I feel like im dying. I feel like offing myself.

Quit gobbling at me all the time, humans.

I wish I lived in a world where humans were not the dominant species on the planet, and had to hide in little enclaves, consumed by the daily tasks of survival, rather than scheming and pantomiming their garbage mass-produced culture. I don’t give two bits of excrement what sports are on TV right now. Give me my beer and stow it.

i failed. i failed my suicide attempt. no i do not regret attempting. i regret not being more strategical so i would have died. after 5 weeks spent in the psych ward and majority of my friends gone, im lost. i feel lost and empty

There’s no hope.

There’s no dream.

Everything I do, is useless.

Every hope I have, is false.

Just f*ck you life.

I am done with it.

Just let me go..

Days pass all the same, it’s like I’m in a maze, things don’t ever change.
With every pill and every conversation, it always leads me to my imagination.
Discerning reality from fiction, should I obey orders without resistance?
Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months. Is there really a difference…

Hiding from everyone, fearing their actions, leaving me petrified.
Covering it with a laugh, living in an endless mansion, making me stupefied.
Walking down the pathway, with meaningful portraits, memories of a life long forgotten.
It’s there, an abyss of nothingness. “Go on, venture into the unknown.” It will console.
Many others have walked this […]

I think it’s time I shed my skin
after 5 years
of no contact
or rather
a very little contact
I had with her.

I remember the early days
staying underground
under the Silent Hill
pondering
How in hell could that been
such an easy goodbye
after countless nights
of being together.

I knew about her predators
living outside
and I was worried
like.. really worried.
I remember the very beginning
the hardships
of making through to the next night.
And then the next one..
And the next..
At the time
She was my only friend.
I had to protect her by any means.

We argued sometimes
Not […]

It is at times like this
When every word you say
Brings me closer to the end
Every change in your voice
Draws the knife closer to my neck
I wonder if its just criticism that I can’t take
If I am that weak
Or is it something else?
The fear of disappointment
The wish to seem perfect in your eyes
I know I am imperfect
But I just want to pretend for you
Yet it seems like every step I take
I don’t move forward.
Instead I take three steps back

the more and more i do this helping thing the more and more i want to go into hiding and never return

I’m not sure how to describe this feelings, but if you’re here, is almost certain that you understand, I’ve been here since two years ago but I never took the courage to write until today that I just felt the necessity, I take antidepressants and people tell me I’m doing better, but I just feel that I have my emotions on stand by, it just doesn’t feel right.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t have friends to talk to about this shit cuz of course my friends are friends with my boyfriend but I feel like our relationship is coming to an end and I’m wishing so much it isn’t but I know it is and when it’s finally over I’m gonna fall apart. I honestly just want something to happen to make it end easier but I know it’s not and it’s going to be painful but literally we can’t spend more than half a day with each other without one of us getting annoyed at the other and I […]

So, I have been on here multiple times before. I started this account when I was 14, I think. What most of my friends in my real life don’t know about me is my struggle with myself. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to people that you hate yourself, physically and mentally. If they aren’t going through the same struggle that you are, it’s hard for them to understand why or how someone would feel this way. So, this is my only real outlet. Sometimes just looking at the comments of other people trying to lift me up makes it easier to get through the day […]

Hi everyone.

First of all, congrats to all who keep and write in this website. It’s so helpful for so many people. Just a great idea.

Second time I write here. I just can’t take this anymore. My wallet doesn’t take anymore. My schedule doesn’t take anymore. My strength just run out. And people around and at work just keep pushing and humiliating me. All this effort brought me insomnia and insufferable headache, what the fuck can I do?

I may take a leave and get fired. Then I would immediately go to the streets.

I may continue like this. But my health is just at its limit.

I am […]

there i was standing on the bridge thinking of all the what ifs. what about. what if i jump? what i succeed? what if i dont? what about my grampy? what about my cats? will anyone stop? will i hear sirens any minute? and then i felt it. this hand on my shoulder. i turned around dazed and confused. there was this girl standing there. “are you ok” she asked me. “im fine. just looking at the water” i tried to tell her. but i couldnt. i started crying instead. i hugged her and said thank you. she asked what was wrong and i told […]

It’s my own fault for getting into this situation.  I’m too connected to a friend, I’m becoming fucking codependent, and that’s fucking disgusting.  He’s my only friend, and he puts up with me all the time, and I’m too much all of the fucking time.  He’s super busy lately, and I don’t think he likes me so much anymore, which is fine and I need to accept that and shut the fuck up and calm down.  But I’m fucking disgusting and I’ve been leeching off of him.  I don’t feel good about that.  I can barely act like a normal human being.  I’m going to […]

now my diagnosis is right around the corner and im freaking out! they are going to send me to the mental hospital. thats where they put people that jump out of moving cars and bash their head off walls as hard as they can. i…..i just cant. and if they do they wont listen me. no way would they. why would they listen to the insane person. but they have to right? i mean in a case like this….he touched me. you cant…..he tried to kill me…..and he works there…..they cant send me there can they? i dont want to go.

I’m not suicidal anymore. Not depressed, not too anxious. But god am I angry. And bored. And frustrated. I don’t want to talk. It takes too much work to find the words. To interpret them and make them sound respectable. And I don’t have anything to say, anyways. It’s all meaningless small talk, or obvious answers in school. It’s not helping anyone.

So what does one do? I don’t know. I’m expected to talk. I have to, because my family associates my silence with anger and frustration. If they think I’m angry, they get angry, and I can’t have that. There’s no good way to deal […]

I can’t digest the poisonous root
I can’t resist the serpent’s fruit
pale clays become twisted sculptures
and molds like the heart of a vulture
mankind, always, losing pace
wandering lost in cruelty’s grace
wading through hallways and blackened rooms
lured and intoxicated by a sweet perfume
That stings the flesh,
the citric pine,
a ruby red in stained glass eyes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSmWyT0Sa04