I had some training to help people dealing with suicidal thoughts. Which is ironic considering I’m here right now, about to tell you more about how I never feel enough and how I’m just angry and sad and frustrated and I just want something or someone or anything anything really to help me but I don’t need help because I SHOULD BE FINE. I should be. I must have some mental illness or something because other people only seem to need parents and friends to free them from their dark tunnels. How it is that mine hasn’t ended yet? How is it that I haven’t […]
Rants
My life is going fine, but my mental state is deteriorating.
I feel myself getting more and more paranoid. I keep getting weirder and more horrific intrusive thoughts. Some of them I can’t even say. Some of them are ones that make me do odd things, like, “If you don’t wash your hands for exactly 20 seconds you will kill everyone in the world.”
My depression and anxiety are getting worse. I’m relapsing constantly in self harm. I want to cut deeper but I always end up pussying out of it, out of fear of receiving more pain than I want to give myself.
I feel like I’m […]
my girlfriend broke up with me.
she says she is scared to hurt me.
afraid I will get too close
but she said she couldn’t be in a relationship right now
her parents are making her pay for rent.
she is 16
I am hurting for her
I can see her childhood going
she is getting a second job to pay rent to her family
they are not poor
she is assembling documents and researching emancipation
I cant do anything
I can see her falling apart
she is seeing this guy.
they have a
thing
It’s been a while since I’ve last been on here. As a matter of fact, it has been a while since I’ve confronted myself about what is going on around me. For the most part, I blame it on school. I have loads of work to do and having to balance it while also dealing with my parent’s bullshit takes up all my time. I guess part of the reason I have not been putting anything on here is also because I fear someone finding out that this account belongs to me. Anyways, things have been all over the place. I have relapsed twice last […]
Why can’t this pain stop ? Why do have to always go through drama,fake ppl and bullshit.I fuckin hate this world and would have died if not for my family.Everything was fine until 17yrs of age.From the time I started higher studies,life started goin downhill.
Sometimes Wish I’ve never been born at all.Fuck this place im livin in right nw.There is little hope once I finish uni,but its so hard to go thru it all.I still hav abt 3yrs left.I feel like I dont belong here,the ppl ovr here suck and are bullies.Fkin hate the hell im livin in rn
If there’s someone calld God, I […]
I was looking for a way to take my own life when I first came across this site and this project. In reading the stories here and knowing that I was not the only one who was suffering, I found some measure of solace. It took me a while to come to the conclusion that I, too, should share the story of how I ended up here. However, because I am not at all a good writer (as a non-native user, writing in English actually makes me anxious), I find writing down my life story a difficult and agonizing task. Day after day, I opened […]
I have never seriously talked to anyone about my depression before and I’ve always kept this part of me a secret due to the mental health stigma in my family.
Both of my parents see stuff like “depression” or “anxiety” as weaknesses rather than an actual mental illness.
Because of this, I felt as if it’s shameful to feel this particular way. My parents also looked down upon me whenever I’d cry, especially as a young child.
Rather than comforting me, they always got upset for seeing me be sad or stressed. Just a week ago, my dad yelled at me for being frustrated over filling […]
They asked me.
“Why do you cut yourself?”
They asked me.
“Why are there scars in your body?”
They asked me.
“Are you crazy?”
They told me.
“Attention seeker at its finest.”
And i sighed. Breathed heavily and walked away.
Whats the good in telling them what my demons tell me what to do, it’s better to keep my insanity to myself.
Because it’s better keeping everything inside rather than telling the world who doesn’t know how to listen.
I’ve never believed this before.
So naive of me.
Naive enough to settle around with the idea that people are to be trusted and to be humbled the fact that they will always keep you sane.
Never believed in such saying until friends turn to enemies and laugh turns to frowns and until then when my heart has been shuttered by the awful truth that friends can be a sharp tool towards the breaking of your own sound mind.
And so when i felt my world crushing down, I came to the standing ground of believing that the only one you can trust is yourself.
It’s fun isn’t it? To be consumed with frustration due to an immense feeling of “desperation”
Desperate to get out of a depression cycle,
Desperate to make friends,
Desperate to find love,
Desperate to become a better artist,
Desperation to be and do better,
Tired, exhausted, desperate.
A vicious cycle of undoing my seams in a desperate plight to reach a better place.
i just want someone who can understand?
if anyone is interested , i’m 14 , female , and my name is riley
talk to me
please.
I thought it would be a long time before I come back here again. But here I am typing while watching my wrist bleed. I want to cry but I can’t cry. I guess all my tears were long gone. All I can do is sigh. It stings. my wrist stings.
I’m 19 and I’ve had mental health issues all my life. I’m dumb and lazy, I’m not very good in school. Well I used to be, I was home schooled, but it sucked because my mom is kind of a shitty parent and an especially shittier teacher, but I’d teach myself things and read all day never going anywhere. I didn’t really have any friends and the one’s I did got ripped away from me or beat me up or spread lies about me. I only really knew christian people in the hack job of a church we went to. I convinced my mom to […]
I don’t know why I’m here and I think the best thing would be to just off myself. I feel like I’m in the bottom of this black pit and the murk and tumultuous grime is seeping into me. Nothing matters. Nothing matters. I’m tired of being here I just wanna die.
Things I hate hearing when telling people I want to commit suicide
I’m still here, for now. First let me apologize in advance if anyone is offended by this post. Bitter sarcasm is about all I’ve got left. So here are the things I hate most when telling people I want to commit suicide.
Drum roll please…
1. Telling me that suicide is a sin and that I will go to Hell.
Wow, awesome. You just made me feel so much better. Thank you, mighty infallable one! Passing judgment and acting morally superior really turned my life around! How about instead of criticizing me and telling me how awful I am just for entertaining the thought of suicide, you […]
I still remember when I first found this page, and well, so many things have happened since then. When I look back at the past years, it gets blurry. I can remember some events, and it is hard to explain, but it’s like they are just there. I feel dissociated from them. And it is like I forget about them unless I am really thinking about them or I have one of my off days. I thought that I had gotten better at handling myself, and for a while, it was true. But this year, as well as the last months of last year, have […]
if i killed myself tonight who would really care?
I want it to shut up I want it to leave my head I want it to let me be happy i want it to go away but it fucking won’t
it wont leave me alone
i just want to spend one entire day without hearing it
i want to happpy
I can’t take this anymore I need to be free from it but I don’t know how to get away from it if it’s in my head
The only way to make it stop before it starts up again is if I’m asleep but I can’t sleep my life away not anymore
I am currently on a vacation, and for some reason I thought that going out a full weekend with some “friends” would be a good idea. Naturally, it wasn’t a good idea at all.
It’s been just one day, and I already feel left out. I feel really sad and I don’t want to say anything because it will ruin everyone else’s weekend. I feel I need new friends (again), but I’m positive that I will feel the same way. It’s always the same. I don’t belong anywhere. I just want to die. Like, really hard. Harder than ever before.
And for the first time, […]
So I’ve been dealing with PTSD for quite some time now, and been in therapy for almost 2 years now. In the last few months my situation got worse again, got completely disconnected from everyone around me(like really everyone, besides from people from work that I have no choice but to spend my days with). Probably due to some stuff that came out in therapy that I was really trying to avoid bringing up. I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with those skeletons for various reasons but I felt cornered and it just got out.
Along with that I also really tried getting better – […]