General

31-12-2019
I already write my suicide note, suicide voice note, amd everything i need to pass down to people around me.
I drink around 20 pills with water around 11 pm. At first its feels okay. Then my head start spinning, then i my stomach hurts like hell, then I vomit around 5 times.. And its already 5 am..
I keep pondering should i tell my parents or not cause it hurts like hell. Then around 7 am I tell my mom..
We go to ICU and the doctor give me some meds. But it still hurts like hell. What I heard is my mom […]

Been lurking here for years, even logged a few posts when things were truly dark & dire. I’ve recently began to notice that SP is forever changing and evolving, with the addition of newcomers and the absence of long time posters. For those of you who are new to SP, welcome to this wonderful community. And for those of you who have chosen to no longer post here, may you be in a place less painful than before xo.

Hope is more or less lethal for the suicidal. You wake up one morning and realize that the joke was on you all along, there was never any hope, you were at the mercy of delusion, the delusion we call hope. The only time I can breathe is when I hear about a suicide. For a few fleeting moments my pain decreases just knowing that somebody else felt the same and just had to go. I would of liked to have known them, known their story, and checked out with them.

I watched a video on YouTube last night featuring a mother, a very brave lady […]

What a night…

No definitely not a good night, well if it did I wouldn’t be posting it here or even be here… But it feels like I was always end up here one way or another. I could confidently say that good no longer exist in my life. Especially tonight, a usual night where we would go out for dinner, but they didn’t… they didn’t see their child – me worn down and torn. Suffering from something that could never be resolve.

I’ve been deliberately giving hints and clues around me like the music I listen, the way I behaved, and the things I post or […]

i have stopped taking my medication. ive started drinking more and more. im in the middle of breaking up with my husband. im not in the mood to talk to anyone today. i actually found it kind of funny earlier. i was thinking i dont use facebook. this is my facebook. a suicide site. this is where i post about my life. where i talk to my friends…….what has my life become? and yet it all feels distant to me. like im reading a book or watching a movie. like this isnt really my life.

I’m so tired. Not sleepy. I slept all day. But still, I just want to curl up in a ball and forget everything. To be free of it. To not be aware of myself.

There’s stuff I have to do. Even just to keep living in the short term. Bills gotta be paid etc. And if I’m ever going to make an attempt that is smart rather than botched, then I’ll need to purchase equipment. I’ll need to research, and plan, and prepare.

I don’t want to. I don’t want to do anything that requires acknowledging my fucked reality. I want to forget, to escape, to close […]

How will you know who to trust? How will you know that the people who cares for you truly does? What if they’re just using you? And what if you can’t do anything about it because they’re the only ones left in your life? I don’t know where to run. Who to talk to because I see through some of them sometimes and its scary. Maybe I’m just overthinking. Maybe I’m just losing my mind. Maybe.

I do not understand why i visit this place. Do i merely refresh my mind to the only viable escape? My struggle seems more meaningless to myself than others these days. My state of mind is constantly fleeting. Is there a limit to blocking out the pain? Forgetting, to the point of forgetting the idea to forget. That still is not enough. For what remains is a dark twisted view, partly unveiled to the beholder, partly unveiled to you reading. Always hanging above a cliff.

But i can tell you what lies at the bottom of this cliff. It is a prison. Dark and mysterious, filled […]

First thing I want to say is I’m glad I found this website. I don’t come here often. Usually only when things get really bad do I check in and read the posts or post something of my own. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been prepared to die. I know that this time is different, though. Usually there’s this feeling in my stomach and I know I won’t really go through with it. Something always stops me. I’m always determined to try again. But not this time.

I have nowhere left to go. I’ve cornered myself and ruined myself. I’ve messed everything up […]

Guilt is part of why I feel I deserve to die; it’s also why I’m alive.  I was going to end it all around Christmas of 18’, but here I am at the beginning of 2020.  I kept running through my head the consequences, the people who’d find me, or clean up after me, identifying me, burying me.  I’ve never wanted to traumatize anyone with my death, I just wanted to disappear.  And so my guilt for how my death by methods accessible to me now would affect others- it kept me alive.  here I am at the beginning of 2020.  The inevitability of suicide […]

No shit, our little mudball just got done with yet another long, dreary circuit around the big fireball! For the 2,019th time since Jesus. And here we go again for Round#2,020. Hold tight, fellow astronauts, and try not to get bumped off, for it might get a bit bumpy this time around.

Good hope for y’all. Farewell to the fallen – RIP.

lets just say he hurt me in a bad way. id rather not go into it. i havent talked to him in almost 5 years. why do i occasionally think i should message him?

I’m really tired of losing… Tired of feeling the weight of my failures and more than that is losing my friend… I don’t know how to get back up from these things…

I just wanna bleed out and die… Will my suffering end there???

Why do people think so weird of a person wanting to die? My twinsister is the lucky one. She died in my mother belly when my mother was 3 months pregnant. And I am now living a sad life without any motivation to keep on living. And All I feel is jealousy against her. Why her and not me? I had this feeling since I was 14, I’m now 24 and that feeling is getting stronger and stronger. 2019 has been a year full of loses. I’ve lost my baby because my body had a bad reaction on the pregnancy, I’ve lost my job because […]

3 weeks ago, someone I once knew took his life. I wasn’t close with him but I attended boarding school and he was a junior in my dorm room. I often spoke to him, he was kind and that often got him bullied. Not in a bad way, just the usual senior to junior back and forth. I was tempted to do it too, because I am a very anxious person and I thought I could use him to have the senior experience. I never did, thank God, I tried to be as nice to him as I could. After I graduated, I left my […]

I feel I have finally become old enough for people to take me seriously when I say “I want to die because…”

https://youtu.be/6_V0vB_oU0A