Category:

Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

My dad

by SamLight 4/20/2021

written by SamLight

I think i might suffer from ptsd And my relationship with my father is pretty bad. We’ve never been really close especially after some events that happened in my childhood. Long story short, verbal and physical abuse. He even used to beat my cat. At best, he would totally ignore my existence, greeting everyone on the table except me, at worst call me a dog in front of guests, whispering that i was digusting. I was pretty badly beaten by my sibling n he n my mum would make me apologize everytime that happened. It was pretty rough man. Sometimes i wonder how i made […]

4/20/2021 2 comments

Antidepressants

by SamLight 4/13/2021

written by SamLight

I’m really losing my mind and i don’t know what to do. i just can’t get used to this feeling, the sadness, the hopelessness. I feel nothing. The only two emotions that exist in my mind are anger and sadness. I don’t wanna die but Im extremely tired. My psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants , but i don’t know i’ve read so many bad things abt them. I’m afraid that they would change me or make me « dumber ». If someone has already tried em, please help me out.

4/13/2021 18 comments

What’s Next?

by Girl1800 4/12/2021

written by Girl1800

demystifying death

Snow White was portrayed as peaceful; though death is not peaceful at all. If this were real she would be a corpse.

Society has idealized death so much that it has become common for most of us to see it as a way out imagining an end to our own pain and suffering by form of stoping. What a burden to feel like we must take it upon ourselves to end our lives- it is dreadfully sad. Part of the problem is that society […]

4/12/2021 4 comments

The Mystery Behind the Culprit

by Mauve 3/27/2021

written by Mauve

To The Person That I Mirrored Myself
Despite the fact that I am fully aware of what is going on in your life, your inspirational and motivational messages captivated me. I admire your ways of dealing with life because I don’t. Four years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a goal-oriented person who is concerned with the future and success. I was a “church girl” who read scriptures always and prayed three times a day, […]

3/27/2021 5 comments

recalling torture

by system 3/19/2021

written by system

the way my blood ran cold every time you threatened me

the way that the blade felt as i dug it into my flesh to form the letters of your name

the way the candle wax burned as it hit my skin

the way that the acidic feeling in my throat would linger when you made me film myself purging

the way i would try to speak clearly between sobs in those videos you forced me to make, the ones where i apologized to you

the way you talked me out of taking my life in front of you, not out of love, but out of your desire to keep […]

3/19/2021 4 comments

Why am I alive?

by Die555 3/13/2021

written by Die555

Hello, so let’s just start this off with a “I should be dead right now” I have no idea why I’m still alive. My girlfriends in the past have cheated on me and my girlfriend now likes someone else and hates me. My family told me to kill myself many times in the past and doesn’t care about me. I’m alone and by myself. I’ve tried many MANY times in the past and failed. Every. Single. Time. The closest I’ve ever come to death is a car accident in 2017 and I was in a 8 month coma. God only KNOWS how I came out […]

3/13/2021 2 comments

Update on last post

by Vukovar woman 3/13/2021

written by Vukovar woman

Hi.
I didn’t check on my post a few days after I uploaded it, so I didn’t reply to anyone.
I wanted to do so, so it wouldn’t look like I’m dead.
In the meanwhile I did try to commit, “first time” (I was anorexic in the past, I don’t know if it counts). I came out whole.
My dad beat me up a week ago.

I’m fine, my right leg twitched uncontrollably for a minute but now it’s gone. I’m not sure how I should feel about it though.

It started when they spilled ink on my table when I told them to leave me alone, […]

3/13/2021 2 comments

things he said

by system 3/9/2021

written by system

his name is censored and the lines have been recolored for safety reasons. i’m a minor. please don’t sexualize any of this. please. this is vent art that I made during the time I was being abused. everything written was taken straight from voice memos, emails, and messages.

edit: how many times do i have to reiterate that this wasn’t a relationship. leave me alone. please.

3/9/2021 21 comments

everything and nothing

by system 2/25/2021

written by system

he gave me everything and nothing all at the same time. i was absolutely convinced that i was in love with him, that he was the only one who could ever truly be with me. because he told me so. he told me that he was the only person who could ever possibly understand someone like me, the only person who could truly make me happy. it was a falsity, to say the least. a sham. i bled for him. i destroyed myself for him. i gave him every ounce of life that i had left in me until i was running on empty. […]

2/25/2021 3 comments

nameless, faceless

by system 2/23/2021

written by system

they seldom had a name or a face. they knew everything about me but i knew nothing about them. their anonymity versus my specificity. no name, no face. just words, just abuse. they offered me nothing but threats and love that was a falsity. once caught in the first one’s trap, i was left wounded like a fox in the jaws of a bear trap. with bone showing and flesh cut away, it made me easier to catch. it weakened me. then came the next hunter, the next predator. and the next. and the next. unachievable is my justice as they remain nameless, faceless.

