I am wrong all the time and im stupid and crazy I want to die I cant take it no more . I am ridiculed for not having money but I havr no help..I have been in this motherfucking town for almost one month . my job as I see it get to the office and make money every body eles can go fuck them slefs. I dont need to put a cup of coffe for my father in law or be apart of this family I dont want to play scategory or Monopoly…. And fucking play house I was told I was gonna make […]
Why can’t I be left alone why I cant be just left alone . I am once again being tortured by every one my mother my father my in laws im tired… Im telling my self not to cry … Every wants to control my life …..my husband dosent want to go home because of my parents …I just cant be left alone cant tell them I wanna go to utah becuse there gonna flip why why why . cant cry stop it . I dont know what to doo so lost ….cant even get a chance to fix my life …..Im not a big […]
See, my mind is like a sift.
Every movement causes just a little bit more of me to fall through the holes.
Just as you did.
We weren’t close by any means but for some odd reason,
Your death took a part of me with you.
I can’t help but think back to that night when
You were nervous and I was busy.
Why was I busy?
You texted me but my mom took off with my stuff.
I didn’t get your text until well after midnight.
By then, it was too late.
You weren’t dead for a few more years but it was that moment, wasn’t it?
You decided that another move […]
the realisation that I deserve to suffer and to die. I’ve realized it time and time again but it hurts the same every time. every so often I feel myself loosening, thinking, well maybe I deserve a chance to live at least until I’m 18 or 21 or 30, but I know deep down I’m wrong. I know that every day I continue to live is another unforgivable sin.
I’ve been suicidal for almost 21 years, since I was 20. I’m not feeling anything right now. I am hopeless. I live in a vacuum. I think about suicide because there’s no other solution that I can believe in, not that I believe in suicide either. I’ve posted before about my history, but I’m not sure what from it could have kept me from being where I am now.
Married now. Happened very fast. Very scary now. Happened 7/21/2015. He said he would take care of me. I think that’s what pushed me over the ledge.
I love him and care about him but am understandably experiencing cognitive dissonance. There’s a lot more going on with him than I thought.
I’m still not over my dad’s death from several months ago. It still hits me like a ton of bricks, out of the blue. I still miss my kids like crazy and have still been experiencing roadblock after roadblock trying to stay in their lives. But my mom loves me again now that I’m married. Weird, […]
There is someone in my life, who I have found myself to be in love with. I say it that way because it’s just that, one day it just hit me, hard. I have known her through my travels, on my way to work. I ride the bus. She’s everyone’s favorite. I know this because I ride a lot of busses in any given week. No other bus rides are like this. She’s such a kind, fun, kinda crazy person. She remembers things you say to her. I can’t imagine how many people she sees in a day, but yet she remembers you aren’t looking […]
[tw: self-harm]
i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.
i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’ll act immediately
This time, I’ll keep an overview
Has anyone else on here watched those two South Park episodes about depression? They’ve been keeping me sane (i.e. as sane as possible) for the past 21 hours or so. It’s been quite a while since I last watched them, and they feel even more relevant now. That’s not a good thing, of course, but at least I have something to make me feel less alone in all of this.
Damn it… Please, just let this day be over.
went to the cinema tonight to watch dead pool which is a awesome film for all u marvel fans out there now back to reality down thinking about how life sucks I really do hate reality so much I can stand it which is why I’m a alcoholic ( I haven’t drank in 2 years ) and smoked weed since 14 til 21 so now I just have to sit here with my own company which I hate depressed and numb of meds Life sucks
Just curious- how many of you guys have hope that your life will be better and that you’ll be happy / find happiness at some point in your life? And how many people believe that they’ll be depressed forever or that their life isn’t likely to get better?
Also, if you could include your age, or approximately how old you are (like 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 65+, under 21, teenager, tween, etc).
Just wondering what the state of mind is of the people on here. And if age matters on outlook. Thanks.
Today was horrible. Let’s start of by saying I met up with a old friend and we smoked a couple bowls and I got really stoned . I stopped smoking because it turned into paranoia. I would just get really anxious and my heart would start racing . I had compulsive thoughts and so much more . And that’s exactly what happened to me today . I thought it would be different . I felt so awkward with her . I have no friends so I thought this would be a good day . Then I ate a lot of food because I was anxious […]
(This is a long post, someone please read.)
My name is Brii. I am 21 years old. My birthday is January 11th. I’m a beauty advisor, and I ust to work at the most popular sucessful bar in town not that long ago. I live in a smaller town in Iowa. There’s not much to do here. Everyone knows everyone here, they all know who you are and what you are before even meeting you. There are good people here, but it’s very lonely no […]
I always have dreams about a friend who killed him self when he was on lsd. He took it and walked onto the interstate and ran in front of a car and died later in the hospital . We all knew he committed suicide . He always told us he wouldn’t live to see 21 but none of us knew he was depressed . But in my dreams he’s always giving me life talks and cheering me up . I really feel like it has a meaning. I really think he’s visiting me in a way .
Its 3 am here. I can’t sleep. I want to die. I want my wrist to be cut open, my head to burst. Everything feels so heavy.
I am 21. Everyone around me have an idea of how their future will be. I don’t. I don’t see much farther. I see my suicide. And then its all black. People Plan for their future, I plan for my suicide.
There are no solutions to my problems. Suicide is actually the best way out. All I need to do now is plan my suicide.
I want my suicide note to be perfect. No loose ends. I want everyone to […]
I just need to pick a date already. I could do next week on the 11th, it’ll make it a year since the rape. I could do the last day of 2015, or on my birthday in January. I can’t be here anymore. I have absolutely no purpose in life. I think about suicide every single day. I wake up thinking about it it’s the only thing that consistently stay on my mind. I’m in school but I’m pretty much failing to the point where I’m on academic probation. If I do bad this semester there kicking me out. I used to do so well. […]
once upon a time
… there was a girl , soo confident one , passionate , strong , powerful , attractive , with a SMILE upon her face all the time … she was drawing on a wall … drawing a TREE and a CROW …
listening to Breaking Benjamin “Had Enough” song named …
a guy … we’re staring at her .. with an idiot look .. looked soo stupid to her ,, and she didn’t care …
then she had a cup of coffee with him and few friends .. he was a friend of hers .. he tried to impress her .. so he said he […]
I’m from Turkey, shithole country. Everyday news full of rape, theft, explosions, etc… I’m so tired of being part of this bullshit. This country full of crazy religious muslims who will try to kill or beat you if you’re not one of them. I’m not stupid, i’m reading book all day but what for? Waiting someone to kill me or going jail for my thoughts? 21. century is just rubbish. I don’t wanna be part of this life but i can’t kill myself. Because i feel like i haven’t completed somethings or just i’m animal who follow his instincts. I sold my xbox and guitar […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C1a74UwynE
I never said that I wanted a thing
I never said that I wanted a thing
But everything you asked of me
I never said no to anything
Now everyone advises
I should be taking their advice
‘Cause everything you asked of me
I never said no to anything
And every night I’m a giant mess
We all know that you can’t come home
To a giant mess
So pick the scabs off all your wounds
Until you find the one that’s me
My brittle bones have seen me through
21 turns to 22
A perfect weekend ruined by one conversation. After a wonderful 21 st birthday celebration. Now just sitting here with new bruises and scars all over me. I cant do this anymore. taking the pain out on my self from the stress, pain, every single little thing that goes wrong and attacking myself like some kind of animal. If I want to be able to live another 21 years this has to stop. I know I have a lot of bad things happened in my life and some good things. I am seriously considering on getting help like get counseling. I don’t believe in this method […]
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