im better off fucking dead. i need to go, i need to
how were you guys diagnosed? all the signs are there. my parents don’t give a fuck they just think im crazy. I also don’t wanna take crazy amounts of pills. I thought i could handle it all by myself, but im going fucking insane.
so i guess this is what my life has come to huh? sharing my suicide, more like my entire life story through the fucking internet yet again. im going to preface this by saying 1. dont come at me with pity. i dont want pity, im just sharing my story so at least someone knows 2. please dont come for kaleb or hate him, hes an absolute angel and deserves nothing but the best. i love him with everything in me, even now. 3. if you think you can help me in any way, just know that you cant. so many people have tried bc […]
What made you self harm?
Have you stopped? Why did you or why didn’t you?
Ive been looking at my scars a lot lately and i just questioned myself on how this all got started. I’ve been thinking about harming again mostly because everything feels a little different.
Really struggling to not take drugs or drink. Often when I’m sober it feels like I’m dying inside. I’m recovering from trauma from narcassistic abuse, sexual abuse etc…I often feel so close to giving up but I don’t want to. I want to find my strength and to become my own person. Have my own personal boundaries and to actually have love in my soul. I’m broken.
Speaking from the heart comes with the utmost difficulty for me, there are things I want to say but not enough comes out or at least what I believe needs to come out. Some things are morbid to the point of the law getting involved but it’s the truth about me. Everywhere I go whether it be home work or school, everyone around me is so oblivious to the darkness, absorbed by their own happiness, you can truly see it in their eyes just how unscathed people are, and I mean the majority of people. They believe that things are meant to get better or compared […]
I broke my 20 days no fap streak which was the longest I ever managed to go without jerking off. I did it because I was trying to solve this math problem for school and I could not fking focus at all I was so restless I was standing up from my chair and walking in circles more then actually doing math… Fuck. I feel no energy and no confidence now.
Its just fked up. Either I jack off and then Im like a walking zombie tired and depressed all the time and also I cant look girls in the eyes or talk to them confidently […]
I have people wanting to know why i want to die and why my mind is a mess. i already explained why i am depressed. i gave you my somewhat background. I don’t want people to know who i am either. So this is my situation…
My summer was great not going to lie, i had everything. Yeah i still struggled because i still struggled with self-harm and depression, but i was proud of myself and happy in June and July. i had my boyfriend, best friend, and i even had a job. My junior year i was in the mindset of not having on because […]
I constantly think about dying – fantasizing. I am 42, and it has been this way as long as I can remember.
I have a daughter and a loving husband. I would never try to kill myself again – not right now. I have said I will revisit the issue when I am 50.
I stay for them, not for myself. My daughter’s dad is selfish and hardly talks to her anymore. He has his own drama filled life. She is only 17.
My husband is kind and understanding. He had a hard time with long-term relationships until we met – nice guy syndrome, I guess.
I can’t leave […]
Since it seems I’m not going to be ending my life (at least for the time being), that leaves me trying to improve my current experience. I’m just not sure how. I’m so tired, afraid, isolated, despairing, full of self-hatred etc. Then there’s all the physical discomfort I’m in. I just want to zone out and totally disconnect from reality. But I can’t. If I’m going to try and survive, I need to find some way to function.
But I don’t know how to do that without making myself feel worse. There always seems to be some reminder of my inferiority, my worthlessness, how hopeless it […]
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Meterai pelajaran yang dipelajari ialah mengapa jurnal bandarq Kamu penting. Bila Anda memiliki Eureka! ketika Anda permainan, Anda ingin menuliskannya dan pastikan Dikau memasukkannya ke dalam gim Anda. Senyampang, jika Anda pincang ke dalam vas multi-arah, yang diperiksa sekitar pasak flop, apakah Dikau menggertak pot itu atau tidak? Pengalaman Anda barangkali menunjukkan kalau membuat tebing di sebagian besar pot dengan penuh limpers tak akan berhasil. Kamu akan dipanggil 80% daripada waktu. Itu penting untuk dimasukkan di dalam gim Anda. Oleh karena itu, Anda ingin membuat catatan untuk bangun sendiri dalam jurnal Dikau. Kuncinya di sini adalah untuk mengurangi kesalahan dalam permainan Anda, […]
Hey. its been a while. not really.. but whatever. I uh.. am going to end it. im sorry. my name is not j****n. its k*i I uh..Im not a girl. im in the wroung body. i love you guys. Hey um.. Connor? I love you. Please dont end it like i did. Ill see you soon enough.
