Everyone has a story, and mine ain’t special. I’m 35, married (second time), I’ve been a cutter since I was about 12. I’m scared. I dont wanna die but I cant see how life can be much more than a series of disappointments. Yes, life is what you make it, silver linings and puppy-dog tails and all those other inspirational poster saying I could’nt give a shit less about. Yes, I’m abrasive. You’ve been warned.
I dont know what to do or where to start. I guess at the core of the matter: I literally hate myself. I’m that guy who shows […]

I’m  33/Hispanic/male in Southern California. I’ve always done good and people say I got it better than most. I worked for the same company from 21-30 years old and made good money, then I got my DREAM job. Although things are slow because of the economy, I know pretty soon things are going to get better. I work in the international cargo trade industry. And although I have good friends and family, buy nice things and go out pretty often, I’ve never felt whole. I feel so sad, so often, as is i’ve missed something good by mere moments. I wish all people were good and […]

Each year I subtract or add numerals to which I will die, always saying I will die at 18, but give myself a chance, and then say 25, or 30. I’m 23 now. My plans were to kill myself after high school because I saw how devestated people were in school when a friend tried to off himself, which is unfair, and there’s too much publicity. I’ve never thought highly of myself, at age 6 I thought I was going to grow up and live my life in a dumpster, I use to self harm myself since that age, strangling myself with belts or scarves every time […]

 hello all my name is megan,

 i wanna help. i been thur so much in my life where all i wanted to is give up! it all started in 2002 month of april change my life forever! my mother sat me and my brother down we knew something was wrong because of the cops where still at my house all 5 of them.i remember it like it was yesterday. my mother was crying so hard i didnt think she could talk.. i knew this was so hard for her to tell her kids what was going on. she said i quote ” ur father has commited […]

I’m new,  but it’s not as if it counts for much. I dont know, guess this could be a subconscious attempt of outreach from some deep depression… glad I’m at least a part of the community now.

I decided to join this site so that I could share my story and get things out that I need to get out. I have noone else that I can talk to about all of this. I feel like I was doomed from the start. My dad committed suicide when I was about 3 years old. My mom started dating another man around the same time. This man beat my mother constantly and beat me as well. I remember hiding in my closet and running through neighbors yards with my mom hiding behind trees and banging on neigbors doors […]

I have seriously had enough of everyone! I put my trust in someone and they don’t give a shit! I am sick and tired of putting my trust in people! I always end up getting hurt. I always screw things up. I’m sick and tired of being a dissapointment to everyone! I have a very quick temper and I don’t like it when people including my so called “friends” set it off. I feel like I’m going to explode!!!! But can I tell my friends or family how I feel? No, of course not! They couldn’t and will never understand the rage and pain in […]

Long time reader, first time poster. This is an excerpt from a draft suicide note I have been working on. I think it sums up my situation pretty well:

I have felt like an ant my whole life. Actually that’s not quite right.  I have felt like a maladjusted, ugly, worthless, piss-ant ant my whole life. I never came to terms with it; or better, I never overcame it. Religion enforced it. Because it said i was born a piss-ant and will die a piss-ant and for some reason an omniscient/omnipotent/

omnibenevolent being needed my love for me to become […]

I have suffered from depression for many years. I find the best way to deal with it is by keeping myself busy and goal-oriented. Since I was 15 I had a career goal, and at the age of 24 I have finally attained it. I watched my friends drop out of school, become institutionalized, commit suicide, and join the military. Instead, I worked at this goal for 9 years. I maintained a decent GPA in college and graduate school. Now I have moved back to my home state and started my dream job. I should be happy, but […]

I am sorry you are suffering from this dreadful disorder also,
You was not born with it, this develops and happens during the first few years of your life. and other traumas that effected you throughout life. i do not know you or what you have been through so i cannot really say. it can also be something purely physical that the right chemical balance, Diet or Exercise, and proper consistant meditation could really solve.
or help

Anapanasatti Mindfulness of breathing ~ Meditation

i suffer from severe  Anxiety / Chronic Social Anxiety, and a few herbs i can recommend could maybe help as it did for me in […]

Hey everyone it’s Silent23 again. I’m fairly new to this website and it’s helping me a lot. Ok today I am going to vent.

