Rants

5

Untitled

  May 10th, 2009 by painterofmusic

No one is going to read this. I don’t know why I came back here to this website. I figured I never would after I found it the first time, but here I go again… This is exactly like when I found out I was pregnant, to a T; I was going to end my life, but then, an opportunity presented itself. I saw what might be a reason to live. Judging by before, assuming that the past paints a pretty good portrait of the future, I’ll be worse off than before. If I had gone through with everything before, I wouldn’t be hurting this way …

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5

Untitled

  May 10th, 2009 by painterofmusic

I’m not entirely sure what I’m thinking by posting this. I’ve kept to myself for all this time, no one is going to read this, and no one on here cares anymore than anyone around here. I mean, people say the words, but they don’t really mean them. You can hear, “I DO care about you!” but as soon as they say that, they’re off doing something else. But I guess if I’ve come this far, if I typed the words on the search engine that led me to this website, if this really is some low blow at getting suicidal people reported, whatever the reason …

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3

  May 8th, 2009 by dyingstar51

I’ve been hospitalized twice for trying to commit suicide. The times I’ve tried were because of me being sexually abused. The first time I was 10. The second 14. Now I am 17 and have yet again been sexually abused. It seems like I’m cursed. I haven’t reported it because the last two times I did, nothing happened. The case was thrown out both times. I’ve resorted back to cutting. I find it as my comfort. It soothes me. When no one understands I know that my razor does. It’s helped me through some pretty shitty times and I miss it when I try to …

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4

  May 8th, 2009 by erased_orion

I dont really understand why i feel this way…come to think of it, i dont really have as much problems as other people, i mean, I’ve never been raped or anything like that….so im sorry for taking your time. It’s just that…i have no other way i could let this out. My best friend doesnt like to let me talk to her about things like this, and i can’t tell my parents…They’re not here. It’s just that i feel so…empty and alone…always. Im also no good at anything…i cant do anything right, and i have average grades, but i know for a fact that that’s …

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2

lost

  May 4th, 2009 by good at pretending

i’m 23 years old.  my birthday is on the 13th and i keep thinking……..maybe i won’t make it til then.  i’m a single mother of 2 kids.  it’s definitely hard……but looking at how perfect they are makes everything worthwhile.  i feel guilty for the way i feel.  i never feel like i’m good enough.  i hate myself so much that it’s hard for me to find the good in anyone else.  i didn’t have a really horrible childhood.  but when i was 8 my mom told me that my dad wasn’t really my dad….he was my step dad and my “real” dad lived in california.  …

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3

Reasons.

  May 2nd, 2009 by MisterRiddler

I canceled my next appointment with my shrink. I feel as if I’ve given up on myself already. I started cutting again and it feels amazing to wake up from such blankness. That apathy, mind over matter. However, the tolerance is already building; fast this time. I’m already running the cuts under hot water for the extra wake up sensation.

What is it about our society that makes us fear and hate death so much? We are brainwashed, conditioned to value life and disapprove of death.

Maybe it’s because we are born selfish and our actions are primarily done in self interest. For example, let’s say I …

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7

Lost

  May 1st, 2009 by vardas

I’ve been suicidal for so long that I don’t remember what it felt like to be normal.  The first time I wrote it down, I was nine.  My mother found my journal — the only thing I remember about the conversation is her saying how “embarrassing” it would be if the neighbors found out.  They’d think she was a “bad mother” and why was I such a depressing child anyway; nothing terrible had ever happened to me.  And she was right, I had a perfectly normal childhood, and so I couldn’t explain to her why I felt this way.  I just . . . learned …

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6

The Other Life

  April 27th, 2009 by MisterRiddler

I’ve been seeing a shrink at school. She wants to put me on meds for my depression in addition to therapy. It’s a specialized therapy though. Its to change the way I think and percieve things in order to change my life. Depression is my comfort zone. It’s home; where I hide, where I am at peace with death and myself. I don’t think I’m going to go back to see the shrink. Part of me still wonders though: what would life be like if depression WASNT my home anymore…?

<3MisterRiddler

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3

Maddening Shroud

  April 25th, 2009 by MisterRiddler

It’s been 6 years of an undiagnosed, untreated progressive depression.

The Stages:
Stage one just started with deep thinking. What we all go through, what is life worth? who loves me? what would the world be like if i’m dead, etc.

Stage two became mind over matter. This is the point beyond sadness. Cutting never hurt, it was just a way to wake up into reality again, to start feeling again, even it was just sadness.

Stage three was my addiction. I became addicted to cutting as it would relieve me of the emptiness. Cutting eventually stopped working (it works like pain killers, my body developed a tolerance), so …

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2

Went downhill pretty much right after High School

  April 23rd, 2009 by p.lane

I was a pretty popular man in High School.  Most people seemed to know and like me.  But, 3 years after in a month, I’ve gone nowhere.  No job, no school.  I’m an aspiring writer but don’t know how that’s gonna work out.  I guess the saying’s maybe somewhat true after all that the popular kids don’t do well after high school.  I wasn’t mean to people unless I felt they were mean first so I wasn’t one of the stereotypical popular people in school.  I also did feel suicidal 95% of 2008 and occasionally do this year.  Thank GOD not to that extent though.  …

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1

What has happened to me?

