Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

1

  August 9th, 2017 by DeadHeart

I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.

My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.

I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind

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15

Abusive Relationship

  August 7th, 2017 by FrozenSammy

I was in a very abusive relationship, I don’t like talking about it but I need to because I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t. His name was Roman. He was very kind to me and that meant a lot to me because I was going through a really dark episode. It started small, degrading me with words. Then he started hitting me, kicking me, eventually things got sexual. He was into a lot of kinky stuff that I won’t get into. I have headspaces called little space, kitten space and slave/sub space. I only go into them occasionally but he took …

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6

How

  August 7th, 2017 by FrozenSammy

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a …

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2

transparency

  August 3rd, 2017 by takethistoyourgrave

((follow up to oscillate wildly))

so. maybe…2 weeks after i made my earlier post we moved from the apartments i hated. and i was so happy! i was doing so well mentally because we had a better place now. i dropped out of band in another effort to reduce stress and also because i lowkey hated band now, and the new place was about 10 minutes farther away from my school. if i had to get up at 5:45 in order to make practices then, it would be 5:25 now and…no thanks.

i just got back from a trip to the lake with a friend …

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4

If only they knew..

  July 31st, 2017 by insignific4nt

do you think they would say things if they knew?

do you think they would sit here and tell me that everything gets better with time? Or that time heals all wounds if they could feel this?

if they had to feel this knife taking pieces of my heart… would they still look at me and tell me I’ll get over it?

if they could feel the tears that pour down my face would they still tell me everything will be okay?

2 years and it’s like nothing has changed.

2 years and I think about you with every gust of wind.

2 years and I feel your hand in mine …

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13

Just have to let something off my chest. Is suicide by cop possible? Down on a dark path. I need help.

  July 21st, 2017 by Black Holez

It’s 2 AM in here and I can’t even sleep with so many things going on in my mind. I didn’t even have thoughts of suicide and killing myself  when first coming to this site but things have been going downhill right now that this is actually the first time that the thought of committing suicide by cop and taking the bastards down who wronged me with me. It scares me that it has come down to this. I just have to let some things out of my chest if I go through with it. I’ve been putting out the facade for too long that …

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4

One More Step.

  July 21st, 2017 by kellinandrew

I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on …

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3

So long, my beloved

  July 19th, 2017 by mranony

I saw my mother died.
I saw every breath she struggling take.
I saw the twitches of her body as she dies.
I felt the warmth slowly leaving her body.
I saw my family breaking as my mother breaks.

And it was petrifying.

And as she was being embalmed,
I burnt every imperfection in my mind.
The scar on her left chest,
The stretch marks that bare the three of us.
And all the hardships she’s been through
etched in every part of her body.

And it was beautiful.

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Does anyone listen 2 matchbox 20?

  July 10th, 2017 by ILoveMyDog

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry”. I am really confused and reaching out for help, I dont know if my boyfriend is truely abusive or if its me, if I should kill myself over it or the stuff that’s gone on in my life or if anyone would ever love me, if I have anything redeeming and if I care, I would really like …

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2

I really want to die

  July 8th, 2017 by Demonqueen

… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?

Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.

………………..

Vent.

I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.

Vent.

I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.

Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.

Walking home today with my mum and her partner and two men …

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3

My Lost Flame

  July 3rd, 2017 by Melted Snow

When I was a bit younger, about 7 years ago, I met a woman who changed my life. She quickly became the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was so happy to even spend an hour with her. I was with her for 5 years. She gave me a drive to complete college, to get a good paying job, she was all I could ask for. She made me feel content with my life.

However I made the biggest mistake that I continue to regret, it makes my heart drop. I have short periods of depression like I have all through my life, …

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9

Lost

  June 28th, 2017 by Mallyjune

I don’t know what to do.  I’ve never felt so lost in my life.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago.  Because we lived together, I had to move out.  Two days ago, I found out I was pregnant.  When I told him about it, he stormed out and basically told me he wants nothing to do with any of it.

I’m so miserable.  I wake up and go to bed every night miserable and I don’t see a logical path of it getting any better.  Last night was the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself.  The only thing that stopped me was …

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6

why God tortured me like that?

  June 24th, 2017 by an_old_child

after years of suffering, it’s getting good at last.

i think i’m feeling happy and it seems to last for a while. the question here is, why did God tortured me like that?

i know that the day would come that everything will turn upside down again and i will feel down and suicidal -since no happiness is everlasting and no sadness, too- and i think that i’m not ready for that day.

i definitely feel stronger than before all these things happened to me – i don’t really want to say what i’m referring to by “these” – but i don’t like the idea of being put …

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3

Another Useless Post: I am not quaified for any relationship.

  June 17th, 2017 by BlueDiamond

I need a short break from this site. I’m starting to get so OCD or too obsessed about it that it’s making me rip my hair out. Yes, this web-site relaxes me, so the break won’t be long like two days max. XD I got contracted myself. Plus, the internet is getting slow, so I need to fix it.

Topic: If you have requirements to attract a certain person, you need to look in the mirror, if you want to know why if aren’t attracting them. BTW, dating preferences do not make you a bigot. I’m not desperate for anyone, and do feel like I’m throwing …

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2

How do you people go through with this?

  June 16th, 2017 by Black Holez

I’ve come to the realization that everything that has transpired in my life for the last 4 years has led me to being down, depressed and unable to socialize and do ordinary day-to-day tasks. I just sulk around the house unable to do anything, thinking about things like how worthless I am, how abandoned and rejected I truly feel. If I do go out and try something new, I’m unable to function and do ordinary tasks, making people view me as some kind of failure or a retard because I make a mistake. It doesn’t help that they view me as some kind of mentally …

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0

Legalities

  June 14th, 2017 by nokshus

As if it wasn’t already a ***** enough. Fuck sakes you deal with the trivialities daily. The unending grind and minutiae. The milieu of reckless absolvency. Fuck, you go from the boredom to the banality. It’s all stupid shit.

Introduce the legal system or any of the bullshit bureaucracy into the fuckshow that is life and it becomes a whole new ball game. Fuck the legalities and hoops it makes you jump through. For real. Fuck incarceration.

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17

Second

  June 12th, 2017 by Demonqueen

He’s destroyed me.

I won’t survive in prison.

He’s got what he wanted all along.
I won’t be able to have kids.

He’s destroyed every inch of me.
I have nothing left.

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2

the plan was today

  June 10th, 2017 by halfleft

We only shared a few words about ending the constant pain.

Wanting so badly to leave,  I could not  say “please stay”

I don’t know how to ask “do you still exist?” I can’t not care.

I am so tired of being reborn each moment into this tragedy.

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2

First

  June 10th, 2017 by Demonqueen

I just really want to die.

The last seven years have been a blur.

But 7 years… 18-25. Years I haven’t lived.
Heck, I wasn’t even living before then.

Don’t get into a relationship, you’ll lose everything.
Time, friends, sanity, freedom are just a few.

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13

The selfish regret

  June 8th, 2017 by halfleft

When she chose hospice instead of treatment I couldn’t argue. There was no fight left in her. Free morphine and weed, or horrible surgery, pain and more chemo? Sometimes I envy her. Sometimes I wish  I had pressured her to stay for me. Then I hate myself.

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