So I really like this girl, more like love her to death, but we are just friends and she has a bf who got in trouble with the law for doing drugs or something of the sort. She used to be a big druggy and now she has been clean for a couple months(for as much as I know) and I really want the best for her. You know, I listen to her, I am always there for her, I care about […]

Story of my life. read if you want, but don’t pity me.

“Pain is your friend, pain is your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home.

But you know the best thing about pain?

It lets you know, you’re not dead yet!”

Kerry if you are seeing these tears,
don’t think of them as a sign of pain.
see them me missing you and loving you.

I hope you’r in a better place
resting in peace.
November 19 , 1993 – Wednesday March 4, 2009

iFuckingLoveyousomuch.
I’ll never forget you.
[tears]

i just wish i could bring you back.
i never been so close to someone or so much in common before.

Kerry Ranney
you were like my other half and will always be.

.iLoveyou. Kerry.
&& i hope all the pain you were feeling has disappeared.

&& Kerry i thank you for making me stronger.
i always feared for the day to […]

..I am no one,

but then again ‘I’ or ‘We’ can never be i am or that..we are everything and nothing

if i may speak in conventional terms than allow me to introduce my self ..

I am a male 25 year old Turkish Cypriot who lives in the uk, i am as they say a “tragic romantic”..a true Goth at heart but i just don’t look like one..a walking contradiction who doesn’t make any sense in an insane and absurd world.

I am a hardcore Nihilist which wasn’t my choice at all,this has caused me allot of pain throughout my life.. think that i have always sensed knowing about Emptiness and […]

This note is to Kerry Ranney♥ R.i.P

i never really thought about death.
i’v thought about how much pain it would cause a person.

…..i wonder how much pain you have to feel,
how many tears you have to cry,
how many trys of overdosing,
how many hart breaking memories, that replay in ur mind.
not feeling enough love.

Everyday i look at ur pictures, && wonder. why.
&& could i of stoped you.
talked you out of it,
could i prevented it?
anything?

Everyday those questions run thou my head.
Butt Kerry im not mad, im just happy for yu..i guess.
I hope all ur pain is gone.

Just as I’m sending an e-mail to a guy who wants a partner to catch the bus, and responding to a post here about the same thing, I get a call from my doctor reminding me to call the hospital about going inpatient.  Two opposite extremes and I’m not sure which I will do.  I feel oddly more calm about ctb than I do about wasting more energy in getting well, which I can’t see happening.  Too old, too tired, too done.

so… tell me… world.. this world, as i really want to know and hopefully you guys can help me out…

are the people on this site all emo/goth. are you all obviously dark, do you sulk around in black and breakdown alot? of are some of you old… midlife crisis?

are some of you just normal people… disguised as so in daily life with hidden thoughts and feeling here? like who are we?

im just trying to figure out whos here, im just trying to figure out where i belong and weather there are others like me here…

helps me out guys… just post what sterotrype you would clasify […]

No one will probably ever reads this, but I still want to tell my story, even if it´s just for myself.

My mom and dad got a divorce when I was 2. They both have their good and bad sides. Basically: dad is narsissistic and mom drinks too much. I had eating disorder when I was thirteen, and since then it´s gotten worse. When I was 17 I was sent to psychotherapy, which has been a great help but tells about how serious eating problems and how deep my depression was, and still is.  I´m 18 right now, and I should have the whole life ahead […]

hi…i love the home page…tell us your suicide story…..well….my story is it didn’t work….but i’m delaying for now and that is only because my attempts fail…..i’m finding valuable info here. thanks for the posts.