So before i start i’m new to this. I didn’t even know this existed until research in health. I have a tumblr and i do support blogs for self-harm eating disorders all of that. I also am always open to talk. I can here because i am a self-injure and sometimes i like to connect with people who are like me. Interested in talking. Let me know!<3
i am really freaking out. Â i can’t stop myself. Â it’s taking over all day and it’s just getting worse and worse and spreading and taking over my body. Â i feel like it’s happening, the inevitable self destruction i’ve been worried about. Â i can’t tell my friend because he has gone through too much with me. Â and i am so scared of telling my doctor. Â what if i get the impulse and i go too far. Â at this point its possible. Â what do i do?
I’ve been suffering from depression since I was 12 and the past 7 years have been nothing but hell emotionally. I’ve tried to seek help over and over again but no answers. I’ve been on too many medications to name, have attempted suicide a few times before (my first attempt traumatized me with nightmares, anger, and hatred for years). I know life gets better supposedly, but I have no ability to get help anymore because of money and insurance, plus I live in a conservative area where someone like me living an alternative lifestyle can’t find a job and can’t get many opportunities. Because of […]
just for once i would love to go over that edge, just jump, c wat happens, let that fucking mental breakdown just happen, let the walls crumble down c wat ..o shit….., if it were only me the choices wud b easier, but, im married, shit, now i have t o take his feelings into consideration, if i had known that i was going to end up like this i NEVER wud have married, its like u r too friggin scared to jump but there is no other option, so u r there on the edge just…just…puting off the inevitable…..today sux…
the anxiety is sky friggin high today, i am drinking beer, smoking pot n cigs the meds r not working nemore cuz i refuse to increse the dosage so im not a zombie!!!!!!!!!!!! all this cuz i cudnt get on a friggin stupid! COPD chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh im soooooooo pissed!!!!!
I hate the thought of staying at my mothers house. Physically and mentally draining, no peace, just cold.
I hate the thought of moving out. My brothers there and he needs shielding from her venom. Can’t live alone anymore, lonely thoughts are always creeping.
I hate the thought of others. I don’t play well with others. They make me feel on edge, the physical closeness between myself and other beings sends me into a panic.
I’d like to die, go back to void, but I don’t have access to the self destruct button yet. I can see it under it’s bulletproof glass casing, but I haven’t been crushed […]
ive been having horrible dreams..
i used try and sleep my life away because i hate it so much
now.. i cant even close my eyes.
im being trapped, mistreated its horrible
i wake up and i need drugs
anti depressants dont do shit but make you more depressed
weed doesnt do much anymore
i need something more
i need to stop having these dreams
no one is a friend in my dreams
all my friends in life are trying to hurt me and i let them
i think its because id rather at least have them there.. even if they hurt me .. in my dreams anyways
i cant seperate the reality from the dreams.
i take out […]
“I have an unofficial blog online. It’s all just ranting and raving and belly aching but I wanted to share a thought with you that I wrote about once. I was groaning about the divide between myself and most other human beings. I posited that most people can fly, or have sufficient means to keep themselves afloat (happy). Flying, living in the skies (being happy) is second nature to some, and relatively easy to achieve for the rest. Then there are the land dwellers, the ones incapable of maintaining flight for extended periods of time. For whatever reason, they just don’t seem to get it. […]
Burning A Rope,
I Don’t Need Proof, I Already Know,
What You Did To Me Was A Crime
Cold Case Love
And I let You Reach Me One More Time,
But Thats Enough
The funniest part about this post is that I actually had changed my mind. Listen up ppl. i am the perfect example there is no hope. Last week i was going to post and tell everyone that things might have changed, i might have been given that little bit of peace. Something good happened last week that at the time didn’t feel like that Utopian feeling Ive been talking about for a while. And it […]
I was supposed to write about a scenario we base off of a photograph of a girl covering half her face with the collar of her turtleneck. Â somehow, THIS is what came out:
I need to hide, to get away. Don’t look at my face. I hate myself. Why don’t you hate me?
