I told her every day how hard it was for me to trust her. Every single day. I trusted her so little. Not because I didn’t want to trust her, but because I’m fucking paranoid. I told her everyday how hard it was. Every day. Every day until she. Every day until. Every. She left me. It’s been 6 days now. Almost a whole week. It hurts so much, and I want to cry, but… I can’t cry. I just can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t I ca n t… I don’t have any words to say. I loved her so much. More than […]
Mother I’ve tried please believe me
I’m doing the best that I can
I’m ashamed of the things I’ve been put through
I’m ashamed of the person I am
I’ve been dealing with ptsd (x2) and cptsd for 5-6 years. And that was my first ptsd nightmare. I want to throw up. I feel disoriented. My husband’s been asking and I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to feel bad. (no it’s not directly his fault). And now I have to make breakfast. Well I don’t have to. Hubby would understand even with limited information. Just… Disorders, I have to (or maybe it’s just the way I am). I’m the wife I have to take care of him. (and no it’s not an abuse ‘have’ to)
Work around…. Just don’t tell […]
My last mind drain was a month ago. I said I might not need this place until May, but I just needed another round of draining out my skull. Lately I’ve been really feeling it. The weight of it. That feeling you get when you know something is going to go wrong but you don’t know what it is. It’s like a feeling at the base of your stomach. You carry it around all day, and it just sits there. I haven’t been on medication for a few months now. I don’t want medication. I’ve gone […]
I hate humans. Why the fuc do I have to always be some people’s fool, why do I always let myself fall in a trap, I don’t have balls, I’m always weaker than them
It’s hard, it’s sad. It sucks, I’m a weak ass
i am supposed to turn this chaos in my mind into order.
but i just feel lost most of the time.
I don’t know how to start this really. I’m not sure if I’m even in the right place. I read some posts before making this one and well. It made me feel like my feelings were not really valid. I don’t know. I guess I just want to write down why I want to kill myself just for me and not really for anyone else, just to release it I guess. I don’t really trust the people I know irl, and I don’t trust my therapist either, I just tell them that I’m always tired and I can never concentrate on anything. Recently I’ve been […]
hey how is everyone?
i like coming here and seeing people talk. of course, it’s better for them if they aren’t here. but you know, at least you have a place to go to when you’re feeling at your worst.
me i come here when i dont feel very good, i feel overwhelmed and like my world is crashing. for a while now im doing very badly and not sure where to take it.
when im writing here i am usually hyperventilating a little and i feel like im going into a super panic or fight/flight mode and everything feels really like black/white.
i am not sure i am […]
It had been a Time since I wrote here. The Last Year been really challenging, I had the need in Emergency Ketamine due Suicidality, Sucidal Thoughts.
I got it not quite Legal and I am over it.
I recover from an Viral Infection, from an Encelopathy, from an Psychosis as an Post-Amnestic Syndrom, Polytoxicomania. Not quite little.
But, I am still not feeling like having any Integrity. And I can not make up my Mind. I have no clue where this is going to Lead, but I convinced myself to go a bit astray this Year and rechoice the next Year about Legal Dying Assistance as Legislation must […]
I was suppose to be strung up like a puppet soon but my husband woke with a headache….. Maybe another day for now I drink
I’m feelin’ lost and I don’t know where else to go now
I don’t really have a place to call my home now
Everybody hatin’ and I feel so cold now
Why do everybody make me feel alone like?
I’m feelin’ lost and I don’t know where else to go now
I don’t really have a place to call my home now
Everybody hatin’ and I feel so cold now
Why do everybody make me feel alone like?
I’ve got so much […]
I’ve been coming back to this site for the past couple days, reading everyone’s stories and methods. I found a way to exit that I feel most comfortable with and am in the process of gathering the materials. Before I move forward I want to first share my story. Not necessarily for others to read but more so to just finally let out all I’ve been holding in: I thought I was meant to live. I thought I was supposed to one day share my story and be a light for others in the darkness of depression. I thought I was meant to be here. […]
An open letter to the people that successfully shutdown a forum that I can no longer turn to.
(Anyone from SS out there? Xx)
Dear people,
With the best intentions you have not saved us nor anyone. If anything you’ve more than likely tipped hundreds, maybe thousands from around the world but mainly US and UK
over the edge. All you have done is made our living conditions worse by taking away the one place that we could access 24/7 where we could talk openly to people who understand without fear of being judged, sectioned or patronised. What you’ve done is take away a very large support […]
i’m unable to remember much from those years.
those years.
those nine excruciatingly long years of abuse.
there’s no getting that time back.
that time is gone.
those years are gone. i will never be that young again.
i can’t recall a childhood when it never existed.
fantasies are the only one to remove ur self from ur harsh reality
I can not take it any more …………..i want dia but why am i scared idk
.
.
.
For those with high anxiety (when will he tell?!) I’ll relieve you straight out; it’s money. Me and money both get along too well, and get along not well enough.
So, why do I despise/love money as I despise/love myself? Step into my mind; my parents did okay, mostly because up until the mid 90s there was such a thing as a upper middle class, and that’s where I grew up, adjacent to very wealthy people. I went to private schools with them, and nothing I experienced in my childhood convinced me that the other kids had it better; their parents ran after money all day, […]
seldom do i ever have a moment where i am free from the pain, free from the trauma that plagues me relentlessly
seldom do i ever have a moment
where i don’t hear your fucking voice, ******. where i don’t feel empty. when i escaped from you, i forgot to bring my identity with me. i have no idea who i am. you managed to steal me away from myself before i had the chance to run.
you conditioned me to believe that you are the only one who could ever understand someone like me.
who could ever love someone like me.
you conditioned me into forfeiting my right to make […]
Hi, i used come here a lot as a teenager to this website, i was hailey_baby not sure if any of you remember me. Depression is dragging me around and knocking me down again. Im 27 now, married and have a decent job. I feel like everyone in my hubands family hates. Me i feel like im waiting around for some girl prettier, smarter or sexier woman to come around and take my husband away. Ive always felt the lowest of the low. Ive always hatedd myself. Its so sad to feel this way.
When almost nothing brings you joy anymore
Making music as well as exercise gave me the strength to cope with my depression at times. But for awhile now I’ve noticed that i lost interest in what once brought joy to me.
I no longer play guitar or piano like i used to. I don’t exercise like before and mostly spend my days on the couch on my phone, watching TV and playing video games.
A new and unusual interest
When i started losing my interest in my usual hobby’s that kept me from literally killing myself, i gained an interest in…mathematics! It’s quite strange, but for some reason whenever […]
i am my biggest abuser. every chance im putting myself down. im stupid for doing the things i do. im worthless and a burden for ever saying anything. i shouldnt even be breathing i cant fucking do anything right. if theres something to say, its going to be said.
and the worse part……..she’s right. every word
i cant not hate myself