I’ve stopped finding happiness, like completely. I know happiness is just an illusion but it felt good when I had some. It doesn’t matter if I’m achieving something or someone close to me is. I thought I was getting better but what was happening was that I was just trying to forget the “fact” that I can’t run away, idk about others but I certainly can’t run away. Past stays there, in that little corner of this thing called mind. Also, I didn’t have a bad childhood, my family’s with me, I’m a good student (atleast that’s what everybody thinks), then what’s the problem? […]
After years of destroying my skin in times of desperation/crisis/stress, I thought that I’d managed to replace it with better/healthier/safer coping methods.
I thought I had finally started to stabilise.
I should have known better.
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Metallica-Fade-to-Black.m4a
This is to anybody who give a fuck!
All my life i’ve felt like i don’t belong. Starting as far back as I can remember i’ve been a loner, not by choice. I had one friend before i was 10 but then i moved away and lost contact with him. Then in my teens i had one good friend who went and died in a motorcycle accident. That was when i was 16 yrs old and now i’m 47 and only have one friend who actually calls me. All the rest of my acquaintances are just that, acquaintances! A little more about me. I’m an […]
i have been trying to understand why am i such a bitter, lonely, negative and so miserably hopeless – trying to understand why and when did i get like that.. the first thing that i think crushed me was being rejected at a young age and equally so the fear of being rejected in the future – it stayed with me all of my life. funny thing is when i was a teenager i had some good friends but as i became more and more depressed all of my fair weather friends shunned me as if i had leprosy or something. i always came to […]
Every day is a struggle and every morning a disappointment. I feel like an empty shell, crawling day by day to survive, in a world I don’t want to be in, but I was forced to. Lost my faith because after over 30 years of begging for my suffering to stop, I’m still here. I’m on my own and contemplating every single day…
Found this site a few years ago and I’m crying every time I read it. But somehow, în a weird way, I cry of pain, empathy and relief în the same time. Because I realize I’m not alone as we’re many în this […]
We shouldn’t even exist
No matter how much i take, i still wake up
I feel so useless. I am just wasting my life away. I thought I was okay in where I am in my life, but when I look at my friends, I’m jealous of their accomplishments. I feel like I’m not doing anything, and I feel like trash all the time. I feel like I have to pretend everything is okay, but it’s really not. I know some of my friends are sad too and might feel the same way. I don’t know what to tell them or how to comfort them.
About 3 years ago, I had my first “real” suicide attempt after I was raped at prom (I don’t count all the times I went to sleep with things tight around my neck). For a year or two after, I struggled with suicidal and shame-filled thoughts and was desperate to find an escape. I finally did in the form of my boyfriend who came with a brand new family and a brand new life. For a while I forgot about all the trauma and sadness, I was able to bury it deep under all the new excitement and hope I had. Unfortunately, for the past […]
“i had all, and then most of you, some, and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met”
-Lord Huron, the night we met.
(posted a video, don’t know why it won’t show up without clicking the post)
https://youtu.be/t8PWi1_SATY
That’s the silly nickname I’ve given My Eye. My Eye’s unresponsive now, gone, I can’t reach My Eye. My Eye had just confessed to being very, very depressed. My Eye’s LGBT and from a really abusive family. I love My Eye, but I asked My Eye a difficult question right before My Eye went radio silent. I’m scared My Eye will commit suicide. My Eye’s the best I’ve ever had, I don’t… it’s… what do I do? I’m suicidal too. I don’t think I can take it. There has been a long string of deaths around me. I’m a bad luck charm, I guess. I […]
I would give anything to be free of the knowledge of what I’ve done. I don’t know if it’s even guilt. It’s hard to feel guilt, when you don’t know if what you did had any real impact on others. I suppose I wronged a lot of people, in an abstract kind of way. But I don’t know if that’s what I feel bad about that, if it didn’t actually change anything for them. Maybe I’m in denial.
I think I mainly feel bad for me – being the one who has to live (or not) with what he’s done. Having to know what I know […]
Not suicide related
There is clearly no point in being emotional over my ex anymore. I have to get into his head. I’ve always wondered how he can manage by showing such little emotion over things, or seemingly none at all (allegedly a sign of a sociopath? haha)
Anything he says or does, its just words. Even if they are ‘nice’ things.
I mean, I foresee that he’ll eventually throw me away in the future anyway, he’s done it to others recently, intentionally or otherwise. Funnily enough it seems like I’m the only person he really talks to lately.
Didn’t really think that the coronavirus situation […]
Sometimes I come here to only read, sometimes I come here to read and respond to others. Sometimes I feel the need to write something myself but don’t know what exactly… It’s always the st@pid same sh@t.!
My day is fine until someone disappoints me.. I really hate how much some things affect me. I don’t know what is wrong with me, to even be upset about such unimportant cr@p. My sensitivity is beyond normal and I don’t know what to do anymore..
The battle inside me is really insane, no one understands, how much energy it takes up, to not go crazy on them. […]
im inlove with my best friend..
but she’s inlove with someone else..
we’ve been friends since highschool and im inlove with her eversince..
so if one day she sees this..i want you to know that IM INLOVE WITH YOU!!
I love seeing you laugh at my jokes when your sad because of him..
I love it when i listen to your problems..
I love seeing you happy..
I love our late night phone calls..
I love everything about you even your flaws..
How i wish that you are mine.. He’s lucky to have you..
I love you and Im happy for you!
Whenever I’m thinking, which I always am, I get so extremely sad. Or maybe it’s the other way around, I’m always sad and therefore my thoughts are too.
But the thing is, I do try to lift myself up and think “happy thoughts”. But they’re just not there.
When I think about something that makes me sad, I tell myself “ok think about something else”. But everything I can think of, is sad. […]
hello! its me again after what?8 months..thankfully im alive..not trying anything dangerous..how’s life going? mine was good sometimes and mostly bad or i dont even know if is good or bad..
Some people and my relatives are functionally stupid, I can’t believe I’m part of this “family” but I admit I’m stupid too but in my own unique way.
I ain’t living long like this. No one or nothing could help me. It’s been a decade, nothing yet. There are holes in the floor of my mind, like those in a medieval dungeon floor — Making it difficult for me to crawl back up from the pit. I feel worse than numb. The medicines only fucked me up real bad. I can’t even begin to talk about them for I’ll have to pen an entire fucking essay on it. Bruh. Oh, the ECT made me lose my fucking memory. Sure, it did help me with my severe mania episodes, but it worsened my OCD […]