I don’t have the energy to get everything in order. I don’t want to leave a bunch of loose ends, but I can’t concentrate at all. Not even to write a note.
It’s hard to quit, even with all the support in the world. It’s hard. I still carry my pills with me. I still carry my blade. I still keep my safety blankets with me at all times. My leg bleeds. I’ve stopped cutting so much though. I used to cut until I fell asleep. I did one deep cut and I think I’m done. It calmed me enough. I just..
I love you
Been bullied since kindergarten. Still being bullied today. It’s been sixteen years.
Raped when I was 5; sexually violated by a police officer a few years ago.
Don’t have any friends; mother abuses me.
Don’t remember the last time I felt happy.
I just want out.
Thanks for reading. The End.
My story is difficult to tell because it doesn’t ever really stop. I’m a 26 year old female who lives in a southern state in the U.S. I know most people find this hard to believe but I’ve been suicidal since early childhood. When I was two years old, I was trapped in a burning house. I was burned very badly and spent more than two years in a burn ward. I’ve had, up to this point, more than 65 corrective surgeries and I still need more. A few weeks after I was released from the hospital, at age 4, a family member sexually molested […]
For all of you who have helped so much. I went out to the garage today. The rope I used on Saturday has been hanging from the rafter ever since. I thought I might still use it. I went out to the garage today, to tie another noose. I don’t think I would have used it right then, but I was preparing to use it very soon. I was so pissed off, that when I got into the garage and got up on the workbench so I could tie the noose at the proper hieght, I was so pissed already that I got so disgusted that […]
i want to die now but i cant kill myself because im scared going in hell..hehe…all i can do is cut my wrist and have a scar and my scar is cute coz i use knife to write those word on my skin “life sucks”…LOL
an older poem from a better time in my life. Maybe being more positive WILL help
“Walk On The Beach”
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Where the ocean
touches land,
we left footprints
in the sand.
An orange glow
as it began to set,
the sun reflected
off sand still wet.
– – – – – – – – – – –
Sereneded
by the gentle roar,
of the surf
as it crashed ashore.
We walked alone
along the beach,
all our dreams
within our reach.
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I know I’ve probably posted more than anyone really cares for, but believe it or not, it has helped keep me alive….. amazing to me that in less than 3 hours of trying to sleep, I come up with two more poems. I haven’t written two poems in the previous 3 yrs.
“Tomorrow Is The Day”
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Tomorrow is the day.
They say it never comes.
Well that has got me bummed,
’cause tomorrow is the day.
– – – – – – – – – – – – –
Tomorrow is the day.
I want to end my life
with either rope or knife.
Tomorrow is the day.
– – – – – – – – – […]
I’m a 17 year old male. That had just gotten dumped from a 2 year relationship about a month ago, this is my story. With no thought or feeling I ran down a long street… Huffing an puffing I had just spoken to the girl I’ve been in love with for 2 years… I ran and I stoped at an intersection… I look and the first car I see I jump for it.. I ramed my whole body onto a car… There’s more to my story but I attempted to kill myself. I find up waking up with a head ache and back aches […]
A girl with no home, that’s who I am.
Constantly moving, never staying still.
I can’t stay still.
I have to take care of them.
I have to be strong for them.
They look up to me.
Or is that just what I tell myself.
Maybe I run because of the fear that they’ll catch up.
Have you ever had the feeling you’ve intentionally forgot something?
Like it was just too much too bare but regardless, it leaks into your every waking hour?
I need so badly to forget.
To be someone else.
To protect the little girl still trapped inside me.
Never good enough,
Never […]
what to title this post…. a very long and difficult day that once again had someone on this site saving me from myself. For the second time in 4 days. Because I feel like I should give something back in return for these two individuals, here is another poem that is being published as soon as it is finished. Titled, “Now I’ve Gone And Done It”
=========================================
Somewhere deep in the back of my mind,
I always thought I’d be too scared to try.
But now that I’ve actually gone and done it,
I’m afraid I’ll never be too far from it.
– – – – – – – – – […]
this one is just a few minutes old…. once again, thanks for the cyberspace – FTS
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Afraid Of The Day
============================================
Somehow I feel safer at night,
the demons must sleep then.
It’s around noon when try I might
and death comes calling again.
The daylight burns scars on my soul
when evil comes out to play.
Under the lonesome bridge like a troll,
I am fearful of the day.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Absent stars, a velvet black sky
protects me from myself.
But morning looms, a new day is nigh
and again I go through Hell.
Why am I so afraid of the sun
and the day so full of […]
Eating, eating, eating. Thats what i do. No thats what everyone does. I hate food. Food is not my friend. Food is mine enemy. I rather strave then eat. No wonder america is getting food. Thats what we always do. I eat out of emotions and i hate it each and everyday. I bet food is one of the reasons we should keep surviving. I know this isnt a healthy habit, but im breaking and escaping from it. Its like im being held in prison. And my Death penalty is nothing but over eating. I hate food and i hate myself. I need to knock […]
A few days ago, I wrote a piece describing my ordeal on the day that I attempted to off myself. That day still feels surreal to me; I don’t know how or why I didn’t go through with it. I had to make up yet another lie to convince my parents to let me back. I just did not have it in me to divulge to them that I’m not attending any school, so had to make up a story that I couldn’t get a proper loan and wanted desperately to keep that from them while searching for a job in hopes of landing […]
this anit a cry for help i just need to vent before i spaz…… everyone around me expects me to perfect but how can i be when they all call me worthless.. they all want me to get my shit stright but how can i when all i can think about is the past. watchin my my get knocked out everyday by my crack head step father and my dad not caring about me all he wanted was to party.. i know my life might not be anywere near as bad as some ppl and i feel bad for them but this is my life […]
..Does no one care anymore?
I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor’s west side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they’ll be gone.
When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations
With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.
And I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we […]
i believe in god i really do but y does He keep pushing my needs off. Everybody gets everything they want and im stuck with wht i got. What if God was one us? what would u say to Him? what would u do? what do you think He would say to u? What do u think he’d do? i honestly dnt know how to answers these questions cuz ive made mistakes in life but who doesn’t? Still i feel like he’s ignoring me. Idk if he wants me to be happy or make others happy, i guess making others happy is suppose to make […]
you know what. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I have like nothing to live for. I dont excatly know why im righting this. Im so confused right now its crazy >. <. My friends say im skinny. But i feel fucking fat. Mine weight is just like the gas prices up. But sometimes it gos down to. I cant stand it any longer.I know im just ranting but i cant help that. It so hard to breath right now its not even funny v- v.
Seriously going to have a breakdown soon. I’m going to snap and its not going to be pretty, someone will get hurt. I’m like a bomb waiting to explode, its ticking quickly. I can feel my blood boil most of the day, I’m so angry and stressed and upset. I need to cut. Badly. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!