I used to be very depressed but after making the decision to end my life and setting the date,all of a sudden I’m at peace,nothing disturbs me anymore,why does this happen?

Anyone else ever wish they were still severely suicidal so at least their life would seem to have some meaning? I’ve gotten therapy and help so dying no longer seems like something I’m always thinking about and always wanting. But now I’m just left with this feeling that I don’t really want anything. I always feel like I’m just taking up space without doing anything. But there’s nothing I’m working towards or wanting to do either. I’m just a living shell. I should be happy, but I’m not. More recently I was doing some research. I don’t know if something’s wrong with me or if […]

not suicide related

I really like my boyfriend alot. But I notice the emptyness and darkness in his eyes and soul… always have, really…
He’s pretty overwhelming but he’s not boring lol.
I feel like a burden to him but he doesn’t want to hear it. He’s very agile and flexible (I’m not agile or flexible at all), I have bad gum disease and I get blood on the sheets and pillows, not even my mum gets blood all over pillows and sheets and she’s 66 or something… so I feel disgusting as well and I’m sorry he even has to put up with that. He […]

Suicide is not a joke. Simple as that. So why is it that some people have to go out and make a joke if it? And I’m not talking just like people saying they wanna kill themselves as an expression when something inconvenient happens because I do that too. I mean things like what happened today.

Mum talking to this guy and he really really likes me but I don’t really so our conversations are fairly one sided. I wasn’t talking to him because I said I was busy which I was, then an hour later he texts me again and said he was sorry but […]

I’m in the endgame of my life. I can feel it in my bones. all of the signs are telling me to die. all of the signs are telling me to put an end to this lousy life!!

I’m in love with someone I probably shouldn’t be. Idk if it’s the loneliness making me feel this way or if the feelings are genuine. She is every thing I wish for in a partner yet I can’t help but think I’m just lonely. Would I still feel like this if I had someone to spend some time with? It’s crazy that she’s shown signs of intimacy towards me before. I think I missed my chance. She’s with someone else now and it’s apparently serious. Do I forget about it and move on and be patient I’ll find someone? What would you do?

Im proud of myself because I hadnt rellapsed again. Today I was like “Oh my god, what reasons do I have for not doing it?” Its always in these days, when everything seems insufficient, nothing is satisfying and then the worst mistake I can make in my life seems terribly atractive. But im trying to make things decent now, I dont want to screw up everything.

I need solace

Some things are better left alone. Better left forgotten. But some times it hurts too much to forget.

my insta is fionasmithhh   DM me

I start a new job on Wednesday and if I get fired or forced to quit for whatever reason, I’m just going to kill myself without thinking twice.

I not going to sit and hope to wait for things to go my way and put in the energy to look for another job.  not doing it anymore.

It’s so over without a second thought 🙂

I find myself addicted to pornography and masturbation, and often times I actually enjoyed it. I’m a christian, and it really gives you low confidence in God when you can’t let go of sin. Here I am on relapse after trying to abstain for over 2 weeks. But in my relapse it is not the same as before, it is not despair and me feeling like I’ll never make it in life. I can stand and believe that “He who started a good work in me will see it unto completion.”. I decided to learn from my relapses rather than view them as mistakes. A […]

So… i just finished my plan, you guys probably know what kind of plan i have and it is just great, well planned actually.
But im thinking we should i go one last time. I tought in a beach, it would be troublesome to go but i can handle, i think in some hill or high place, i have fear of heights, but the sight would be awesome
Soo… what you guys think? Where should i go one last time?

existing not living

So what can I say this time? Just came home from work – I screw up everything I do. I sit around work, unable to focus. I hate meetings. I am so anxious during work and get brain-fog so badly I cannot focus on the task at hand. Why does this happen? I do not understand how unfair the competitive advantage is we need to have to sustain ourselves in this sanctuary of a universe. I am here writing to you all on a Friday night of a long weekend ahead. Is it so relative that it feels as if I already lost my job? […]

i wanna smoke and get out of my mind, dont know anyone who smokes ): my mums bringing home homemade hard cider tomorrow night and im hyped, promised myself I wouldnt drink until tomorrow because i have to pace myself, you know? its a gallon jug.

oh and i had school, it was dope, made new friends, plan on making more. everyone in honors classes are super sweet and nice, but they dont take risks, or maybe they just have better coping mechanisms than me

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and mine is my best friend. We all need that one person when the world is against us. You were that person who sent me encouraging texts,and talked to me on the phone for hours.you were the one that kept me going you were the one who was able to let me face each day. You know there were many days when I wanted to die and not get out of bed and I couldn’t find the strength to put my feet on the floor. I was praying for my life to end but it never came. But […]