Its funny, because as soon as I cut, the tears stop. I have no need to cry anymore. Until tommorow.
Category:
Rants
Yesterday I went to go talk to a Adult Nurse Practitioner at the mental health clinic I go to, and she asked me all the same questions as the Counselor and the guy who gave me the mental evaluation did. After talking to her for 2 hours. She told me that I had Major Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. She told me the reason I can’t sleep, and do drugs, and cut myself, all stems from the depression. She told me that she wanted me to continue to go to group, talk to the Psychologist they have there, and she wants to give me medication to […]
I just want to die
I have felt this way nearly 5 years now, i am so unhappy with every aspect of my life. I don’t know what to do with my future, i don’t feel excitement or motivation to do anything. I got diagnosed with an illness but it’s not even a condition that could kill me, it just makes me constantly tired and sore. I gave gotten to the point that i don’t care about being selfish and if it hurts people, I’m in so much pain all the time and i feel like it’s my only solution. Sometimes i want to reach out […]
I’ve been wanting to kill myself for the past few days. I’m not healthy. I should talk to my psychiatrist and get my meds changed, but I don’t have the money to get new ones. I shouldn’t live. My moods flip-flopped for a day and then settled on depression. I can’t get out. Nothing is worth it. Not even my son, and he usually is. I can’t even cry anymore. How pathetic is that?
I moved out of my mum’s house to get away and have a chance at living. There I was falling behind in school, and I had to raise both of my siblings and take care of them even though one was three years older than me. I did all the house work, cooking, and cleaning. I played Mum because no one else cared. Finally, ten months ago, I moved out and in with my aunt and cousins. I don’t know which place is worse. Everyone here hates me. I’m the ***** that moved in and ruined everybody’s life even though I’ve been generous and I […]
A couple days ago, my sister found out that I cut. I confronted yahoo answers for it and I got a negative reply. They told me that I cut because I was only seeking attention. They said my “selfishness” was hurting everyone around me. I never meant for anyone around me to find out. I am cutting to cope with my feelings (its bad I know) but it was NOT for attention. I feel so much guilt when I look at my sister now. I feel so bad that she found out that I cut. I have desperatly been searching for a better alternative. I […]
I’ve been battling depression for 1 year 3 months and 12 days now. Ridiculous as it sounds I lost my virginity, and it… broke me. To you guys who have casual sex with your girl/boy friend, I carry no judgment on you guys. But my purity was everything to me. And I have destroyed it with 93 hook ups in the past year.
Losing my virginity made me feel hopeless, and I got depressed and suicidal on 3 accounts. I’m happy to say I have been free of depression for a little over 3 months now (woo-woo!). I’m proud of myself for making it this long, but… […]
Today is Father’s Day and here I am in solitude because I’m such a failure as a father. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over a year ago and I’ve been struggling with it for a long time. I had it managed until recently when my medication ran out and with no health insurance, I’ve fallen back.
Today’s supposed to be a celebration of one’s father and a celebration of me being a father…but depression reared its ugly head and I yelled at my son and in turn everyone has turned their backs on me. I’ve laid here for hours thinking about the butcher knife […]
i’m so sick of this bullshit.
when there are many people around, they say that they’re so proud of me, that they’re lucky to have me as their daughter.
meanwhile at home, they just yell at me about how a disgrace i am to the family.
everything i do is for them, even just studying, even living.
they don’t believe in suicide, they tell me that people who commited suicide were just tempted by the devil.
but what they don’t know is that their own daughter is too.
i’ve been the salutatorian ever since i began studying. i’ve been the editor-in-chief of our school newsletter. i always join contests, but never won […]
Hi, I don’t really know what to say, I feel like I’m going insane and more suicidal every day, No one to talk to, No one to lean on for help… It is now summer after finishing my exams which went horrible. My parents said if I failed them I would have my phone taken from me. I tried my best I really did, During the exams I tried my best but felt so anxious and paranoid during sitting the exams and when I went out for a break for lunch I would feel much happier, no one staring at me no more twitching due […]
You can’t just be all sweet and flirty with me and then get a girlfriend that isn’t me! You can’t just use my feelings for someone else against me in a conversation you don’t want to have! You can’t just let me pour my heart and emotions out to you and not message me back! You can’t just talk to me because no one else is awake!
What did I ever do to make you treat me like this? Do you even realize what you do to me makes me question things. Many things. This is going to be a very long year isn’t it? […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
Im not sure whether or not I still have depression because I stopped crying and feeling numb all the time. However, maybe its because I got out of school and I dont have to see anyone anymore. I still cut and think about cutting everyday. I still like depressing music. Im not sure if im better or not.
I know I posted earlier, and I am afraid it IS coming very soon. But I just have to get it off my chest.
I don’t deserve to work my ass off on 8-10 hour days for 3 hours of pay just to come “home” to a place I have to leave in a week, with nowhere to go after the next week, with my jobs on the line at risk of losing all income, just to cry all god damn evening until I finally pass out for the night.
I deserve a full time job that I can live off of.
I deserve a place to live.
I […]
I have a long weekend coming up since my work is closed Friday. My best friend suddenly isn’t talking to me and the guy I like and have done everything for and spent a ton of money on tells me he’s about to lose everything and be locked up again on the account of being homeless and doesn’t want to see me so fuck everyone for being fake, fuck everyone for not caring about me, fuck everyone my life doesn’t matter to, fuck this world and every last person in it. I’m fucking DONE!
Let me tell you something: if you notice something I’ve done, if it’s not great, if you see a flaw a misstep a mistake
I probably caught it too, and I’m using it as an excuse to escape
Into old habits and unfriendly thoughts, bad methods and frequent haunts, and let me tell you something: it’s a long way down from where I am.
Let me tell you something: if I’m hurting you’ll know, but you’ll brush it off like I do because I will have my glow as camouflage
And I won’t blame you for mistaking the inferno of an implosion for sunshine, because really
what do i do when i have strong feelings for one person who i would say is smart and attractive but i only get talk to them about once a month and i won’t be able to see her for another year and a half and she is also my best friend however there is another girl who i like and can be smart when she chooses to and is quite ‘sexually’ attractive (there is other things i like about her)?? (both of them i am really close to and tell them anything and everything).
soooooooo confused and mixed up at this point.
My parents have always been super harsh on me, always yelling whenever I do just one thing wrong or forget to do another. They wonder why I never do anything when I have a mile long list of chores. (which they promptly tell me isn’t bad at all and that I need to quit my complaining. 10 chores compared to the one thing that each of them does? Hm. I don’t know, but that seems pretty bad to me.)
One night, it was really bad. It was Sunday, actually. We had just seen a movie together and it was almost dinner time. Now, my dad knows that I […]
Hi, I’m new to this…..and I’m crying right now. I started getting depressed in the 9th grade and that was when my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants. And that was when I wanted to die so I took 5 of those pills but nothing happened. Through time I got better and better until a couple of months ago I started having suicide thoughts and actually cut myself. I’m a religious person and so after that I prayed and promised I would never try it again. I told my mom I was having suicide thoughts and she comforted me and told me it was okay […]
I know that I am privileged. Not in the monetary sense, but definitely in the surrounding elements department. I am reasonably healthy, have people around who love me, I have a job (not exactly a career…but it has been putting food and shelter around me) I have an amazing girl who loves me, and I am still breathing. So, I know I am in no self respecting position to complain about my life. After all, I have been blessed with the ability to construct my life how I want. Okay, everyone has there set backs/limitations on what cards they are given, but I know that […]