You need to stop this. You are beautiful.
I am ugly.
You keep looking at my with those anguished eyes, cheer up, and stop talking this way.
No, I want to die, can’t you see, there is nothing left for me.
Get up off that floor and talk to me. It’s not over. It’s just beginning.
I don’t want […]
I can’t work. I can’t do anything at all. All I can do is think of death. My death. I wish these thoughts would just leave me alone. I am trying to do my work. Why can’t they just leave me be? I want to succeed. I want to do well. But all I can think about is dying. Why can I only think of dying?? I won’t get anywhere like this except farther into nowhere. I need to stop these thoughts, but I don’t know how. My mind and my body keep telling me to die, but my heart and my soul want me […]
I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I was blinded by tears and my emotions were going out of control. I took the blade from an old razor and slid down the wall until I hit the ground. I closed my eyes. I pulled my wrist up against my body and pushed the point into my flesh. My fresh, pink, unharmed skin. When I opened my eyes, my tears were dry and there was a thin line of red slowly bursting from my skin. It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought. Looking at the scarlet line calmed me down and before I […]
There is nothing I really enjoy anymore and I have no real friends left. I don’t think I can pass any of my classes this semester. Â My brain just doesn’t seem to work anymore. Â I could take a medical withdraw, but ultimately what good would it do? Â I’d just go back to school next semester and it would be the same thing all over again, except then I’d be even more behind in getting my degree. Â I hate this. Â I know I have the intellectual ability to do well in school, but I just can’t function. Â I’ve tried so much over the years yet it […]
It seems every idea I come up with as to why I’m depressed seems superficial, like the reason doesn’t add up to what I’m feeling, it isn’t big enough.
My family used to have high expectations of me, until I let them down.
I used to have high expectations of myself too. Then I let myself down.
I can’t forgive my mother for being a drug addict and never there when I needed her as a child, I can’t trust her now, and I’m very apathetic towards her. She isn’t reliable.
I want my dad to come home, he’s the only one who ever understood […]
I absolutely love this site n it helps me with my depression, but i have another serious health prob…COPD, do any of you know of a COPD 24/7 chat room? I found 1 but do not have the right MIRC? MRIC? or whatever n it was sooooooooooooooooooooo frustrating to b so close n not get there, n i do not need those kind of feelings.. now im pizzed!!! shit it happens THAT easily even on meds!!!!!!
Noow that everyone knows my true self….I feel so empty and alone..but why I should be happier? I get along with my parents and we’re one big happy family. I guess it’s because the one thing that I care about doesn’t care about me…maybe I should jump from the edge…and end all the apin and torment..
Yesterday was different. I took the knife and just started cutting myself. I didn´t even realize I was going to do it. Usually to cut I have to be pretty messed up, but for some reason last night I was somewhat normal according to my standards. Still the need to cut overpowered my senses without my notice. I am afraid that it is going to happen again and again, until the moment there is nothing for me to cut or I am finally dead. To be honest, by brain is telling me that it is not normal, I shouldn´t even think about it nevertheless […]
I ate a piece of a hubby bar, I’m not sure if it hit me yet, I guess the put faint traces of weed into it. Too bad, I wanted to use the pain reliever side of the weed. I might spin things up tomorrow by getting stoned. It might help with the pain.
I have pain in my teeth, a massive toothache due to spacers in between my teeth. 2 days and nights left to go before it hopefully subsides. I brushed my teeth 3 times to massage my highly agitated gums and used mouthwash to dull the pain.
I drank wine earlier and […]
In the summer of 2011, I reached the point where I was ready to attempt suicide. In september, I overdosed on pills, but not nearly enough to do the damage I needed. I came from from the psychiatric hospital after a week, and the day I was back my heart was shattered to pieces by the guy I loved. It took me nearly 6 months to ever feel like I was getting better. I went through heartbreak, the loss of a best friend, eating disorders and the guilt that my family put on me. Now, after talking to the guy that broke my heart, I […]