Unlike most here in situations that are capable of being resolved with some expertise and grit, my situation is not. I am literally dying at a faster rate than most. Yes, it is health related. I am not one to slowly wither away, I won’t run from death anymore. Death always catches up anyway. Death is the only true exit from a doomed world that thrives on misery. Life is not precious. It is a fucking nightmare.
Rants
to start: I’m an alphabet soup of disorders. Three of those are bipolar, borderline tendencies (whatever the hell that means), and Asperger syndrome.
My closest support is my partner who is also financially tied to me. And I even feel her slipping through my fingers and this turning into an uncomfortable situation where we only live together because we can’t afford to live without any kind of plan which we currently don’t have and can’t foresee.
I mean. I can easily leave in a month’s time because my mother passed this June and has apparently left me a hefty inheritance. But my partner can’t. She is on […]
Everyone says reach out for help when you feel suicidal. A couple celebrities die and suddenly everyone cares so so much. What happens if you reach out and nothing happens? I’ve reached out. At 16 I told my doctor. “Hey, I don’t feel so great. My head feels heavy and I’m scared of everything and I thought it was just a phase, but I’ve felt sick for a long time now and I’m starting to feel like it’s not just my age anymore.” She told me I’d probably feel a lot better if I lost weight. If I attend her expensive nutrition classes and exercise […]
Have you ever heard of this type of obsession?
My obsession is about constantly questioning my sincerity of what I say, do, and think. I’m really bad with examples but it’s pretty much fixating on my intent towards almost everything, whether that intent was sincere or if I’m just faking it. I can’t convince myself otherwise I just keep doubting and obsessing if I’m doing/saying/thinking something for the reason I initially intended. Idk how to explain it any further because I’m obsessing whether this is a sincere post with the intent being to find others like me or if I’m just looking for attention. That’s really […]
How do I stop being so lonely? Why can’t I connect with other people? Why am I so alone? I just feel desperately alone. I don’t have any real friends, any close friends. People that consider me as ‘their spiritual brother’ said to me things like ‘you should go outside to feel better’ or ‘if you wanna kill yourself so much, do it right now’. Never real support, never being a real friend. Just this.
And yeah from time to time I get close to nice people and I feel like I get to be friends with someone. I don’t stop being sad but at least […]
Okay, so I was playing Metal Gear Solid V, it’s a video game, and there was a cutscene where my character is escaping from a guy trying to kill him and there’s also a couple other random characters running too.
Thats the background here’s my “point.”
A random character falls down and grabs my foot and says “please save me I don’t want to die.” (He ends up dying, he was shot)
When I saw it I wondered, “why wouldn’t you want to die?” “Why are you struggling so much?” “What’s so valuable in your life that it’s worth you not wanting to die?” I know, I know […]
im so stressed right now. im always messing up stuff and it really sucks. my best friend backstabbed me because i did something really stupid that i shouldnt have done. my girlfriend is growing distant. i have other issues too. a close friend killed herself about a year ago, i miss her a lot and i hate the act of suicide but i feel like i might have to resort to it. i dont think ill ever go through with it though, im staying alive for my parents, the friends i have left, and my cat. i think i might end it all soon though […]
I’m an ass, really? Are you fucking kidding me?
After what i’ve done for you. I hated calling you kitten, it feels like a stupid thing to call someone and yet i did it because you liked it. You told me you loved it and that it made you all blushy and red.. And now i found out from a mutural friend that you’ve actually hated it. Are you fucking kidding me? You told your friends but never bothered to tell me?
You also hated calling me daddy, but i never told you to call me that. You started calling me that, day one of our […]
This has nothing really to do with suicide, so I don’t know if it belongs here, I’m just ranting.
Things just happened, it starts out small and it feels coincidental, So you shrug it off. But then a few days later a different thing happens, and because of that last thing that happened you convince yourself to shrug it off.
But then various OTHER things start up and you build more and more to a point where you want to lash out. But then something happens to someone else that’s so much worse you don’t feel like your problems equate, But then eventually you find yourself at […]
It starts with a word.
The word that pokes fun at your appearance, actions & feelings.
