For those who have passed on.
My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.
For those who have passed on.
My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.
It’s so incredibly relaxing to sit in the comfort of oblivion. So peaceful to adopt a who cares attitude. I am absolved of all responsibility.
I was searching the webernet for tips on trimming cat claws a few years back, and came across a video by an animal behavioralist named Dr. Sophia Yin. The video was good, her personality engaging and attractive. Intrigued by what she had to say, I searched for more of her work, and found an article detailing her suicide. In it, a co-worker and friend of hers spoke of her insecurity concerning her career. Even as her business grew by […]
Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison […]
I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose […]
A friend of mine used to tweet a phrase that always sticks with me: “Some people are lucky, some people are not.” That was some years ago, and the more I live now, the more I see (& realized/learned) that it’s true. Most people seriously underestimate how luck plays a BIG/HUGE factor in their lives. Or in life, for all that matters. I don’t know and I’m not sure if it’s due to the meritocracy thing (“If you work hard, you WILL succeed/reach success!”), or if it’s due to the ‘positive/optimistic’ self-help culture/trend/hype that is literally almost everywhere nowadays, etc etc. But I think it’s […]
so the post below is from a few years ago, and I’ve decided to respond with it based on how I feel now.
original post:
June 3rd, 2016 was the day I snapped. I drove my car into a light pole at about 100kph. I just couldn’t/can’t handle life anymore. First responders arrived, I admitted to the crash being due to me wanting to die, and not losing control of the car. I was taken to the hospital where I was drugged up and put through extensive testing. I guess it was considered a serious crash even though I had no physical injuries. The next […]
“Where should I go? To the left where nothing is right? Or to the right where there is nothing left?”
~ Itachi Uchiha
So I’m someone whose really gentle with others, maybe a little bit too much sometimes, and I’m also very shy, I also went through a period of bullying, which was resolved last year thanks to a girl I loved and with whom we got along very well, one day everything broke and then got repaired and so on, the problem is that I’m at fault, I wanted to get things done too much, now I’m afraid to talk with anyone, so I found comfort in the alcohol but one day a friend of mine told me that she was going out with someone when she […]
What’s on your mind, bud? Talk to me.
I know you came on this website to see what people have to say, to see if you can leave any comments. And I also know that you want to leave comments on people to help them with the shit they’re going through.
SCREW THAT. THAT’S NOT WHY YOU’RE HERE. YOU’RE HERE BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO’LL LISTEN.
I WILL LISTEN.
Leave a comment, let’s talk. I’ll listen. No judgement, no problem-solving (unless you want it). I’ll try my best to understand, I’ll try my best to here you until you’re through, and most importantly I WILL NOT LEAVE […]
Warning: mentions of self harm and other sensitive content. I’ll try to be vague on certain words. sorry if it triggers you, this is to make you feel like you’re not alone.
My mother was forced down and forced into intercourse with my father, who she was with for 16 years at the time when she got pregnant with me. SHE HATED ME FOR IT! she attempted to get an abortion, then failed. My father even attempted to throw my mother out a window, and luck was on my side as they failed to do so.
Growing was equally as miserable for me. my father was abusive […]
It was back in January. Our friends and I were sat all of five feet away from her casket during the service. She wasn’t religious, but they held a service anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t be seen crying. My friends were distraught, feeling sick and bawling like newborns. I was like a rock. I don’t think I cried at all. How sick does that make me? The monster who didn’t cry at their friend’s funeral. What’s worse is I’m now realising I never got to break down like them. I didn’t cry for hours or get comforted by doting parents. I was left […]
After years of destroying my skin in times of desperation/crisis/stress, I thought that I’d managed to replace it with better/healthier/safer coping methods.
I thought I had finally started to stabilise.
I should have known better.
I’ve been thinking about things that have happened to me a lot lately, and I have realised that I am stranded, stuck, lost, alone in this world now.
My parents, as much as I love them dearly, have no idea about what I’ve been through, and wouldn’t (couldn’t) understand if they did.
My friends don’t understand why I am not the same, why I am not the old me. They have noticed that I am not miraculously better, even after being given time and space.
The only one who does know, is the one that left me like this, and they don’t care. They just went back to […]
Hello. I randomly stumbled across this site. Maybe it can help or maybe it its a waste of time. who knows, but here goes nothing.
I am a 30 year old African American male in Columbus Ohio. I recently moved back after my mother passed last month. It has been very devastating to me physically, emotionally, and psychologically (like death usually is from my understanding). I cant sleep well, I have to force myself to eat, and many days I dont even want to get out of bed. This stems from so much in my life while on the outside looks as though I’ve achieved much, […]
[rant alert]
I’m unlucky. I can’t even begin to say how unlucky I’m. Maybe I just fuck myself up, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m fucked. I’ve nothing. I would top the school back-to-back in the mid-tests and mid-exams, but then my body would randomly decide to put my life in danger during RE/TEE. I had acute health complications, both physical and mental. I survived Varicella in grade 10 and Enteric flu in grade 12. I had only 30% attendance. Although, I still managed to score 97% (with two 100/100) and 92% tho, I didn’t top the school. That sure was embarrassing — note: […]
The world as of now is in chaos.
And my country is being run by crocodiles.
Politicians threatening lab workers to do 2-3 test even though they’re asymptomatic and negative of the virus.
All the while, citizens who has symptoms has been dropping like flies.
People got arrested or gunned down.
Government labeling University students as terrorists for doubting the system.
Influencial people defending and admitting to sexual abuses.
And half a fandom who wants a child dead. Fictional or not. That’s fucked up.
I know what I put down is heavy. I don’t know where else to put down my demise.
I’m just very sad about […]
I believed I was the type of person who would leave a toxic situation.
I was wrong.
I love fostering cats. Mostly kittens. A few months ago, I was taking care of a litter of six with their mom. The mom was great, took care of her kitties, and was super sweet. But she was in a hoarder home (specifically the mom because the kittens weren’t born there). I ended up getting sent to a hospital. But it turns out, the mom had some parasite from before. It killed one of the kittens. My mom in her eternal wisdom decided to wait a week before telling me. Because why would I care if a six week kitten that I’d loved since birth […]
In the state if Arizona, there is a tunnel known to grant you wishes. If you drive through it, hold your breath until the end, you can make a wish and only hope it to come true. When I was younger, I’d always wish for a bike, finding my soulmate, or a house, camera, etc.
When I was 12, my wishes started to change. I had started wishing for a permanent home to stay, for someone in my family to show me love, for me to be happy; I gave up on that quickly as things were always getting worse. So I started wishing for my […]
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