The question is: is suicide the way out or the way in? Love this quote. What do y’all think?

Mentally torturing myself for being so pathetic.  Even with my terror of complete darkness I have last couple nights took my little flash light with me and my little  dogs and went outside into pitch black darkness alone.  Its so hard to keep walking into the darkness outside alone when everything n you tells you to run. Each unexpected thing you see like a tree can can cause so much panic.  At times I feel so much panic I cant move I am frozen , when I get a grip I force myself to go farther by telling myself I am a pathetic exuse of […]

Hey.

This is my first entry. I’ve never really been good with describing my pain or how I feel. So, bare with me, okay? I live in Montreal, Canada. My parents aren’t married and they have four kids, myself included. This has a lot to do in my life so it’s important that you note this.

I began to feel depressed when I was ten. My older sister, Veronica, was the main reason to my bullying. She always pushed me around and made me feel like shit. You might say that everyone feels like this at one point, right? Possibly. But what made this worst was that […]

ive had bouts of depression before but never so severe as this.  ive been tagged as bipolar and am on meds which i think are destroying my body and mind.  ive been drinking steadily for a couple months now to dull the pain but of course it is not a solution. my husband abandoned me while i was in psychiatric care and i cant seem to get past the loss. i lost my significant other, my job, my pets, my apartment, my independence, my everything.  im developing severe anxiety issues where im scared even to take the bus now. the only thing really stopping me […]

By hipstercrites, I mean these leftists “democrats are the good guys,” people (I’m neither liberal or conservative, because I am an adult, I outgrew the high school labeling system long ago), they wanna trash other hipsters and pretend theyr not a hipster, yet, they’ve just got to follow all the popular “enlightened” trends. They worship science, are dogmatic in their perception of facts, they trash religion while sucking up to a president who follows religion (go figure, because theyr so die hard against religion, right?), they go on and on about evolution, a belief which outlines the dark side of human nature, “might makes right” […]

It isso obvious now.

Goodbye

Drunk again, almost 3 months now. I have to hit the streets again.

I am so tired, I want it to end and sooner or later it will.

Bye, Hejda, Auf Weidewiesen

Andrew

So this is how it is going. i won’t really say i will “do” it. lately i seem to be loosing faith in continuity, not theoretically but existentially. i don’t seem to care what happened to me in past, i don’t seem to care how my plans or actions will show their result in future; i just seem to be living in around present, with its little pasts and futures, but not bigger pasts and futures.

I’m becoming more and more secluded into myself.

I’m gonna give up whatever knowledge i have accumulated hitherto, all those conclusions and correlations i’ve made, all my theories and hopes (except one). […]

I’m thankful for my wife, everyone one here, the ones in my family that I love and that love me, and for the good that I do have. And for my beliefs that make suicide not so insanely scary. Again, that’s for your support here.

I fucking hate the holidays it’s always te same my dad beig a major asshole and my mom being a ***** I can’t do this anymore this is fucking ridiculos I HTE everything and can’t wait for the holidays to be over I have my date set

a man is what he thinks about all day

im known to be a whiner.. i shouldnt but ive been itching to whine and vent..

so after my disastrous breakup w my ex gf.. i told her i was schizo and went ape shit on her.. i said to myself no girlfriends until you get ur act together..

but i’ve had a chance to be with somebody.. but i rejected it in my head and it’s so frustrating.. my confidence kinda dropped to.. she’s probably getting tired of waiting for me to chase her but maybe not.. but it’s frustrating nonetheless so frustrating..

anyways i figure don’t think about […]

hiraeth
pronounced (HEER-eyeth)
(n) a home sickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

I hadn’t cut for seven months. This morning i cut up my legs.

I feel like I might throw up.

I feel so weak and pathetic.

There is just simply no joy left in my life.

I’ve been in therapy a few times. And I eventually do see improvement, but it takes years of work; painful work. And it’s expensive, it sucks to throw a lot of time and effort and money into this just get up to a baseline where I can function.

I have cycled back to hopelessness, despair and a deep depression again. I think this is the worst yet. Added to my black mood are some financial hardships that are becoming overwhelming. We can’t register the cars, our health insurance has lapsed. My husbands’ income is commission only and […]

What is friendship? What is love? How does it feel to be close to someone, to love and to be loved? What would life be like with someone to talk to, to tell everything that is on your mind? To share moments, days, even a lifetime? What would life be like with a purpose, a reason to continue and even enjoy? To help endure what life throws at you? What gives you the courage to step up for yourself, to make a difference? What helps you survive in a world of loneliness, anger and numbness where every single moment is a struggle?

Why will I never […]

I used to be the one stuck on the sidelines-
but lately things have started to change
I would’ve never thought that being the way I am could make everything end up this way
this is never what I would have expected
there is nothing wrong but they still want me corrected
why can’t they just let me do what I do
I’m not hurting anyone so why are they?

how could they try and change who I’ve always been
what did i do wrong? I never wanted any of this
I’m sorry if I ever offended any of them, but I am who I am,
there’s not much more that […]

i really hate that feeling in november when you remember that thanksgiving and christmas are right around the corner again n u have to be around ur family n pretend to get along with them n be merry and wear a fake smile. i just wish there was someone i could be with on the holidays to avoid family members with and just not give a shit about other people. Normally i dont mind being single but when it comes to the holidays i wish i had someone to b with so we could be alone together n at least for a litle while not […]

so, where do i start.what defines me is not where ive been or what ive done; at any second who you are can change. with the passage of time nothing remains the same. And it seems ridiculous to say i dont know who i am, and really i dont. I someday wonder if someone can truly know who they are. or maybe a self identity is never established and people just grow comfortable with there surrounds and are like, meh fuck it.

i often picture the moment of self realization to be played out like a movie, where the sun shines to brightly over the top […]

I haven’t gone to school recently and everyone thinks it’s becasue I’m ill yes I’m ill just not sick my depression is starting to gy the better of me and I can’t even focus at school and yesterday my friends were talking about self harm and depression and stuff an I got angry becasue thy thought they knew it all and I said You don’t know what depression is like unless you have been through it an I don’t want to talk to anyone and people on this site are making it worse they think they know better but they don’t ! I feel so […]

Help me

I’m breaking. I don’t know what to do. I’m so used to picking up my own pieces, to putting myself back together again. I’ve never had emotional support. I go to a psychiatrist, but even she doesn’t seem to know how to help me. I talk to my dad probably once a week, even when I was at home. Now I’m 17, a senior in highschool and 20 hours away from my friends and “family”.

I can’t do it anymore. I cut again today, it was the first time I’ve cut in about  a year.

I don’t know what to do. My brain won’t stop, I’m […]