Everything seems to be slipping out of my hands right now. My relationship with my boyfriend, who was also my best friend. My relationship with my parents. My mom has just left the house. I am here trying to drown my grief somehow. I dont know what to do. I have younger siblings I should take care of right? But I need to be taken care of. My boyfriend is not understanding. he doesn’t even know what else I am going through. Im so lost and confused.
that when I finally get to meet the other person who helped my mother sire me, it would be the last meeting we would ever have.
It would either be because I killed myself afterwards, or I get into an accident that killed me afterwards.
Is this all I’m waiting for? To go “Hello Dad, it’s nice to meet you again. Goodbye.” And that will be that. It’s funny but every year for the past decade or so, I’ve been making lists of things to do before my birthday because I resolved to kill myself after that. But every year, I kept backing out because I was […]
I’m sat in bed, crying. I feel pathetic even writing this but I have nowhere else to go. My mum just took me out to go to B&Q with her. On the way I said ‘I would like to go home.’ She pulled up and asked me why. I said ‘I don’t know what I want to do because I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be here.’
She took me home. On the way I asked her if she was currently suicidal, she said no but she had been not too long ago. I said, ‘Next time you feel that way maybe […]
I dont know what to do anymore. I just want it to stop even just for a litte while
What have I done wrong to be like this?
The financial struggle just to exist is exhausting. My wife died over 8 years ago and I raied our two children who are in college. The politics around my job are horrible and getting worse thanks to some very misguided individuals at the state level. I have tried to find another job but the competitition is stiff and most employers want a younger person.
Thanks to the greed on wall street, corporations outsourcing Asmerican jobs, the governments huge deficiets and low interest rates our IRAS and 401K’s have tanked several times over the past 15 years leaving it with being no where close […]
Yesterday was a bad day. I woke up feeling okay, but then suddenly the sadness hit and I descended into the darkness again, thinking dangerous thoughts yet feeling dangerously numb and empty. I ended up lying in my bed for hours, too exhausted to move and too empty to cry, but too sad to sleep. Eventually, I got myself out of bed and tried to shake the sadness. I ended up in my kitchen, heating up a pizza. I couldn’t eat more than a few bites- it wasn’t exactly that I wasn’t hungry and I’m not dieting, it was just that I found the act […]
I guess what I’m trying to say is although I’m miserable, depressed, suicidal, I don’t want to feel different. I’ve felt like this for so long that I can’t see a way out, and if it did miraculously appear I doubt I would take it anyway. I feel safe, just me, alone no one can cause me pain I have been through. Only I can upset myself or make myself feel better. I am all I need, and so why not die? Is it selfish of me even if I did want to stay, to be a burden to my friends and family?
The reason making […]
MY EMAL IS call9176023914@gmail.com.Michael
In a dream i remember myself dressed in white and as the frozen water began to slowly rise up my body i cryed one last single tear and it runs down my face while thinking i am free~ I take my last breath but all is in vain as i wake up crying because it was just a dream~
why where we born to be unhappy is it some kind of punishment~
Or am i the punishment itself~ being a burden to my family and my friends~
life isn’t suppose to …be this hard…
…in that dark place. I fell out with my mum yesterday, I thought it was just another petty argument but she took it too far. She started ranting about how she can’t deal with my ‘problems’ any more (I have severe depression). She said that she understands why my brother doesn’t like me because half of the time I am horrible to him, only she didn’t mention the part about him sexually abusing my younger brother and sister (who were taken away) for three years. I don’t want to be here anymore, my mum doesn’t want me, nothing needs to be said about my brother, […]
Call me stupid. Yeah, I was. Desperate and so fucking stupid!
I was looking at a gun sale website, emailed the owner, offered a lot of money and some bogus story as to why I didn’t have  a licence to own one or a permit. Said It was for my bf birthday. Shit. I’m in Aus btw.
I set up a fake email that day. Fake name, birthday, birth date. That’s not enough to stop IP tracking though.
So I got an email back. I just knew it was a mistake.
