Been cutting since I was 15 (7 1/2 years). Never thought I would do it, once I started, never thought I would stop. I finally stopped. Went over a year without cutting, then relapsed, then stayed “clean” then relapsed then stayed “clean” then relapse and so on and so on. I will always be an addict to this stupid thing that controls me. I crave the feel of it, the release it gives me. I know I should have control over it, especially by now, but I cant help but want to give into it. I am still and always will be a depressed person, […]
I hate reading all these messages of optimism on these suicide sites. Especially when it’s in response to a teenager, “You have your whole life ahead of you!” Yeah right. If it’s anything like mine, you don’t want to live through it.
I’m 30, and I’ve wanted to die since I was 8. Too young? Not when you mother is psychologically abusive. I have a lifetime full of stories about her. The shortest example I can think of was when I was a teenager. I got my report card. It was 2 A’s, a B, and a C. She SCREAMED at me for over 2 hours. […]
*My mom is mentally and partially physically abusive
*my dad didn’t want anymore kids, aka, me
*my sisters raised me, then left me with my mother
*my dad is never home
*my dad never talks to me
*I was molested and taught to masturbate at age six by my sisters friend
*my mother openly talks about my idiocy and stupidity to strangers
*I have been suicidal since 6th grade
*my mom left me in 4th grade
*I’ve been convinced that its okay to give my body away
*I’ve been raped
*I have commitment issues
*I’ve tried to commit suicide twice
*I have an addiction to cutting
*I’ve been bullied because I’m different, emo, a kandi kid, scene, bisexual, on […]
I have been a drug addict since I was 15. Â Ive had periods of sobriety the longest being four years however I am once again in active addiction. Â I am a failure in every sense of the word and all I want is to die. Â I have tried several times and just like everything else I try to do in my miserable life I failed. Â I am emotionally and spiritually dead already and have been for most of my life. Â Im 30 years old unemployed and live with my parents. Â Three years ago I owned a home with my beautiful fiance. Â I had all the […]
Last friday my oxy script ran out so I had to go 3 days without it, those three days were hell all I could think about was getting high again. I just dosed up on about 9o milligrams of oxy. I dont wanna go through this again ive relapsed hard and I dont wanna go threw this again. I met the girl of my dreams and I know if she finds out im screwed. I live a double life my friends hate drug users yet im high as a kite everytime im around them and I dont wanna lose anymore friends. At this point these […]
I am speaking directly to people that suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. Â To people that know that they have been diagnosed with severe depression or social anxiety; please know that there are people out there just like you. Â Just like me. Â For five years I have been suffering from severe depression. Â I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. Â Everyday is a struggle for me whether it is visible to the people around me or not. Â I don’t have anyone left to turn to. Â All of the people that are in my close circle of friends and family just ignore my call. […]
Everytime i try to stop i fail…. i keep cutting. i’ll be clean for two weeks and then i do it again.. i have anxiety.. and depression. I like to cut sometimes… and bleed. sometimes i wonder if i just cut deep enough. and overdose on pills i’d have WHAT i WANT. … WHAT i neeed….. Maybe one day/… but up to now.. im at 4 pillss… strong pills.. all i need is to go far away…. isolate myself… and KILL MYSELF. . i truley love him as well….. but he doesnt know.
stop cutting
that’s what needs to happen
that’s what i need to do.
but the problem isn’t knowing that
i know it all right
i know perfectly fine that’s what i have to do
it’s just i’m not strong
never have been strong.
i’m not strong enough to stop
because i need the pain so much
i need the anchor to the earth
so much
that i can’t give it up now.
i don’t know if i would call this an
addiction
but maybe that’s what it is.
idk.
how should i know?
why should i know?
and sometimes i just want to be
gone
wiped out of existing forever because you know my existence is
pointless anyways.
i am so […]
I can’t cut like I use to, so I find other ways to feed my addiction. Tonight my dog head butted me and I used it to my advantage by being able to cause glorious pain to myself. This is peaceful beauty. 
