This whole forum thing is really new to me and I’m pretty scared of it all. I’m worried that I’m bothering everyone or doing something wrong by doing this, and while I may not feel really bad right now, I know that I will again at some point and that I really need the help. I’m a 16 year old therian and reluctant trans fem who is in a really bad place with their self esteem. I can’t stand being trans in the least and I just want to be cis… It makes things so much harder. I always hate how my body is wrong […]
Long story short. I’ve been on the edge for years now. A while back I realized that instead of killing myself, I could just dissapear n look at it as a ”bonus level”. I’m sure my family would be more comfortable knowing im alive somwhere. I’ve read about some people who disappeared to start a new life n are way better off. So why not try?
The only thing thats holding me back is the fact that I’m a parent. Obviously I want the best for my kid but I’m very misserable and mentally unstable so I’m not sure which is better; two parents but one […]
What happens after we die ? I wonder. Am I gonna find myself in a beautiful village with habitants full of love attention who would care for me when I’m sick, be happy for me when I succeed, accompany me in the worst times. We would laugh together about silly jokes, eat every meal together, play outside and take care of Farm animals. The view from our house would be breathtaking and everyone would get along. But most importantly, I would have forgotten everything,, every little bit of abuse, self hatred and abomination from this current life. I really hope this heaven awaits me for […]
I’ve been more suicidal than I have in a long time. It’s how I found this website. Earlier, I got close, but I saw my rock collection out of the corner of my eye. I hadn’t looked at it in a long time, and I don’t know what compelled me, but I distracted myself by picking up my rock collection, telling myself things I already knew about some of the rocks. Which ones were sea rocks, which ones probably came from a river, etc.
Somehow this distraction led to me absentmindedly cleaning (a tiny bit of) my huge depression mess, and I found some tiny things. […]
I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]
Each and every passing day I get closer and closer to being able to fully commit to killing myself and throughout my life its caused me to take a deeper look at life including my own as a whole.
Life is rife with issues and has begun to feel like its not even worth living for, even with all that I have in this life. Family, friends, acquaintances, and activities are the only things that really keep me in this life living through it all. But even now I find myself giving into these horrid thoughts, even with the kind of blessings I have had. I […]
I don’t know how to fully explain this feeling.I’m certain that I’m going to die soon. Actually I’ve been taking antidepressants on and off (SSRI) and I would take 5 mg for days then switch to ten, then not take it for some days really depending on my moods. Honestly, I got very paranoid I felt like taking them would change me completely and make me an idiot for the rest of my life. I also had some very troubling thoughts about burning myself it was almost as if I was obsessing over the idea of doing it . I wanted to burn myself to […]
I just registered here because I read that this place is sort of “mystical” and I guess a part of me is trying to cling on to any hope that keeps me from wanting to actually act on my suicidal thoughts.
Then I realized that suicide isn’t “mystical” and the people who are/were suicidal know that isn’t the best word to describe it. Suicide isn’t beautiful or interesting; its destructive /repulsive and deserves no respect whatsoever. Feeling like ending your life isn’t poetic .
I don’t know why I actually signed up here; I don’t know if it’ll help, but I do know that I need saving […]
I’ve fought so hard for this. My whole life, I’ve never been able to feel positive emotions . I can remember some memories from when I truly felt joy, when I used to hang out with some friends but nothing more than that. I’ve spent hours days trying to dig up some happy memories but nothing. I’m nothing more than an abused child, nothing more than my past. I wanna be able to feel something, anything. All I can think about nonstop is how to hurt myself. I’ve thought about burning myself to death, cutting a finger, breaking a leg. Some very violent ideas are […]
never in my life have I found a community like this one, a community so unapologetically open about their pain. it’s such a breath of fresh air. i feel.. so much less alone when i read & write here. the ability to share my story, my struggles, my feelings, and my trauma here has saved me. the thing about trauma is that it’s so taboo, i can never talk about it. i have to keep it shoved away in a lock box- but not here. here i can scream, and cry, and experience my unrelenting rage with no shame. here, i get to struggle.
i get […]
Hey my friends ! I really wanna know how everybody’s doing. What’s something that made you laugh this past week? Did you run into an old acquaintance? How is life right now ?
I think i might suffer from ptsd And my relationship with my father is pretty bad. We’ve never been really close especially after some events that happened in my childhood. Long story short, verbal and physical abuse. He even used to beat my cat. At best, he would totally ignore my existence, greeting everyone on the table except me, at worst call me a dog in front of guests, whispering that i was digusting. I was pretty badly beaten by my sibling n he n my mum would make me apologize everytime that happened. It was pretty rough man. Sometimes i wonder how i made […]
I’m really losing my mind and i don’t know what to do. i just can’t get used to this feeling, the sadness, the hopelessness. I feel nothing. The only two emotions that exist in my mind are anger and sadness. I don’t wanna die but Im extremely tired. My psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants , but i don’t know i’ve read so many bad things abt them. I’m afraid that they would change me or make me « dumber ». If someone has already tried em, please help me out.
This isn’t the one about the editor or the one about the illustrator.
it’s been so long since I posted here
Im 19 now, I dropped out- listen, university ISNT for everyone. Especially if you’re rushing things.
my dad is back in Honduras again, I mean I’m happy about that at least. I’m afraid he’ll come back.. I know he will.
to hurt us.
im doing.. okay? I guess, I don’t know how to put it, i role play as ponies, My Little Pony OCS, they’re fun actually. I used to role play before, but I drifted away after I turned 15… then im back in it again. Oh how the world goes in a circle.
i get paid with unemployment […]
Forewarning: this post may contain triggers for victims of sexual assault, drug addiction, homelessness, domestic violence, self harm.
Resilience has always been my ally. I first posted to this forum for help when I was 12. To be completely honest , I’m a little surprised to be writing this right now.
Unfortunately, although my resilience got me this far (I’m to turn 23 on January, the 5th), I’m struggling to see beyond the current moment, unless I want to feed the intrusive thoughts and disgust that I feel. I can’t fake positivity and I don’t have the energy to pursue real happiness. I feel like some sick […]
Hi, I think you may enjoy the following letter, please watch the video too, if you wish ^^,
This letter was sent in 1855 by Native American Chief Seattle of the Duwamish Tribe to Franklin Pierce, President of the United States in response to an offer to purchase the Dwamish lands in the North East of the US, currently Washington State. The Native Americans were powerfully bound to the earth; the idea of property was foreign to them, and they actually considered the earth to own humankind. This was the Chief’s moving, heartfelt letter:
The Great Chief in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our […]
You might be invisible, but I can see you standing on every corner of my mind.
Do I report an invisible man?
Do I report a faceless and voiceless man?
I still remember what you did to me that year
That summer day where you ruin my life
I remember what you wanted to do with me
I remember everything, yet your face is still a blur
Who am I suppose to run from?
Who am I suppose to hide from?
I still feel you
I can feel how you pushed me against that house
Your hands were two, but they felt like two millions
My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.