there’s a squeezing of my insides, a shredding of my mind, and a weight pulling down my body that will not let up. and now that it’s all more outwardly seen by other people, again, they are offended by it. not even from what I say to them, just from it visibility affecting me. just keep your thoughts to yourself, for fuck’s sake. people truly think that you either aren’t trying enough or will tell you to consider something that you’ve already considered about a hundred different times, without their input. don’t say a damn thing, I’ll be much better off
It’s not much fun, being a monster. Would not recommend it. You get these constant reminders of what everyone thinks of you. Society loves a good villain. How can our heroes be truly heroic if those they pursue aren’t truly evil? Writers love to plumb the depths of human depravity, and audiences eat it up.
The obvious response to this is “just stop being evil.” Unfortunately, your past casts a long shadow. Some things mark you as forever beyond the pale, even after you stop. Besides which, the motivations that led you to that point don’t just disappear. If you’re sufficiently fucked in the head, realising […]
This is my first post on this site after being an infrequent reader since high school.
Things in my life have been going well for the most part…I literally traveled to another country (my dream destination) over a month ago. I have a great and well-paying job (although it’s stressful right now), my own apartment that I can comfortably afford, the sweetest dog, a working car…I am so unbelievably privileged. But ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been so detached from my life.
I feel directionless. There are things I want to do with my life, so badly, but instead I watch TV and zone out […]
He has been the source of my issues since I was born. He’s abusive in all ways possible: physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and financial. I’ll never be able to leave this place and he’s got my mother wrapped around his finger, so whatever I say about him, she excuses it.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about dying. I’ll leave all of my possessions with my brother (my best friend) and I’ll apologize to all of my friends before I quit. I have nowhere else to go and he’s controlling my life. I can’t leave without killing myself. It’s the only way out.
I have pets, but he’s threatened […]
So idk. I guess life is ok but i just can’t keep on keeping on. I was married, now i’m not. Then I was involved in a rather complicated relationship. now I’m not. At the end of the day i know that i am loved, and i am responsible for my children, and i have burdens to carry. And idk if I can keep things keeping on. idk if i want to. My ex is a complete wreck, alcoholic, abusive, tells the world that I am a pathetic worthless human being even though i’m the one who made sure that our children were fed.
I just really need someone to hug, at the very least. There is nobody there though, I’m all alone, isn’t that funny?
Isn’t it funny when you’re alone yet surrounded by people? Isn’t it funny when everyone’s looking at you yet they can’t see you? Isn’t it funny when you’re drowning in a croud?
When everyone can save you but nobody does?
Nodoby knows?
Nobody even notices?
Please, notice. Someone, please. See me. Please… I don’t want to die just yet. Anyone? But they don’t hear me.
Is it me or is it them?
Do I exist? Do I matter in this world or am I just another object in your […]
This is my first post and lets do this.
I am just an average guy who fought with depression my whole life. It started in fifth grade and got worse over the years. Sorry for my english I am not a native speaker
Highlights this year:
– (Januaray) My uncle died, my dad had a stroke, and my ex broke up with me. Best 3 weeks of my life.
-(ApriL) I broke down in front of my parents telling them that i want to kill myself whil crying. they respone was laughing me out.
-(May) I had a break […]
it’s hard to figure out how to start or end with this. i’ve lost my will about a hundred times already, yet i still find new lows to hit. i despise my job and can not find any real relief from working because i have second gig that i go to nearly every day, so I’m always getting home late. i’ve never been able to leave home before and am now stuck living at home to help take care of one family member while having to be around two others that i cannot stand. i can’t enjoy any movies, shows, and video games anymore. i […]
I’ve done some bad things recently. It’s my second DUI. I deserve death! I never thought fear could be dangerous but it turns out my fear is my biggest enemy and it’s quite harmful to those in my community. I drink to self medicate my extreme social anxiety. I’ve made myself a promise as an alcoholic…….I WILL NEVER DRIVE A CAR AGAIN. I tried all the tips and tricks to dealing with social anxiety but I’m someone who really needs medication for it. It turns out that Psychiatrists don’t wanna prescribe anything useful because they’re afraid of getting sued. Apparently there’s a lot of “patients” […]
Living surrounded by my enemies. It’s possible but it’s pretty hard
How can a human be happy in this world when everything is fucked up? Why aren’t things going alright for everyone? Why isn’t everything perfect? Why the constant struggle?