  April 23rd, 2009 by howmuchcanibear

I am a 39 year old female, who has worked hard my whole life and up till a few years ago could not have been prouder of where I was, and how far I had came. I have never been in trouble with the law, and have been with my husband for over 20 years, and could never think of life any other way. Till 3 years ago. I had a siezure. I had not had any health problems at all before that, but after that first one, I had 3 more within 2 months. After many, many different doctors, we never found out why. …

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4

My love

  April 23rd, 2009 by Ryuu

I suppose I’ll start with a little about me. I am 18 years old, am about 6ft tall and weigh roughly 260 lbs (FAT). Lately I have been having serious thoughts of suicide. I have been wondering whether or not it would just be better for me to kill myself. It feels like most of the friends I’ve met here at college are done with me. They seldom talk to me unless I’m standing right there and even then it feels like it’s forced. My friends mean the world to me. Even the slightest thought of them not wanting to have anything to do with …

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3

From someone who has loved…lost…heartbroken….and is slowly picking up the pieces…

  April 21st, 2009 by kay

In September my mum took her own life, she brought me up as a single teenage mum and made my life as amazing as she possibly could. She went back to school, achieved a business degree and got a great job helping small nurseries improve their business and the standard of child care. She was a beautiful, intelligent, creative, funny, loving and much loved woman…my heroine and inspiration. She also suffered varying degrees of depression throughout her life and tragically last summer had a nervous breakdown – sadly due to the stress of her job and bullying in it. She

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16

A Peaceful Death

  April 21st, 2009 by IHML

I’ve been depressed and suicidal for many years. My desire to accomplish some of the goals that I have in life is the only thing that is keeping me alive. Experiencing a peaceful death is one of the goals that I have. It is a privilege that very few people that are suicidal get to experience. I spent a lot of time searching the internet for pro-suicide websites. I was trying to find a forum where I could have discussions with people like Philip Nitschke and Boudewijn Chabot. I wanted to have a discussion about the idea of creating a suicide service that provided peaceful

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0

LIKE ME!

  April 21st, 2009 by Sirachick

I read. I read the stories.
I see. I see your problems.
You feel the pain for someone dieing, or getting abused. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back. Loving the devil them self?
You don’t die, not yet, you’re scarred.
Scarred of reactions. Pain. GOD. Most of you are scarred of GOD! The other half of you are scarred of what a family member will see. Don’t want them traumatized. Don’t want them to end up like you.
Then …

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2

Devil’s Child

  April 20th, 2009 by Sirachick

I always hurt the ones i love. I have created a character, a personality, and the world is my stage.

“The world is a stage and we are merely actors” or something like that, it’s by shakespear or someone else old and famous…

I’m never me. Yes, I’m an actor, but outside of that, I’m to different people. As soon as I walk outside, I’m a different person, take a deep breath, time to put on a show. One in which I’m an annoying singing girl who talks a lot, listens to goth and emo music, and uses words that are to big for most people …

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2

over it

  April 18th, 2009 by strawberryfields

i’m over it. i’m over everything. i can’t stand this anymore. i’m so tired of it, i’m tired of everything.

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7

I think I’m gonna kill myself… what a scandal if I died

  April 18th, 2009 by Kez

I’m 23, gay male and miserable a good deal of the time. I feel like I have no right to be so unhappy when I have so much going for me, but rather than feel guilty, I feel like, it’s not fare. Why would someone, God, Fate, Karma, whatever, give me so much to enjoy and so little capacity to enjoy it. I walked home alone tonight from a big drag show where everyone was having a good time. On the way out the door, I cheerily said goodbye to five friends, two of my therapists and the boy I’m in love with, who only …

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4

everything to nothing

  April 15th, 2009 by tess

today i was in that mood. the one thats haunted me for 5 years, the mood where jumping off a tall building feels like a good idea. i mean, i’ve been given every advantage. as far as skin color goes, i am not a minority, therefore not having to deal with racism. i do not have to deal with divorce in my family. i am not abused. my family doesn’t have to worry about money. i was born healthy, smart. a bright, successful future is all that is pictured for me. and in 16 short years, i managed to screw that up. i am too …

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2

whats the point?

  April 12th, 2009 by steph x

at 16 years old im suppost to be having fun going to parties and enjoying my life, right? im suppost to have encouraging friends, look up to my sister? well how come that doesnt work. im pretty experienced in my life, and iv done and been through a lot. this year has been a bit compact for me. it started with my close to 2 year relationship ending abruptly as he used me for sex and told me he loved me and would never hurt me, but 10 hours later i became the ex. i took that pretty hard. then one of my really good …

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