I see quite a few people unhappy with feeling nothing. If you haven’t known agony, I suppose nothing might seem unpleasant. I’m a big fan of nothing, that empty void which cannot be filled and doesn’t desire so. That’s me today, after several days of being moderately feeling, I awoke today to feel nothing. I look at my hands, arms, legs, body, and they are just a facile set of window dressing, very little to do with me.  I feel like a parade balloon, others pull me along by my guide lines, I just bob and nod, look at the meaningless man, is it Easter […]

One might ask you, do you see the glass as half full or half empty.

But…

Both answers are correct. (unless we’re gonna get stupid and start measuring millimeters (liters, depending on how you’re measuring it))

My mother is VERY narcissistic. Always finds a way to make every situation about herself. When I sit back and think, I realize that I’m often doing the same, just not out loud. I don’t project my narcissism onto others and I feel that makes me better/? than her in some ways. But my narcissism has taken ahold of my suicidal thoughts.

I’ve always wanted to die ever since I was young, but these past couple years the one constant reason I have for wanting to kill myself, is to see who’d show up for my funeral. I want to see who shows up, who cries […]

hey you know all the people here who are single and sad because of it

I don’t know your situation but

i can confidently say it is better to be single than in a relationship that is awful

please please dont compromise

dont settle

dont tell yourself things will be different

only if

only if

because you are who you are

and you will never change

not really

never enter a relationship, especially a marriage, that shows signs of breaking

Just save yourself

Please

you have no idea how soul-whittling it is

every day

you lose

just a little bit of happiness

just a little bit of yourself

until there is nothing but bitterness

and the cold grayness dwelling in your heart

and before you know […]

I hold destruction in my hands, now if only they’ll shut up long enough for me to implement it

Lol I was so busy getting high I forgot to cut. Oh well there’s always later.

i continue to find myself in the same spot, trying to fight the impulse.  the impulse to cut, to hit, to burn, to bruise- to destroy this vessel.  this vessel that reminds me that i am nothing, that i will never amount to anything.  i am useless.  i am never the first choice.  i am pitied.  i am a puppet.  i am alive so that my suffering may entertain those who induce it.  i am worthless.  i will never be worth anybody’s love.  i will never be enough.  i am nothing and i will always be nothing.

i am defined by my pain and i have […]

I am still alive, and feeling extremely awkward. For fifteen hours last Tuesday into early Wednesday, I sat with my g*n in hand, and couldn’t pull the trigger. I ended up at a local park with several cop cars there as they talked me down. I had to surrender my g*n to the police. Several posters commented on what I thought would be my final post, and I haven’t been able to post anything until today. Thank you for your comments….I don’t know what to say, other than I thought I was ready to die, but clearly I wasnt.  Life is awkward and strange, and […]

people get pissed off if a SO were to say something like “im going to kill myself if…..” one would typically be right to be pissed about it. but what if it is the truth? what if that thing the person requires really would push them over the edge without it? well its not right to be mad at a person for hurting.

it creates a rather complex situation doesnt it….it makes my brain hurt…and basically forces the person to live in pain to save others

disclaimer; this is going to be a post where I talk about my personal faith journey. If you believe differently, it’s not for you. I fully support and advocate for your right to call me wrong, but I’m a little raw so if you have to, do it politely and respectfully. If this isn’t your thing, the back button is a very effective workaround.

I don’t know how many apostate Christians have this experience;

You wake up on a Sunday morning, and you’re feeling so blah about everything that you put a church service on the screen. Every song, every plea for donations through the meat and […]

Time is a heartless master in an entropy driven world. For those who are suffering, it drags and drags on, while for those living in pleasure, the clock can’t ever seem to slow down.

I wish people could fathom the pain I have endure everyday. The pain I have endured for well over a decade now, since I was only 10 years old and became fully aware of how cruel the world around me was. I was always told time heals […]

and discovery is the mouth of a cave draped in vines, deep in the forest, untouched by anyone else.
I miss this feeling – Roaming aimlessly with a nervousness- and the abyss of feeling lost –
You always win something. You find something, and it’s gorgeous. The evergreen moss, the massive jaws drooling in the pouring rain. A chamber that breathes and echoes- a sweet reverberation. A hive you want to fill with candlelight and dark red wine. Still, it would feel empty- this imaginary place. The moss and woodwork are alive and on the outside – the thick flow of thriving life. Wood rots […]