Hii… My name is Arianna, yesterday I posted on here that I tried to overdose… I did try, but fortunately it did not kill me.. I’ve been vomiting for 2 hours now.. Idk what I took, all I know it had 600 milligrams (is it milligrams or am I just dumb?) for each pill. I took 30, at the least… I did not go to the hospital and yes my parents found out.. I had told them I was bisexual and that I selfharm.. We didn’t go to the hospital because my mom thought she would lose her job ._. My mom told me that […]
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When I was younger, I was also a lot happier, because I had no worries about what could happen next, I never thought that not paying attention in class leads me to being really dumb and unable to graduate and therefore find a job. Even if I do, for what? So I can just keep paying stupid bills and doing the absolute same thing every day just so I can live?
Every single stupid decision I ever made my life harder every passing day. Every single fucking one of them, I regret them and there’s no way I can go back and change them, it’s just […]
oh lord, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
I got way too drunk last night because I haven’t been able to eat anything all week. Only had a few drinks but I was still stumbling
party hopped across the city, ended up a drunk crying mascara and nose running whimpering mess in my (extremely recently) ex boyfriend’s roommates room with amazing and way too nice friends holding me. broke down because I found out he had taken a girl home last night even though we broke up less than a week ago (1.5 year relationship, pretty long time for a 21 year old)
took my friend home, […]
I feel that friendship is more fragile and more important compared to a relationship. I don’t know, but it’s like whenever my friends suddenly act cold, it hurts so fucking bad I just add a few more cuts just to be able to feel. Fucking hell it makes no sense.
Honestly, it really fucking terrifies my how much of a hold this person has over me. All she has to do is say a word, and I think I’ll just fucking crumble. She’s not even the person I’m in a relationship with. But I’d rather lose him than her. It’s really difficult and just tiring to […]
I’ll be honest i don’t like being on this site. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t you guys its just i rather not feel the need to post. I’m sure that you all can relate. No one wants to live in depression. That said I come back because I have these moments of pure depression. I try to tell myself in these moments i should accept that I feel this way and stop beating myself up for being beaten by life. I work all but 1 day in a culture full of depression triggers. This feeling is as natural as getting sick from a peanut […]
So why continue? I’ve heard all the bullshit in many many years of treatment, but the truth is, it really does only get worse. At least when your brain hates you. If I’ve already lived as much as I can given the circumstances, why would I keep going only to experience pain. Those rare moments of fleeting pleasure? That’s not enough. I don’t really feel it anyways. I can play the part, act like I’m enjoying myself, but in the end, I’m empty inside, and theres nothing that can fill it. I’ve made it before, gotten exactly what I thought I needed to make me […]
My days are usually awful.
Today is one of those days.
Can anybody hear me? It doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I need someone.
My friends don’t understand being diagnosed with depression. They dismiss the fact that I’m on medication and just tell me to “snap out of it” and “stop being so sad” and “choose to be more positive.”
Are you kidding me?
Every day is a struggle. Every day I just want to disappear.
The worst part is that everyone thinks that just because I don’t have anything really wrong in my life, I cannot be depressed. But that’s not how it works. Depression […]
I fucked up really bad. I messed up my presentation. I had a panic attack in class. It was so embarrassing.
I had to leave school early. I was sent home so I can pull myself together. I have an exam tomorrow. I don’t know how I’ll make it through that.
When I got home to tell my parents I had a terrible day, that I couldn’t concentrate in class, my father threw a fit.
He told me, I don’t have the right to feel terrible. All of the problems in my family are because of me. I don’t have the right to say things are hard for […]
I get this strong sensation quite often. An emptiness of positivism, a desperation, and a need to hide and stop thinking and feeling. Several things trigger it. But very few can make it disappear, and those are never the same. Like if the damaged part of me is always defeating the one that is trying to feel better. Little victories that wont sum up. You see, it’s as if I wanted the damaged part to win, but then I don’t know where the other one comes from. So the reality is the fighting one is stronger than I thought. But this battle is taking away […]
I think some things are triggers. Sports for example. I used to love riding, and I still do, but trips to see my horses and traveling to shows have resulted in suicidal thoughts. I keep thinking about how I would do it. Some days, I don’t think I could stand by the train tracks and stop myself from jumping in front of the incoming train. There is only one thing that keeps me from doing this: my horses. I can’t stop imagining the look on Prince’s face when my parents tell him I’m not coming any more. He won’t get anymore cookies from me. He […]
Progress is hard to really acknowledge, because its hard to measure. Some days i still want to give up, but I’m coping with it better and actually beginning to deal with things in a healthy way.