I love all of you, my Irl friends, my discord or insta friends, the despair discourse cult on insta. I love you.
heh. on the news, they will say something like. “11 year old killed herself” or whatever. i dont care anymore.
love you all,
I know it is time. My best friend’s elderly parents moved in and there is one too few rooms. He would have a better time if I left. At least easier. My other closest friend doesn’t strike me as the type that will be too shook by my departure. My degree program requires constant use of stimulants just to barely get by and I can’t fight my depression so hard anymore. It is becoming Adderoll resistant. I’ve had migraines for years and the worst recently lasted weeks. I just need to get my affairs in order, make sure trash is cleared out and my things […]
I feel like I’m being constantly robbed of my life. It’s as if I’m a product rather than a human being. A source of income for another. The lack of control over my own life is constantly felt every day. I feel so confined and ripped apart. There is just no escape. I keep watching myself cut and it’s just like this is not normal. But I keep watching myself do it like it’s not actually me doing it. And really it’s not. It feels like a response to an overpowering system of oppression where I can’t control my surrounding and daily life. I am […]
Between the line of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came…
A lyrics from The Fray, How to save a life.
I’ve been bullied when i was in grade school and it was the scariest thing a little girl have to go through.
Highschool was a lot of fun, except things from family starts to jump out.
I started to appreciate the songs Perfect and Welcome to my life by Simple Plan… Its really the lyrics that made me close to the music. It embrace me to bed.
Boulevard of broken dreams by Green day came in my playlist, That’s when i realize my friends don’t understand […]
I am 16 years old. To you i will most likely seem like a typical depressed teenager. Maybe that is in fact the case. All i can tell you is that i feel like i am different. And i like being different.
I am not searching for somebody to tell me it gets better, to go see a psychiatrist or take medication. I don’t want that and i’m sick of reading it. I just want to feel like my world is bigger than it usually is. I want to feel insignificant, that anything I do wrong is not a catastrophe and that anything i want to […]
I’m shackled to it. I find it cruel.
I’m bound to every breath I take; it’s pain. How do I make it stop?
The walls are closing in, and if I am to deal with this alone, there is only one way out for me.
I challenge, I dare, anyone to tell me differently. I have been begging for help for months— No, my whole life?
Cherished people I’ve loved are dead. People I once called friends, are gone. My despairing, tormented existence was too much to tolerate. It is easier for them to deny the problem exists (that I exist), than to offer their hand to me […]
13 October 2019
To those who are here; to those who are gone,
As my life finally leaves me it is my hope that you know one thing beyond any doubt. Our search for peace does not end nor does it begin… it is everlasting, without hope of it ever coming to a conclusion. Darkness has a tendency to follow what casts a shadow and we are no exception. To think, the more light one tries to shine on something the darker everything seems to be… why?
All of my life I wanted to change into something better; something special, […]
My mind is killing me, i sometimes don’t know what to do. i feel like the world, universe is against me. Like my life is a lie. like i shouldn’t be here. i dont know how much longer i can take this. its been 5 years of these thoughts, cutting, suicide attempts. ive tried almost everything and im bout ready to give up. i wish there is still hope. i hope there is hope. i just dont even know what to do anymore…
someone help please
I cant take it longer. Either I change for better or Im gone.