ima kill myself and i just thought that maybe somebody should know, so now you all know.
Category:
Rants
Ugh. I feel like I’m falling behind everyone. Like, I used to be top of my class and now I have a D in WHAP. (AP World History). I can’t answer anything correctly and like, every time I think I know the answer and pick it I end up missing the question no matter how much I study. The AP test is Thursday and I am so so so not ready for it. I’m studying like crazy and I still think it’s not enough.
Like, I’m not even supposed to be here yet I am and then I can’t see myself next year and I can’t […]
You know what, I seriously don’t think I’m supposed to be happy. Like I think my destiny and fate is just to be unhappy. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. Every time that I feel happy and can say to myself “life is going pretty great” (which is not often as it is) my life just suddenly says “oh, she’s happy, better change that”. Like literally things are finally going good like I can actually say I have friends and I’m happy with them and the way things are going but then now they’ve decided that they don’t like me as much […]
Ok, so this is really weird but, like, I really miss being able to cry. Like I started meds about 7 months ago and since then, I’ve been unable to have a really good cry regularly. It feels like I’m on the edge of a breakdown and I really hate this feeling. Like, I kinda want to go back to last year when I was crying almost every day because at least then I had some way of releasing whatever I was feeling. Like, now my only way of releasing my emotions when I can’t draw or write is through self harm but even that […]
This last semester, I have worked incredibly hard to maintain a decent grade average, and I mean low As and high Bs….only for everything to come crashing down to a C at best because I had another fucking breakdown due to being overworked and dehydrated….literally collapsed and had to go to Urgent Care to be forced to rest, but it doesn’t matter to my school.
If my grades come back the way I expect them to, I’m going to lose my scholarship, and that’ll be it.
I cannot go back home. I’m tired of getting hit and yelled at and told that I’m worthless. If I lose […]
Why am i so fucking weak!!! I swear i almost crued today bc my mom said something slightly mean. I just want to fucking end it. I rewatched the end of 13 reasons why so i could watch her kill herself. It seems so easy. I upset the onky person who seems to care about me the other day and i thought she hated me and im like 90% sure she actually does. I just want to die. I absolutely feel worthless to everyone. I keep razors in the back of my phone and I cut at school bc it makes me very slightly happier. […]
I hate my life. I’m a minor and that means I obviously have to live with my parents. I’m a girl and have 3 disgusting brothers. The only thing I have for myself is my brains which I got from my mother. She’s mean sometimes but she’s the only one I actually truly love in this nightmare of a household. My dad and I had a fight about 2-3 months ago and he hasn’t talked to me since. He’s a fucking stupid middle aged man and an ego the size of a fucking blue whale. I hate him so much, his standards for me are […]
Every thing hurts and I just want to cut. I’m sorry. I feel like everything is just falling apart and I want to tell my mom I have depression but I’m afraid to. I really need a hug and I’m 98% sure no one would miss me and school is getting worse and worse. I stole some pills from my medicine cabinet and I don’t know if I want to take them or not. I’ve been drinking isopropyl alcohol in hopes I’ll get sick enough to go to the hospital and not have to go to school again. I wish I was dying. But doesn’t […]
My life is such a mess right now. I don’t think it has ever been wors than this.
I have never really had any friends and I’ve always been the middle kid who didn’t got any attention, but it had never botherd me as much before. I was fine with just being on my own. I mean i would have liked to have friends but I was okay with it. But I’m almost 20 and I still have no one. I feel so Fucking lonely and I feel this dark hole in side of me which I can’t seem to fill. When I was younger and […]
Im so sick and fucking tired of trying to get through the day.People jus get on my nerves and give me hard times in one way or the other.Im so tired of self motivatin me constantly evryday to keep me frm commiting suicide.But I jus cant take it anymore..Life is harsh and hard.College fkin sucks ….
I will probably end my life next month after I meet up with my family and school friends.Ive been feelin suicidal for the past 8 months or so and i dont really see the point of living.And im feelin too bad bcoz I was really happy and satisfied with my […]
You are my SISTER. You should be understanding.
Instead, you tell me that nothing is wrong with me?
And I am forced to bring up a professional diagnosis and an attempted suicide to end this argument?
How can you say that?
I’ve been drinking, i’ve been getting high. and all this time i wonder if i did the right thing. sure shes happier and has moved on but i havent. but it doesnt really matter what i want because she is more important even though i hate myself for loving her. who cares anyway ill just tie my noose and jump off my roof. life is messed up and it isnt worth it. im so done with all this shit.
hi. I’ve posted here before. I think over a year ago I believe. I ranted about losing a scholarship and disappointing my family while a divorce was still going on. And then I was diagnosed with GAD and felt like I was going crazy over stress. I got quite a few updated.
I did lose that scholarship. I’m relying on loans and Financial Aid (lucky for now). I switched to a major I’m more happy with (let’s say I made huge jumps in majors because of pressure from my dad who i no longer see anymore). My parents are still going through a divorce, although my […]
I smile often when I’m in public. A strong clear smile.
I laugh loudly as well. So loud you could hear from a hundred miles.
With this I attempt to conceal. To present a false sense to the ones I love.
The people who’s opinions I do wish to preserve.
I try to conceal, not only for me, but also for them.
I do not want to cause them much suffering by knowing me.
I do not want my illness to spread like a plague to them and the heavens.
So I conceal, I hide, I smile, I laugh, I dance, I distract, I please, I HIDE.
Am I the only hidden one?
And I’ll go to work, and I’ll go to sleep, and all of the littler things…
by Tai Die
written by Tai Die
A year ago I was convinced I was getting better, that I would never be back to write my pain… It lasted quite a while, enough to trick me into genuinely believing it. The sad truth is that I won’t be able to have the hope I thought I had. Perhaps without a really good year I would have been better off, I would have never envisioned a future with happiness for myself – and now that makes it harder for me to feel this way.
I wish I hadn’t failed last year I wish I was dead I feel so incurably sad […]
hi,
i’m 37, lives with my mother. i’m addicted to buprenorphin (substitute for heroin) and crack.
i work half time in a office as an IT. when i get back from work all i do is watch movies and tv shows on my pc.
i stay up all night. i want out already. i cant cry. i cant get myself to open up and talk about my dreary existence. ppl loves me for some reason, i try to be nice and i know i am attentive and sensitive to others. its so weird, its like the opposite of how i treat myself.
its not like wanting to die, its […]
Before him, I was empty. I was alone, devoid of light. Every day getting harder and harder to breath. I was sinking in an ocean of darkness…sadness.
Then I seen him. Its like my heart was stumbling over its feet as it was racing around in my chest. I winced at this unfamiliar feeling. My ears cried with joy as his warm, silvery voice flowed through me. His eyes grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the surface. I could breathe again. But it hurt.
When he looks at me, its like my soul gets torn to pieces. I yearn for more.
He hurts me. Why […]
I can’t stand the thought of my mother, or family walking through my bedroom door and seeing me there lifeless with blood pouring from my body. I know there’s other ways… but no matter what they’ll find out… that it was me who did it. I don’t want my mother to ask the what if’s. She will always blame herself. Other lives and feelings are worth more than mine… so if I have to carry on wanting to kill myself every second just so everyone else is happy, I will. But it’s so, so hard to do and I can’t fucking do this alone anymore. […]
im tired of breathing, im tired of hearing my name in the halls, im tired of not being good enough, im tired of being picked on…. but most of all im tired of living……
I wonder whether I should retake my antidepressants because I know deep inside of me I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I feel like if i retake them again they will kinda give me false hopes and acte like a robot. Sorry for my broken english i’m not an english native speaker.