There have been many things in my life at the moment which I’ve been tempted to quit and stop, I’ve felt like i don’t have the energy or motivation. I forced myself to continue my ‘hobbies’ and every time I’m glad i didn’t stop because it helps and makes me happy.
The night is the hardest, everything runs through my head and i struggle, i can’t sleep and when i do […]
I’m a really shitty person. I don’t feel like I’m salvagable at this point. There isn’t a future version of me that should be able to be happy. Some people really should just die, and I feel like I’m one of them.
I don’t want to die. But it feels right, to a part of me. By continuing to live, I’m resisting the recognition of who I really am, and what should happen to me. I’m making the world worse, just by continuing to be in it.
The thought of a world without me in it is appealing, even though I wouldn’t be around to enjoy it. […]
I lost my job of almost twenty years today. I don’t have a degree, any skills, a really low IQ, and health problems. I made a pact with myself a long time ago that if this happened, it would be the last straw. I would need to stop being a baby and take my own life. People have been reaching out to me lately, but good people never consider maybe this person had plenty of chances and fucked them all up. Maybe it’s time to admit that I’m a mistake and stop burdening the world. Those people will get over it if I go. They’ll […]
I fucking hate sundays. Well I fucking hate that sundays have to end cause I really hate mondays.
I have a lot of papers to do and I should have delivered one of them this weekend. I’m lost. My mind isn’t working and I’m having a lot of anxiety right now. I’m so sick of this. Fuck you universe, just kill me already and stop fucking with me.
Fuck the sundays and the mondays what I really hate is myself.
I hate you little piece of shit. Always sad, always anxious. You have a awesome life why can’t you enjoy it.
And stop crying. Just go make […]
i guess it’ve been a while since i last posted you know ..
i’ve been away in trying to reach the one inside of me , my soul , my inner thoughts and such stuff looking for inside peace … im not saying i’ve reached it though ! jaja ..
all i got to these weeks is that i am really beautiful somehow .. and to always remind myself to love it ..
when i ever don’t know what to do ,, i’d just do nothing .. stick up to good thoughts , enjoy everything that i could .. and i don’t know […]
To this day i always tell me people i love being alone
And it’s true. I do like being alone.
But everyone confuses it with lonliness and i cant stand feeling lonely.
There is no actual point anymore for me.
I have 0 interest in anything anymore.
Ive tried to engage yself in so many activies and trying to do more hobbies but nothing catches me. Nor does the depression help.
I am a hopeless case
I dont want my life to be saved nor am i asking for help when i write this.
I just want to die and stop the pointlessness of what my life is. […]
I’ll keep this short.
I’m 36 male been suffering with stress and anxiety for a couple of years. Drove my wife and two kids away that I love very much about two months ago.
Been having counselling for a while and been on propanalol which doesn’t seem to help.
I don’t want to die but neither do I want to love this new life.
My wife says she loves me but doesn’t want to try and work things out. I have been a bit manic trying to get her back. She meets me now and then but only to be friends and have the kids together.
I have tried suicide […]
My mind isn’t always the happiest of places, even when I try to stay positive. I literally spend my days skipping around, humming happy songs, telling people “everything is great!” telling people to stay strong.
By the time everyone is in bed though, I feel rather hypocritical.
My mind barely lets me rest, it reminds me of everything happening; everything that has happened in the past. Even with all the time that has passed, things still get to me. They’re like little demons just trying to tear me apart from the inside out.
I think of what my cousin did, and have to get up and take an […]
If you’ve ever watched Rick and Morty there’s an episode about these Meeseeks which are kind of like a genie. they exist long enough to complete their task, and once they have completed it they just POOF! However, in this episode they are faced with a task to hard to complete meaning they are existing longer than normal and its very painful for them. they want to complete it as soon as possible so that they can “poof” and stop existing. Well I feel like a Meeseeks, I have existed too long and just want to vanish. living hurts, I don’t feel like I was […]
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