So where to I start. As a child my parents did drugs some times they gave to people for drugs. Iwould have to be there slave for 2 to 3 days to pay for there drugs. At the age of 12 we lost our house so we had to live up in the mountians. It was winter I had to take baths in a really cold crek. I finnaly got smart and started to take showers at school. I have had to go to churchs and beg for food. When I was 12,13, and 14 i had to go stand out on the corner and […]
I have met lots of people from my journey in life, some are like me, yearning for suicide (usually from the internet), though many of them have said that for years without a sound, so I have no choice but assume that some of them are simply trolls looking for attention. I feel lucky to survive my attempt at suicide, and since then I have met some people that have also escaped their own hands of death. However, today, I would like to share the story of a friend that was not so fortunate. For the purpose of the story, the names will be changed.
Alex […]
i am happy. this time i can be truely happy with him.i don’t have to worry about what people think about me. i don’t have to plan my death. i dont have to cry myself to sleep every night. i am not wanting to die anymore. it is all because of that one guy who has been with me for everything.
why didn’t i notice him before? he has been with me for every guy. every guy i thought was my soulmate. they dont mean anything to me anymore. he has been there for me this whole time and i never noticed, because i was trying […]
I just couldn’t get it together this time… and still can’t… everything is so fucked up right know but that blade really makes the difference between life and death… I promised myself I would quit, but like many times before I failed… never its going to be the same or return to “normality”, I know that… I just wish to not to feel that crappy, deep down I know it won’t change…
i have recently had a period of time where i dont feel so depressed, i didnt want to die every waking minute, i wasnt convinced everyone hated me. and then this dark cloud smacks me down again, i dont no what brought it on i just no its a familiar feeling when everything feels caved in, i just want reliefe, a time when i wont have to be scared erytime i feel good knowing somehting bad is lurking in my mind, i want to be loved and find someone i can trust, not just be thrown away. i dont understand why it is like it […]
I used to post a yearish ago. I found my way to happiness and to a good guy. I’m still in the relationship and maybe 10 months clean of cutting…5 months clean of any drugs and alcohol. I’m only 18 and as happy as can be, but then I feel alone. I feel like I’m a shitty person and like I am not needed in any way.
I’m generally a very happy girl, I’m young and I’ve got a great life ahead of me. I just need a friend to hold my hand along the way.
I guess I just want to talk.Â
I miss people talking […]
I spent a whole day think about my life and why I am here. throught that whole day my baby brother kept coming up in my head. So maybe he is the reason i am here. I spent all my time with him. He is the reason I smile now. if i do leave i dont want him to suffer. So i have decided to stay for him.
i love him no matter what <3
At this stage in our lives we seem to be living in two different, yet unreachable universes: the past and the future. When we’re together, we often reminisce about old times, back when we were young and innocent and nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed. When we’re not reflecting on our shared history, we’re looking ahead to our futures; future plans and future goals and wishes and dreams. And to an extent, looking back and looking forward are both wonderful things to do; often they’re reminders that happy times did happen and better things may lie ahead…
But  we only exist in those two states: […]
I feel so drained and despairing. So many stressors are bearing down on me–financial, emotional, relationships, work. Today I cried as I drove into the office. I’m back working for my rageaholic boss at half the pay I used to earn. I have to pay (a lot) for health benefits and can’t afford the counseling or meds I desperately need. The truck I’m driving needs about $3000 in repairs but all I can do is pray it will last just a little longer, like me…just need to last a little longer, a few more hours until this day ends and I can get home and […]
I have been ”depressed” for many years now. The ghost of suicide is perhaps my closest friend. However I try to go on. I tell myself Im like a sailboat just going where the wind blows me. I rely on no one to make me happy and to be honest Im coming ever closer to the place where being happy isnt a goal. I take every second at a time and and try to forget the second before. To me humans and animals and even trees are all the same. Whats the point of life for a tree? Yet it grows. Our challenge as humans […]
No one can hear me
As I silently scream in agony
I sit here utterly alone
In panic I let out a moan.