It was a paragraph, I read the first line and it said “Your email address and email has […]
I know that i’m not the only one in the world that is lonely…especially on this site. I know that there are other problems that are more serious than lonliness and depression, but i just want to encourage the lonely souls out there cause lonliness is what i relate to the most. I want to let you know that you aren’t all completely alone. I dont know…things will get better. I promise. Dont think youre the only one staring at those pills or reaching for something that cuts. Today was a good day for me..a great day..and…idk I guess what i’m trying to say is that if […]
I thoughtI was strong enough, I thought I would find purpose, but all I find is a crushing pain.
I am alone, I have nothing in my life that brings joy, only pain. I know now that I have just 1 week left here. I cannot carry on like this, I am stuck and I have to make a decision. I need to move on and I need to do it soon. I will spend 1 more week at work, let people see me in my current state (I have lost over 88 pounds/40 kilos) in the last year and I am skeletal to say the […]
I’m alone. I’m under the impression that everyone hates me and so I isolate myself as to avoid annoying them. I don’t know how many people actually hate me but to me it feels like everyone. Yesterday I was home alone for the entire day. I mustve been numb because there where tears running down my face all day. The thought of making those two final red marks down my arms made me feel so happy. My skin began to itch with want and need. I imagined dragging a knife down my arms, somewhere where they wouldn’t find me. Alone. I just want to go. […]
For the past 2 years, I’m 14 by the way, I’ve been dealing with depression. Major depression. I remember even when I was 12, when everything started- there would be voices in my head that called me so many things that it would be impossible to get them out. Even with counseling, no matter what I poured out it was never enough. There was this big empty gap in my soul and every second, every minute, and every hour of my life it would just keep getting bigger. Last year, I found myself completely gone. I went hysteric and I tried to commit suicide. The […]
I have no idea what to do. I just need some help, I guess.
So, here’s my story.
I’ve been battling depression & anxiety for 7 years now. I’m sure I’m not unique here.
I’ve also been fighting Interstitial Cystitis for 3 years. Basically, my immune system is trying to kill my bladder. I’m in constant pain. It feels very similar to giving birth. I can’t deal with the pain anymore, and there is nothing the doctors can do to stop the disease or the pain.
I just broke up with my boyfriend of nearly a year a few weeks ago. Not a problem. We just didn’t […]
I like to smile,alot actually and you know what? I love when people smile and when they’re happy it’s sorta like i feed off of people’s happiness.I smile at everyone,I smile and say thank you to everyone because the way i see it,maybe that person was feeling under-appreciated,sad or just like it wasn’t worth it anymore and then you come along and flash them this great big smile and say “thank you” or anything won’t it brighten there day alittle? I hope so. Whenever i see a sad status on Facebook or anyone who looks like they’re in a bad mood,i do all i can […]
Why don’t I have the will to make myself not feel this way? Empty and pathetic and miserable.. Too apathetic to do a thing, but still crying for all the idol moments. I have too much time. Left alone with my thoughts too long.. but I wont do a thing to change it. With every attempt the same thought comes to mind. You’re going to commit suicide regardless of what you do,so whats the point? That seems to be my view of everything. Just going to die, no reason to bother. I can’t care. I’m just not able to. Ive even given up pretending to […]
Hello, I just discovered this forum tonight. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. For as long as I can remember, really. But recently, they’ve been stronger than ever. Since my mother committed suicide back in September, I’ve had an ascending urge to do myself in as well. It was all due to desperation at first. But at this time, oddly, I feel peaceful about it. Like I’m making the right decision. Or I would be. I am afraid to hurt the people I love. Just like the way my mother hurt me. Having experienced this pain, I would never wish it upon anyone […]
The ability to think is infinite, the options are scarce in the analysis, and the desicion at the end is unique and irreparable. If wrong the worst, if succesful the best. Once you’ve lost everything that has meaning and importance, once you’ve tried to recover it, trying all possible options to try and failed in every one of them, once you realize it wasn’t possible you tried the impossible and still didn’t work out. Once you have resigned to not getting anything back but still you can’t forget it. One time that becomes one thousand and one times. However this must be an opportunity to […]