So I just found this place and I decided to just let everything all out here soo yea. Anyway can anyone pleaaase help me? I have been thinking of pretty much leaving this world already but every time I attempt to do it I always end up not doing it and it feels like even though I’m fully prepared for it, there’s something that’s stopping me or holding me back but I have srsly NO idea what. Can you help me with this?
(Maybe this is an official “I’m back” post? We’ll see if my mind can keep on track. Good luck following my thoughts.)
I thought I was set for life because I had it planned out until retirement. Graduate high school, go to college and get my degree in accounting, get a job and earn promotions for the next 40 years of my life, retire and move to someplace beautiful and expensive, then wait to die. And I thought no more about it other than just a basic, simple, normal life. That was when I was in 9th grade when I made that plan. I have gone through […]
My depression use to consume me, lately I just get days where ill hide away hopeless and miserable, other days ill feel ok and get on with life depending on how im distracting myself. Sometimes I question if im depressed or mentally ill, I do things people dont ordinarily do and hear voices. Im trying to be more positive for my boyfriend as he’s put up with so much for no reason other than he loves me, I want to change and be what he deserves, but its so hard trying to be happy and stay positive when things are happening to you that you […]
my husband asked me last night if I wanna go home ….when I said yes he did something really shocking and said OK he will talk to his mother and he will try to go home …good right …BUT…..wait for it………I will have to see what mom says OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS he can’t just tell hiss mother were going home after his birthday can’t do it….OHHHH and here’s another good one we might have to go back to FLORIDA because his car is there and its a hassle to get a shipper what dose he wan’t to do drive home in his two person […]
so today I woke up and wondered why should I …nothing for me to do I’m not making any money today I’m gonna cook and clean and get fuck so, I’m upset.. so when my great husband *sarcastically said * ask why I’m so upset I said do I have any reason to be happy… he said * now this was fucking rich * “try harder I’m not happy either i have no car no money you need to WORK HARDER so wipe that look off your face” I can’t even be upset when I want to how can I not be fake with […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hello.
I’m not very sure why I made this account, but you all seem nice enough. I don’t have a bad life. I have loving parents, an annoying brother, and many friends that love and care about me. So it isn’t really fair for me to complain, right? But every single day is filled with anxiety and fear that I will do something wrong. I am a perfectionist and someone who worries a little bit too much. My hands are shaking as I type this because I fear that it will be something that I will regret starting for the rest of my life. Oh. How […]
It’s time for a rant!
Sometimes I just need to get things out of my system, otherwise they stay there like bologna someone has left on the counter for ten days. Nobody wants it there but everybody’s afraid to touch it now because it’s green and crawling.
So, here are today’s things that irritate the crap out of me.
Coupons I don’t find until the day after they’ve expired.
(“Nooooo… one day… late… Must save… twenty-five cents….”)
Loud rambunctious people in public, including kids who shout every sentence while their parents don’t take the time to teach them appropriate volume. Meanwhile the kids just shout louder.
Me: “Wouldn’t it […]
I’m sat in my bed at 25 minutes to midnight, trying to ignore my exhaustion in order to let my thoughts flow freely. I am not suicidal- yet. I don’t doubt that I possibly could be, someday, but for now I simply wish that I was. Sounds ridiculous, right? It makes sense to me. My current viewpoint on life is toxic to me, of that I’m aware, and that is because my mind is brutally honest when it comes to ‘the meaning of life’ and similar topics. My own mortality, along with everyone else’s, is what prevents me from being genuinely happy. I’m all too […]
A vent drawing inspired by the man that hurt me! Thank you for doing that to me boy! :/
Not finished with it yet, still working out details. Might post the finished product later.
(It’s a tiger and a red panda if it’s to hard to tell, tiger obviously represents the one I once loved and the red panda at the bottom represents me.)
Thanks to those who responded to my first post. It was nice to be heard.
It was another horrible morning. I wake up in so much physical and emotional pain. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
Sometimes when I’m out in my car I just want to close my eyes and let my car soar off the edge of the road or something. I wonder if in that instant of being airborne I would have regrets and want to go back.
This is probably the only place I can say it: one of the reasons I haven’t done it yet is because I’m afraid I’m […]
I lost my soulmate.
I loved her with all of my heart. We’ve known each other for five and a half years and we were best friends. It was an online relationship and we were young so we weren’t serious about it. But a few years ago we realized we could really make this work and so we tried. We stood by each other through thick and thin, through the stress of me having a job and graduating high school and everything. I felt like I had the perfect future because we promised each other we would go to the same college and work in the […]
I am sick of my life. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my cat. I have promised I won’t leave him.
I am trapped in a life that I never chose for myself. There is no way out. I’m tired of carrying on, day after week after year, with no hope for a future.
I have tried everything I can think of. Everything I can realistically do. I’m not depressed. I’m just tired of my life.
Please, don’t anybody give me the usual bullshit that’s found on the internet. “It gets better” Really? It’s been shit for the past 28 years and *really* shit for […]
Even now, in the middle of the night, my mother makes me feel like shit.
I am currently working on some dumb project for university. I’m in the living room.
My mother came and told me: “You are the worst daughter of the world. You won’t let me sleep with your constant typing. I’m going to an hotel because I NEED to work to earn money for me and your dumb ass. You cost me a lot of money and that’s how you retribute me? Ungrateful little shit” *slam*
But, it’s not like I even wanted to study in the first place?? I’m doing this because you ordered […]
(If you want to get an idea of what’s been going on, look at my previous post.)
I unexpectedly ran into him today while working on a project at the computer lab. The first thing that came to mind as I walked in and saw him was “leave” but honestly, I couldn’t. I had to get this project done or else my future would be at the mercy of my schools hands. It’s not like my school takes kindly to failures, but, anywho.. I walked in and sat down at the desk the teacher directed me to. It was right next to the printer. I knew […]
Malicious neighbour who always try to put us down and got away with their petty revenge in the past threaten to sue my family over our car Back Up Alarm. They mock and taunt us that my family can get a heavy fine, arrested, and owe them compensation money in return. The worst case scenario is that we live in between them and their in-law family down the street who kids are just as bad. They are like ping pong balls bouncing back and forth leaving the mess behind on our driveway.
Basically, they have been openly overconfident and obnoxious ever since they snapped […]
Extremely long rant sorry ….
Oh im sorry great and all power full Sandra I dishonored you. !!!! Have I fail you I have not gave you grandchildren because “I wanted to get my financial right” her words .FUCK ME its was not i was 18 year old newly wed I wanted my own home …You know if I had a bed that did not come out of the wall. And well you know not living with you in small apt with you if I have sex no fucking will hear me the last thing I want right now is child . beacuse if you’s decided […]
I want it and I would use it in a mila sec …..I am absolutely emotionally confused ..numb sad hopless … .worthless….with constant fear of things my parents might do and how quickly I will use I that perfume if I had it .
I hate every one… my parents are playing good cop bad cop when there both psychos…inculeding my in laws my husband is still asleep sooo helpfull…(my mother just texted me do trust anyone )
Got it momma my life […]
It’s been a long time since I posted something here again. So here I am, still alive. Remember my post entitled “April 2”? that should be my date of death. I should’ve been dead by now. But still, I’m alive. But now I wish I wasn’t. I regret choosing to live again. I thought everything might turn out good this time. I tried changing. But every time I’m trying, something bad always happens and it drags me down deep. And when I thought I was getting better, it turned out worse. As usual, I still do self harm scars. I still think about suiciding. And […]