Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

4

Any survivors blame their partner?

  September 6th, 2017 by lonely87

Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad …

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34

I drove my husband to suicide.

  September 4th, 2017 by lonely87

For those of you thinking about it, or those of you who have ‘survived’ it either as an attempter or someone close to them, here’s my story.

I’m 30, and my husband D was 31. We were together for 11 years and married for 9 of those, with two young daughters aged 7 and 2.

I won’t lie, the first 2-3 years we put each other through hell – I would obsess and interrogate him over silly things, go on and on at him, we argued a lot, he would lash out/snap and be violent. He was immature – I remember during one argument in the car …

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3

Holy f**k!

  September 4th, 2017 by disgusting

It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. I started having pain in Jan-Feb this year and found out I’ve got arthritis on the level of an 80-90 year old and I need my knees replaced within this year. Of course I can’t get that because I’m on state care. It’s rapidly degenerating and I face being in a wheelchair unable to do anything for myself. The nerve damage has gotten worse and I can’t feel anything but PAIN in my hands and feet and it makes it hard to wipe my ass just because it’s so painful to hold on to the toilet …

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2

Cutting relieves pain

  September 3rd, 2017 by justbecause

Karla destroyed my heart, hopes, dreams & confidence so badly that I started working a song:
You told me you wanted to grow old with me,
You threw me a way like yesterday’s garbage,
You crushed my heart,
You destroyed all my dreams,
Now I cut with a knife and
it makes everything all right

You caused so much distress in my head that I can’t sleep,
Now I cut with a knife to make everything all right

I cut with a knife and it makes everything all right,
You’ve hurt me so much,
I can cut with a knife
and not feel any pain.

I’ve come to realize for one reason or another I can’t seem to …

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1

And then it happened…

  September 1st, 2017 by Urm8451n

It was an irritating morning, upset stomach and mind full of dreams. it was somewhere back to 2014, 12th grader, happily passed harsh teenage years, I was never anything special – in my own special way. Didn’t achieve too much, didn’t succeed at everything – “blank normal”.

“BACK in those days” :
I had my own problems: my dad wasn’t supportive or even “there”, even tho all allong he was 20 km away from me. Didn’t look good, was sick with horrible sickness, couldn’t find love, didn’t had time to go out with friends. Had avg grades even if I tried to get better. argh…. Regular teenage …

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1

where do i start?

  September 1st, 2017 by wannabehappy

back in march 2015, my best friend (really my only friend) died. i was 16 years old and of course, it destroyed me. i didnt leave my room for months, did terrible in school, my father had to force me to eat something most days, i never knew i could cry so much every single day.

i still feel that pain every day two years later. ive moved in with my grandparents, started taking antidepressants. i got slightly happy for a quick minute.

i met a girl, allie, through bellas death since she was a mutual friend. we instantly became close because of how we both lost …

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1

Why?! I loved you. Why hurt me like this?

  August 31st, 2017 by beautifulmonster

why B? Why? What did I do to deserve you cheating on me? Especially the way you did. Why did you drive me to do that?! you honestly believe I’m happy how I retaliated? 15 years of my life came crashing down on me that cold Monday.  You tore my soul out. I don’t know who I am anymore. Millions are praying today and I feel nothing. The devils I’m thinking how do I get the angel of death to take me.

This is isn’t right. None of it. I can’t get away from it.  I try and try. Ultimately I get screwed. That’s what I’m good …

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1

i relapsed

  August 31st, 2017 by iamdarling

i don’t know why –

today has been relatively normal, i went out for a bit, and there was some arguing – but, nothing out of the ordinary…

all i know is, i was just watching tv and somehow my hand creeped up to my eyelashes and started to pull… and pull…

once i -properly- realised, i thought to myself, ‘the pleasure will last short of a second, then you will regret this for months.’

yet, i continued to pull.

after a while, i stopped. my lashes now look sparse, with a few gaps but… it could have been worse, i guess.

 

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2

The Unwanted, Loved Baby

  August 24th, 2017 by Lovebug4142

I was raped the first week of May. By a guy who was suppose to be my friend. He was always nice and funny, but he knew I had some trauma from my childhood, and he took advantage of that. It wasn’t the first time I had been sexually assaulted. I was molested when I was 6 and a few times after that. I tried to forget about being raped and it was taking a toll on me. I was doing drugs and cutting myself more frequently. I wanted and was going to kill myself. Then I found out I was pregnant. What was I …

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1

They are back.

  August 23rd, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to …

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5

The reason for me to live, is so others may not die

  August 23rd, 2017 by KoertsMeijer1997

I honestly am not sure where to start this all off. This is a very long story, just to let you know. For starters, I am a 20yo male. I’ve dealt with severe clinical depression, anxiety, and anger issues since I was 11yo.

I am a current EMT and am a Paramedic student in Maryland. I joined the fire department when I was 17, and have been an EMT since I was 18.

One of my first calls as a 17yo EMT student, it had been a pretty tough day. We had already run a cardiac arrest, and I was in general having one of my down …

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3

Back home.

  August 21st, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I …

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0

Every single minute Every single hour Is too late, devoured Her time had come Her time had gone The lyrics are missing, to my song Every single minute Every single hour Was supposed to be ours Her deed was done Under a hurting fire Not only hers to take, expire She had done much more. […]

4

I am a disappointment

  August 18th, 2017 by haterlivet

One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.

But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of  is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they …

5

Suicide without hurting others

  August 18th, 2017 by haterlivet

I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is …

11

First post, with a question

  August 14th, 2017 by uptheguff

I’ve been a lurker here for quite sometime, I have read so many post, replies and whatnot, that my head is filled with swimming thoughts.

I understand all too well, what has brought you all here…what has brought me here.

Seems, that most of wish to be free from existence, from the pain….we all have reasons why we want to go, some more than others.  We all have a reason that life is not as it seems but a form or “HELL”.

With all that in mind, I have a question.   All I want is death, all I want is peace, to no longer exist.

About 6 months …

2

i hate the way i look

  August 14th, 2017 by iamdarling

i am ugly – my eyes are ugly. everything else about me is fine, perfect, even, but my eyes – they are so ugly.

i don’t know what has happened to them – they used to be pretty. the past few years, they have started to change, for some reason. the only way i can ‘fix’ it is by wearing winged eyeliner and eyeliner on my waterline, and sometimes they can look great, but usually, they don’t. i mean, they look decent, as i’m pretty good at makeup, but two minutes after applying the eyeliner on my waterline, it just doesn’t look as good as it …

6

I hate my body

  August 13th, 2017 by an_old_child

I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m  just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone …

5

Life Got Worse…

  August 11th, 2017 by Kirsten

I wrote several blogs on here under the name of Shelly, my last was about six years ago. So much has happened since then that I literally don’t know where to start, and not in a good way! I’m still alive. Clearly. I’m now 45 and I’ve lost nearly everyone dear to me except for my dog, cat and sole remaining friend. One of the people I lived with for a long time turned against us and moved out severing all contact… that’s his choice, though I guess I mean nothing to him now.  Then my life partner and best friend died, in two months …

9

My Last Post

  August 9th, 2017 by FrozenSammy

So my last post…is getting a lot of hate….and I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get raped….I know it’s my fault…and I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have even posted about it….I’m very sorry for making everyone upset…I just shouldn’t have said anything….I should have kept it to myself…I’ve done it for a year….I shouldn’t have said anything…