Category:

Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

Ember and Cinder

by Lacey D 6/27/2020

written by Lacey D

I love fostering cats. Mostly kittens. A few months ago, I was taking care of a litter of six with their mom. The mom was great, took care of her kitties, and was super sweet. But she was in a hoarder home (specifically the mom because the kittens weren’t born there). I ended up getting sent to a hospital. But it turns out, the mom had some parasite from before. It killed one of the kittens. My mom in her eternal wisdom decided to wait a week before telling me. Because why would I care if a six week kitten that I’d loved since birth […]

6/27/2020 2 comments

The Tunnel

by fallencrescendo 6/12/2020

written by fallencrescendo

In the state if Arizona, there is a tunnel known to grant you wishes. If you drive through it, hold your breath until the end, you can make a wish and only hope it to come true. When I was younger, I’d always wish for a bike, finding my soulmate, or a house, camera, etc.

When I was 12, my wishes started to change. I had started wishing for a permanent home to stay, for someone in my family to show me love, for me to be happy; I gave up on that quickly as things were always getting worse. So I started wishing for my […]

6/12/2020 7 comments

Infinite Regret

by EmbalmedHeart 5/21/2020

written by EmbalmedHeart

There are so many events that stain the soul,

That create a mental prison of infinite pain and remorse, a chasm in my mind deeper than Mariana’s trench.

How does one undo their own terrified actions wrought with the confusion of age and inappropriate exposure?

How does one reconcile all the feelings of self hatred for things they don’t understand and didn’t.

How do you live with yourself even though you attempt to define your moral compass with the utmost ethos possible.

How do you live with yourself?

How do you ever come to accept yourself as a person […]

5/21/2020 5 comments

I’m not in Hell, I feel it

by Todamnbad 5/12/2020

written by Todamnbad

Arthritis is one hell of a injury. I have had two finger surgeries if anyone has read my posts through out the community. It delivers a shockwave of pain through your nervous system. I have freak injuries. One day I woke up, nothing unusual happened, but when I woke, I was in a tremendous amount of eye pain. I lost bottom muscle of your eye, which is suppose to hold eye in your place but now it sits on top of the bone socket, and hurts like a living hell. I saw two eye doctors, no big specialist, they count diagnose me. I know for […]

5/12/2020 2 comments

Ten years ago and counting

by ladicius 5/1/2020

written by ladicius

I’ve been suicidal since I was twelve years old, the first time I was hospitalized for an attempt. Maybe it started when I was eleven or ten; it gets fuzzy as the years pass. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I and CPTSD – the double whammy of extreme proportions. I thought that when I stopped doing drugs, started taking medication, started exercising, left my abusive relationship, started my transfer to a prestigious university, etc. etc. a million.. I thought these feelings would leave me. I thought that the traumatic memories, the extremes of mood, I thought that they would all disappear. Here I am, the […]

5/1/2020 1 comment

“Life is a gift! Live, laugh, love! You only live once (YOLO)! Thank God! Life is beautiful!” etc etc. Well, not really. Wake up and open your eyes to reality.

by niki 4/11/2020

written by niki

Only those people who are lucky & fortunate in life who can loudly say that life is a gift. The reality is, not everyone is fortunate. In fact, most people on this planet live in pain & sufferings just barely enough to survive. And then, even if people live in the first-world developed countries like in U.S or Europe for example, there are ironically still people who are depressed, and even suicidal/commit suicide. If life is a gift, like most people nowadays keep saying, then why all those reality exist? The only answer I can think of is: it is human’s nature perhaps for (most) […]

4/11/2020 5 comments

ordinary

by venus. 4/6/2020

written by venus.

i first found out about ‘suicide forums’ when i was reading from a (shocker) suicide book. i quickly looked at the website, convincingly telling myself it was out of curiosity. closed the tab as if spending any more time on it would spread to me and infect me. it did. it became something i did a lot. reading through pages and pages of people and their thoughts. ironic to see so many alone people feel alone together. at this point i wouldn’t say i’m sad, i’m still. i wish i could write about how everything has messed me over. i feel drained, empty, tired of […]

4/6/2020 10 comments

Life sucks and then you die

by niki 4/1/2020

written by niki

Some people are lucky; Some people are not.
The more you learn about this world and society, the more you will realize that Life is random (chances), and yes, Life is not fair. Reality is depressing.

Most people who still always keep saying that “if you work hard, you will be successful!” are naive, ignorant, and simple-minded typical “optimistic/positive/happy-go-lucky” people you always see everywhere. And even for those people who realized it and therefore said that what’s important is to “work smart”, it also usually often means to be sly, cunning, opportunistic bastards who are too often selfish, pricks, ruthless, cold, heartless, and only care about […]

4/1/2020 4 comments

Soul Cancer

by cloud 3/31/2020

written by cloud

yes, this shit is a soul cancer, depression is even worse than body cancer, it kills your soul , and once ur soul is dead, u are dead even if ur body keeps moving. and thats where we start thinking of commiting suicide cuz thats the only option we see, we are dead, so we want to kill the only thing left which is the body.

that bing said , i hope i dont reach that stage , am getting worse evveryday but am trying to fight back even tho i lose most of my battles vs depression, anxiety, overthinking and negativity . i am having […]

3/31/2020 3 comments

At Least

by freeroma 3/10/2020

written by freeroma

At least he’s not suffering, in pain.
At least he doesn’t have to worry anymore.
At least he’s not here to pay witness to the next worst thing, wonder what else could fall apart. He doesn’t have to prepare or feel himself disintegrating. At least he doesn’t have to grieve his self.