2/23/2021 2 comments

repulsion

by system 2/14/2021

written by system

the disgust. the self shaming and hatred. it kills me. because of the nature of the abuse i’ve endured, i’m left with a body devoid of purity, a husk adorned with scars and tainted with contempt. i am repulsed. i am repulsed with myself, i am repulsed by sexuality because it has not been presented to me as a loving gift, but a weapon. a weapon to degrade me and disintegrate any sense of dignity i had left. a weapon to steal away the power from me, to leave me as nothing but a puppet. a slave. reduced to an object. discarded once they’ve tortured […]

2/14/2021 3 comments

emotional debilitation

by system 2/8/2021

written by system

I’m so tired.

Partially because the ~6 or so hours of sleep I get are of abysmal quality, but I mostly attribute my exhaustion to me being sick. I’m so fucking sick. I’m so exhausted all the time, the nightmares and night terrors plague me and I spend a significant amount of my day thinking about the awful dreams or worrying that it’s some kind of “sign” or “warning,” as if I have precognition or some shit (I know it’s stupid, I don’t know why my anxiety seems to make me delusional to an extent). The effects of my PTSD are fucking debilitating. The dissociation kills […]

2/8/2021 12 comments

Pain Exceeding One’s Ability to Cope, aka my daily life

by ca-rifka 2/8/2021

written by ca-rifka

The definition of overwhelming pain is when pain exceeds one’s ability to cope, aka my daily life.

I’m talking just the physical pain, too…there is almost always an accompanying existential crises about self-worth and chronic illness.

As someone living with multiple chronic illnesses, including endometriosis and chronic nerve entrapment, the story of my daily life resembles both that of a heroine in a gothic horror novel and that of a golem girl made of glass. And to me this makes sense, the mood of my body oscillating regularly between two worlds – stuck in the middle just like everything else in my life.

And so goes the story […]

2/8/2021 0 comment

it’s 2021

by applepie2929 1/6/2021

written by applepie2929

it’s been so long since I posted here

Im 19 now, I dropped out- listen, university ISNT for everyone. Especially if you’re rushing things.

my dad is back in Honduras again, I mean I’m happy about that at least. I’m afraid he’ll come back.. I know he will.

to hurt us.

im doing.. okay? I guess, I don’t know how to put it, i role play as ponies, My Little Pony OCS, they’re fun actually. I used to role play before, but I drifted away after I turned 15… then im back in it again. Oh how the world goes in a circle.

i get paid with unemployment […]

1/6/2021 1 comment

Screaming within

by Addiictivetragedy 12/21/2020

written by Addiictivetragedy

I’ve been scared, I got lost within the darkness..the shadows keep me awake.

I know my truth, while you scream that “it was all fake.”

you have to face yourself in the mirror and what evil things you did.

you not only scared me now, but you brought up memories I buried from when I was a fucking KID !

Facing trauma daily because I’m afraid I’m going to be hurt again, then when nighttime hits, I’m left with thoughts of how I just want this life to fucking END. I don’t want to live but I don’t want to […]

12/21/2020 1 comment

Debriefing

by mustardteagirl 12/21/2020

written by mustardteagirl

Forewarning: this post may contain triggers for victims of sexual assault, drug addiction, homelessness, domestic violence, self harm.

Resilience has always been my ally. I first posted to this forum for help when I was 12. To be completely honest , I’m a little surprised to be writing this right now.

Unfortunately, although my resilience got me this far (I’m to turn 23 on January, the 5th), I’m struggling to see beyond the current moment, unless I want to feed the intrusive thoughts and disgust that I feel. I can’t fake positivity and I don’t have the energy to pursue real happiness. I feel like some sick […]

12/21/2020 2 comments

I feel so alone that nobody cares even if I die

by niki 12/9/2020

written by niki

My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.

12/9/2020 6 comments

(re posted) my attempted suicide story

by Thorium 232 12/1/2020

written by Thorium 232

This is my story about why I almost killed myself back in late November of 2019. Most of the time when we hear suicide we get this idea of someone doing it because they want “the pain to stop” or they feel that suicide is the only way out. Well, that’s not why I almost killed myself. I did it out of sheer guilt. A little backstory as to what lead to this was that I had a friend that I unintentionally made feel uncomfortable multiple times throughout the fall semester of my junior year at college. Nothing that I did was sexual in any […]

12/1/2020 1 comment

Tortured… I know it well , Terry A Davis.

by TorturedAndExiled 11/5/2020

written by TorturedAndExiled

Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison […]

11/5/2020 0 comment

People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?

by niki 11/3/2020

written by niki

I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose […]

11/3/2020 6 comments

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