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
ive wanted to die for many years, but now that im coming towards my demise I cant help wonder why I keep procrastinating the inevitable. I have court on the 16th for a DUI which has already turned my unlivable life into a complete hell. It started by losing my brother to suicide 4 years ago (I was suicidal way before that, about 12 year). then IÂ managed to move on and live a somewhat decent life until I met “her”. the love of my life that I am still in love with 6 months after we split and she moved away. I never wanted kids […]
first off, i just want to say that this may be provoking. sorry.
i have brunt myself, i have severly bruised myself, i have aerosol bruised myself. but i havent cut in over 3 months.
i used to be almost happy about my cuts. sometimes i would look in the mirror and smile at my pale thighs covered in red slashes , but other times i would stay up for hours at night crying into my pillow wishing they would dissapear. now im neither. the scars are starting to fade, but i know that i will have a constant reminder of my type of addiction
it feel like […]
I have been clean of cutting for seven months. Seven. I am very proud of that, so freakin proud of it, but there’s just one factor. I want to cut. I have stayed silent for seven months, I have tried something new for seven months, feeling happy about the fact that I am clean, but the want is there and it will always be there. And since I am now living with my father for the rest of my teen life, I am freaking out. Over here, we can’t cut, we can’t get angry, we can’t get sad, we can’t do what we want with […]
yeah so shit i remember last yr shit ive been a member of this site for a year now. damn yeah so lets start there then..ive grown up so much and at the same time hit rock bottom.
last yr i was being bullied for being fat at the same time i was starving myself and working myself to the max to get thin. i did it. then one bite of food became an addiction over this past yr now i have start over with that.
last yr i was scared to leave the house. now this yr i leave and i tell haters to […]
Depression hits us all, I think. There’s not a single person I have spoken to that hasn’t felt it’s clammy hands around their soul. It seems to be caused by many things, from big life changing events, to small things that just build up and knock a person off their feet eventually. Â I’ve had it time and and time again, but usually managing to shake it off like a wet dog. Â This time however, it’s crippled me.
I’ve seen death burn through a families hope, I’ve felt that pain. I got through it.
I’ve felt the devastation of a loved one no longer loving you. I got through […]
I guess a good place to start would be the beginning but I don’t really know where that is. I guess as a kid I always struggled fitting in, I wasn’t the same as everyone else and that was noticeable from a youngish age, I was always bullied in school for being different and was always being physically abused by the other kids. No one ever believed me when I’d tell them what was happening and thought it was all my fault for being so different and started punishing myself for it. At the age of 10 I started cutting and didn’t know that it […]
For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
I ..I just dont know why do i keep doing this to myself? My cutting addiction was nearly nonexistent.And then ,it got worse.I dont know how or why.It just did and i havent seem to notice that. I now do that even when im fine.It became somthing i do unconsciously, mechanically.
I want it to stop.I want ME TO STOP DOING THAT TO MYSELF.
But i cant.
Every time I decide to throw away razors, I change my mind in the last second and save them.
Like i mentioned,i was good.I took it nearly to the end,all of my scars began to fade.
I destroyed everything.Im […]
I wish I would have found a site like this 6 years ago.  My life once so full of promise, senior in high school, on the dean’s list with a life of grander ahead.  Started down a bad path.  I think I’ve always been bipolar.  The highs are never better, and the lows can’t get any lower.  Started experimenting with drugs.  Found my drug of choice in pain meds.  I was good at hiding the pain on the inside with a happy face on the outside as long as I was numb enough to not care any longer.  The addiction got worse. Drinking and driving after […]
And finally number four, self harm.
I hate those words, self harm. It’s strange that to some people it simply means a problem that someone has, to others it’s a consuming addiction. I don’t even know how to talk about it, I’ve never really had to. Not out loud. People are too afraid to ask me about it face to face, or if they do they never come straight out with it, like if your parents try to have a sex talk with you, without actually mentioning the word sex. Thats what all of my friends are like. But the stupid thing is people expect me […]