This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m down. I hope that you all like it. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
Category:
Rants
I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.
But the world is a cruel […]
Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
I don’t know why I keep fighting through this shithole called life. Every force, being, and power is pushing against me, hoping to drive my head further into the darkness. The worst part is I am losing. I have to reason to push through to the invisible light at the end of hell; I have lost the traction that helped move my feet forward. I cannot do this anymore. It really is easier to let go of everything, even including yourself.
i just survived one of the worst times in my life. i was happy, i had friends, and i threw it all away for a manipulative asshole. i’m usually dissapointed in myself anyways but as of right now ive never hated my guts as much as i do now.
i cant beleive i let something like that slip away from me. i cant beleive i betrayed a friend, rationalizing, thinking everything would be okay. i still cant beleive how much of an idiot i am.
i feel so bad when anyone has to be around me. i feel fucking awful when people get close to me. all […]
as i lay in my bed on this beautiful saturday morning, i couldn’t help but think.
i just do not want to be here anymore.
i had not one reason to leave my cocoon this morning. the only reason i got up out of bed, at 1 in the afternoon, was to use the washroom.
i wish i could talk about this, these feelings, with someone in real life without getting into trouble. i just do not want to be here anymore. i do not want to be in a hospital, but i do not want to be me, alone, in this apartment, anymore.
it’s just become way too […]
Took me awhile for life to kick me down but the short end is I have nobody to talk to about suicide without getting constantly locked away and re-traumatized and treated like a caged animal. I had 1 partial suspension trial and got caught and ever since then I’m being constantly harassed and the police also took away all my completely legal RC powder due to a person calling them on me after I said some things about the forbidden talk about choosing when to die. This happened to me when I was a teen when I had some foxy methoxy, my rents called the […]
Four years have passed since I last logged on here. I am still around and I wonder if Trent and jmvsic are around as well.
When I was last on, I was disconsolately picking up pieces of my heart that had been roundly drop kicked by my ex. My self-loathing was at an all time high. I had failed at relationships. And then I was failing at getting over that failure.
Life had become a monotonous track in my head around such familiar territories as: “WhyDoIStillLoveYousville” and “IAmTheWorst Town”.
Exactly two months after that I formed a reluctant crush on an a friend of a friend. One that […]
I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically […]
When you are talking to your friends and they make “harmless” jokes about what you feel and what you do to yourself everyday, what do you say?
I know they do not know what happens when I’m home by myself, but they always make self-harm jokes or suicide jokes. I have recently been trying to open up more to my friends and to actually talk to people but I haven’t gotten to the really deep stuff, and I probably never will. But I have tried getting them to stop using jokes about self-harming or suicide but they just question why I am saying to stop.
Everyday they […]
How can we all be so sad? Do you guys actually feel connected ? I see some old and some new, do we really help, or prolong doomed options?
I’m a drifter I’m come and go. . .
Cause I one day I find hope and the next dispair…
Which I believe is worse, my duel personalites are tearing me apart…
Where are you? Deep in your hole climbing or looking down?
Well after calling and waiting for a call back and calling and waiting for a call back and so on and so forth since fucking December, I tried calling the admissions office again today and still nobody picked up. Albeit I called around lunch but when else am I supposed to call? I rarely have any fucking time. Of course I tell my father about this and all he has to say is “I don’t think they want to talk to you anymore. You kinda let that ship sail.” when they haven’t TALKED to me ONCE since I got the application, and I haven’t heard […]
I wish we could all be the same,
I want you to understand
How I completely reck myself as part of some master plan to deplet whatever good is left
So I know there is absolutely no reason for me to go on, there’s absolutely no reason for me to be depressed
I wish we could all forget,
The names we call ourself
The lies we tell ourself
That makes us who we are not.
I pray there is no hell, I pray that the ultimate
see me for how I see it, and […]
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’ll act immediately
This time, I’ll keep an overview
Has anyone else on here watched those two South Park episodes about depression? They’ve been keeping me sane (i.e. as sane as possible) for the past 21 hours or so. It’s been quite a while since I last watched them, and they feel even more relevant now. That’s not a good thing, of course, but at least I have something to make me feel less alone in all of this.
Damn it… Please, just let this day be over.
Looking at my posts, they just all seem so whiny. They’re all just me complaining and being weak and wanting attention. I will not let myself have attention, I don’t deserve attention by whining about things, so I’m just gonna stop posting.
I really don’t understand why people are so shocked to see slit wrists.
Like, is it not a common occurrence for you to see a depressed teenager wanting relief from his/her problems?
I just came back from buying several art materials. When I handed the money I needed to pay, the person in the cashier straight out asked me, “Why on earth do you teenagers follow stereotypical emos? Is cutting a trend now?”
I felt offended..
It’s not like I chose to be fucking depressed and pressured to the point I cut my own fucking self for relief.
hello.. this is my very first post. I have been lurking since the day that twix started posting. She touched me quite deeply, and made me wish that I could leave, as well. I don’t really want to die, but I have completely forgotten how to live. I also have no energy to live. Since I started lurking I have read almost all the posts, they help me on a daily bases. Each one of you is perfectly unique. I especially enjoy the posts and comments of cordless. You are so careful with your words, and show amazing grace and humility. It will take me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
I cut (yet again) about 3 hours ago after 2 years of having gotten over it. Yeah, it sucks… I did it in the middle of a party. I was the only depressed asshole there and no one noticed or gave a damn.
So… yeah… how much time does it take for a scar to heal?