General

First: I am hopelessly alone. Second: because of this I think about killing myself almost constantly. Third: so I am trying enjoy what I can (which is very little) just so I can stay content enough not to kill myself. Something specific: I have a very strong attraction to my step-sister, more specifically, her feet (but not just her feet). What I want is to be able to take good pictures of her feet, with her consent, and I don’t want anybody to know about it except for me and her. The problems with this are: She has a long time […]

and i dont feel safe anymore. tomorrows the last day i will wear that yellow ribbon for suicide awareness. it was a shield. against my gun. now im alone. again. im feel sad again. i cry. icry i cry i cry. my mom will cry. they will wear black at my funeral. i have til the end of the summer to turn my life around with pure luck or they will wear black to a closed casket. i still cry though. i temp myself by putting  my gun to my head. loaded, cocked, ready. finger on trigger. but i dont pull. i just need to […]

I’m spending the whole day with Alyson.

She gave me the biggest scare I’ve ever felt in my whole entire life last night when I was at her house, and I knew I needed to spend more time with her then, I can’t leave her alone for a minute, I’m too scared. I don’t want her to leave me at all, but I don’t want her to leave me when I’m not there to hold her hand.

I was sitting talking with her like I always do, laughing about something that happened at school this week, when all of sudden she started acting like she was choking, and […]

      I have read a few of the other posts here and I believe that I’m a bit older then many of you. Here is my story. I always felt like I was different from everyone else, but didn’t start having thoughts of suicide until I was 14. Even then it was only once in a while.I made it through high school and one year of college without an attempt, although the feelings became increasingly worse every f***ing day! In high school I pretended I was fine. When I was around anyone  I always had a smile or a funny comment. No one, especially my […]

I gave up my whole life for this place. I walked away from all the projects I was involved in, people who depended on me, my friends, my dad. I moved over 2000km and three provinces away. I never could have prepared myself for the hell these people would put me through.

My life has been hard enough, and I’ve made it this far, but now trapped in this hellhole, too much pride to walk away but no fucking dignity left…I just don’t want to wake up anymore.

I used to love my job, I worked so hard, so fucking hard. Only to be kicked in the […]

All I know is how to be unhappy about every thing life has handed me. Anything good that has passed my way is a double edged sword, readily awaiting a moment of weakness to make it’s sharp attack on the already wounded me. It’s hard, so fucking hard, to even live anymore. I don’t even care how melodramatic any of this sounds. Dramatics are what I do best. Scratch that, depression, anger, and misery are what I do best. Trust me, I am feeling each of these emotions a thousand times over right now and it’s literally killing me. The little of me that it […]

The hardest thing i’ve had to do is tell my best friend the truth.. he’s so dead on and the look on his face told me i was hurting him by not telling him.. how do you lie to the person you love the most? but that’s what they tell you, to talk about whats going on, they never say it could ruin your life

he looked at me with his deep blue eyes and pulled me into a hug “you know i love you right?” now i was crying, not from the pain in my arm but from the fact i knew he was telling […]

Aly sleeps a lot when I come over, but she tries to stay awake to talk to me. She says she worries too much about how I’m doing.

“Hi Aly”, I try to smile for her.

“I know when you’re faking it”, she whispers.

I sigh, “Your too good”.

She smiles, “No, you’re just not good at hiding it is all”.

I roll my eyes, talking with Alyson always brings about sarcasm.

I like sarcasm, I use it a lot and she understands it. When I talk with Alyson I actually feel normal for awhile.

“You know, it’s getting late”, Alyson says.

I shrug, “so?”

“You have to make a wish soon”, she tells me.

