.. and ull be married […]
Sorry but I have to ask this here:
I’ve just emailed you yesterday,
just wondering if you’ve received the email or not?
let me know okay
thanks.