so, one day shit got really bad in my house. and my friend was talking about killing himself. he doesn’t know i’m suicidal, because i never told him because i never wanted him to think of me differently. but that night, he was just telling me how useless he thought he was, and it was breaking my heart. at the same time, my parents were yelling at me, telling me that i was worthless and that i should just kill myself. my mother kept saying, “you don’t do anything right. you can’t even succeed in suicide.” soon, my friend said he was going to kill […]
i had to delay my last attempt to a later date because it was too close to my love of my lifes birthday and i couldnt ruin it forever so now i close in on my final days. i will gas up my car and take 1 loaded handgun. i will drive 12 hours to my final resting place. thne i will finally be happy. i wish it didnt come to this but it did. i love you L.R.A. i will forever. i will always be with you in heart. good luck to you all on here. i hope u guys get better. this will […]
I don’t really have a reason to hate this world. or myself. But I just feel so apathetic to a point I dont understand anything anymore. Why people thinking leaving an impact on society is a supposedly good meaning of life. Why people cling to fame and power. Why living an existence where you have to include other people is essential.
Why we can’t be alone. and why when we’re alone we get the dread of lonliness yet we can’t stand the sight of another human being in my life. I just want to disappear, never be found and do my own thing. I don’t […]
WAT CAN I SAY I’VE TRIED AND TRIED TO DO THE LAST MOMENT AND SOMEHOW SOMETHING STOPS IT. FAMILY, FRIENDS ETC CREEPS IN MY HEAD AND EVERYTHING STOPS. I REALISE THEY LOVE ME AND CARE. THE THING IS I’VE HAD NOBODY FOR 15 YEARS REALLY AND IM WAT ALMOST 20 I KNOW PPL ON HERE USE AGE AGAINST OTHERS BUT ITS NOT FAIR CAUSE WAT PPL FEEL IS PAIN AND I’VE HAD HELL JUST LIKE ALL OF U BUT BELIEVE ME I KNOW WAT YOUR FEELING WE HAVE DIFFEENT PROBLEMS BUT FRANKLY WE FEEL ALMOST THE SAME FEELING WE ARE HUMAN EH! I CONSTANTLY WANT […]
Excuses & lies
I just want to die,
i cut myself every day just to get the illusion.
The same feeling each time,
and i just want to die.
When i’m ready to take the final cut,
i just make up excuses.
Excuses that make me live,
they are just so annoying.
Maybe i got something to live for,
or is the excuses lying?
Because i can’t figure out what i’m living for.
This living paradise is just based on lies.
Lies that make you live.
So I’m a Christian….who happens to have homosexual desires. Why? I don’t know. Time and time again they have driven me to suicidal thoughts. Will this cycle ever stop?
I want to be straight. I really want to be straight. I want to be able to live my life just like any other person out there…but it’s so hard when you’re in a closet wondering if a lake of fire is waiting outside the door. I try so hard to believe that I am straight….just to please God. After all, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve […]
My wounds are fresh
And dripping blood
I’m screaming you’re name but you’re too far away
Im slipping deeper and deeper in
You just turn you’re head
And act like we dont have a past
But when im gone
You’ll regret turning away
When I’m gone you’re wounds will be fresh
And dripping with blood
You will scream
And I will be the one far far away
In a place where you can never find me
A place where i cant even find myself
I was born. I went to school. No one liked me. I am all alone.
I grew up, liked girls. None liked me. I am all alone.
Couples hugging in the halls, holding hands on the street. No one touched my skin for years. I am all alone.
I met a girl. She loved me, touched my skin; body shivvering, because I was all alone.
We got married. I got sick. Then she left me. I am all alone.
I go to work. I close the door. I live in fear. I am all alone.
I cut myself. I see the blood. I’m really here. […]
Ive tried a long long time to be able to smile without forcing myself to. Its hard to say whats bothering me. Sometimes it feels like i dont know what is bothering me anymore. All i know is that im always sad passing myself off as a very happy person. I can fool everyone. I know that now because everyone else like my family talk among themselves saying how much i have changed since i came out of the phychiatric hospital. There really is no point in telling my problems outloud. No one seems to help me. Not even my therapist and social workers. They […]
seriously i hate this whole fucking world. i just found out my ex boyfriend who was totally in love with me(and probably still is) is talking shit about me. glad we stayed friends, ass hole. go fucking fall off a cliff you stupid bastard. im not crazy
Up all night with frantic thoughts.