I wish he would see what I see
My heart silently pleas
My heart wants to die
My brain shuts down with a sigh.
As I hold the gun in my hand
I listen to my favorite band
As I hold the knife to my skin
My mouth turns into a sadistic grin.
When I look in the mirror
I recoil in fear
But then it’s all okay
Because I know I will die today.
When I am dead
sympathetic words will be said
But no […]
If you had asked me back in January if I thought I would live to today the answer would have been no. I can now tell you that I realize that what I was feeling then was not worth my life… I want you to know that who ever you are, you are something amazing. I may not know you but I do know that you are a person, someone has seen you and someone has thought about you and cared about you. You may think that’s a lie but it is the truth, you just don’t know it and it may be hard to […]
I hate how impulsive I am. I fucked him again and now I’m worried I might be pregnant. I fucked him only to fuck myself over. I have to deal with all this pain and loneliness by myself. The only reason why its even here is because of him… I actually shouldn’t even try to blame it on him. It was all my fault. Now as I watch “Big Fish” I’m back to the scene where the main character finds his true love, this scene doesn’t hurt me because he’s finding his true love and I lack that, but its because the last time I […]
I was doing research for a paper I had to do for English. Topic suicide, and that’s how I found out about this website. How did you guys find out about it??
Kept repeating that in my head
From morning till late in the evening
In the hopes that I’ll believe it
One of these days.
It doesn’t work.
I’m wallowing in self-pity,
Drowning in anger and loathing.
Disgusted at this weak, pathetic self.
“I’m awesome” I want to cry
But instead, all the hate directed
towards the world and all the people
have converged towards me.
I want to believe in god
But how could I believe in someone who just listens
and never does anything at all?
Omnipotent, my ass.
What use are you god?
My faith is crumbling
on the one hand, We have the free will to […]
I was in such a good place today. I was laughing with others and getting really involved with life.
Then, i realised i will always be different. Which i completely accept.
I made a joke today, everyone laughed and they kept talking about it for ages. It made me feel so happy. I was so happy that the first thing i said to myself after things died down was “Can’t wait to cut myself tonight”. I smiled and thought. ‘Wow, i’ve come to the point where i associate all happiness with self mutilation, and more surprisingly i accept that’
A very weird day of realisation. Â But more importantly not […]
I am frustrated. Â Frustrated that I refuse to make plans that are over a week in advance in case, or possibly in hope that, I might kill myself shortly. Â Frustrated that I want to push everyone that has ever cared about me away so that they might not care when I die. Â Frustrated that I cannot seem to find a reason for this suicidal inclination.
I am a person, who, by an outside observer, has had amazing opportunities, and has squandered all of it. Â I am in my fourth year of college and will be flunking, due to not doing my work, despite having a plethora […]
Sometimes even i-the happiest girl in the world- wants to fall asleep and never wake up. I relapsed for the 3rd time this year,i cut on Tuesday and yesterday which means i broke the promise i made to my friend, she can’t find out. One of my friends are weird and for the past few days she’s been keeping a tight grip around my wrists-which really hurt-because my body tends to be warm all the time and i keep her warm i guess but thankfully she doesn’t turn my wrists to the other side. These cuts are halfway up to my elbow. Psh and i […]
i’m 16 and every day i try to think of ways to end my life. I wake up in the middle of the night and just think about everything and how bad i’ve fucked up. This year i got recruited by prep schools for hockey and golf, but my grades were shit so i didn’t get accepted anywhere. now i see all of my friends from hockey who are going to these amazing places and love their lives. i cant stop thinking about what would have been if i hadnt been such a dumbass and just done my school work. i know i’ll regret this […]
I’ve been reading posts on this site for awhile but never posted anything myself. I guess I just needed to vent tonight to people who understand. The only person I have in my life is my boyfriend but I’m so tired of burdening him with my problems…he is so understanding and so supportive but I don’t want to take advantage of that. As far back as I can remember I have waited to die. I remember as a very young child I would fantasize about getting cancer so I could get out of this world quickly. My dad died of liver cancer when I was […]