It might seem like nothing & you treat it as nothing.
But what happens when it’s all you hear? All the harsh words that later become actions.
Those actions catch the attention of the wrong types of people that take advantage of your vulnerability.
You can tell them “no” you can tell them to “stop” but they won’t listen
or they pile on more words of harshness.
The words that not only follow you wherever you go but repeat when looking in the mirror.
How do you make them stop? How do you make yourself […]
There are financial problems incoming, that occur due to my mom’s chemotherapy.
There are new negative interview results coming for me. There is the rich dad out there doing nothing to help me.
My so “used to be” best friends are at this moment over the beach having fun with my ex girlfriend.
I have nothing at this moment to support me, there is nothing at this moment to assure my future.
There is just that blind shot of succeeding this bachelor degree in Electrical and computer engineering.
I’m in my second year, and I’m the youngest student. Even tho my age, it is impossible to find others who […]
I wanted to tell you that I’m broken inside. I wanted to cry but I didn’t succeed to. I should’ve shown you that I have feelings too. Explaining my life to you or anyone else was too hard for me to do.
I haven’t tried to be a stranger, I just didn’t want to acknowledge I’m a victim.
I always took a step back from you or others, because that is my way to dodge the hits. I wish you could’ve seen it through my shades. I hope I’ll find someone like you along my ways.
I’m alone, but I’m not cracking up anymore.
I’m sad, but this time […]
I wake up every morning to see what today will bring all it brings is sadness everyone treats me like shit and I cant defend myself people say its going to be okay but are you the ones who are kicked out and might have to start sleeping in cars I don’t think so I say fuck it all everyone lies to me all the damn time why should I even continue to be on this damn planet someone answer that to me.
I’m not diagnosed with DID but I started giving my other persona a name.
I am becoming a demon — literally. My other persona started seeking solace and comfort with violent thoughts like murder and torture. And this “reasonable and good” persona comes out and starts screaming and is getting scared at my demon persona.
I’m literally getting crazier day by day.
If there’s no love, what’s the reason to live? What’s that?..’learn to love yourself’? Being human contradicts that.
Even nature would agree we are selfish. Willing to suck the life out of all things, demand everything serve a purpose. It’s slightly terrifying.
I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic […]
I was intensely suicidal for months until two weeks ago when i started feeling better and life became worth it. I want to carry on living and recovering for now but im also very keen on making sure i can readily kill myself when i feel to in future, the option needs to always be there so when times get tough or pointless or if i just feel like its time to go, i can do it painlessly and possibly in comfort. I want a suicide kit, everybody should have an escape plan, how naive and irresponsible it is not to. What if i became […]
The medicine is like a bandaid.
After months of crawling in the metaphorical dirt, my physician got fed up and referred me to a psychiatrist. I didn’t fight it, I gave up.
I’ve given up for a while now. I’m in a mental limbo: I care… but I don’t.
How may times have I cycled through the mental healthcare system? I’ve lost count.
Have a crisis… see the Doc… meet the new Psych… get meds… ignore everything…. Have a crisis- again.
I thought I was doing well. I always think I’m doing well. The medication slaps a lid on my emotions, muffles the voices… for a while. But when the […]
I didn’t really know where else to turn at this point. I’ve attempted suicide in the past but haven’t succeeded.
I do have a small will to live but so many things just bring me down. I’m sure many on here already know that feeling when your life is static and you just aren’t happy with your present situation. No boyfriend, no friends, everyone seems to be repelled by me even though I try to be respectful and optimistic. I feel as if I’m just disliked and unwanted. Everything I do is unappreciated. My life is going no where.
I’m a 26 year old still living at […]
Have you ever been afraid to reach out to someone? to anyone?
Have you ever experience opening up to someone and you do your best to make them understand what you are going through and what is going through your head and yet you can’t seem to make them understand regardless of how much words are going out of your mouth on how you carefully choose words to explain to them what is what?
I don’t think anyone can understand. ‘Cause myself can’t understand it too. Do you?
Before i try opening up, there’s a lot of what ifs in my head.
There’s so many thoughts in my head […]