At least he’s not here anymore, because he couldn’t heal and he didn’t deserve to rot alive, to feel every betrayal of his body.

At least he was. loved, cherished, looked after. Not alone even through dark nights of the soul. Forgiven when he fell.
At least he was.

For all that was, now he […]

3/10/2020 0 comment

Life is not fair

by niki 2/9/2020

written by niki

Life is not fair

Some people are lucky,
Some people are not

Some people live a successful & happy life,
Some people fail miserably & even commit suicide

Everything is just only a random chance

The universe doesn’t care
We are just only a tiny little speck of dust in this vast universe

Nothing matters.

2/9/2020 6 comments

1115 Days…

by JCITM 2/9/2020

written by JCITM

One thousand, one hundred and fifteen days have gone by since we discovered you were no longer a part of this universe, our universe. It has gotten easier to process but it’s still not easy. The shock of it never ceases. It is still surreal. How can I summarize in words the cluster of pain we feel everyday given your absence? Let’s see. The reality that you are missing and missed our daughter and son’s 16th birthdays, his phenomenal culinary […]

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2/9/2020 9 comments

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To grow up and being an adult (adulthood) is overrated and depressing

by niki 2/7/2020

written by niki

When we grow up into being an adult, often we are pressured to be “realistic”. But at what cost? Too often, especially when you’re not ‘lucky/fortunate’ enough, all this whole “adulthood” and “grow up” things just turned us into a jaded, weary, bitter, cynical, apathy, limited, empty, cold, sad, & depressed person/individual..

The young, youthful, carefree, freespirit, creative, lively, happy, & dreamy/dreamer “child” / “childhood” in us often times slowly have died.. as we grow up into being an adult..

And for many people, it also usually means that we have to “let go”, or to be more honest & real, I would say that we are […]

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2/7/2020 6 comments

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Shadows in my mind and heart

by Indianagav 1/17/2020

written by Indianagav

I’ve been considering ending it all. The first girl I ever opened myself to has left me. She helped me through abuse and sexual assault. I’m a male and never talked about it to anyone. To keep her I broke my family and my relationship with them. I had three mentors, all in February took their lives one after another. My girl left me on Christmas eve, right after I came home from MEPS to join the army. I passed but now I wished I didn’t. It’s difficult when shaving to not just slice my neck. I shave with a straight razor. I may stop […]

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1/17/2020 4 comments

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It is what It is…

by JohnDoe88 1/11/2020

written by JohnDoe88

I have depression since I can remember. As a kid went through all sorts of family violence and abuse (being sexual the only exception I think). an alcoholic father, 2 much bigger siblings that used to bull me and beat me real bad sometimes… (It’s ok, I Don’t blame them anymore. I feel like they had their own issues as well…) No one to talk to or ask me what was wrong… Alone at home. Alone at school… Running to uncles and neighbors whenever my dad freaked out and tried to kill my mom, sleeping on couches. Never having a place… feeling like total stranger […]

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1/11/2020 0 comment

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I regret..

by Itscolourlife 1/9/2020

written by Itscolourlife

I regret..
Should die that day..
I regret..
Believing there is a light..
I regret..

I REGRET I CHOOSE TO LIVE
I REGRET..
MY BIGGEST REGRET

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1/9/2020 1 comment

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Christmas

by Kirka 12/21/2019

written by Kirka

I’m always afraid of christmas. Something bad always happen in this date. It started when i tried to kill myself, some years ago… But this year… 2019 has being an impossible year. Only sadness. Only losses. And now my best friend, which supposed to be with me to give me some strenght, just left me behind. Probably because she was afraid of a relationship with me. She just can’t understand that all i want is some happiness back. She was my light. Now she’s gone, i just don’t know if forever. If it sounds ridiculous for someone there… well… i can’t do nothing.

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12/21/2019 2 comments

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Being a good and nice person is not enough

by niki 12/17/2019

written by niki

You also must be ‘smart’ especially in terms of knowing how to make money. And often times, that also means you also have to be opportunistic, follow the system & rules (just like everybody else), even be cunning, sly, ruthless, brash, full of tricks, greedy, selfish, ready to step on other people who are ‘weaker’ (eg: poorer, etc).

Money is everything in our modern society today, unfortunately. It’s all about money nowadays. And if you can’t beat the system, then you have to join them. Everyday you are forced to survive, or for survival. And if you’re not strong enough to follow the system/rules, then too […]

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12/17/2019 3 comments

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Whats the worst?

by Unsheard 11/13/2019

written by Unsheard

If I went back to who I was, what is the worst that could happen. The old me was so happy just living. Yet for some reason i’m scared of being normal again. It’s been years since I was happy just being alive and going through the motions of life. Then it took one girl to unravel my life, that’s bullshit and I know it. Still there’s something holding me back…

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11/13/2019 1 comment

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is this hell?

by someonehelpmedie 11/1/2019

written by someonehelpmedie

Unfortunately, my life was never in the worst.

There was always someone more unfortunate than me. I used this reasoning to shame myself on not being happy. I was mentally and physically abused my brother for 5 years. And my parents closed their eyes and ears when I asked for help. My sister made fun of me for being abused. He chocked me punched me when something was wrong. When no one else is home he kicked me out of the house and did not let me in. I started to have depression and panic attack. My parents told me that kids can’t have that and […]

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11/1/2019 1 comment

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