I still feel like I’m a kid but somehow I’m 27. What. The. Fuck. How did I get here?
I’m pretty much a failure in every aspect of life.
career? hah, someone out of highschool can do my job
money? I’m a dumb fuck and managed to lose most of it when markets only went up the last two years
social life? what’s that. I can barely talk to people without being anxious or stammering like an idiot.
love life? who would want to be with a loser like me.
Can’t even do basic shit expected of a human:
– struggle with putting thoughts into words (spent like 30 minutes making this […]
Been four and a half years since my last post, so hi there, I guess?
Just now I reread this post and felt that things hadn’t aged well, so I’ll be going over every bullet I put in here. Why? I mean, why not? I do not really care if anyone reads it or not, but I thought it would be interesting for myself to do. Ok, but then why bother posting it? Just in case someone would find it entertaining, I guess?
Here is why I hate my life
– My school life sucks (the only decent thing are my grades)
This one didn’t age well […]
Fuck all of this
A while back, I wrote about the meaning of friends…I said they were worthless, unneeded, unnecessary.
When my birthday came around, I had a friend make me a homemade card, we celebrated, I was happy. That’s why friends are important. They take your mind away from the things that trouble you. Friends care about you and they show it with not just words, but actions. While I was in school with summer nearing, I feared we would forget about each other, just like all the others. But I was thrilled to find out that they had planned a sleepover and I was invited. […]
i’m not scared of dying. i’m scared of surviving the attempt.
I haven’t seen my grandma in forever. Recently I got in contact with some more members of my family.
She will be visiting in another town nearby to me soon. I can only afford the bus fare and not much else. She is rich and I don’t want to embarass myself in front of her because I’m so poor. Now she’ll probably think I’m an asshole for not meeting up.
I can’t afford to go out to eat at a restaurant, let alone an expensive one. Nor can I afford to throw money around…
I wonder if I should’ve just fibbed before she is about […]
To my dear
Father: Sorry I wished you were never my father, Im sorry I wished you never existed or wished you couldn’t give a single shit about me. Honestly I don’t even want to say sorry to you. Yes I’m selfish, I guess you never done anything wrong and it wasn’t your fault you were never there. Only thing I hate is that you wish I was more closer to you. How the fuck is it my fault I’m not comfortable around you or your side of the family? Another thing is your kinda sexist. Feel sorry for your daughter and son. I really hate […]
POV
Your life is perfectly fine. Your parents are amazing, so are your family, you have a few but amazing friends, and your living a decent life but you still are sad and never satisfied with life. Then you came to the conclusion and realized, yup I’m the problem. And you are. You always were. You are the burden in every ones life and even in yours. You hurt every one you have met no matter how great they treated you. You were always selfish and useless. You know allll these things yet you never decided to change. So you thought, fuck it, why suffer […]
The only way I want to leave this world is by suicide. Not soon, I still have things I want to do. I have life goals and a plan with my longterm boyfriend. Death takes up so much time in my mind. Any inconvenience is the end of the world or might as well be. I don’t want to die of old age, feeling my body get old and slowly give out, its not the way I want to go. I have spent my whole life surviving, I want to be dead before things get worse with no hope to be better. In a way […]
Apparently all I really needed to clear my sinuses was an eight hour day hanging pipe in a future craft store. Upshot, we got the A/C on today, so the work area is somewhat liveable. The humidity is still awful, but after a few days that should let up.
I feel remarkably dead inside. I came out of my near coma to realize that my current work is repetitive and silly, but I also can’t think of anything better to do. To be clear; I could think of plenty of better things to do, but they all cost money. I can’t think of anything better to […]