I just don’t know what to do anymore. All of the relationships I’ve been in have failed. Almost every guy that I’ve dated has cheated on me. I don’t have any friends. Well I have one very close friend but every time I need help with something she doesn’t even say anything. I’ve been drinking every night for the past 2 weeks. Not planning on stopping either. Which scares me. I kind of feel like I need it though. Its the only thing that makes me even a little happy. My first real love, the person I first did anything with and that I still […]
Fractured memories of all these war-torn years,
stab into my soul, giving strength to wasted tears.
Trust, a luxury I cannot afford.
Condemned by my own accord.
(slice.)
Heated arguements have lead to silence.
Now I’m locked away, suffering quiet violence.
The need to loose control is just so tempting.
The mirror I look into is now empty.
(slice.)
Once I was promised your salvation.
But your hatred lies on me as abomination.
(slice, slice.)
No one to run to, nowhere to go
this loathing breeds in me, I know.
I hate this horror, need to hide
from the disappointment I have inside.
I’ve murdured […]
The space of this room is cold and hollow now; devoid of all sound, everything is filled with nothing. A light-skinned teenage boy with dark brown short hair and dark green eyes, wearing a pair of gunmetal-black glasses, blue jeans, and a gray zip-up hoodie, stands firmly in the center of his bedroom looking down at his teal carpet. He marvels a black ant, positioned still under the mass of his slender body. He kneels down to the ant and says in a low voice similar to a whisper, “Have you lost your way? You seem like you don’t fit here… like you have no […]
I’m a very handsome guy and i’m very smart for my age. People think i’m an alien. Last week the desire to die came back. This morning, at 5.56 a.m, i wanted to shot in my mouth. I don’t like long speech, sorry.
So, so alone right now..
I’m trying to deliberately spend the christmas break alone… mostly because I have too many outside issues to deal with to have a life right now. I’m scared to go outside. Everyone seems to be against me. And even still, when i’m trapped inside, there are too many voices in my head and too much problems in my life to keep me sane… I’m caught here and it’s a long way out…
I am 20, and try everyday to keep away from thigns like cutting/smoking etc. I once cut myself really bad, and freaked out the love of my life. He left. I dont know. It is difficult for me to deal with that. I know that he wasnt worth it anyway, if he didnt help me then and just left. Â I was so scared. I didnt mean to cut myself. It was an empty threat! I have never seen so much blood in my life. I spent the whole day cleaning the room and trying to find a way to stop bleeding. I have a huge […]
Im 13, Yeah ive posted on here before saying its over and my attempts never succeded but this time im serious tommorrow im commiting suicide and theres nothing or nobody to stop me im home alone tomorrow all this is my fault my parents and how my friends all react when they see me, they dont have to worry about that anymore i will be gone forever and not coming back i wanted to talk but no one was there oh well to late now
I just cut. I get better at it everytime. Both a happy and frightening thought. Death is, afterall, what I’m reaching for but I haven’t REALLY tried for that in almost 9 months. But I want to right now. I wish my dad hadn’t hidden that bottle of tylenol with codeine that I stole when I ran away to Seattle. The best I can find is extra strength Excederin…awesome, I’m too much of a wuss for that long agonizing death due to liver failure. I wish I was still taking Microbiology; I could have easily gotten my hands on some cyanide from the labs…these are […]
I posted a post about how life gets better, and other things. Well, I guess my life got a lot worse :/ a couple nights ago, I felt like I was completely alone in the world, and nobody fully understood how I felt.. I told my friend about it but it seems like she completely blew me off 🙁 I texted a bunch of other people but they didn’t text back.. Even if I said” Hey, I need your help :(”. It’s like they didn’t even care. Maybe I’m over-reacting, but I don’t think I am. I don’t think I have any hope. Or any […]
I’m Violet, and I’m…not sure what I am.
I just know there’s something dark in me. I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it. But it’s there. Always.
This dark passenger.
And when he’s driving, I feel…alive. Half sick with the thrill, complete wrongness. I don’t fight him. I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got. Nothing else could love me, not even…especially not me.
Or is that just the lie the dark passenger tells me? Because lately, there are these moments when I feel…connected to something else, someone.