I […]

My flaw, my fatal flaw … being considered beautiful in the eyes of the masses. It meant that the men of the planet wanted to sleep with me but because I was successful and intelligent and funny and had it together … that was all they wanted to do. It also meant there was no sympathy for me. I was one of the lucky ones. I had made it. The irony of it all … I survived ten years of domestic abuse and YEARS of heartache to become a motivational speaker, to teach others that they much value themselves … […]

I had a friends who always said she hated me and wanted me to burn in hell. I thought she cared and help her with school and other things. I hung out with her when she needed someone to hang with. She beats me up alot has broken my nose and i had to get surgery from it. We get in alot of fights almost everyday and yesterday she lost it and so did i. I said many things i didnt mean but knew i would never be albe to take back. But I was so upset i cuted my wrist, hands, legs, and my […]

I would like to say what I feel to someone, I would like to say that all I think about is to kill myself.
But I can’t. They would be worried, without knowing what to do. Just trying to cheer me up and feeling powerless.
I can’t do that to my friends. I just can’t.
Besides, they would try to help and I don’t want help, don’t want people knowing what’s going on.

All I want is tell what’s going on to my friend/boy that I like. I want to hug him and cry in his shoulder. His words would sound really good.
But I can’t. […]

The truest thing I’ve found
Is that no one cares
They all may say they do
But who is really there?
I’d drive to get away
But it’s like i get followed
They’ll never change
And I know they won’t tomorrow

I wish i could just let it go
But it seems there’s no way I can
They talk like words can’t shatter
And they just don’t understand
They drive you to the hard stuff
The hate and the booze
But give me a reason why I shouldn’t
There’s nothing left to lose

I don’t need to hear
That it will be okay
It’s just what everyone […]

Dark Thing: Hello Violet.

Me: Go away, I know why you’re here.

Dark Thing: No one’s home Violet and theres so much glass on the floor…

Me: I am going to clean up the glass and throw it away now

Dark Thing: Don’t do anything rash now Violet.

Me: What you’re asking me do is rash.

Dark Thing: Oh Violet…

Me: Stop saying my name

Dark Thing: Does that bother you…Violet?

Me: Go away, I’m not going to talk back.

Dark Thing: Yes you are. Pretty little Violet with lips that taste like cherry pie…

Me: STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark Thing: I’m not going to stop, Violet.

Me: Yes, you are!

Dark Thing: Hush Violet, just do what I’m telling you to do. […]

i cant live in this life no more ive failed my daughter i couldnt even give her shit for her birthday cause im so broke. her mother sees different guys all the time and ive stolen from my whole family to support my alcoholism and gambling habits my job went to shit and im unemployed i feel like my family is suffering because of me.  If i died there would be no worries for anyone no more. Ive done nothing in this life,  no one would care, so im probably gonna find some way to take my brothers rifle and blow my brains out. All […]

I tried to kill my self the other day by over dosing and didnt succed sadly 🙁 I need another plan the most i did was throw up and know I really want to end it get off this place i call hell. Im done with living but i dont really want it to look like a sucide i want it to look like i died of natural causes

Yesterday I took a hand full of adivil to poisen my self. I threw up blood but I’m fine now still living and breathing sadly and I dont know what to do? Any other ways I can kill my self?

I don’t even have to ask why it feels like bitterness is my best friend. To know the answer, all I have to do is reminisce about the past and the things that I have gone through. My time on Earth has taught me above all things that life is unfair. I feel useless and pathetic admitting such a things, but it’s the truth, as hard as it is to swallow. I have a fuck of a time choking the reality of it down. Most of the time it gets caught in my throat on the way down, not making it to my stomach where […]

‘Cause I don’t wanna be like this. I’ve been running these streets, for too long now. I’ve got nothing that’s true, but this song now. But the further I go, I wanna go home. I fuckin’ swear that I care! But its hard when you stare into the bottom of a bottle that is empty and bare, all my desolate soul, in my desolate home, it’s my desolate role. Yeah, I’m here all alone. I can’t think of a reason, to get the fuck out of bed. Curtains closed, lights are off. Am I alive or dead? I haven’t shaved in a week. I always […]