Frantic thoughts, then depressed ones, then nothing.
Light. Another day…the last song the birds will sing.
I start up my car though I haven’t wings.
End this life maybe to start again.
Drive west until I find the ocean. A lake or pond won’t do.
No longer brought down by emotions. I will be free.
Spent so long cutting ties it won’t be a loss. It’ll just be.
Open a bottle with pills colored blue.
I through my phone into the water.
Swallow
Breathe
Light off the water and then I sing the last song i’ll ever sing.
Maybe I won’t go.
Maybe I won’t…
Excuses & lies
I just want to die,
i cut myself every day just to get the illusion.
The same feeling each time,
and i just want to die.
When i’m ready to take the final cut,
i just make up excuses.
Excuses that make me live,
they are just so annoying.
Maybe i got something to live for,
or is the excuses lying?
Because i can’t figure out what i’m living for.
This living paradise is just based on lies.
Lies that make you live.
You are always free to add me on www.facebook.com/theycallmemanhattan I could always use more insightful minds on my list. This “note” is something that I wrote about a year ago, very broad, but I understand that for some parts the organization has suffered. I haven’t completed this, nor have I fixed all of the grammatical mistakes, however I believe that if you feel suicidal, this is something you should read. It’s fair and true. Thankyou.
Suicide
Why would anyone ever even consider suicide? Better yet, why would anyone even think about it at all? What could possibly be so bad that would make someone think that […]
I’ve told the school, I was suicidal. I told my “friends”. I listened to advice online. I came out. I needed help.
Why did you just look at me as if I was a helpless full from no return? I was never on drugs. I never drank, I never smoked, I was always above the influence, yet you disregarded me as if I didn’t fit in anymore. I was excluded from your groups, and you all ignored me. If anything, I needed the attention of so called “caring friends”. Apparently that’s just some hopeful view that you guys pretend to show me then back out on […]
ive just turned 16 and been in the crappest situations since a year back exactly, ive tried to commit suicide more than enough times, i guess i’ve just never had the courage to take the pain, i try find something painless or quick, but theres nothing, but im really getting to the point where i just dont care about the pain anymore and i just want to do it, i keep caring less and less everyday about it and i cant stop. i just wanna go to a better place, i moved schools following majour bullying problems and fit myself in at a new school […]
My knife has it’s own name
Â
Each time i think about you,
all those bittersweet memories turns black.
Cause now i know that it all just was based on lies.
Â
My knife has it’s own name,
it’s named after you.
Â
You hurt me,
hurt me bad.
Today I lost all that cared for me and no one feels the. Pain I feel I. Beg each day for my life to end this pain but I still wish every hr it was my last day on this planet this must be as god wishes to punish me for all my bad deeds. I wish my life would end asap.
i dont know where to start… maybe with a possible why cant i just die already? i have no purpose on this earth whats so ever.
im at a point where i just dont care about anything anymore… even my health. im diabetic and have been for a few long years.
doesnt help my situation at all. since ive stopped caring i dont take my daily meds like i should … whats the point? my health is so bad now
i have days where i cant even breathe like a normal person should or even stand without trying to hold on to […]
sitting here in summer school reminds me of how i got here in the first place. i had to get lectured a few days ago by my mother and her mother about how im a failure and such a disappointment. thats why im here, in school, writing this instead of doing work. i cant concentrate on anything, so i guess this is sort of productive. my headphones are in, listening to depressing music of some sort. its only like 9.00am and ive already eaten enough to feed a child pretty much-half a cereal bar and a shit load of french frries. gym for the next […]
Dear Steven,
I would never really send this letter to you for fear that it would just dredge up something you’ve been trying to forget…
US.
Still, I need to get out how I’m feeling, even if it’s in a letter I’d never send, it helps somewhat.
I’ve thought about how I would start off a letter to you millions of times, going over and over it in my head, and I think I’ve finally come up with a good greeting.
I love you.
There. Plain, simple, to the point; Perfect.
Almost.
I love you, but it hurts like hell to love you. I really wish I didn’t sometimes because I know I […]