And it’s like the mask is slipping…
and things…
people…
who never mattered before, are suddenly starting to […]
i had posted the other night. well im back on and they say that i am phyco. they have put me in a menatl hostpital. i cant see my friends or family. i have nothing right now. i wont even be able to celebrate christmas. im aithiest but right now i am praying to whatever is looking after me. i became aithiest after my parents divorced. if there is a god he is giving me a shitty life. The meds they have me on are the things makin me phyco. thers nothing hear to kill myself with. but the minute i get out of here, […]
I havent been on here in a long time. remember when I used to log in and there were only a 100 or so posts. I am feeling lost but working through it. Either going off to ksu for my degree, finding someone to get married to, or just going off and becoming a priest for the guarantee that I will always feel needed and useful. I don’t know who here will understand since i no longer want to kill myself the way i used to. I just lost my gf because i was an asshole to a girl who never once made me feel […]
I’m 15.
I live my life day to day, and i don’t really think about anything beyond that. when someone brings up the future, it feels like the question doesn’t apply to me. i don’t see myself with any kind of future, or at least not a good one. when i think about it, i don’t have a bad life, and i don’t really have a reason to be unhappy. i live with my dad, step mom and little sister. my mom lives on the other side of the country with my other 9 siblings. i have 5 bestfriends that i love with all my […]
My heart beats so hard
Trying to break
Out of my chest
Seeing your eyes
In my dreams
All I hear is your last scream
No words of hope
No tears of sorrow
All I hear is your voice
That terrible scream
Now you won’t be here tomorrow
It’s all my fault
I lost control
The pain inside
I’ll never be whole
Our lives shattered
Like the glass on the pavement
Twisted metal envelopes us both
I wake up to see your lifeless face
Open your eyes
Open your eyes
Please baby
Just open those beautiful eyes
I see the blood
Seeping out of your ears
Your life taken
At 21 years
It’s all my fault
I lost control
The pain inside
I’ll never be whole
Every day I wish for death
That you might […]
I have suffered from depression for the past year. My mother caught me cutting myself about 11months ago, and immediately put my into therapy. As if that would help. I break my shaving razors to get blades. she started making me take them to her after every shower. I had stopped for about 5months, because i had found my (ex) fiance and i wanted to stick around in this world for him, but as soon as he left me, i cut his name into my hip, i didn’t do it on my wrist, cuz 1, the risk of being caught again. 2, i wanted him […]
I just turned 14 last week, and although i know im not the person with the most loss or destruction in my family but i’ve still tried. I read this stuff to make me feel better, i sound selfish, but it shows me how im not the worst person in the world. I’ve recently had a friend who bagged on my looks, always calling me ugly and worth nothing. Once she was gone, my parents started to treat me like nothing, and call me a piece of shit. I’ve just gotten into cutting and having thoughts of dying. I don’t cut far enough to make […]
Today., for the first time in about 4 months, i stopped taking my meds. Only a couple hours off of them and i feel like im gonna go crazy. Im 13. Ive been taking these meds since i was 7. I started cutting when i was 9. My parents had divorced recently and i decided that it was all my fault and that i should just die. take a great burden off my parents shoulders. but i wasnt ready yet. i wanted to wait until i was older. so i stayed with cutting, burning, and the occasional breaking my bone on purpose. I think it […]
im already done with my life. im always the one here for the world.. always smiling. my older sister died of suicide last year. my mother is into heavy drugs. many say im beautiful.. but because of constant teasing i feel ugly. watch for me on the utah news.
I have the oxycodone sitting in a drawer in my room and almost everyday i think about taking those pills. I fell so hollow inside. My chest cavity holds only my unhappiness. I know i cant do this to my mother though. My brothers wouldnt care. My older brother told me he hated me today and called me a piece of shit. The look in his face looked like he wanted to kill me. I dont feel like doing anything. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I think i might do this. I cant take this anymore. Ever since my parents got divorced and I switched […]
I don’t think I am worth keeping around. I only bring pain to everybody around me. I am a terrible man. I feel like I don’t have any control over my life. I am scared of the person I am. I am afraid of facing each new day, and I hope that somehow, someway I will die by the next morning. I don’t have any hope left. I have been through so much suffering and I don’t think my heart can take it anymore. I have tried so hard to fight these feelings inside of me, but I cannot live with myself or what I […]